Mark IV

Thank you for your kind reply. I consider it Medium, but I guess it is on the large side of Medium. I agree about the demand for smaller scenarios. This has a fairly high density of Ami infantry for a fairly modest map, but their numbers are proportionate to the task at hand, which includes a river crossing under fire. The German has an Assault-level number of defensive points, but a higher-than-normal count of Fortifications and the river going for him. I forget the map dimensions at present but the map is longer and narrower than QB maps, to allow either defense-in-depth tactics or a more static approach. There is a rationale for all this in the briefings which may or may not hold water, but hey, the price is right. I've been over it many times with the AI but no humans yet. For the Ami, there will be somewhat time-consuming squad plots for a while, unless he paints with broad strokes, in which case he will die-a-lot. I can send it to you later and you are welcome to recommend changes, flush it, or whatever. You know how sensitive I am....

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Germanboy: Whatever happened to the fight in hell?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Good to see you out and about. The war in hell has been interesting, to say the least. However, my worthy adversary has been distracted and has lagged somewhat in the return department (you can translate this into cesspoolian well enough, so I'll spare the OuterBoard), and, incredibly, it lingers on. I will have some comments for you when it is done, and thanks again for it.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: I assumed he was misspoken, since who ever heard of defending WITH lots of Ami's? In fact, who ever heard of defending WITH a lot of anything??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You assumed I was misspoken! The phrase "history be damned" sailed right on past, like the last few portmanteau-sized clues that came your way, didn't it? Here's a quick explanation for what was patently obvious to most of the membership at first glance, including the non-English speakers: Defending often sucks, and some feel defending with Amis may suck worse. So I thought I would try it. To make up for the potential suckage, I thought having bunches of the blighters might help, and would certainly result in a high body count (yours unfortunately excluded) and lots of explosions (the real meaning of CM). Historically, Amis spent more time attacking than defending, though not all of it, so I'd like to try one of those anomalous periods when Amis were defending, but not in any more *&$&^%ing snow. If MrPeng has the sense he clearly exhibited in our last game (by surrendering), he would insist on a proportionately larger number of Germans. Then there would be a big war and stuff. I fear Seanachai has his work cut out for him. I trust he'll heed the wise advice further up the page: Spare the boot, spoil the squire.

Hey, Kesselleute: When you say a scenario should be 2500 pts. or less for submission, are you talking total, or for the attacking side? I've been fiddling with something semi-historical for a while now, but it's 3500 or so for the attacker. I could try to mod it down, though. I was interested in a certain effect and the whole thing would have to shrink just right... Oh, yeah: site's cool, looking good.

Lorak! Now where has he gotten off to? It is my sad duty to report the latest death of he whose name adorns our cherished header. Mark IV: 87, Win. Peng: The rest of the points. Not very damned many, for those unable to follow along in their heads. Loss. 'Twas a tiny affair, on an extremely hilly QB map, which I am pleased to report was entirely favorable to me. Also, he had the Brits, and it was a Meeting Engagement, so he may be entitled to three full asterisks after his "L", but he'll not get them here. In response to criticism from the OuterBoard, fair and rollicking play is no longer what we're about; we're all about W/L stats and member numbers. He also smoked one of my favorite ACs and thus used up my already slim stock of good will. I hope he makes something especially nasty for our next. I would like to defend with lots of Amis. History be damned, let's kill something.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: I have thought long and hard on what needs to be done with Panzer Leader...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> How this could end in anything other than an obituary is a mystery to me. I kept reading, expecting at any minute to find "...so I killed him." So Panzie has two daddies now. So be it. May his many punishments fit his many crimes.

Dropped the first A-bomb, on Hiroshima. Actually, he was the pilot and commander of Enola Gay. The guy who dropped the bomb was bombardier Maj. Thomas W. Ferebee. [ 06-17-2001: Message edited by: Mark IV ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ghost358th: I am a troll. No one is any good but me. Only my tournament matters. All other tourneys, games, and threads suck, but me and mine.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No one "dragged out the almighty Peng". You can only summon your own inner Peng, by being a spiteful, selfish simpleton. Your standing in the ladder is because your opponents would rather surrender than read your childish drivel. Leave this place.

