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Joe Shaw

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Posts posted by Joe Shaw

    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    And suddenly, I realized. I could see! Finally, I could see clearly! I COULD SEE! I COULD - Good lord, is that Shaw? How long has he been standing there holding that picture

    of...AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

    Huh? What's that Senility? Oh you mean ... THIS!

    EFYOUNG.JPG

    NOTE: Do NOT attempt posting Mormon Wife photos without taking proper precautions and then only after extensive training in hazardous waste disposal. Do NOT view Mormon Wife photos without using the same type of visual protection used for direct viewing of solar eclipses ... oh damn ... should have posted that first I guess ... sorry ... sorry ... awfully sorry ... damn that must smart huh?

    BTW Lorak you goof ... did you get the photo I sent? Are you saying that Peng is more important than I and if so why?

    I choose to ignore the guy who had his water break ... or whatever ... and I repeat that SHE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON was THE ultimate Duke film. Joe Shaw has spoken, let the record so reflect.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    You may be able to explain the Bermuda Triangle.
    I could probably even explain the use of literary devices such as irony and hyperbole ... but you likely wouldn't understand. I've been posting to This The One The True Cesspool for far longer than you've been able to convert the electrical impulses fired within what passes for your brain into muscular contractions leading to your forefingers (and ONLY your forefingers) flexing downward and striking ... slowly and one at a time ... the keys on your keyboard which you have, with tongue extended, a look of fierce concentration on your confused face and sweat dripping from your brow, pressed in order to compose nonsensical messages to this thread. In other words, Stand not upon the order of your going, But go at once.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Hiram (and we've all SEEN his photo) spewed the following: Do we walk on by and pretend not to notice the train wreck on a JPEG that is Joe Shaw?
    Did I not say that some of his posts were beginning ... BEGINNING mind you ... to show some promise? Not bad for someone who wandered in not so long ago with hat in hand begging for a crust of bread and a kind word ... not that he got either of course. Although there were a few crusty words so perhaps we came close. But for Hiram to spew forth such venom ... sight unseen mind you, suggests to the inquiring mind that perhaps there is more to the story than would appear. We have all seen his photo, but how, I ask you, do we know that it IS Hiram! Now admittedly the photo is of a character that approximates what we have expected, the weak chin, the shifty eyes, the downtrodden expression, the slight line of drool from the corner of the trembling mouth, it was all of a piece that just said ... HIRAM. But perhaps the REAL Hiram is even less than that? Perhaps he disparages others, even before he has seen them, in order to hide the truth. Buck up, young Hiram, and remember one word ... SURGERY.

    And then our Gangrene Gyrene forgets his place in the grand scheme of things ... i.e. a 'pool rookie, not even a squire ... AND A MARINE ... and dares to attempt to KEEP SCORE!

    HS=1 : JS=0

    Thanks for your opinion, Jarhead, let's hope the match doesn't continue much longer or we'll exceed your ability to keep track. And I speak as one who has a son in the Marines, a nephew in the Marines and a brother who is a former Marine ... none of them had a clue either.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah,

    Attention, attention all CessPoolers ... Time for a game update ... now that my damn computer is back, for the time being anyway

    jd - Still in the early days, he's complaining about the defense he's using and even suggested that Peng set it up. Curious since it was a QB ... HELLOOOO!

    Eathanwhosenamesoundslikeasneeze - Since the nearly terminal illness of my PC forced me to reload everything from scratch I lost my link to V1.05. I asked Eathan to convert our battle to V1.1, he promised to look at it but so far ... nothing. I suspect that his flaming beacons in the snow (i.e. Shermans) have made the conversion less of a priority than it might have been had the battle been going his way.

    Mace - Let's face it lads, luck plays a part in this game. I must report that my brave American lads, while holding fast on my right, have had less ... success ... on the left. He is demanding a surrender, I am laughing in his face. If he wants more than he has now ... he'll have to come and take it.

    Goanna - Goanna has indeed returned to the living (well, as close as he comes in any case) and he and I have a game in which he is attacking across a bridge with his brave French {snigger}. So far there is a LOT of smoke, all his ... some deliberate ... most not.

    That is all, carry on.

    Joe

    [This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 01-24-2001).]

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Joe, you seem to be so full of crap that I can guess that your eyes are brown.
    Oh I say, Hiram, well done, I haven't seen an insult that cleverly crafted since ... oh ... grade school I believe. Although I must admit {gag} that many of your later postings have shown a spark ... a dim, fleeting, spark admittedly, of wit. I can only attribute it to environment rather than any native talent on your part.

    As to a photo, let the dwellers of The One The True Cesspool be united in their sense of anticipation. Indeed I suspect that nothing will be so greatly anticipated since ... well since the release of CM itself! Who can forget the days of waiting, the heatbeats speeding up as the postman walked to the door, the constant monitoring of the board for further sightings to determine how close it was getting and the fumbling and tearing of the envelope when it finally arrived. Be advised my friends (and Andreas) that a photo of Joe R. Shaw has been submitted to Lorak. Look upon my visage ... and be in awe.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    jd has (as our friend Senility might say) the right of it when he postualtes that:

    I take solace in and cultivate a predatory presence, but to liken my mien to a *** shudder *** real estate agent has crossed the

    line.

