Mark IV

Having been the recipient of PeterNZer's 14" naval experiment, I can say it is no fun. My troops were fairly well dispersed across a medium map. Several shells missed my forces altogether. Probably only 4-5 rounds had any real impact on the troops, other than causing panic. One early round took out a nicely-placed Pak; inconvenient, but no biggie. The other 3 or 4 that mattered eliminated multiple whole units, even with near misses. The craters are huge, but even worse, the blast radius extends well beyond the visible damage. Troops (some Vets) 200m from the impact were panicked and useless for several turns. ACs were immobilised, guns destroyed, and one of my own arty spotter's got whacked, or died of sheer envy. I once used 300mm rockets on the AI, and the blasts were awesome. However, you don't have much control over where they go. I believe I would rather face them, than more 14" shells. Peter is correct about using the spotting rounds only; the misses were because there were no troops at those impact areas at all. Wherever two land together, there is no need to follow up with any more. You can walk the spotting rounds across likely areas of the OPFOR side of the map, and be reasonably certain that the enemy defense is severely disrupted.

To All My PBEM Victims, you gutless gamey slime: I will be gone and CM-less 'til Wednesday night. Suffer. Those of you thoughtful enough to return the correct turns within the last quarter have already been notified with your returns. Schradlet, your setup is in the mail. The next time I ask Germanboy for the Bismark and bombers I will need to specify that I was planning to use them. In this map, it appears they just left. Elvis has had the methane let out of one of his AFVs, as I am halfway across the rune-map of Three Ridges. This was achieved at extreme range by a Boy Scout with an air rifle. All the more surprising, since he chortled that some puffs of smoke I placed had revealed the inner secrets of my soul. Peng sent me his IRS return or something instead of the proper turn, but is probably dying. Moriarty is catching his rays but they are about 30 thousandths of an inch around. He is lurking some giant beasts in the background and I am falling right into his trap by removing all the infantry blocking their view. It is so long since I heard from Geier that I forgot exactly who or what we were playing. I know it was in the Crimea, but that's about all. I had placed all the wickerworks and fed the horses, but it never really got started. Pawbroon has disappeared as usual, but will probably return out of the gloom with more surprisingly furious, but pointless, assaults. Can't remember who else. Please die at your scheduled intervals, anyway, or all at once for extra credit. Remember to vote the Free Speech ticket for Moderator!

Christamighty, if this is your notion of the afterlife, eats lots of health food. This is HELL. vS, your setup will be some time coming, as it will take until Tuesday to locate my forces in this Pandemonium. This map is a tribute to the good sense of Americans (and our Canadian client state) to wage their wars on other people's property. Quite real, alas.

Excellent suggestion. I would like to put forward my list of candidates: Meeks Croda mensch The Cesspool slate of candidates will insure rational discourse and civil debate, for all, regardless of race, creed, or level of stupidity. Up to a point. The individuals nominated may appear at first to represent the lunatic fringe of the Peng thread, the Cesspool's Provisional Wing, but this is only because of their extreme commitment to the freest of speech. Also: With the excellent precedent of public elections for moderation of private property now established, I think we should elect a Sergeant-at-Arms for Gunny Bunny's domicile, who will decide who may enter, who may leave, and how they should comport themselves when visiting. Putting cigars out in his upholstery and dropping bottle caps down his garbage disposal should be monitored by this representative and conducted only with his (or her) approval.

Yup, same thing here. Ol' Peng must be snortin' some of whatever schradchen was having. Really oughta download the PBEM manager from KMan's site... it prevents things like this. Remembers passwords, too... works with everyone except Elvis who cannot grasp the concept of consecutive file numbering. Or has grasped it, and worked it back and forth very quickly until, sated, he crumpled weakly against the bathroom door, all thoughts of order and reason gone from his head. Oops, wrong thread.

Originally posted by Germanboy: Oh now, isn't that a nice idea. Just let Andreas do the work because we can't be arsed to do a few mouse-clicks... You're the Kessel-guy, I just kill people. Look, we put in the demand, out come the maps. This is like getting back-talked by a parking meter. Well then - I am afraid that all I can offer you is a map that will be my vision of afterlife. Got one lying around. Do you want me to put forces on it, or do you want to send me your shopping list, so that I can ignore it and put forces on it? Schradbauer's challenge, let him grovel. I would rather pick my own. Somewhat historical, and unbalanced in my favor, is all I ask. I learned a lot from PeterNZer sailing the Bismark into the center of France, dropping the landing ramp, and disgorging twice the wartime production of Doppelpanzers, which have an extra tank welded on the front for protection. I want that. Some bombers, too.