Hmmm.... (leaning rifle in corner) Tasteless title? Check. Peng and Challenge in title? Check. Usual suspects beginning to arrive? Check. But...no rules posted for the maroons, drive-bys, and obsequious groupies? This will never do! If you are wondering what it’s all about, click here: http://berlichingen.tripod.com/peng/ If you’d like to contribute, damn the luck, we’re busy today. Your post IS important to us, however. Why not read the freakin’ rules and try again, a LOT later? 1) Challenge someone ... someone specific, issuing a general challenge will just confirm that you're a moron. 2) Be Creative ... be funny, be witty, failure to do so will just confirm that you're a moron. 3) SOUND OFF LIKE YA GOT A PAIR! Being namby-pamby nicie-nice will only confirm that you're a moron. HOWEVER, that's not say that you should sound off ABOUT your pair. While innuendos and references are a time honored CessPool tradition, crass comments, political slams and racial, sexual or religious slams are NOT and will just confirm that you're REALLY a moron. 4) Try Not to be ... a Moron. And congrats to something called Ghost358th for earning the first Peng Thread Death Sentence in weeks. Please welcome it with your rifle butts if you meet it lurking near your home alley.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: Our dunnies are right up there with the rest of 'em.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Durn fine example. What we Amis brought to the party, was cutting the hole in the floor. Run along, ya heard it here first. You can say it was your idea.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Treeburst155: I just ventured into the Cesspool and discovered they have nominated TWO people to represent them in the tourney. I will let them get away with this since they have total disregard for rules, procedures, or any sort of orderly way to do anything. The second Official Representative Of the Putrid Pool of Peng is no less than Berlichtingen, a long standing and respected member of the community. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> What a load of bloody propaganda. We have a strict bi-cameral procedure, which prescribes a simple majority for simple things, and a muddled majority for more complex things. Therefore, we tend to bring the more complex things to a vote sooner, as the Muddled have gained a brief majority over the Simple, thanks to the defection of one of our/their members. We're not sure, because we're either simple, or muddled. Anyhow, soon you will realize that the 'pool is BLOODY SERIOUS about everything it does. Shandof went royal nepalese on us for this nomination, and Berliwas sitting on a stoop in the Projects with a long 75 in his arm and the surgical tubing in his teeth, when the cab showed up to whisk him away. Tremble, ye mighty, and despair....

Missed one... The short-lived "The Peng Challenge Thread does MY talking" was wiped in the second Great Board Crash, probably by chrisl, the gamey bastiche. In a single phrase, it captured the fin-de-siecle and the zeitgeist of all that is Peng. Hand-crafted from Olde World consonants and syllables, it was the zenith of the post header's art, and now ranks with the missing books of Livy as one of civilization's irreplaceable lost treasures.

Once again, I tune in (with considerable personal difficulty) from the wilds of northern San Diego to find only injustice. In one short absence I have been nominated, run, impeached, accused, and convicted. I have lived an entire two-term Presidency in 24 hours, without even a pudgy intern to pass the time. I stand accused of "erudition" and urbanity with minors. Of the first, to twist the mot, every club that has had me as a member has been sorry. I wandered off from college never to return, the Army and the Bundesrepublik are still looking for some of their things, and my company exiled me to Fresno. Regarding the urbanity charges, I again point to Fresno. No one with this fashionable area code has ever been convicted of urbanity, sir. I have also lost several games to foreigners (not the greasy kind, though), plus one to OSFG who passes for foreign in my book. Therefore, I do not meet the tactical requirements for this prestigious appointment. But the damage is done, my reputation destroyed. Therefore I second Iskander's nomination, third Shandorf's, additionally nominate Geier, condemn the usual suspects, and despise the rest of you lot. I don't know why you all wouldn't pick Berli, who seems the obvious choice. R U stoopid or somefink? Hope this clears things up.