    Now while we Knights of the Pool have plumbed the depths of depravity (yes, yes Mace, well done, now stop bowing) as well as the depths of the 'pool (I found a lovely red chew toy yesterday) we have certain standards ... unwritten certainly, unverifiable without a doubt, but there nonetheless. For Andreas to then stoop (sit DOWN Blousehouse) to an insult that ... that VILE, well, it passes belief. Not that I doubt that he would do something that evil, mind you, merely that I didn't believe he understood the concept of a {shudder} Real Estate Agent. As a long time mortgage banker I can but verify that jd is correct in his assessment.

    Time my friends (and Andreas), indeed past time for this behavior to stop! I say enough of the politics of personal destruction, enough of the comparisons to barnyard animals, enough of the disparagement of the intelligence of the pooldwellers. Let this kinder, gentler 'pool be a model for the board, indeed a model for the entire wargaming community in our civility and deportment. Are you with me 'poolers?

    BTW, what kind of a goofy lawyer wears a green suit for gawd's sake? What the hell is he, the corporate attorney for the Jolly Green Giant?

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    A.P., I find myself in rare agreement for the most part, Goatsucker is indeed a pusillanimous fool and Senility is ... well, Senility. Your abilities as a movie reviewer are to be ignored, of course, everyone knows that "SWAYR" was the ultimate John Wayne performance and I'll brook no opposition on the subject so that's that.

    I do have concern, however, that a Junior Member (longtime lurker or no) should suddenly appear with relatively lucid statements and a surfeit of bile delivered relatively well. In short, I think you're an imposter and demand that you prove that you're not! Let's see you meet that challenge.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Shaw, you are right. I am to be paddled for my ignorance. Kitty, Emma, get the paddle.

    Would a Mister Sean Thornton please stand up?

    Well you can't say fairer than that says I. Mind you it wasn't as good as "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon", for which the Duke SHOULD have won the Oscar ... best work he ever did, IMHO, that and "The Shootist."

    You are still a swine, mind you, but you've redeemed yourself somewhat ... carry on.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    So I began with the following:

    Lorak, write this name in your book, CRODA, with a "C" ... right, now cross it out. And stay away from my sister, she's not for the likes of you.
    Croda, exhibiting his characteristic lack of understanding of even classic movies, (I suppose we should be grateful he didn't EXHIBIT anything else), completely missed the point and stated:
    So, you're saying that Anal-ist is your sister? If that's the case then don't worry about it.
    Am I surrounded by Philistines? Have the barbarians taken control of the arts? Can no one identify the classic motion picture from whence my quote sprang ... sprung? Mind you it's not an exact quote but should be easily identifiable. Why didn't I take the time to look up the quote exactly? None of you are worth the effort!

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    What in Hades' mouth is the deal with this Anal-ist guy? He has begun no less than four (4) new posts today on the main forum, all of which rehash age-old forum topics!
    Hmmmm, reading the main board eh Cruda? And often enough to note the exact number and topics of the posts there, eh? Hmmmm ... Lorak, write this name in your book, CRODA, with a "C" ... right, now cross it out. And stay away from my sister, she's not for the likes of you.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Bah! {SIT DOWN Mace ... I said Bah ... not Baaaaaa!} the GermanLad had the effrontery to state:

    I would not give a flying eff about what he says, and the only way I would point towards his point is with ridicule and senseless laughter.
    We've noticed that you tend toward senseless laughter ... I presume there's a logical connection there.
    The fact that you take him up on that and use his moroseness to back up your primevality is beyond contempt.
    My, my, my, moroseness and primevality in one sentence, I'm glad that the "Word A Day" calendar you got for Christmas is being put to good use. Here's a tip though, check the definition of the word before you use it, it tends to have more impact that way. Furthermore, it's BENEATH contempt, not BEYOND contempt ... I view your ill usage of the language with contempt.
    Even you should not stoop that low.
    SIT DOWN Blousehouse.
    Ah well, losers of the world unite, I guess.
    I don't ALWAYS lose ... sometimes I manage a draw.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Now some words for the True Old 'Poolers: They're useless buggers but they're all we've got. Two or three have turned out, and the rest should be turned out.
    Turned out? Oh please, no, the 'pool's all I have left donchaknow. They won't have me on any regular board ... can't blame them of course but still ... and with all the grogs droning on about penetration factors and Ausf. marks and so forth it's damn tough to find a thread to which I can post without a slathering comeback suggesting that I've never read some obscure tome about the manufacture of Panther armor ... which of course I haven't. So, I beg of you, don't turn me out, let me stay here in the warm, if slightly damp, environs of the 'pool with those that pass for my friends.

