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Can A German Find Happiness Without the Peng Challenge?

Lars

By Lars
in Combat Mission Shock Force 1

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ozi_digger Senior Member

ozi_digger

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Black Macey:

Arrrrr, dun you be confusin the likes of me sel', or it's a bi' of walkin' tha plank' for yeh!

tho, are yeh a member of Captain Peng's fine crew, or are yeh a scurvey stow-a-way?

*glares*

Oh what a short memory that rum-induced mind of yours has. I'm your pet dammit. Hmm, does that make my current incarnation a parrot? I think I'll enjoy sitting on yer shoulder and soiling these poofy leotards you're wearing...
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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

Posted
Posted

Goddamn it. There's someone wandering around outside in the side-yard again; I can hear them through the open window next to the computer desk...

It fills me with rage. I know it's probably just one of the neighbours, but I don't like people being able to approach me that closely without permission. I keep telling myself that it would be 'wrong' to go get the 12 gauge and pump 6 shots through the screen, but another part is offering the very helpful advice: "No, it would be wrong to go get the composite bow. You couldn't hit ****e with the bow in the dark, because it is an aimed weapon, and, moreover, the window screen would probably seriously impact the flight of the arrow, even if you use a target point, as opposed to a broadhead. Even using #6 gameshot, you'd do serious execution to everything within a 120 degree spread, and the screen wouldn't have any impact on that at all. Especially after the third shot or so..."

It's damn hard when the voices in your head or so helpful in an unhelpful way...

But that's not what I came to talk to you about. No, what I came to talk to you about tonight is—

Seanachai: GODDAMNIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE? I CAN HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW! HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT STEEL SHOT, YOU MEANDERING PILLOCK?!

Voice: Steve?

Seanachai: Umm...yeah? Steve? my landlord is also named Steve

Steve: Everything okay?

Seanachai: No worries!

Steve: It's just that you just threatened to shoot me.

Seanachai: Well, you know. Ever since my car was stolen last Spring, I've been a bit tense about people wandering around outside. What are you doing out there?

Steve: I'm walking my dog.

Seanachai: Sonny? I like Sonny. He's a very nice dog.

Steve: Uh-huh. You threatened to shoot me last weekend, too.

Seanachai: Well, couldn't you walk him in the front yard? or the alley? I mean, I'm hardly likely to shoot you if I don't know you're out there, now am I?

Steve: You told me last weekend that you didn't even really have a shotgun. What was that noise?

Seanachai: I was just ejecting a...a DVD. From the computer.

Steve: I used to go duck hunting with my dad. You have a pump-action DVD player?

Seanachai: It's an installed 'sound effect' mod. Whenever I open up the DVD player, it makes the sound of a pump shotgun. Very hip!

Steve: Look, I think we need to —

Seanachai: Whoa, look at the time! I need to call Boo Radley!

Steve: What?

Seanachai: Boo Radley! My large and thuggish henchman!

Steve: From 'To Kill a Mockingbird'?

Seanachai: No, the other one!

Steve: You're not going to shoot any of the neighbours, are you?

Seanachai: Don't be ridiculous! They're wonderful people! At least since that idjit across the hall from me moved out. He was a pillock. I'd have shot him in a heartb— that is, no! Besides, one of them is a woman, and the other two are almost completely insane. It's not good luck to shoot people like that.

Steve: We need to talk.

Seanachai: Sorry! The phone is ringing! Gotta go! Love to Sonny the dog!

Steve: I didn't hear a phone?

Seanachai: It's an installed mod! Sounds like an open window being slammed shut! There it is again!

So, as I was saying...

I think I've become 'redundant' to the needs of this Thread. After all, I see that Peng has posted several times, lately, but there's no turn in my inbox from him.

...

That may not have been my point. Believe me, I had a point when I came in here. Goddamn neighbours.

I shall now go away to contemplate the inevitability of weirdness.

But when I come back, you bastards had better have an answer for me.

Right? I think I may be confused...

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dalem Senior Member

dalem

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Boo Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by dalem:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by dalem:

Mmmmm, rum...

I hear Lagavulin goes really, really well with rum. Maybe with a dash of Coke, too. </font>
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dalem Senior Member

dalem

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by michael_wittman44:

They are trying to give it the almost universial name of football.

Wow.

Screen name is borrowed from a dead, overblown German tanker. Appended with a "44" just in case the WWII theme wasn't clear.

Then some babblage in its sigline about a Tiger tank, no doubt one of the overengineered hunks of wreckage that the Nazi "tank ace" himself put-putted around some battlefield or other at some time.

I have decided to hate this one.

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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by dalem:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by michael_wittman44:

They are trying to give it the almost universial name of football.

Wow.

Screen name is borrowed from a dead, overblown German tanker. Appended with a "44" just in case the WWII theme wasn't clear.

Then some babblage in its sigline about a Tiger tank, no doubt one of the overengineered hunks of wreckage that the Nazi "tank ace" himself put-putted around some battlefield or other at some time.

I have decided to hate this one. </font>

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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

Posted
Posted

Well I'll be goddamned. Yes, yes, we all know I will be, it was just an expression.

I actually googled to find a line. But I encountered...the Past. Here's something I wrote...hell, like five years ago!

posted 07-24-2000 02:48 AM               

Let it be noted that on July 24th, the Army of Peng (at least those portions which had not defected to Berli some time ago), surrendered to my triumphant Canadians.

