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Joe Shaw

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Posts posted by Joe Shaw

    Sir Peng, I take your challenge to Lord Raglan

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    You would laugh at me?
    Actually Croda I was laughing at jd, your former Knight and Master ... granted I was laughing at him for choosing you, but still ...

    I checked Lorak's accounting and your record is equally as abysmal as mine, though I have had the stones to compete more than a half-dozen times.
    And what, pray tell, does that have to do with anything of import? Surely you, even you, aren't buying into the old "Golly, I'm good at CM so I'm IMPORTANT" ploy are you? I would have thought that even one as dense as you apparently are, would have tumbled by now to the ultimate purpose of the 'pool. It is not, since you seem to have some doubts, about WINNING at CM, but rather about TALKING about winning. The actual outcome of the battle is unimportant when compared to the verbal cut and thrust (sit DOWN Bauhaus) that accompany it.
    So, you daft fool, a setup will be winging it's way to you as soon as I feel inclined to do so.
    Oh my now I've done it. Golly I've incensed Croda, what shall I do?
    This will not be a Menschian gamey affair, it will be war waged by me, against you, for the express purpose of making dead your cyber-friends and cease for all-time your chuckling at my expense.
    Right {chuckle} no, I ... I understand now {snort} ... really I'm worried now {chortle} ...

    I chose Croda as a squire...
    {wipes tears from eyes}

    Joe

    ------------------

    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Sir Peng, I take your challenge to Lord Raglan

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Well, well, well... < surveys the landscape >... it will have to do.
    Oh I say, bit of a mixup then old boy wot? Not to worry, we'll have this sorted out in a jif, Jeeves, I say Jeeves?

    Yes Sir, you called?

    I say Jeeves, this chap, this ... Hairy Obreast, I believe, seems to be under the impression that he's ... well, not to put too fine a point on it ... in charge?

    Indeed, Sir, and was there any particular reason for this impression of his?

    Well I don't see how Jeeves, after all he's hardly ever here you know, I mean ... it's just not ... on.

    Quite so Sir, I quite see your point. Shall I handle the situation then Sir?

    Oh righto, Jeeves, that would be smashing.

    Indeed Sir, I shall present our case. Herr Oberst ... I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to cease and desist in your quasi leadership role or we shall be forced to call upon our solicters.

    {Herr Oberst, confronted with the pride of OLD England, grumbles a bit, looks at the floor and finally, shambles off in defeat.}

    Oh I say, Jeeves, well done indeed.

    Yes Sir, I endeavor to give satisfaction. You are not ... actually going to be wearing that tie are you sir?

    Well, actually, yes. I mean after all Jeeves, this IS the CessPool.

    Still Sir, one must maintain appearances.

    Oh ... all right then.

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Sir Peng, I take your challenge to Lord Raglan

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    So prattle on Joey, your days are numbered since you look to be older than I and if not well that's why I chose Croda as a squire
    Allow me to repeat that last for those that may have missed it the first time ...
    I chose Croda as a squire ...
    {chortle}, sorry, sorry, it's just ...
    I chose Croda as a squire ...
    {snort}, really I'm sorry, but I mean really,
    I chose Croda as a squire ...
    {wipes tears from eyes} Ah man, that's great.

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    I see I have been demoted to a regular rifle man.. I don't mind really. except for I am taking orders from that idiot Shaw.
    Watch it soldier ... you're about this far {holds up forefinger and thumb an inch apart} from insubordination. I've been noticing that the sump is getting clogged and could use a nice toothbrush cleaning again.

    Joe

    ------------------

    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    So this is from an actual thread? I must have missed out on that one, I'll do a search immediately. I was thinking that Meeks had found a sale on aerosol adhesives and ...

    Joe

    OOOOKKKaaayyyyy! I just spent ten minutes of my LIFE looking at that ... thing (dial up is a real torture sometimes) and I am firmly convinced of the following:

    1. I understand Meek's post ... I think.

    2. I DON'T understand ANY of the ... thing.

    3. All Our Base Is Belong to Them ... whoever the hell they are.

    4. I'm very, very confused now and I think I'll go to bed.

    ------------------

    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

    [This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 02-27-2001).]