You musta snorted a whole line of Viagra, your von knighthoodedness, sir. First, let me say that I will accept Hiram's surrender. I am not and was not playing him. But if I was, he would have lost anyway. Perhaps I could take the surrender that Berli rejected. It's a petty, unkind, and capricious act, so in lieu of any reason not to, I'll have that victory. He'll always be Hiram to me, though. The only thing more worthless than baseball was Hiram. I just found out that my would-be real estate agent is a former jarhead, so he is fired. Now Mr. Schrad, if you're feeling froggy (sorry Pb), why not jump into a little setup and send it my way? I have recently declared on a slug of, well, slugs, and humiliating you publicly shouldn't be much of an additional commitment. I am tired of doing QB setups; I feel like a damn tactical ATM machine lately. It would be a nice touch if you got a medium map from some empathetic third party, such as the otherwise worthless Germanfellow, that let us pick our own 1500-2000 worth of killware. Then we could play on a map that didn't look like Peng's notion of the Afterlife. Or you could simply post your alt-U here and spare me some minor inconvenience. Ball's in your court.

The truth begins to be told. However, they resembled 1/3 of said troop, with a late-model Dodge Dakota in need of minor body work. You just can't tell it straight, can you? Sheesh... it did get a little ugly, though. Well, even a blind sow finds an acorn.

Smoke is a big CPU hit. Have you switched to the fast-and-compatible setting (shift-I)? Running at 800 x 600? Kill background antivirus? I have to try South of Sword one of these days.

NZer, you gamey little nuke-slinging, edge-hugging, ahistorical monstrosity-swarming pig: Congratulations on your perception of victory. I have not seen the last file yet, so I assume you are lying like the filthy colonial refuse you are. There is no way I could have gotten out of that with a mere 12. I shoulda got 14 on the basis of fielding your gameyass 14" spree, alone. I shoulda got another 8 for facing down a brigade of Churchill VIIIs and dispatching several in the process. I shoulda got 24 for your broken e-mail, ski trips, version problems, and the peculiar odor that accompanies your attachments. Add that to my 12 for overall tactical excellence despite the command of inept, cowardly mutineers, and that should put me over the top. But I will review the numbers when I get home, to insure that I have done you no injustice. Yours in Sportsmanship, Mark IV

Somebody owe ME a turn But I guess you're busy with public service work...

This is what comes of taking notice of one's lessers. God, how I loathe democracy. Treebust, the last punk that dared raise his audio codec to me like that was Croda, and that little trip through the woodchipper is what causes him to write like that today. Further, he hasn't won a game since. Now you will get bored, or hurt, preferably the latter, and leave in a few days. That's too bad, because "stinky" is pretty good stuff, and that darned virtual skull-crushing was a rhetorical tour de force. Your 6000 lbs. garbage has probably never been happier, now that it is associated with an upscale dumpster, and out of your worthless sphere. One wonders, what sort of addled eccentric wacko would be living with 6000 lbs. of garbage in the first place, but some questions are best left unasnwered... Like everyone else, I'm too busy to play you now, and probably always will be, for the same reason that buses and taxis never stop to pick you up, and even mosquitoes prefer to suck morosely on cooling roadkill. You are an object of universal scorn and derision. Your body lice kill themselves with shame. A cactus would rather shave than leave a single thorn in your useless flesh. The little swords will wriggle free of your pickled eyes in disgust, and we shall be forced to use pearl onions. Damn.

I'd wager that CM players choose far more M8s than Priests in QBs. I sure as hell would, and my opponents appear to. I class Priests as average or downright bad. The closest I get to ubertanks in PBEM is an occasional Panther when the mood is right. Never used a Jumbo. I think I bought a Churchill VIII once.

Originally posted by Loderunner: Anyhow, I'm new. Duh. I read about this game in... Yah, we picked it up off a passing Chessie System boxcar, spray-painted in livin culuh. If I was 70, I'd destroy the computer with a brick and curse God for the irony. Only good line. TRYING not to offend anyone... You're kidding, right? OK- My thoughts... CHOP. Load, ya seem to have some vocabulary, though it runs to the obsequious, but speaking personally I like and deserve that. But fut the whuck. You don't MEAN to be OFFENSIVE? Then what the HELL are you doing HERE? There are lots of places to not be offensive. There are lots of places where you can not smoke, not sell illegally modified sporting goods, and not exceed the posted speed limit. There are actually hundreds of places where you can not feign a scottish accent. None of them are HERE. Some of us probably share your interests, your passions, your history, but we don't really give a rodent's posterior, nor a treeburst in a windstorm, we want some BILE, some GRUDGE, some 'TUDE! Fire it up or put it back, you starry-eyed golly-gee pollyanna, and make some personal enemies QUICK. Words to the wise, or pearls before swine- you be the judge.

You know nothing of my handle, lucky lad. It is a great, weighty, purple-headed, dog-legged sort of thing. Respect it, and you need not fear it. As to mediocrity, I aspire to be only as great as that which was proven in abundance on three continents in skillful hands. You, apparently, aspire to be a puff of smoke. A lofty goal for what is already a loathesome vapor, and doubtless within your reach. What is it with twinkies, always two to a package?