Peng had been defending a ridge line with a few scattered structures on it. His and my forces both had been generated by the computer, which had given him a slightly odd defending force. He, as the German, confronted me with several (3-4) HTs, 2 StuG IIIs, 3 81mm mortar HTs, 3 HMGs, a Pak 50mm, and some various other miscellaneous units. I had a Canadian Rifle Company, 4 machinegun carriers, 2 Humber scout cars, a Churchill VII, a White's Scout car, an M3 HT, a 4.2cm mortar FO, a Vickers MG team, and I think an extra Piat and 2 in. Mortar team.

Peng had done well, and had, by turn 7, knocked out a couple of the MGCs, the M3, the White's Scout car, one of the Humbers and had messed about one of my platoons of infantry. I, in turn, had knocked out 2 of the Mortar Carrier HTs (with 2in.mortar fire), the 50mm Pak, and had steadily advanced to control one of two minor Victory Flags, and was threatening the major victory location. Peng, worried to the point of madness by the ponderous, but steady, advance of my Churchill up the left flank, and having realized it had finally reached a position to start handing out some serious unhappiness, made his move in turn 8.

Perhaps the stress of waiting had unhinged him. Perhaps the cruel defeats Berli had visited upon him had worn away all hope and optimism. Perhaps even my savage tauntings had filled him with despair. Perhaps, in the end, the vision of all those maimed and dying smilies was more than his soul could bear. We may never know what decided him, what demons drove his next actions. What we do know is that he decided to rush my Churchill with his 2 StuG IIIs, which were ahead and to either side behind buildings, and try for flank shots.

Rushing a fast-turret tank with assault guns...

As the final turn began, a 251/1 HT that Peng had run across in front of my Churchill (whether as some sort of blood sacrifice to propitiate evil gods, or to distract me, I cannot say) went up in flames as the Churchill put a round into it. As the 2 StuG IIIs advanced at the lope, my Churchill spun turret to put an AP round into the one to the right, which went up in a cataclysmic explosion. No crew popped the hatches on that one. Then the Churchill spun turret left, and nailed the other StuG (four shaken crewman crawled away as that one continued to roll forward a few meters).

After that, the heart seemed to go completely out of Peng. He sent me word of his impending surrender. By the next turn, it was done. Canadian Total Victory. Autumn leaves, swirling down through the hot breeze from Peng's burning assault gun, fell to dapple the fields, covering the blood of Peng's troops.

And so, I have my victory over Peng. But I remember not the victory, but the man. Who bravely took up my challenge, though I was unknown to him. Who taunted me unmercifully, with great malice, and venom, making me proud that English is filled with so many vindictive and vulgar words and usages. And who, in the end, when all hope of survival was gone, surrendered to spare his troops further carnage.

What is victory? A handle of leaves, fading, fading.

However, these leaves are covered with the blood of the Army of Peng, so excuse me while I fashion them into a jaunty war bonnet, pull it on, and do a little dance while singing:

Ya ti puckety,

ring, ting, fatoo

ni ni ni

yaroo!

Bugger. I believe that is the description of my Victory Over Peng in the battle that resulted from my very first 'Challenge to Peng'.

I can't believe that sort of ****e is still out there, and can turn up when you Google something as simple as trying to come up with the 'Ya ti puckety' song from Monty Python...

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dalem Senior Member

dalem

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Seanachai:

I can't believe that sort of ****e is still out there, and can turn up when you Google something as simple as trying to come up with the 'Ya ti puckety' song from Monty Python...

Send me a setup you drunken Warrior of the Future.

The Hercmeister could use a nap.

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Boo Radley Senior Member

Boo Radley

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Seanachai:

And yet, all the posters in this Thread, and pretty much every poster that I like on the Forum, has never titled himself something like: Wittman, or Rommel, or Peiper, or some other even more worthless Nazi feck.

"Peiper"? Don't you mean "Piper" as in Rowdy Roddy Piper?

I was thinking of using that as my screen name, but couldn't decide between that and Bobo Brazil.

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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Boo Radley:

"Peiper"? Don't you mean "Piper" as in Rowdy Roddy Piper?

I was thinking of using that as my screen name, but couldn't decide between that and Bobo Brazil.

The only thing preventing me from kicking you to death is the necessity of actually driving to Ohio...
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Lars Senior Member

Lars

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Posted
Originally posted by Seanachai:

I think I've become 'redundant' to the needs of this Thread. After all, I see that Peng has posted several times, lately, but there's no turn in my inbox from him.

Funny, I'm having the same problem with you.

What about my needs, huh!?!? What about MY needs?!?!

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Boo Radley Senior Member

Boo Radley

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo Radley:

"Peiper"? Don't you mean "Piper" as in Rowdy Roddy Piper?

I was thinking of using that as my screen name, but couldn't decide between that and Bobo Brazil.

The only thing preventing me from kicking you to death is the necessity of actually driving to Ohio... </font>
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rune Senior Member

rune

Posted
Posted

Seanachai

You bleeding half-witted gnome. I Refuse to believe that it was a completed game against Peng. The lad hasn't sent a turn to anyone since Richard Nixon said "I am not a crook". Hell, he is a Soccer Coach among other things! I even bet he gives oranges out at half-time to the girls!

In the meantime, I shall once again taunt you and Berli witht he knowledge I still have alcohol sitting here... the same bottle I mentioned previously. Since you can't remember you name the next day, we will see how good your search skills are.

Oh, and before I go [*smacks Seanachai upside the head with the famed scroll of NDA] I will say that Kwazy has outdone himself once again.

Rune

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Boo Radley Senior Member

Boo Radley

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by rune:

In the meantime, I shall once again taunt you and Berli witht he knowledge I still have alcohol sitting here... the same bottle I mentioned previously.

Rune

You mean to tell me that you've had booze in your house that's lasted over a week?

You are such a light weight.

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