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Sigh. I've had but the one Squire, Hiram.
    Well it's hardly my fault that you two clowns can't choose Squires properly. I mean look at it, Croda, PeterNZer and {gag}Hiram? I mean really, you might as well have chosen Larry, Moe and Curly! Now Agua Perdido, there's a likely lad. Of course he would have been nothing without my firm hand on the reins (sit DOWN Bauhaus sheesh).

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

    [This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 02-27-2001).]

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    BTW Kitty, your images aren't showing up ... at least in Netscape.
    I just checked out of curiosity and IE shows the images correctly, but Netscape doesn't ... Hmmm, more of Matt's ANTI-NETSCAPE bias? Inquiring minds want to know!

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    In here, such things as politeness, respect, comradery, etc are quickly stepped on and then wiped from the boots (preferably using your clean bathroom towel while you're not around).
    Make up your mind you ... you ... Ozziemoron! First you demand that my squire show respect and then you complain when he does, typical government worker. I know, I know, you're just pouting because I didn't include YOU in the ad, well fine:

    But don't take our word for it, download this free sample of that cute and loveable Mace snoring his life away at his desk ... just the thing when CM2 comes out with that CLERK TYPIST unit.

    Joe

    BTW Kitty, your images aren't showing up ... at least in Netscape.

    ------------------

    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

    [This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 02-26-2001).]

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Mace, I would warn you about manhandling MY squire but Agua Perdido is MORE than capable of taking care of himself ... certainly against {giggle} you. Be advised, however, that one of the PRIMARY duties of a squire is assisting his Knight and Liegelord. I can only point to the polite nature of the request as demonstrating his respect for the Knightly personage of Dame Kitty. Finally, I would suggest that you ... piss off.

    Kitty I completely understand that full magnificence of my presence will be lessened by the quality of the photo when reduced as it must be {sigh}, let me see what I can do and I'll forward it to you.

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    I give you, stevetherat.
    Or ... NOT! BTW, I am temporarily mollified (sit DOWN Bauhaus you don't even know what that means and it doesn't mean ... never mind) by your explanation but mystified as to why such a personage as myself should not have been at least AMONG the first depicted. I trust the warning given you by my loyal and trusty squire Agua Perdido has had it's intended effect. I would suggest that you charge a royalty for downloads as the demand to have actual CessPool personalities in THEIR OWN PERSONAL GAME will no doubt be huge! Needless to say, we will be receiving a LARGE chunk of the royalties as befits celebrities who have product endorsements.

    Perhaps we can begin an advertising campaign:

    You'll get that all important lift in confidence when you see that the feared Berli is commanding that lead Panther! And you'll giggle with delight as Lorak heads for the rear, leaving his squads to hold the line. You'll gasp as Joe Shaw boldly charges the enemy and captures that 88mm AT gun SINGLE HANDED. Don't wait a minute, download them all today! "Hey buddy, wanna trade a GermanBoy for a Kitty?"

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Thank for your posting to the Peng Challenge Thread. We appreciate all blanket requests for games, especially when phrased

    politely. However, all of our operators are busy at this time. Your challenge is important to us, so please stay on the line.

    Jealous aren't you now, the rest of you useless lot, jealous indeed that I was the one to spy the embyonic but undoubted talent of young Agua Perdido . Yes I can look with pride upon my careful crafting of his talents and my calm but inspiring leadership in his moments of crisis. Perhaps I'll write a book, "The Care and Feeding of CessPool Squires".

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Well isn't that just special Kitty! Here I go to all the trouble to send in a photo IN CHARACTER AND COSTUME and you ignore it! Please fix or do somefink. And why, pray tell, must I be the one to complain? It seems to me that a loyal and devoted squire would be the FIRST to jump on Kitty (EASY Bauhaus ... yes and you too Mace) about this disgrace.

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    I am the fluffily white cotton, PeterNZer. Fear me.
    Aha ... yes, quite so Jeff, an ... uh ... interesting challenge.

    NOTE to Agua, do NOT compare yourself to "fluffy white cotton" when attempting to challenge another.

