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Joe Shaw

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Posts posted by Joe Shaw

    Maple Leaf Up!! The PENG THREAD goes North!!!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    hey... wait a minutes.. why did I get the "grade D" stamp??? and why is that butcher looking at me funny??
    Not to worry Mensch, EVERYONE looks at you funny.

    GAME REPORTS:

    That's right sports fans and all the ships at sea it's time for Uncle Joey's GAME REPORTS, GAME REPORTS, GAME REPORTS ... DiDadadah Dadadah Dit ...

    jd: I was right, his other Sherman moved a silly little millimeter and WAS toast ... unfortunately he got one of my AFV's in the process but I can't see hide nor hair of the bad guys (i.e. jd's troops) ... is that good? Nonetheless I am moving on my objectives and actually have a plan ... such as it is.

    Mace: Stupid Rabbit ... Trix are for Kids! (that's an old American TV commercial for our ferrin' friends). NEVER ... repeat NEVER send an armored car to do a tanks job. Your poor Puma ate that zook round very nicely I thought and ... wait, is that a STUG coming closer ... oh joy! And your infantry is hunkered down so nicely in that little grove of trees, pity it's under a crossfire. My tankless Iowa farm boys will prevail yet, see if they don't.

    Goanna: I see that he's in the wilds of ... someplace ferrin', it doesn't really matter since he has acknowledged that he has a turn and will be replying. Foregone conclusion at this point of course, since it was part of Operation Lizard, but I'll let him pick the next one.

    Hakko Ichiu: Things aren't going well for his Ami's, apparently they are getting cold and have decided to pull back to the town instead of continuing the disasterous flank attack that left him with virtually no armor. I have time, I shall slowly and efficiently ... KILL THEM ALL!

    Joe

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    Maple Leaf Up!! The PENG THREAD goes North!!!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    [sERIOUS]Okay, this is just ridiculous. Matt is, of course, quite correct as to the recent post by "Mr. Stupid". He is also correct as to some more recent comments by others, including regular members of the thread. I, for one, would hate to have the 'pool removed simply because we can't help being crass. Taunting and hassling are one thing, crass and juvenile comments about sex, race, religion and politics are entirely another. None of us are innocent but surely we can avoid the ignominious fate of being locked while Gunny Bunny's thread is still going strong?[/sERIOUS]

    I loath and despise you all more than I can say ... opps, should have staying in SERIOUS mode for that one.

    Joe

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    Maple Leaf Up!! The PENG THREAD goes North!!!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Eathanwhosenamesoundslikeasneeze actually wrote (and thus provided evidence) that:

    The Aardvark Formerly Known as Joe Shaw managed strategically to lose the turn where I turned his Panther into a funeral pyre. When the turn was re-run, he managed to kill two of my Sherman 76s for no loss and is now in a position to put a hurting on my brave GIs. Something must be done. I think I shall write to my Congressman.
    Let's look at the facts shall we? (1)I know that Eathan wasn't suggesting that my computer going tits up was somehow a diabolical ploy on my part to undo the ONLY significant turn in the game ... in the first place I asked him to save the game in V1.1 and that was the turn he used so he shouldn't be blaming me ... though he probably will anyway. (2) He neglects to mention the OTHER flank on which my armor superiority is unchallenged and overwhelming (3) He neglects to mention that his 76 Shermans got potted as they did when they came roaring out of the treeline into the open ... and coincidentally into the sights of my MkIV, which, IIRC, killed both of the silly twits. YO EATHAN ... you're on defense ... you don't HAVE to attack, I HAVE to attack. I can arrange to accept your surrender on any turn of your choice.

    As to my other 'pool games:

    jd Managed to trade a Sherman 105 (his) for a halftrack (mine) ... and if his other Sherman 105 moves even a silly little millimeter HE'LL be toast TOO!

    Mace, despite having a three Stugs, an Sdkfz flak machine of one flavor or another and an undetermined type of AC, appears to be sweating bullets over my guys who haven't a tank to their name. At least he's not moving on my VL but is hoping desperately to eak out a victory by hanging on to the marginally larger VL.

    Peter in Zero and I have just started but based on my brilliant force mix and setup it's a foregone conclusion that only LUCK will prevent my gaining victory. You heard it here first.

    Joanna is enjoying the sights of sounds of his French armor being fried by my KTs, JT's, 240 and 120 mm mortars, minefields (opps, he doesn't know about them yet does he) and pillboxes ... it was a massively unfair scenario and I should feel really badly ... odd that I don't, I suppose.

    If there's anyone else ... I don't care enough to remember you.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Peter In Zero So many distortions, so little time:

    1) Trick? As IF! Why don't you just stand up like a man and admit that you really thought Custer was at the Alamo!

