Sixxkiller Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 But it wasnt a bunny, it was the Cadburry Egg. The Cadburry Egg while not only edible is also know to be part of the 5 stuffings in the Atomic bomb. Ask Jackie Chan, he is Japanese, they invented disco. Steiner sure isnt very good at identifying his targets but we shall give him a battlefield promotion anyway. Oberleutnant Steiner, you are now to report to 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StellarRat Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Ober Furher Gundalf ... who had arrived precisely when he meant to, at dawn of the third day, with a company of Tiger tanks. He surveyed the battlefield for a moment from the ridge noting that his countrymen were about to be overrun. Turning to Lt. Elsweir he issued his first order... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vark Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Steiner, shouldered his MP-40 and trudged off toward the Tigers. He turned toward the sergeant and said, sadly. "Just my luck, working with the shell magnets". The sergeant watched him plod away in his rolling gait, a legacy of having been a drunk for so long and sighed. Christ, the game must be up if we are having to recruit old codgers to command Tigers. Then again Von Carrion was known for wearing a fake beard during combat, though he'd never heard of him donning a wizards hat. Come to think of it who the hell were those little people sitting on the turret? Sighing again, he scooped up one of the large fragments of chocolate, that littered the landscape and thoughtfully took a bite. Behind him the PAK crew seemed to have broken into an argument. With this rabble we are meant to stop the Bolshevik hordes, scheisse! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Atop a nearby hill Colonel Vladimir Mickal Rockyasoxoff watched through Kalinka 8x40 field glasses. A wry smile crept across his lips as he noted with satisfaction one of the PAK crew cast down his coal scuttle helmet and stalk away from the gun to stand behind a nearby tree, arms crossed. The mood of the Gun Commander was all to evident as he crashed a jackbooted heel to the ground and snapped a pointed finger at the half track partly concealed in the gully behind the gun. In response, two of the crew, amid much head shaking and rude gestures towards the tree, walked slowly towards it dragging their feet and clambered in to sit in the back. The arrival of the Tiger Company had been cause for great concern, concern which dissipated as the crews dismounted and setup "11's ies" on the grass before the tanks. The folly of this move was only now becoming apparent as the first of the diminutive Panzer Truppen crashed to the ground upon his third unsuccessful attempt to remount the leviathan, whist his Kamraden cast about looking for a ladder or orange crate. Vladimir lowered his glasses and pausing only to shove a floppy ear back under his helmet, shot his best "bluesteel" towards Major Svetlana Vatabitch. Svetlana turned eagerly towards Vladimir, her 17 stone frame locked in mortal combat with the seams of the two sizes too small rabbit costume, "Da Comrade Colonel ?" she asked expectantly, her voice as smooth as a T34 gearbox imbibed with a handful of gravel. Vlad eyed her silently, wondering quizzically and not for the first time how it was even remotely possible she had garnered the stage name "Destiny" in her pre-war job on the Hamburg Reeperbahn. Saying nothing he raised his hand, all eyes of the the assembled assault troops in the field behind him snapped towards him amid a flurry of floppy ears, fluffy tails and blunt PPSh submachine guns. Pausing for dramatic effect he crashed his hand down in a flat palm point towards the emplaced PAK gun, the crew of which was now evenly dived between the half track and the tree, thus setting in motion the plush clad vanguard of Operation Kinder Surprise 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vark Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 "What the hell are those?". The Sergeant said aloud, his mouth remaining open after speaking. Schiesse, they must have upped the quantity of menthol in the cigs! The heavy machine gun team, to his right, seemed paralysed by the sight of hundreds of bunnies hopping toward them, bunnies clutching guns. The Sergeant pounded to their dug out, to give a metaphorical, and if needed literal, boot up the backside, but as he approached and heard them his heart sank. Ah, arn't they cute, lovely fluffy bunnies, do we have any lettuce?" Oh, squealed another voice, "do you think we could feed them?" "We have to make sure that we don't scare them" "Are you out of your ****in minds?" Bellowed the Sergeant, fire the damn gun, they're Reds!" His tirade was greeted by blank incomprehension by the crew, their faces plastered with the same sickly smile. "I think the nasty man wants us to shoot the bunnies" "They're ****in Bolsheviks" "What a nasty man" Feeling he was slowly slipping into the bottomless maw of insanity, the Sergeant decided a slow elucidation might rescue the situation. "They are not bunnies, they are Soviet soldiers dressed as bunnies, the Soviets are our enemy and we try to kill them when we have the opportunity". "Do you think we might be able to take one home?" At this suggestion the crews broke into squeals of excitement, squeals which rapidly changed into squeals of shock and pain as the Sergeants MP-40 spat out 9mm parabellum rounds, emptying the magazine in three shattering seconds. Surveying the torn bodies through a thin veil of cordite smoke the Sergeant smiled grimly and jumped into the gun pit. "Now lets feed these rabbits!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Vlad sprinted down the forward slope of the hill as the lead assault troops "hippety hopped" towards the first line of the Fascist trenches. He spied the tableaux being played out in the HMG bunker and as the crazed Nazi gunned down the mesmerised crew he turned abruptly towards the ISU-152 Assault Gun on his left. He doubled his speed, partly in an attempt to beat the Nazi to the trigger but mainly because he could hear the steam train puffing and wheezing of Major Vatabitch close on his heels and doubted her ability to stop. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lt Belenko Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Mean while Sgt Kelly was drinking with an old German Major trying to scheme about a great bank robbery. At some point in the conversation he asked the Major "Do you feel lucky punk?" As the plans were being finalized the the supply sargent was heard to say, "Hey hockey puck, can you carry the machine gun for me?" Kelly's tactical adviser, Telly reluctantly agreed to the plan provided an ample supply of tootsie pops were available. As the rag tag platoon approached the bank the song "Who Let the Dogs Out" was playing on the M4 loud speaker. The tank commander could be heard saying "woof woof" in sync with the music, while knowing his son had 24 hours to save the planet. When the caper was over General Colt would Bunker down in to a nasty old arm chair expressing all the bigoted beliefs in the world. The tank driver put on a Nazi uniform changed his name to Baron Von Stuebing and used his gold to buy a cruise ship. Not actually a cruise ship more like a Love Boat 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vark Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Suddenly, with a shattering roar the ISU-152 lurched backwards, and Vlad found himself engulfed in a thick cloud of diesel smoke, belched from the steel leviathans exhausts. Blinded and half suffocated by the cloying grey cloud, his curses drowned by the bellowing engine, he had dived and rolled to the left, praying he'd made the right decision. The huge track plates and plate size wheels that brushed his nose, seconds later told him he had. Alas, Vatabitch had not. Seeing the reversing assault gun coming toward her she'd seen it less as a threat and more of a challenge. With one athletic leap, she heaved her corpulent mass onto the shuddering engine deck and ran towards the half open commanders hatch....Well, that had been her plan, in reality she ran towards the vehicle making feeble attempts to hop. As one horrified survivor recalled. "It looked rather like a baby bird learning to fly....well, a rather big baby bird, to be honest." The two met with a sickening, apple thrown in the mud, squelch and for a second the ISU-152 seemingly was halted, then the combined effects of 47 tons of steel, moved by 520 HP of engine, triumphed. "What the ****!" Shouted Peytri Disch, the assault gun commander. I didn't see any bloody cows behind us!" What a ****ty day, Peytri reflected, in his half dazed state, ticking of the list of misfortunes with his grimy fingers. He'd spent all day trying to fix the massive bunny ears to the roof of the fighting compartment, only for them to be torn off by a low hanging tree, whilst they left the assembly area. The four tins of pink paint, he'd bizarrely been instructed to paint his ISU with, had only turned out to be two; with the result his beloved "Crusher of evil fascist, capitalist running dogs" looked like it was suffering from VD. The, "don't worry the Germans have lightly defended this sector and our elite 23rd Bunny Guards will have them peeing in their pants", briefing turning out to be a little inaccurate. As soon as they had rolled across the start line, they had had to stop and clear the periscopes of chocolate viscera, the caramel intestines being especially tenacious, and it had just deteriorated from then on. The reason for the exploding bunny soon became obvious as they crested the gentle rise ahead, a bloody PAK gun and not just a run of the mill 7.5cm AT gun this was an eighty-eight PAK, with its barrel pointed straight towards them! Pooty, their driver, had shifted into reverse so quickly he'd dislocated his wrist but they were still alive, and safe, behind the ridge. Then they had hit a cow! Peytri, sighed, he'd have to see if the cow was still alive. Fearing more exploding bunnies he cautiously pushed up the hatch and peered backwards. "Satans bollocks!" It would take hours to clear the tracks of that mess. Absently flicking some gobbets of pale yellow fat from the hatch rim he dimly heard shouting, to his front. Slowly turning, he saw an angry Bunny hopping toward him, its crushed and torn ears limply flopping at each angry bounce. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Wong Tu Buklmyshu, recently arrived from the Siberian Far East, watched the apoplectic bunny's approach through his periscope in the casemate of the ISU and unable to control himself any further, bust into fits of laughter. "What?" called the loader who then scrambled for a turn at the 'scope. Peytri heard the scuffle and raucous laughter from below and began to scheme of endless rows of latrines to be dug and filled that he would inflict upon his crew. Swinging a foot he managed to connect with a head and the laughter at least became more subdued. "Da Comrade Colonel ?" he called, trying to sound cheery and nonchalant. "GET THIS OVERSIZED MOBILE WH**** HO**** MOVING FORWARD AND TAKE DOWN THAT HMG BEFORE IS KILLS US ALL !!!! " Colonel bunny screamed, despite the rage the edge was taken off by the flopping ears and half torn off cotton tail. "But the 88 comrade colonel?" pleaded Peytri "THE CREW IS .......... THE GUN IS UNMANNED" Vlad bellowed "Very well Comrade Colonel" Peytri turned to give his orders to the crew muttering "Job tuv**** m**" "WHAT WAS THAT !!!" "Nothing Comrade Colonel, just ordering the crew forward" "Oh, and Disch ? " Vlad said, his voice now low and foreboding "I suggest that you and your crew of miscreants press your attack with sufficient zeal, given that you have just backed over the Battalion Commissar and all that" Peytri glanced at the goo behind the ISU, gulped but said nothing and dropped back into the hull were he took great delight in smashing his fist into the face of the still chortling loader. "Prepare to move forward, time to shake your Pooty" all but the driver roared with laughter, some jokes just never get old. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flammenwerfer Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 The story will not work without the Brit module. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 no it's fine, it is designed from the ground up as a stand alone 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flammenwerfer Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 You are right. But the audience will be less restless with it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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