Joe Shaw
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Posts posted by Joe Shaw
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Agua perhaps you've forgotten Thursday's lesson "Setups From Hell and Other Gamey Stuff"? NEVER accept or solicit (sit DOWN Bauhaus) a setup without a JPEG of the parameters screen. 1000 points is good, but what if the gamey little newbie chooses a night fight? Or a pool table setup? What if you're limited to Armor and he's Unlimited? Judging from what we've seen so far ANYTHING is possible. Any of these (or any number of other parameters) could seriously impact your purchases. The fact is lad, you can't trust them. Newbies are, by definition, Swine (yes Berli ALL of them, in this at least we agree), and while you'll undoubtedly stomp him into a unrecongizable pulp and so wound his psyche that he'll never dare show his face here again (a right good thing, of course), he MIGHT get some points on you ... and we can't have that happen.Send me a setup. 1000 or less, other parameters to you.Sir Joe
p.s. Don't forget you owe me that 14 page paper on "Tautologies, Oxymorons, Reductio ad Absurdum ... and Other Stuff Berli Doesn't Know."
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
[This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 03-18-2001).]
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{sigh} If, as you assert, squires have no value, then why do you value them highly enough to continue complaining about them? Could it be ... JEALOUSY?At least he doesn't think squires have worth.
And we all know how well YOU are to be trusted, Hah! Furthermore, you fool, false heresy is a tautology and I'd never consent to having my sig written by anyone so ill informed.I would not make you use anything which would get you banned. It would be either a plug for Der Kessel or some acknowledgement of your false heresy.
Say you so sir? I believe that my legion of fans would protest their outrage and make the very skies echo their discontent. You have my setup sir, make the most of it ... if you can.Damn, this actually sounds like a public service.Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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And this has relevance for us because ...? You've received your answer and you have now two options:Yeh, yeh, I misplaced a cheque worth A$120 - I know it's around here somewhere under all this other paper I use for scribbling on....1) Insult someone specific (and make it good laddie) and weather the slings and arrows we shall surely fling your way. By doing so you MAY entice someone (likely a Squire, certainly NOT a knight ... at least not a knight that has any sense of worth) to give you an official CessPool game.
2) Bugger OFF!
There you have, the Official CessPool FAQ. No, don't thank me, it's the least I could do.
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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Such a course would be inadvisable because:I must say that I see no reason why Shaw & Berli cannot have a Blood Hamstermatch as suggested by Moriarty?
(a) Moriarty suggested it therefore it's clearly suspect from the start.
(
Having my sig file controlled by Berli could result in my being banned by BTS.© S**T happens ... while it is extremely unlikely, there is the possibility that lousy luck (akin to having an asteroid the size of Manhattan hitting North Dakota ... not necessarily a bad idea in and of itself mind you) and extremely rare happenstance (i.e. Berli having more than two brain synapses firing simultaneously) could result in losing the match! The daily reminder that I HAD lost to Berli would be more than my fragile ego could stand. I would, therefore, be forced into seculsion and the CessPool would be deprived of the light of my contenance ... no one wants that.
In short, who asked you?
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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Just don't target the ambush markers you want to ignore. Unless a unit actually targets the marker they may as well not exist.
Joe
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You don't suppose, do you lads, that whatever horrible illness Deke had is ... contagious?I'll still probably pummel the poxy prole.Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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There does seem to be some form of duality going on. His more recent posts were starting to show some minor signs of promise after his initial disasters, but now this ... a lot of uneven posts of late from the wannabes.I think he is entering his manic phase..........Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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Nonsense and fiddledeepoop my most ignorant friend. If, in point of fact, we dealt with absolutes would Hiram have been allowed to remain? Would we even deign to acknowledge the pitiful first posts of those who wander in looking for the Ice Cream Stand of CM? Would we permit certifed SWINE such as Mace to reside here? I say not and I say that PROVES that we deal not in absolutes but in degrees of grey and half portions.Alas, it is late and yet I cannot sleep for I have tasks to finish ere I rest ... such as dealing with this ... drivel ... by Berli: We deal in absolutes here.
One must presume from your spittle flecked tirade that you intended to label me as a Heretic despite the uneven spelling at times. How then, may I be branded as heretic when the "rules" of the CessPool are unwritten? Quote me the chapter and verse I'm to have violated (sit DOWN Bauhaus) and none of your "make it up on the spot nonsense, me lad, we're on to you" (Bauhaus I said ... on second thought, carry on Bauhaus)Most are worth very little?! Heretic! ALL squires are worth NOTHING! One's own squire is worth less than nothing! You, sir, are a heritic!