Germanboy be givin it up like a two dollah ho' fo this treebits. One post and he runnin like whistle-bait. 'Tis funny, this no-name stumpy upstart so concerned with gamey & all, what with G'boy the archangel of historical play. Not even a regular reader (sigh). Let's soak his eyes in vermouth on little swords, when Germanboy's finished with him, and keep them next to the gin.

Dear Pb, while I am very late for work, having complete the piddling details of Elvis' demise, I need to clarify something. At the risk of violating FOW and the honor of all that I hold sacred, most of which is currently aging in great oaken casks, may I point out that only the hysterical myopia of the deeply frightened could interpret that Thing as a Panther. You Idiot. Bone germ and have a nice day.

Good work lads, in getting rid of that twinkie before I had to get involved. Been busy. Now then: I have decided to kill Elvis. He hasn't done his usual new thread drive-by yet, so let me say in his behalf: Wankers. Which, however true, is neither funny nor very polite. So I have decided to exhume the little pieces of dung where the dogs shat his remains and covered them in shame, after devouring his ample flesh where he lay mortally bested by Peng, and destroy him again, and the dogs, too. Said setup will creep into his little outhouse like a red-backed spider shortly, and it is a runische thing. For good measure, I have also sent a setup to Peng, hoping to exterminate the whole viper's nest at once. The setup to Geier has been met with silence, probably shock and terror-inspired. My snowbound advance on Moriarty continues inexorably; his men flee in terror, thinly disguised as a tactic of some sort. Pawbroon has managed to trade AFVs in the Nacht und Nebel with me, his first aggressive act since the resumption of this frog-roast. PeterNZer is the only one faring very well at the moment, though it has cost him a clanking thing. Please stand by for other unprovoked attacks and unjust characterizations. Where's the beach? Do they have catholic schoolgirls here? I always liked that theme better than hamsters....

Well, in that case, it's http://pub51.ezboard.com/bworldoftaunting Pleased to help, but only under the circumstances....

Artillery. Stand off a bit and have a cuppa.

Waffen = armed. SS = Schutzstaffeln = defense legions. The armed (as opposed to the more political) branch of the SS, with emphasis on racial purity and first loyalty to the Hitlerian regime. Originally a true elite, the qualifications and the 'cruits declined as the war ground on. Their importance in Hitler's eyes grew as their quality declined, after the 20 July bomb plot, which was attributed to "regular" Army officers, and provided further evidence that reactionary Heer (regular army) types couldn't be trusted. The Waffen SS was always in tacit competition with the regular army. Darlings of the administration, they often received the latest technology and equipment, and were generally perceived as more fanatical than regular Wehrmacht (German Army) troops. This became a self-fulflling prophecy as "SS" became synonymous with "atrocity", and prisoners and deserters from SS fared poorly in enemy hands. The Waffen SS were often confused with their more political SS Totenkopf counterparts, many of whom were not German at all and many of whom were, and who ran the concentration camps and performed other ideological "duties" behind the front lines, consisting of some of the worst atrocities in the land war. Later in the war, SS troops were thought to substitute fanaticism and esprit for solid training and tactical expertise, with bloody results. Still, the Waffen SS was generally feared by its enemies as an elite force and a tougher than usual opponent, even when the mystique was not really justified.

Siberia, natch. Doesn't the Outer Board read general stuff? Can anyone post here?

I would never use group orders for the final move to contact. I use the group function to get close, then go back and add the move to contact stuff on the ends of the group orders. Convenience can't buy my little sturmdudes back.... I like Sneak. I Run up to buildings, then Sneak inside (if I think they're occupied). In fact, I damn near always Sneak inside buildings. I Move through woods, and Sneak the last few meters to the treeline. 'Specially Spotters. If they shoot at me, my guys shoot back. If they don't, my guys may stay hidden. Either way, they don't blunder forward into a firestorm. Next turn I can get aggressive if the situation calls. I always Sneak at night or in the fog. Where I don't Sneak is: in the open (duh), long haul movement that's covered by terrain anyway (Group move time), anywhere in the snow, when arty starts landing all about (or just a spotting round, time to boogie), or in the final closing yards/meters of the banzai when I am under close range direct fire.

Never gamed Napoleonic, but I would be all over this. We are still waiting for a decent Medieval engine! Can't you see it... trebuchet, hull down in fog, spotter ability modified by rock availability and uniformity, boiling oil pourers won't launch when under arrow barrage, glacis of 11th C. Italian breastplate all wrong, voids in Welsh chain mail overmodeled (?)... and of course, medieval American armor underrated and discriminated against. Any GB/of Alexander/Hannibal/Caesar people here? Great stuff... this is the engine, this would be a great thing to do. Where else you gonna game Austro-Prussia, Spanish-American, Russo-Japanese, and the whole overlooked history of the hyphenated world of war? The CM Konstruktion Kit, that's where! My cherished dream. Pinch me, I'm charging Khartoum...