Dear peoploids: I believe Hiram is somewhat distracted with serious matters at the moment, and I am for once being serious. I suggest we wish him and his all the best, but not count on him for this thrilling, but ill-timed, nomination. This is too bad, because I had this vision: the poolische representative to the vile outerthing, posts game developments here, for our collective insight, wisdom, and advice. 'Twould be as the Pool playing as a single malicious entity, through the offices of a single chosen kannigget, who would sift through the largely worthless insights received by the idiot throng, for perspectives on the next move. To wit: Cesspudlian Knecht: They are flanking me on both sides and dropping bombs on my head! Here's the movie! Ich bin verwundet! Peng: Run away! Run away! Elvis: They always do that. Destroy all your vehicles and charge on foot! OFGS: Ya dinnae knae, wha' tha blaggards will knibble ye nachst, ya doof, sae blar the bloorigasts thrae the threes, mon! jd: Here's how we did it in '44, we lined 'em up, popped a wheelie to show 'em we didn't even care, and gunned it for all we were worth. Cesspudlian Knecht (interested): That must've been even cooler in Spring, '45. jd: We didn't do that in '45. Pawbroon: We did it in '40. Once. mensch: i did some an hour ago and i wonder if having your hair pulled out in klumps by polizei with garden tools would hurt and what if you had corn rows maybe it would be more natural... Geier: I am invulnerable! Let me ride on the lead tank! I have never been hit! All: OK. Seanachai: While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, fall be'ind", But it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind, There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind, O it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind. ...snip... well, old bean, I'd have a look at those angles and see if (snip: the history of steel) I couldn't nobble into those trees (snip: the Gregor Mendel story) and try to (snip: Napoleon at Ulm and subsequent life) and then meet them in the middle of the bloody woods with flamethrowers, roight. Aitken: That's just the model, old chap, and you'll have to bloody well sit and take it. That's how this game is played and there's nothing to be done. Mace: I know one thing to be done... Stuka: Small island, mate, and I'll have the shepherdess... Panzer Leader: Jeepers, I'm near the bottom. MrSpkr: Are too! SSNs (chorus): We long to be you, we thirst for your every dropping, you are like gods, we long to pick our nits in your shadows, beat us to show us you care... Cesspudlian Knecht: Excellent! I'll Sneak the Fallschirmjaegers up the ravine, attack the first threat from the flank, regroup, then recombine my entire force against the second flank! I can hold the armor back for the finishing blow while counter-firing his mortar batteries with HE. There's no point in holding this hilltop when I should be advancing anyway! All: Exactly/that will never work/be careful/you got it my man/you gonna die we all gonna die. Any takers? Stupid edits, but there was some ambitious formatting here. Damn UBB. [ 06-13-2001: Message edited by: Mark IV ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chris Cline: I know. I am a pathetic no-life stooge weary of whomping the mighty AI, and I am unable to maintain a manly persona for three sustained posts.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You could send the bloody rules registered mail to their burrows, and they'd still come out at night. Sheesh. Lorak! Not being one to gloat, but forced by your malfeasance to draw attention to yet another glittering jewel in my crown, note well the pounding of yet another wooden subpoena through the black heart of jdmorse, hereinafter referred to as Party of the Dead Part. The insignificant loss to OGFS was a statistical anomaly, and there is certainly no need to clutter your records with outliers. Every glittering jewel needs a turd in the cap for contrast. You may also add to the non-returning game-lapsing thumb-sucking bed-wetting Hall of Shame: Virtually everyone here. The aforementioned Party of the Dead Part and the addled scot are apparently the only gutlings capable of finishing a game. But then, who wants a turn full of VT back? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>An old, mad, blind, despised, and dying Peng <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> was recently sighted, and visited some arty on my haid. He usually finishes 'em, just not the year they were started. Milton always gets my blood up: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Farewell, happy fields. Hail horrors, hail, infernal world! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My man was hip to the Cesspool when our Seanachai was just a syllable. Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven! Heed well, boardie drive-by scum! Stand by for the long awaited Return of the Lawyer's Challenge, a gentlemanly affair d'honor with few rules, no SSNs allowed, and valuable prizes. Special invitationals will have to be e-mailed to Foobar, the Introspective and the un-Pudlian Mannheim Tanker, who was nonetheless part of the original cast. I have this great idea but I can never remember it sober.... PS: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Lorak!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Don't be wandering off like that.

I think the Stormovik will be at least as terrifying to German crews, as the Stuka was to the Russkis. It was superior to the Stuka in some regards, and very heavily armed.

Lorak! A. Where the hell are you? 7. Note carefully: Battle of the Suits update! Mark IV: 82 righteous points of moral cleansing, Marketing Victorious. jdmorse: 19 ill-gotten points dropped into the tin cup of fate, Dead. It would have been even worse, except that: xi. An evil sky-hugging Jabo strafed my beloved AC to death, though he expended enough ammunition to sink the friggin' Bismark first. I was afraid he was going to land on-board and rush me with his pistol if the last didn't work. That AC was one-half my total vehicles. 22.05.14: One of my platoons thought they were creeping through a wheatfield, but it turned out to be an amerikanische freeway instead, as the last of several thousand legalwagen rushing headlong to destruction ran right over them. Free clue: rush the flags, not the TRPs. E. Infantry, a brace of guns, and some mortars sent 21 vehicles to the recycling center, though we admired their dash, elan, and contemptuous disregard for the principles of war. The pile-up in one little wood looked like one of those 99-car crashes on a foggy autobahn. 8-2. Killing lawyers has gotten to be a regular habit with me, but this one was better-groomed and easier to clean than the last. Also, he was one of the better turner-arounders of game turns amongst you sorry burger-flipping adolescents. c. If I wanted to play in ladders with boardies, I would. I don't. The recent walk down memory lane (more of a dark alley, actually) has inspired me to revive The Lawyer's Cup challenge, however. Stay tuned for details.