    2) I would be happy to teach you the joys of losing at CM, though from what I've seen it appears you have LOTS of practice already in that fine art. May I suggest a small to medium QB, with a Jpeg of the setup screens since, like all reasonable denizens of the 'pool, I don't trust you further than the length of Blousehouse's chain. I shall, of course, retain the right of refusal if your choices are as bizarre as I suspect they will be.

    3) I don't use a sig file (in case that little fact escaped your notice) because I don't see the need to BORE everyone with the same inane statement every time I post ... I trust in my posts to be inane enough as they stand! However, I agree to your stakes.

    4) You're a swine and poltroon and will soon receive your just reward ... defeat!

    SIR Joe Shaw, Knight of The One The True The CessPool

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Loving Mark IVs very good performance as Custer at the Alamo
    Gawd I just love it when Grogs show up and give all this history ... and stuff.

    As to the revolution ... {chortle} Senility is quite correct (I know, I know, I'm as shocked as anyone). There can be no revolution within the 'pool for much the same reason that the English don't speak French. EVEN IF Slappy could somehow manage to awaken this somnolent bunch of losers to a fever pitch of revolutionary zeal (which would pretty much amount to Blousehouse zipping up his trousers), he'd find that, in the end, he and his minions would end up more 'poolified than the oldest of 'poolers! It's called Assimilation. Oh he might win the occassional Battle of Hastings and for a time, perhaps, the Saxons would be on the outs, but sooner or sooner (and probably sooner) the CessPool would have it's way with the victors as well and all would be as it was. Besides, any organization that ASKS for Geeks to join ... well, I think that says it all.

    SIR Joe Shaw, Knight of The One The True The CessPool.

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Right, and Shaw invented literacy.
    And I did too, you know. Why, before me there was darkness upon the land (which may have contributed to the difficulty in reading) and literacy was unknown. The era has come to be known as Before Shaw ... or simply, B.S. And then the light that was SHAW burst upon the world, much as a ripe pimple, it's time come at last, spews forth it's contents upon the bathroom mirror of the universe. And the populace found solace in the written word and celebrated it's newfound literacy by writing letters and ending those letters with the acknowledgment of he who brought it all to pass in the era known simply as Post Shaw ... or P.S. ... and that's the truth.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    You would think that this "Slapdragon" character would get the hint that he was not wanted on this thread and leave it alone.
    Not at all, as was so able stated in Blazing Saddles, "All are equal here..."

    We have high standards for such a low group, and we insist that these standards be maintained. If one wishes to become one with the 'pool (as who does not), one must follow the traditions and arcane rituals established by the founders of This The One The True The CessPool!

    We welcome all who come to us with the proper spirit ... and the cash of course.

    Joe

    BTW, my recent spate of postings is solely due to my responsibility to maintain the standards of the pool and is in no way a reflection of the fact that a couple dozen more posts will give me 1000.

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    As for games... 5 sounded like a good number. But you must have both games and presence.
    And may I suggest that the quality of the presence be taken into account as well. As I previously mentioned, just showing up shouldn't be sufficient, are we to grade on the curve? Are we to give a grade just for answering the roll? I think the entire tradition of the 'pool cries out against such a travesty. As to the games, that's a different story, as has been conclusively proven, it's not the quality of the play that counts, merely the play itself ... it's kind of a zen thing.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Hey RR, it takes more than just showing up and playing a few games to be made a KNIGHT OF THE ONE THE TRUE CESSPOOL. Where are the taunts, the slurs, the lies and, most importantly, the pathetic attempts at humor? Slappy MAY well have what it takes to be a 'pooler, but so far he's got a long way to go to prove that he's not a {shudder} Grog. And all those posts to the main board, frankly, hurt his chances for acceptance in THIS group. Sure we venture out now and then, but only to make fun of cretins like Gunny Bunny.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    So ... Shyster ... sorry, Lawyer are you like ... Newt's younger brother or what? BTW, congrats on being made a squire, and as Catch 22 had it "It doesn't mean anything, it just means you're a squire."

    As to the other new squires ... go play in a corner ... not that one, that's Blousehouse's and well ... best not play there.

    As to the new KNIGHTS OF THE CESSPOOL ... well met and welcome to the defenders of ... uh ... well ...

    Joe

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    Assault Boats... whats up with them?