Typical of you, I must say, calling on the unholy quartet to solve YOUR problem, for the problem exists only in your fevered and tortured mind. Tortured at the thought of what MIGHT HAVE BEEN. Instead you shall remain what you are now, a bitter and surly old man who curses the fates for HIS ill decision ... Captain Foobar indeed. In truth, I should pity you I suppose ... but I care so little.You should be stripped of your spurs and burned at the stake! Peng! Seanachai! Lorak! Goanna! What say you to this heresy?
Beg OF mercy dog? I'll give you this Berli, you're inventive in a bizarre and unintellible fashion.I say repent and beg of mercy dog!I shall grant you one last opportunity to salvage what little of your honor still remains. What say you to one of Rune's newly hatched creations? And no, it won't be a Blood Hamster match, for my sig is pledged to another ... admittedly lesser ... being and I am a Knight of honor.
It would seem that, after all, some Squires DO matter, that some DO count, else why the venom and bile you've expended in denying them?
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
[This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 03-16-2001).]
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{sigh} ... again you insist on indulging in absolutes ... not to be confused with indulging in Absolut which is a WHOLE different thing. MOST squires, as it happens, are worth very little, in fact your previous definition of the worth of a squire would apply to MOST squires. I happen to have chosen one of the minority, a squire who is a credit to his liegelord, a squire who has learned the lessons I've taught (Berli = Doofus 101) and a squire who is a credit to the CessPool. You, on the other hand, have {snort} Captain Foobar ... I don't wonder your view of Squires in general is warped.So, just so we all get this straight, are you implying that squires have worth?Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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As much as it pains me to compliment another 'Pooler, ... {gag} ... well done ... {Gaacckkkkk!} ... {GACCCCCKKKKKK!} ...whew! Thank Gawd that's over with.
Joe
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Jealousy, rank jealousy has invaded the CessPool and infected our fair dwelling. I offer as evidence the following:
Hah! none of your Jedi mind tricks (opps, sorry, one must first HAVE a mind in order to employ mind tricks.) The entire substance of your alleged allegation is dependent upon your statement that " squires, by their very nature, are worthless (null value [zero])". You have provided no proof, null, zero, that this is correct. Now obviously, in your case and that of jd, the statement is true, but that's only because you were misguided enough to chose the squire you did! I, on the other hand, exercised judgement and discretion in my choice and am well pleased. That you are not is only further evidence that you (and by extension jd) are POO POO HEADS!Berli, Berli, Berli ... surely even YOU can't believe that:God! I knew you were dumb, but perhaps you are actually more worthless than youe squire. Given that squires, by their very nature,are worthless (null value [zero]), and , by your assertion, Aqua Perdido has FOUR times the worth of other squires... let's do the
math... FOUR times ZERO equals ZERO! I begin to suspect that Aqua Perdido deserves to be the Knight and you the Squire
Indeed? I'm not the one who has gone through TWO squires only to have them both reject me in the end (sit DOWN Bauhaus ... and perhaps you'd better have jd join you, by his statements he seems to have a ... problem ... as well.)But wait, I have to contend with the above referenced jd and his contention: Joe, I am beginning to worry about you old man. This fixation on a young, virile and wholesome squire is making me uneasy.
Not that I'm aware of, perhaps you could send me some of your recruiting material, do you get a commission when you induce new recruits?Has your local chapter of NAMBLA been recruiting again?
I'll have to take your word for that, I'm not as familiar with sexual deviancy as you seem to be. As to grooming behavior though, it's also practiced by the lower primates ... again, you would be more familiar than I.In the world of sexual deviancy such behavior, esp in an older person occupying a position of power and authority over the young man, would certainly be characterized as grooming behavior.
Again, perhaps you can recommend, from personal experience, such an establishment? Oh wait though, any of these that YOU recommended couldn't do too good a job ... considering their alumni.I am afraid Joe that you are going to have to "retire" to the monastery where you can engage in appropriate "meditation" with a whip to scourge yourself of the unclean and base desires that you seem to harbor.In short, I repeat, JEALOUSY!
