Please, In all that is Holy, do not allow mouse to start a PENG CHALLENGE!!!

[dalem]

Play "All or Nothing".

Play as the British.

Or don't play like OverGripingSchoolgirlFondler plays the Germans.

Either way, don't tell me the end, as we haven't gotten there yet.

[Lawyer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Thanks for listening, and why not try a cool refreshing glass of GIN today?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

GIN, it's what's for dinner!

M. Four, your excellent dissertation on gin history and proper usage failed to mention that a gin and tonic (with lime wedge) is also easy to mix and use. Thus, no time is wasted trying to find and administer various rare and often stale ingredients that happen to be sitting in your cupboard or fridge.

Also, preparing a good gin and tonic is almost idiot-proof, as you can quickly change the ratio of ingredients to match your taste. This makes the gin and tonic an especially appropriate drink for Pooligans.

Like a fine steak grilled to perfection, the gin and tonic needs little effort to work its refreshing magic and make the world a little better, at least as you perceive it. Cocktails that depend on a bar degree (NOT the legal kind) in mixology are simply too complicated for the purpose for which they are intended. A good drink is supposed to relieve stress, not induce it.

I use Tanqueray because I discovered shortly after my volume-first youth that ALL GINS ARE NOT THE SAME. Anyone who says they are should be the recipient of one of IV Man's large caliber projectiles bursting forward with the rush of hot powder. Tanqueray also is stronger. Beware those 80 proof bottles of tainted water.

Oh, and take the time to purchase pure ice at the store so your drink does not qualify as a Dow product.

Cheers!

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:

Cocktails that depend on a bar degree (NOT the legal kind) in mixology are simply too complicated for the purpose for which they are intended.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

To which law school did you go? I was in the middle of my third year before I figured out the daily happy hour ritual was optional, and not a formal part of the core curriculum.

[Panzer Leader]

Gin Gimlet. There can be no better drink, after all what could supplement Gin better than lime juice?

Personally, I like the Tanquery, but I really like the Sapphire Gin, maybe 'cause the blue bottle is so cool looking.

I agree on the pure ice thing too, but you know what? I can "like" and "prefer" all day long but it usually comes down to a $2.99 bottle, whatever cubes I got in the fridge, and a lime or two.

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

...NOTHING with vodka (yecchh) in it constitutes a Martini.... A Martini is supposed to have vermouth, you ninnies.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Preach on, you peevish old sot. Let me bear witness to the Standard Martini tonight! Dry means six-to-one, and extra-dry is for heretics and the insane--if you can't taste the wormwood, you have no faith.

Any bartender who inquires "gin or vodka?" when asked for a Martini should be flogged, and the vermouth-eyedropper dryness fetishizers should be forced to read the collected postings of every ssn to ever stumble into the 'Pool.

And don't even get me started on olives--Churchill wasn't the only Cocktail War Criminal. FDR used to put brine from the olive jar in his! A Real Martini has a twist of lemon peel for a garnish. Olives are an aesthetic travesty.

Any anyone who has a Martini [*shudder*] on the rocks would spontaneously combust if this were a just universe. That's not a cocktail, it's an abomination from Berli.

So, here's wishing you all extra-dry vodka Martinis on the rocks, with five olives. And a little umbrella. I think I'm going home for a lunch date with a bottle of Bombay.

Agua Perdido

PS: Lorak, I know you already scribed it, but I will gloat over my topplement of Leeo! That gamey bastard bought a sturmkompanie for a defense! In spite of this profoundly-ahistoric nonsense, I distracted his attention by letting him kill half my men and vehicles, then smacked him down like the proverbial red-headed stepchild. It took 29 turns, but he auto-surrendered before the clock ran out. Don't have the stats handy, but we took comparable casualties and I held all the VLs at the end. Allied major victory.

Agua Perdido: Win, glorious win. Triumph over long odds and an uncertain beginning, thrilling come-from-behind (Bauhaus! I know folks haven't been warning you lately, but please remain seated until the Peng Thread comes to a full and complete stop) victory, and general trouncing of the unworthy but cunning opposition.

Leeo: Loss, despite his most strenuously-gamey attrition maneuvers.

I'm also playing some other games with other Cesspooligans, and stuff is happening in some and not happening in others.

[Edited because I haven't had my morning Greyhound.]

[Further edited to say: Sit down, Mace! A Greyhound is a cocktail.]

[ 06-25-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[ 06-25-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[Leeo]

Gin this, and Vermouth that. What a bunch of ethanol snobbery. Feh!

Malt Liquor gets ya' Quicker! You see, you folks apparently can, at some point, stop drinking that 80 proof nectar of the snobs. However, for one who, upon starting down the road to bingehood, has trouble finding the exit ramp, that high grain stuff is dangerous. Yep! Hard on the stomach, head, and not to mention sneakers. Now, one can drink malt liquor to excess with little price to pay (shut up Liver, I wasn't talking to you).

In addition, here in the Puritan, left-handed land of State-controlled liquor stores, the Liquor of the Malt is easier to obtain after 5 o'clock and on Sundays.