    As to my bona fides, I merely point with humilty to the recent posts by Henri in which he lists MY name first among the old timers posting to the board. Granted he's a rank newbie to the pool but still he makes a point ... particularly amusing when he ducks his head and then makes his hair stand on end like that, quite a point there.

    And finally, I must suggest that my win/loss record is such that I well represent that all important category of LOSER without which there would be no winners!

    I realize that this post is far too humble and whining for the 'pool, but frankly ... I'm afraid ... there I've said it. And if I must needs beg, then so be it.

    Oh ... you're all swine and I loath and destest the lot of you ... but mostly Andreas.

    Joe

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    Time to Lock the Forum and Concentrate on Peng Thread

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Senility quite correctly stated: THAT'S ENOUGH, YOUNG MAN! We don't want to see that sort of filth here. There are places for people like you to go, if that's the way you want to talk.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Damn straight ... and one of them is www.hotgrog.com with over 450 sizzling jpegs and avi's of your favorite grogs in dozens of scintillating poses that will be sure to elevate your muzzle ... uh ... or so I've been told.

    Joe

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    Time to Lock the Forum and Concentrate on Peng Thread

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Eathanwhosenamesoundslikeasneeze how dare you take me to task when I went to the incredible trouble of advising you and all of my opponents that I was (a) having computer trouble and (B) was going to be out of town! I have lost all respect for you ... oh wait, I had none initially ... oh well. I'm working on the issue and will hopefully be up to speed soon and if not ... you're still a swine.

    Joe

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    Time to Lock the Forum and Concentrate on Peng Thread

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    I'm certain that the thread has been frantic from my absence and questions are being asked in Parliment (fat lot of good that will do as I'm an American and damn proud of it). In any case, my computer took the opportunity afforded by ... lunar eclipse? ... to go tits up and rendered me incapable of informing you all that I'll be out of town until Saturday the 20th late. By that time we can but hope that my computer will be ... uh ... tits down? I've borrowed a computer at great personal risk to allay the wave of grief and uncertainty that's no doubt been permeating the thread. I haven't time to actually READ the thread to find out but we can take it as a given I think. Furthermore, I find that I detest and loath you all even more when I can't check on the latest ... so there you have it.

    Joe

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    OT: Junkyard Wars

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>OK, but has anyone noticed that there seems to be a little bit of "wee bit of coincidence" when the teams need a certain material for something they need which a perfect material for what they need to make.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I wondered about that too, last night they were doing the "boat" episode and there seemed to be propellers everywhere (relatively speaking). I also have to wonder about the time limits, based on what I've seen so far isn't it remarkable that as far behind as some of them were they ALL got their projects finished on time? Methinks there's a fudge factor beyond the extra hour "tweaking" time on the day of competition. Still, it's a great show and I watch it regularly. I tend to agree about the Brit version, although the US version seems to be improving. And how about the "Displacement Boat" on last nights episode? I won't spoil it for anyone but that was pretty cool and really suprised me.

    Joe

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    Best Wargames of the 90s!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    To my mind, such as it is, the test of any game is the time spent playing it. Using that as a yardstick, there are only three wargames that stand out:

    1. Combat Mission

    2. Sid Meiers Gettysburg

    3. Steel Panthers I & II

    I don't think it's a coincidence that all three offered some form of online play, either PBEM or TCP/IP. In addition, of course, all three provided a very clean interface, a good degree of historical accuracy and good solid game play.

    Joe

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    THE BLOODY PENG CHALLENGE THREAD: ESCAPE FROM DOWNUNDER

    in Combat Mission Archive #2 (2000)

    Posted

    Let's see what EWNSLAS had to say ... should be good for a giggle if nothing else <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Your version doesn't scan.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Does too. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It doesn't make sense either. Why do these Afghani women have "pains"?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Well duh! Because it's their time of the month. I'd go a LONG way to avoid a Afghani woman with a knife, a grudge, and no Midol. As to the removal of the diety, have you never heard of political correctness? Kipling may not have had to worry about that but I assure you that BTS is worried sick about it and I'm doing my part. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You said you butchered it, which you, in fact, did. I go to a butcher for dry-aged ribeye; I go to Kipling for poetry; I go to Joe Shaw when I want to kick some super-annuated kiester around the field of battle.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>In point of fact, I stated that I had "... probably missed something trivial" as was indeed the case despite your pathetic attempt to make more of it. As to kicking, as you so quaintly put it, "keister", when were you planning to start? You've been able to do nothing more than a draw twice now, after all. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Your precious Tigers are burning hulks,<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Indeed? You might want to look over on your right ... seems to be a few very nice ... and untouched ... large panzers there. {snipped to avoid repeating a falsehood} <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And you haven't even approached my fire sacks yet.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Fire Sack? OH RIGHT ... the fires from all those flaming Shermans ... gotcha. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I know how much it must have hurt you to say that, so say it again, but this time let me watch, OK?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So that's the kind of sick puppy you are, I should have known.

    Joe

    Edited to remove fallacious remarks about Eathan ... everything you see is now documented fact.

    [This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 01-06-2001).]

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