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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Berli you couldn't SUM UP Two plus Two ... HINT: Agua Perdido is FOUR times better than any other squire in the 'pool.Berli, in an attempt ... futile but an attempt ... to be clever, stated: Yes, that sums it up nicelyJoe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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Let the CessPool take note that our methods are working. When first young Deke approached the members of this The One The True CessPool, he attempted to ingratiate himself with us through silly alliterations and poorly thought out taunts. After appropriate correction by, among others, myself, he has moderated his attempts and the result is the well crafted and subtle taunt we see above. He has still, of course, to attract a proper sponsor, but the lad shows promise. He has yet to equal the venom and wit shown by TheSquireFormerlyKnownAsAguaPerdido in his posts such as:Joe noded with knowing approval as DekeFentle posted: Kieran's Irish Pub is located on the intersection of 2nd Street South and 4th Avenue. Just ask the bus driver to let you know when the stop comes up.
... but promise still.Bring it on, evilboy (or evilboy's lackey, as the case may be). I get junk mail that's more formidable than you. (Damn paper cuts... ooooh, Val-Pak coupons!)reference to Agua Perdido changed slightly to show Sir Mace that I'm a regular guy ... don't expect it to happen again.
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
[This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 03-15-2001).]
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Sir Mace ... jealousy ill becomes you ... but then virtually EVERYTHING ill becomes you so I suppose I shouldn't complain.
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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Useless is it? Embarrassment you say? You whose squire can't even remember the name of his Knight? Let us examine the RECORD Berli for surely the TRUTH shall set us free.I find it incomprehensible that Berli had the nerve to assert: However, I take exception to Joe holding up his useless squire as an example. That cringing little toady *kick* is an embarassment to squiredom.Agua entered the 'pool in the approved manner, with style, wit, taunting and polish (the polish was the right color for my boots too, showing foresight). He then acquired a sponsor (mine own humble self) and was annointed a Squire of the CessPool. He then undertook my course of study and instruction for Squires and has acquitted himself well (most of the charges were bogus in any case and there was NO way he could have known the cheerleader was only 17 instead of the 18 she claimed.) He has embarked upon CM battles with others, some in the 'pool, some not, in order to gain his Knighthood. And, most importantly, he has demonstrated his affection and loyalty to me, his liegelord in the following instances:
1. He has sacrificed his body to ensure that my boots would not be soiled. I am told that the scars from the hobnails on my boots are healing nicely.
2. He has offered me cakes prepared by his own hands, regrettably I was unable to partake and insisted that he consume the offering. His bout of stomach flu is nearly over and he should be eating solid food any day.
3. He has gone to the trouble of ensuring that my quarters are shaded properly, shoddy workmanship on the rope did cause severe rope burns which are of little hindrance in his games.
4. He has seconded my judgement on many cases involving 'pool protocol. I attribute this to my weekly, four hour lecture series "The History of CessPool Procedures and Protocol - The Early Days."
In point of fact, I estimate that Agua Perdido will be fully trained and capable of taking up his duties as a full fledged Knight of the CessPool within no more than another 6 years of Squiredom.
An embarassment Berli? Hardly, a shining example rather, and a squire to be emulated by ALL aspirants to that rank.
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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Ladies and Gentlemen of the CessPool I fear we have become witness to a failure of monumental proportions. Not only does Captain Foobar not remember who his Knight is, he apparently doesn't know how to visit that Holy of Holies, the Official CessPool website where his question would be answered! But this failure, tragic though it is, is not solely that of poor Captain Foobar but rather should placed squarely at the feet of his Knight, Berli.Some sniveling little dog of a squire wannabe named Captain Foobar (and I think we can all agree on that) actually said:I am so ferklempt that I dont even know who my sponsor is. I fink Berli is the owner of that yapping bitch Roborat, but I am hanging out here alone.Note that MY squire, the worthy and trusty Agua Perdido has, on numerous occassions, acknowledged my liegeship and done many kindnesses for me. Did he acquire this knowledge through osmosis? Of course not, he acquired it through our rigorous training sessions and my enlightening seminars on various and sundry topics ... not least among those, How to Recognize Your Knight ... you can't take ANYTHING for granted with squires. It's abundantly obvious to me that Berli has failed in his duties as Knight and Liege.
Taking a squire (sit DOWN Bauhaus ... and btw, how's about a turn sometime this decade?) is a solemn obligation and responsibility and is not to be undertaken by those unwilling ... or unable ... to fufill it. Yes, Captain Foobar failed in his duty to recognize his Knight ... but how greater the failure of the Knight!
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
[This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 03-15-2001).]
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Jeeves, I say Jeeves!
Yes Sir, you called?
I say Jeeves, he's ... well he's at it again!
He, Sir? And who might that be, Sir?
Why this Hairy Obreast fellow, Jeeves, you recall, the chap you ran off some time ago, the cheeky bugger ...