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    My Loyal and Promising Squire Prompty Replied: You bellowed, your cronemongeringness? Slime beneath your boots, eh? You sure you're not just standing on mensch?
    Now, now Agua, you MUST begin paying more attention in class. If you'll check the notes from CessPool Recognition 101 you'll see that Mensch is actually BENEATH slime in the natural order of things. Granted he does add a certain "crunchy" feel to the slime, but never confuse him with actual slime which, as we all know, is adequately represented by the majority of the denizens of the 'pool.

    Further, while it is true that Major Tom is TECHNICALLY a squire, he has neglected his duties alarmingly and has not been seen for ... (Joe consults his Palm Pilot Calendar) ... forever. Therefore, your posting of results for the game are of no interest to the 'pool. The reports on your remaining matches, on the other hand, show great promise and I congratulate you upon them and invite the rest of the 'pool to applaud them as I do. Hear, hear.

    I note with interest the challenge offered you by someone beneath my notice, I trust you appreciate the effect my acceptance of you as squire has had to your game list? Now get in there and beat the silly person ... uh ... sillier.

    Does my liege need help crossing the street? Yes, it's safe, now. I'm sure that truck can stop in time--the ice on the road helps cool the brakes.
    Ah {sniff} you are too kind to an old Knight, my lad, it's {sob} quite moving actually. Surely I have the finest squire in the land ... Oh I say, that puddle will soil my newly cleaned boots ... no, no, not your cloak, that cost good money ... lie down in the puddle yourself. There's a good lad, mind the hobnails.

    Joe

    ------------------

    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    oooOOOgah, oooOOOgah, oooOOOgah

    Attention CessPoolers and all the ships at sea, it's time for JOE'S GAME UPDATES:

    1) jd, as has been previously reported to this forum, by his own admission used gamey tactics in order to eak out a draw. No matter, a new challenge has been flung at his feet (made a nice splash too) and IF he has the cojones to accept it, we will finally have a determination of who is the better man ... HINT: bet the farm on the guy from Utah.

    2) Peter N Zer is still holding his ground in the dark and gloom. He has lost forces, I have lost forces ... I have more. Since this is a Blood Hamster match, I am accepting suggestions for what his new sig will be after I've triumphed.

    3) Mace has foolishly ignored my offer of a cease fire in place ... forgive him, my friends (and Andreas) he knows not what he does.

    4) Hakko Ichiu ... is out of commission for a bit, hope he comes back soon, I could use the victory.

    5) Goanna, having been provided with the proper turn, was apparently so unnerved by the tactical genius I showed that he has retreated into the sands of Arabia again (no doubt trying to "channel" Lawrence) and has not responded to my turn ... can't blame him really.

    As to the rest of you, you are as but slime beneath my feet ... speaking of which where IS that new squire of mine? Agua, oh Agua lad, my boots have slime beneath them again, wouldn't do to have your Knight and Master lose his footing now would it?

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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    Imperial Eagles: I want a Napoleonic CM !!!!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    I quite agree with battalion level, yet you read so much about cavalry

    squadrons here and a company of infantry there. Dividing ip the Regts. & Bns should be allowed -somehow.

    Good point, perhaps we should define our terms smile.gif For example, in CM the smallest regular infantry "stand" (if I can use miniature terminology) is the squad (ignoring for the moment AT, MG, etc.), but you can't buy a UNIT smaller than a platoon. In a Napoleonic game, the smallest UNIT may well be a battalion, while the smallest stand would be a company. It's been so long since I've looked at miniature rules that I'm not familiar with how they break the units up. It does seem reasonable that a battalion be able to refuse a flank, for example, or conform to terrain, but there would be significant penalties if the integrity of the line were to be broken.

    Joe

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    Peng in Paradise

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    oooOOOgah, oooOOOgah, oooOOOgah

    Attention, attention the CessPool and particularly Lorak:

    I have the honor to report that on this day the spirited and confident forces under my command have prevailed over the exhausted and weeping rabble commanded by jd.

    Granted the battle was TECHNICALLY a draw, but I had the most points and jd admitted in an email that he used gamey tactics at the end to force the game to remove VL's which I had firmly in my control and turn them into contested VLs. And, as I mentioned earlier, HE USED MINES! No doubt he will counter that my tactics were gamey as well, but I think we can all take into account my sterling reputation on the thread and compare it to that of a KNOWN LAWYER!

    Joe

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    I heartily admit you are a swine, Joe. But you are OUR swine. (Goanna)

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