So, to all you High-Grain-Ethanol Snobs,

Sod Off!

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Preach on, you peevish old sot. Let me bear witness to the Standard Martini tonight! Dry means six-to-one, and extra-dry is for heretics and the insane--if you can't taste the wormwood, you have no faith.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The correct method is fill the glass with gin, open a bottle of vermouth in the same room and add the olive. EXTRA-dry is the only way.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Any bartender who inquires "gin or vodka?" when asked for a Martini should be flogged...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The only intelligent thing you've said.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>...and the vermouth-eyedropper dryness fetishizers should be forced to read the collected postings of every ssn to ever stumble into the 'Pool.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

An eyedropper is too much. Vermouth is for children

[ 06-25-2001: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

[Iskander]

A hackle of mine was immediately raised once I saw what could be perceived as subject-poaching by Mark!theHeraldAngelsSingIV, however, he dealt with the subject in a tasteful and competent manner.

I was shocked.

Most importantly, he is quite correct that a Martini involves gin, vermouth and glass. More on additives anon. The mere notion of a "Martini Menu", as I saw at an establishment recently, is of course an affront to Almighty God Themselves.

Lawyer, weighing in with the tatters of his bar license, managed to get a pass on his little effort. A G&T on a hot day... ah: nothing like thwarting the mosquitos with all that quinine! Were I to have a coat of arms, I'm certain that the Chinchona plant would be in there somewhere!

However, his Consigularity damned near ran off the rails with the mention of The Pinetree of Doom, Tanqueray. The only time I should smell that much pine is either when skiing though the trees in Summit County or cleaning up a particularly nasty mess left by the dog.

PL/Mouse (sounds a bit like a new PC, what?) drinks Gimlets. We also know he drinks Cpt. Morgans. He is in fact a woman.

Water Carrier nicely picked up the flag of it's-not-a-Martini if-it's-not-gin. High fives and handshakes all 'round. Then, just as you would expect given his tactics, he blows it. A Martini must have the presence of a brine-soaked vegetable! It is in fact the salt lurking like a SSN on the outer surface of the olive or (shudder) onion that gives a Martini it's *snap*. In fact, in direst of emergencies -- that is, you're stupid enough to run out of olives -- you can use a tiny, tiny pinch of table salt to achieve the same effect. In warning: if you use too much, you end up with a Margaritini... best given to dogs or small children.

As for what to use? Again, Bark4 is on the right track (amazing!): Dutch. For Martini's I use Leyden's. If there's none available when not safely prone behind my bar at home, I'll use Bombay Sapphire. For mixers of all sort, including the ubiquitous G&T, I reach for Citadelle -- from France of all places, can you believe it?!? And depending on when I last got paid, even ol' Beafeaters cant harm your pipes too bad, but I'd commend that served with soda rather than tonic; with a lime twist it's just like drinking water. Make 'em by the pitcher, kids!

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Leeo:

Malt Liquor gets ya' Quicker!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Tamed the 'Cobe yet?

Or are you just another Gimlet-sipping wus?

Stackin' up the 40's....

[Lars]

Gin, feh.

God’s gift to mankind is Bourbon. Is there anything better than a bottle of Bookers? I think not.

If you can’t handle it straight, Bourbon Manhattans will put a nice glow on your day in a hurry.

[Herr Oberst]

Martinis? Martinis?!? What sort of person would ever want to quaff such a vile mixture as that?

What the hell (no offense Berli) are you talking about!!! Next thing you know, the CessPool will be having Outerboarder's in for Tea and Cucumber Sandwiches with the crust cut off.

Oh, and a vodka martini isn't. Just because you put it in a funny little glass doesn't make it a martini.

Gin and tonic? Let me get this straight, alcohol and a mixer?

Mixers are for those poor forlorn half-life's who can't seem to get a date no matter how hard they try, so they concoct events where you can get a whole slew of misfits together and see how well they, well, mis-fit.

So you Poolers want to drink, huh?

Feeling Germanic? Then it's Jaegermeister. Straight, and no panty-waisted little shot glass either. Make it a real drink.

Feeling Mediterranean? Then it's Ouzo. Again, straight and plenty of it. Yeah, that's the stuff that doesn't mix with water, and can give you a banger of a headache.

And finally in honor of CMBB, Stoly straight from the SubZero deep freeze. No ice, no twists of this or that. Chilled to the point where is flows like a glacier.

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars:

God’s gift to mankind is Bourbon. Is there anything better than a bottle of Bookers? I think not.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Maker's Mark.

W.L. Walker.

And something else that Peng knows all about....

Anyway, why have bourbon when you can have rye?

Thus, you are quite correct: you think not.

[Terence]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Preach on, you peevish old sot. Let me bear witness to the Standard Martini tonight! Dry means six-to-one, and extra-dry is for heretics and the insane--if you can't taste the wormwood, you have no faith.

[ 06-25-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I can only add to this distillation of truth on the subject of Gin by Gagging Pud Wierdo one word. And whereas brevity is the soul of wit, here it is:

Boodles.