A Short Drama By Mark IV The Cast: Mark IV as Himself A Disgusting Piece of Lint, as Panzer Leader A Witless Boor, as MrSpkr BPS Upland Special as Itself (A dimly lit rural scene. There are scattered trees, gentle slopes, and a village; it is damp, but none of this matters. Mark IV is seated on a log, with a green and yellow box of 3” Remington Nitro Express Magnum shells, #4 shot, 1200 fps+ muzzle veolicty. He is caressing the gleaming walnut straight English-cut grip of the BPS Upland Special with a peaceful expression.) (Panzer Leader and MrSpkr enter, stage right.) BPS Upland Special: Bang. Bang. Panzer Leader: Aaaaarrrgggh. MrSpkr: Thud. (They die.) (Curtain).

1st Clash at Cambes- a brawl and a half. Up close and long range, little bit of everything. I always liked the Last Defense... call it nostalgia. I always knew those bastards were coming, but I never knew how it would turn out. CE goes without saying- but my most memorable battles (outside of the First Three... Riesberg changed my life) have been QBs. God bless whomever thunk up the QB editor. Except for the map shapes and some other things. But even so.

Lately I seem to be composing replies, and then deleting them before posting... <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: Is it Bauhausian in origin? It is vaguely phallic shaped, ya know . . .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No, it's a rocket to shoot your duct-taped a$$ into orbit so all the asteroids can hate you, too. Anyone smarter than Mace would program it to come back down on Panzer Leader. Even with no vowels I'll bet you'd make an ugly payload, with the awful secondaries from all those consonants flying around. Then you could see each other's molecules naked for a few nanoseconds as they depart in opposite directions to be added to the other aerosol contaminants of our fragile planet. Then Mace could get a job with NASA and program the rocket that carries Whitney Houston, Teddy Kennedy, Barbra Streisand, and at least 7 of the more gluteal members of the Outer Board on the first US space tour... ...I'm just not myself today...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Martyr: [QB]Hello[QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Bang. Thud. Another moron who, among other things, failed to heed his drill instructor about shooting from the hip, firing long bursts, keeping loaded weapons in his pants, using a firearm in a gaseous environment, and venturing where one is highly unwelcome. Hiram! Send the turn, ya rambling psycho. I was going to let you kill something but now I'm not. You could never pile up as many junk vehicles as jd in The Battle of the Suits, but you're gonna come close. If it wasn't for his stupid Jabo this could be 100-0. Well, maybe 99, but it would be freakin' awful. We would both rather this was happening to you.

So. Today, instead of sending you all turns, I have been playtesting my first-ever homemade scenario, a real-live defense in depth thingie with a river crossing and bombs and bullets and stuff. It was... sanguine. Then I actually clicked like an idiot on the "See elvis dating Hiram" link and the ingrates were gone already. Typical East Coast lightweights. But, mirabile dictu, I chatted with Hiram's alleged girlfriend instead, who was looking for the little tramp online. She impersonated a female quite convincingly. She is onegoodegg. Perhaps I will let him kill a small vehicle for the enjoyable conversation. Next time send me a bottle of scotch in advance, and I'll rig up a cam here at home and buy you beers. At $7 a glass, I want something up front.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elvis: Is it true that I have no takers for my suggestion on page 2 of this thread?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This was an appealing prospect and one of our nicer recent posts, except that: This is Fresno. We barely have electricity, much less your fancy internet bars. We may actually have internet meth labs (our largest export after raisins) but I don’t know the urls for the drug-cams. They keep exploding before the Search engines log ‘em in. The nearest internet pub is 3+ hours away in San Francisco. Parking would cost more than the beers. I would have to convince my Chrysanthemum that drinking with invisible virtual wargame acquaintances is somehow better than actually playing wargames, the thing she hates most in the whole wide world. I could stay home and buy YOU beers in Philadelphia. Unfortunately, our policy is only to sponsor promotional beers for people and things we have beaten. I would feel like a cad ordering suds for Peng (and Hiram may qualify by then), and leaving you standing there parched. However, I may tune in for a laugh at your collective expense. Now then. Once again we hear of global warming, the extinction of the whales, and the imminent death of the Peng Challenge thread. We have heard this all before. I offer this novel explanation for the lack of readable contributions: the more clever one is, the more likely one is to have a day job. Thus, our suddenly-sober menschie can post his angst, wait for responses, grow disillusioned, wither, and die an embittered old corporate hack, all in the space of time it took me to settle an international distribution dispute before lunch. This is taking instant gratification to extremes. Those of us who don’t work for the government must often toil for hours at a time without a break. Another factor is substance abuse. The dullards who have lately made this about as exciting reading as pages of Assembly code have inconsequential jobs, which they nonetheless fear losing to positive urinalysis results. Therefore, they are posting straight, and sober. I know for a fact that the immortals, such as Peng or Seanachai, wouldn’t dream of posting a syllable if they felt they were still capable of driving a car or operating power tools. I know that I have logged in with the warm golden glow of Scotland upon me, only to shudder at what I had written in a sober moment. Just say Yes, and hold that thought until an artificially inspired moment, before posting. Now, this post has been several hours in composition, not because I cared, but because my exciting and fulfilling job has intervened. I see posts confirming these sentiments, particularly my injunction against posting sober. PS: Geier is here? I owe him an e-mail, something about our next war, his insufferable arrogance, and the many ways in which he reminds of Pawbroon. I'll have to draft something suitable after work....