Sir may I suggest that you moderate your language. Your aunt would be most upset Sir.
Oh well, righto Jeeves, quite correct and all that but still Jeeves ...
Yes Sir, Herr Oberst you say? And what has he done this time Sir?
Well just look at it Jeeves, HE'S welcoming US to the thread. As if it was his right or something, well Jeeves, I mean it puts a fellow's back up, what?
Indeed Sir, one does see your point. Shall I deal with him Sir?
Steady on Jeeves, this time I think it is I that shall take a stand. Rule Britannia and all that, eh?
Oh Sir, I don't believe I would recommend that course of action.
What say Jeeves? Surely you're not suggesting that I can't handle this situation adequately?
Never that Sir, but there are ... international issues involved that might mitigate against your course of action.
Oh, but blast it Jeeves, is the scoundrel to get off scott free?"
Never fear Sir, I shall diplomatically deal with the gentleman.
Aha, well, then ... play up Jeeves, hip hip and all that.
{Jeeves walks up to Herr Oberst and taps him on the shoulder. Herr Oberst turns, sees Jeeves and pales by several degrees. Jeeves whispers in his ear, Herr Oberst's eyes go wide and he bolts for that dark haven from whence he sprang.}
Oh I say Jeeves, well done again. But whatever did you say to him to have that effect?
One word Sir ... Bauhaus!
Ah ... Bauhaus.
Bauhaus Sir. Shall I lay out your tweeds Sir, I believe that Sir Berli will be by after the Opera?
Quite so Jeeves, the tweeds it shall be. And ... well done again Jeeves.
I endeavor to give satisfaction Sir.
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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Hamsters, YOUR squire may be a pissboy, I haven't your extensive experience with him, but MY squire, Agua Perdido, is a SQUIRE and right proud of it. In short, your idea is really stupid and you should be shot at dawn ... and again at sunset.
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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It's ILLUSIVE ... ya Ozzie goof!just trying to get that allusive last word before lock down!Joe MOORE
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Hey come on guys, why this could be just as good as that massively multiplayer B-17 II ... OH ... never mind.
and ... Hi Mom!
Joe
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Ah thank you lad, taking the rope lightly in his hands and gazing fondly at his squire, Joe brushes a tear from his eye... and thank you for seconding my judgement earlier, it's indeed heartwarming to see the younger generation of 'poolers showing respect for their elders. Now let's see, I'm to tug on this rope? Joe motions at the rope Ah but you know lad, I've never been much at angles and so forth ... too ... mathematical for a Knight to bother with donchaknow. Here ... Joe hands the rope to Agua and steps away ... why I trust your judgement implicitly lad, I'd trust you with my life you know so a silly little angle adjustment goes without saying ... Tug away, lad, tug away.My Loyal and Trusty Squire Agua Perdido once again proved his worth by stating publicly: Speaking of which, the spring rains are coming, liege. I've had some piano movers help me build a new awning for your patio out of an old concert grand. Just stand right there on the "X"--that's the spot. Now tug on that rope to adjust the angle...Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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[sERIOUS] Armornut I thought I made it perfectly clear that the issue was with BTS. The only thing that will offend ME is if BTS closes the Peng Thread because people can't follow THEIR rules. This is not MY decision nor MY rule but theirs, if you have a problem take it up with them. If you have any questions about whether I'm right, ask anyone else here. [/sERIOUS]I thought we were all old enough to handle it. I will monitor myself as if I amtalking to my 10-12 year old group.
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
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... butchering the peanuts from whence the peanut butter comes. Mind you it's important to be careful not to cut the ......kelp knife, the rusty butcher knife found on every fishing boat. It's an incredibly useful tool, because you can use it for cutting seaweed, butchering fish, making peanut butter sandwiches, and... -
Lorak ... yo Lorak ... that clown is never around when you need him ... ah well,
[serious]Armornut we have been asked (and when you're ASKED by a large, bald, angry man who has MADD in his name you pay attention) to tone it down with reference to sexual, racial, anatomical ... stuff. So let's rein it in a bit okay?[/serious]
Right then, nothing to see here, move along.
Joe
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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES
Having my sig file controlled by Berli could result in my being banned by BTS.
MEMBER VS. JR MEMBER?
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
Posted
Welcome Cobbler, the answer to your question is that you become a "Member" after 30 posts. As to the age, I know exactly what you mean, though the average age is somewhere around 35 IIRC from an unscientific poll someone did.
Joe