However on the subject of Gagging P. Weirdo, I have a little more to say:

Although you may know a few small facts about booze, the rest of your barely literate maunderings are proof that the Universe is nearing its goal of building the perfect idiot:

You are inebriated with the exuberance of your own verbosity, and "gifted" with an egotistical imagination.

To put it another way, your writing is both good and original. Yet the parts that are original are no good at all and the few tiny parts that are good are not original.

Perhaps you will eventually you will learn that your astonishing store of petulance is not even as entertaining as low-grade sarcasm, and that your insolence is no substitute for precisely turned invective. But I am not hopeful.

You requested verse, but as it often involves complicated elements -- such things as rhyme, meter and unusual word order-- I don't believe you're capable of understanding it.

So limited is your understanding, your mental faculties and -- I strongly suspect --your tactical acumen, that I doubt you understand this:

I challenge you to a game of Combat Mission.

Accept my challenge or be forever known as a craven, a fool, a castrated steer.

[MrPeng]

By God! I am THIRSTY!

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander:

Maker's Mark.

W.L. Walker.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Maker’s Mark in a pinch if you can only afford the cheap stuff, but how can you beat handmade, straight from the barrel, uncut, unfiltered?

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Terence:

To put it another way, your writing is both good and original.

...

I challenge you to a game of Combat Mission.

[/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Were you demonstrating a pair in there, somewhere? I thought not. While flattery and a bottle of Sapphire will you get anywhere with me outside the 'Pool, I demand aught but invective within. And verse. And you've displayed neither. Here, I'll dash off a quick ripoff of Houseman to demonstrate:

"Terence, you are stupid stuff:

You eat your victuals fast enough;

There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear,

to see the rate you drink your beer.

But oh, good Peng, verse you don't make,

You piss and moan and belly-ache.

The cow, the old cow, she is dead;

It sleeps well, the horned head:

We poor kaniggets must all now

Hear such whining as killed the cow.

Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme

You fiends to death before your time

Moping melancholy mad:

Come pipe a thoughtful challenge, lad"

There's more, but it's mostly about ale and poetry and we're talking Real Booze this morning. Then there's a good bit at the end about some ssns trying to poison the king with their weak-ass challenges. They end up poisoning themselves, instead, by their:

XIV) Sounding off like they lack a pair and

R.1) Inability to come up with half a brain among them.

And Mithridates? "...he died old"

Now show some venom (with good meter) or go away. Better yet, just go away.

Agua Perdido

[Edited because I hate poetry.]

[ 06-25-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[Agua Perdido]

Dammit, I said double bourbon, not double post.

[ 06-25-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars:

Maker’s Mark in a pinch if you can only afford the cheap stuff, but how can you beat handmade, straight from the barrel, uncut, unfiltered?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That was alluded to.

And just like any other idjit SSN hereabouts recently, you missed it. As you are not even a Squire, please do not attempt to respond to this "Informational Only" post... move along....

[Lars]

Iskander, if you care to put your rye-soaked troops up against mine, send a setup. We’ll see who cares about returning files the least.

Whoops, I just poured another, I win already.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mixers are for those poor forlorn half-life's who can't seem to get a date

no matter how hard they try, so they concoct events where you can get a whole slew of misfits together and see how well they, well, mis-fit.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Or, as a wise man once said, "If it's good enough to drink, it's too good to dilute."

Joe

[MrPeng]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrHappy:

By God! I am THIRSTY!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

MrHappy, you insufferable, soft drink swilling, emoticon loving piece of filth. You haven't had a strong drink since that sloe-gin fizz right before the sock-hop your junior year in high school. The one that made you dance till you puked. Literally.

Shut your effing face you uncle effer before I walk down the hall and jam your smiling face in the goddam loo and flush. You have no right to be here, no right to post, and absolutely no stinking right to chim into an adult discussion about things of which little sissy grrrls like you have no concept.

Shut up and go away a lot now.

MrIV.

An excellent little essay, but MrHappy seems to have expressed my thoughts prior to me. The bastard. I sure am thirsty, and unfortunately my place of employ frowns on bourbon and/or gin at lunch time, or I would have dipped into the nectar to which Icky alluded earlier.

I have only 3.5 hours to wait though, so, until then...

Peng - Dry.

[jshandorf]

Ahhh... Tis so nice to know I can still get under Slapmonkey's skin...

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=019864&p=2

I even got the *sniff* grow up line. *sniff* I'm just so proud of myself...

Jeff

[ 06-25-2001: Message edited by: jshandorf ]

[Iskander]

Looks like Father Peng is going all Phillies on us again... another drink, Sibyl?

[Lawyer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrHappy:

By God! I am THIRSTY!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Golly, MrHappy, we sure have missed you around here. Things were so... so... so unhappy for a while.

What have you been up to?

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars:

God’s gift to mankind is Bourbon.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Heathen! On the sixth day, God created whiskey (in Scotland)... since then, man has been trying to imitate it elsewhere in the world... and failing horribly.

Bourbon is corn syrup with alcohol added... a teenager drink if there ever was one