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: We now return you to our regularly scheduled program program, 101 Ways to Torture People in the Snow, starring <UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Berli as, well, himself and featuring... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...the avenging angel of a Wrathful Gawd, who is eye-popping purple-turning vein-popping WROTH over the turn this hallowed slice of bandwidth has taken!!! That's right, little unicellular gits, I'm talkin' bout your little Itchy and Scratchy Show, which is a disservice to a fine cartoon, but disservice is what we're all about. MrNoVwls and Pleader were bad enough, but at least they've pissed off StoutPeeEl, and memorized the rules in the process. Whatever Thermotwaddle's been keeping warm seems to be what Stalin's organ wants to stir and they should just get a friggin' room where they can get a group rate. Y'all are not our sort. Tit-for-tat is one thing, but quid pro quo is quite another, and who's got a tat to spare anyway? Find the chat room near YOU and post your SSNs and credit card numbers, before Hiram, a formally knaggited knaggit, has to break the antenna off his Cromwell (which he'll not be using anymore, anyway) and chase you off your little corner. Gotcha last, gotcha last, neener neener. We haven't had such scum since, well, MrSpkr and Panzerleeder. Yeeccch. This is enough to bring the literacy test and the poll tax back into vogue. I can't believe I have to register a handgun but these dolts can walk in off the street and buy a computer. jd advances. What is the thing like sausage we hate to see made? chrisl, the breaker of good things. Too soon to say, but one of us is the lion's jaws and the other, the idiot's head. Meeaow. Who said that? Peng in a tiny meeting engagement in what appear to be the Swiss Alps. Switzerland is a neutral country, go away. We are all shooting at everyone to maintain our neutrality. Present your irrevocable letter of credit and you may pass. No? Die, pfenniglos scum... OFSG isn't necessarily a scottish twit, maybe his spell-checker is onza fritz. GET IT? Nein, du Esel, he can spell "VT" well enough, feckin hachnarbaraouckgh. I remember the good old days when trees were cover and scots were for tempering swords. Hiram is so dead that Buffy couldn't wake him, even if she (DELETED, and he doesn't go for that sort of thing anyway, though he's fond of artistes and mimes). I'll just pick Buffy up on my way off the map edge.

Others here have it... lay back, commit them in teams/platoons/groups, and snipe the other guy's tanks. Your advantage as commander of Mk IVs is in your gun, not your armor or your speed. It is also a great infantry support tank if they make it that far into the game, but they excel at killing "green forces" (Allied) armor from Ambush, Hull-down positions. Whenever possible, let the other guy expose his targets first, when you have these Bad Boys (in 1944-5, anyway). Hammer the head off his armored advance as it appears, one by one, and achieve local superiority on Allied tanks with long-distance marksmanship from multiple angles. Two pairs from different angles will give the Allies fits. They're mobile, but not like many Allied vehicles, so having multiple prepared ambush locations picked out ahead of time helps. Zoom there and be waiting. React ahead of time to what your scouts/forward infanntry are telling you. I think the PzIV can beat almost anyAlliedthing if it gets the first shots in, at the longest ranges. As the range closes, you start losing that edge. Most of above also goes for StuGs. The Germans also made other tanks... but I see no need to trifle with them in CMBO. StuGIII (and the occasional StuH) and PzIV is all you really need. Season with ACs to taste.