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    That is a well-documented belief of mine.
    BAH! And again I say BAH! And once again just for good measure BAH! We have had enough, I say, of your purported SOURCES Andreas! I suppose you'll trot out that old chestnut (please, just once, trot out an acorn or a brazil nut) written by Helmut Peter (sit down Bauhaus ... opps, sorry, wrong thread), "Die Andreas, Die Deutscher Junge" (surely a sentiment we can all share) are you? We ALL know by now that you claim Herr Peter said "We may suppose that Andreas may have had beliefs ...", a lukewarm agreement at best, but in point of fact he continues beyond the ellipse to state, "... AT ONE POINT. Now that he is gainfully employed, however, all beliefs have been superceded by the base desire for money." Your beliefs, as you continue to call them, have lost all relevance for us. You, sir, are pathetic. I, on the other hand, remain ...

    Joe

    [This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 01-29-2001).]

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    I'm really, really sorry Goanna, I ... I didn't want to do it, but they made me. They bent my arm back and gave me a wedgie and everything. And they said they'd take my lunch money if I didn't make up a really nasty scenario ... at first I said no, but then they got Berli to drool on my head (you know how he does that) and I didn't have a choice. I TRIED to give you a chance with the setup but you didn't take it and now {sob} now you're going to lose and it's all my fault {sniff} ...

    mind you, you're losing beautifully, couldn't do it better myself.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    OK, Joe, enough refresher, on with your grogginess.
    Refresher, Mortuary! Refresher you say! Damn you sir for your impudence. I'll REMIND you sir, that this is the 'pool and serious posts from other threads (even if authored by Peng) have no place in this forum. I'll further remind you that we who have shaped this thread to it's current magnificence have a right, nay an obligation, to see to it's enhancement, and frankly (may I call you Frank) Peng has been noticeable absent of late. As to Peng's reply, he either wants your beer or he's referring to that old song "Muskrat Love" in which case you're welcome to it.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    In glancing at the main board (can't stand to actually READ it you understand) I notice a lot of technical type stuff that seems to be missing from This The One The True Cesspool. While certain of our members do dry their sleeves, scrap the ... stuff ... off their shoes, slick back their hair (with what we don't really want to know) and venture onto the main board from time to time, for the most part this thread, while clearly superior, lacks a certain ... something.

    I think it's time that we take a page from the main board's book (we seem to be running short on DRY paper anyway) and get just a tad GROGGY. Well, not that perhaps, I mean Berli does a fine job based on his photo and as for Hiram ... his photo speaks for itself which is a GOOD thing since Hiram speaking for himself is too frightening to contemplate. Here, I'll start:

    I was driving one of those German things ... a tank maybe ... I think it was called a Pummelwagon or something ... anyway I got shot by this other tank thing only it was different and had a star on it. So anyway, it shot me and my guy blew up! I mean, WTF! I clearly remember reading a book once that said something about tanks not blowing up like that ... or maybe it was cars in Hollywood movies ... anyway it's basically the same thing. So hey BTS, fix this or somefink!

    Okay guys, let's not let those main board guys think they have all the answers, let's get a real Grog discussion going here.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Hey Boozer, we don't allow that kind of talk in here buster! NO ONE waltzes into the CessPool and politley ASKS for a game with a 'pooler. And we don't give a damn what you call Mr. Happy or what kind of gleaming martial aids (get it guys? MARTIAL Aids?) you used in the past. This is The One The True Cesspool and you'll by GAWD ask for a game like you got a pair BOYO or you'll slink off into the darkness like the drooling, congenital idiot you so closely resemble. Now show a little gumption SON, SOUND OFF AND TOSS AN INSULT ... and it better be good.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Plus, I couldn't even get a real beer in Salt Lake City. Ain't comin' back.
    Ah no! The Chamber of Commerce will be beside themselves (with all the inbreeding around here, polygamy donchaknow, that's a pretty safe bet anyway) and the Winter Olympics will have to find some other lawyer type to bribe ... NO, not bribe, did I say bribe, I meant pay consulting fees, not bribery, that would be against the law and this is Salt Lake, home of one of the world's larger religions, so bribery is clearly right out.

    You're right about the beer though {sigh}.

    Joe

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    A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Could the pool really stand two lawyers and a Mortgage Broker (say it ain't so Joe!)
    Okay ... It Ain't So! ... in point of fact (although I hate to screw up a good lawyerly fight with trivia like facts) I have been and currently am a Mortgage BANKER. Calling me a mortgage broker (note the lower case) is akin to calling you a paralegal except that paralegals sometimes do some form of service to the public ... albeit at HUGE billable hours. Mortgage Bankers are professionals, mortgage brokers are insurance salesmen who couldn't make it selling insurance.

    Goanna This alleged defeat of which you speak ... would this be a game you're playing against ANOTHER Joe Shaw? Because the game I'VE been watching (your tactics really don't require any participation on my part, the default actions of the tactical AI is MORE than sufficient) features large numbers of FRENCH FRIED FIGHTING Vehicles. For those who haven't been paying attention, he's the one with the French armor.

    Joe

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