The Peng Challenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold...

[dalem]

Originally posted by PondScum:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by the evil chrisl:

None of your alleged "champions" has shown any sign of freeing you to Peng again.

The difference, in that Shakespearean "no man of woman born" oh-****-here-comes-an-unhappy-ending kind of way, is that I am NO CHAMPION OF PENG (who gets no bolding because he doesn't currently exist). Rather, I am the champion of the fair Persephone. Therefore, and I quote, "I'm French, you die".</font>

[Leeo]

erm, I sent it?

Now you're just encouraging him. On top of that, Gates-Slut has now become a member. We always knew he was a tool, but calling him a member is just a bit too generous.

[Berlichtingen]

One less day in Purgatory for Pondscum

[Michael Dorosh]

Yeah, hi, it's Mike from the outerboard here. Just wondering what on earth is possessing you? There seems to be a lot of seepage from the Cesspool onto the Beloved Outerboard. Like here, for example.

Now really, who am I to judge, and quite frankly I have appreciated the forays of many of you to discipline those who deserve it, including yours truly on occasion. I mean, we all recognize how much Iron Chef needs a good spanking. And the post by The Poster Formerly Known as Peng in The Fire Thread was worth the price of admission (well, I thought the painting I provided was nice too, but I digress...

Basically, I'm here to inquire about ordering a hit. Is that possible? I mean, this Major DooDoo or Major VooDoo, or whoever is blathering on in the Nebelwerfer Thread - I just don't see how he escaped your venom, though after having my eyes cross at the first sign of mathematical equations, I guess it isn't that big a mystery. Anyway, he is over there all alone, drinking and demanding answers.

Basically, I want to know - do you guys take requests?

Well, anyhow, I've said my piece. I just detect the Poolers are getting restless, but you know, we all are. And we all know that you reshaping the entire Outerboard in your own image would be, well, pointless. I mean, Seanachai has been quite vocal in his feelings about the inherent uniqueness of the MBT, so redoing the other inane blatherings of the JasonCs and JonSs and MikeDs and SlapDragons would serve no purpose. I know you love to hate us in the outer world, and no matter how much you hate the rest of us, it has to be comforting to know we hate you just as much, and that while you are hating each other, you can also hate us...together.

Or something.

About that request....

Edited to make sure no hint of a smilie was here to offend...you know who.

[ February 16, 2002, 02:30 AM: Message edited by: Michael Dorosh ]

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Gates-slut:

erm, I sent it?

Ah, er *scrach* *thumble* *thumble*.. okay, yes... well sending turns twice on account of yer alleged Pengs-slip split personality disorder may matter and a general, overriding poetic licence given to lovelorn donkeys on quests who suffer, me repeats, suffer, confusing emails with:

</font>

• no attachments </font>
• me own, unopened turn </font>

Idjit Yeknod

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Michael Dorosh:

Yeah, hi, it's Mike from the outerboard here. Just wondering what on earth is possessing you? There seems to be a lot of seepage from the Cesspool onto the Beloved Outerboard. Like here, for example.

Now really, who am I to judge, and quite frankly I have appreciated the forays of many of you to discipline those who deserve it, including yours truly on occasion. I mean, we all recognize how much Iron Chef needs a good spanking. And the post by The Poster Formerly Known as Peng in The Fire Thread was worth the price of admission (well, I thought the painting I provided was nice too, but I digress...

Basically, I'm here to inquire about ordering a hit. Is that possible? I mean, this Major DooDoo or Major VooDoo, or whoever is blathering on in the Nebelwerfer Thread - I just don't see how he escaped your venom, though after having my eyes cross at the first sign of mathematical equations, I guess it isn't that big a mystery. Anyway, he is over there all alone, drinking and demanding answers.

Basically, I want to know - do you guys take requests?

Well, anyhow, I've said my piece. I just detect the Poolers are getting restless, but you know, we all are. And we all know that you reshaping the entire Outerboard in your own image would be, well, pointless. I mean, Seanachai has been quite vocal in his feelings about the inherent uniqueness of the MBT, so redoing the other inane blatherings of the JasonCs and JonSs and MikeDs and SlapDragons would serve no purpose. I know you love to hate us in the outer world, and no matter how much you hate the rest of us, it has to be comforting to know we hate you just as much, and that while you are hating each other, you can also hate us...together.

Or something.

About that request....

Edited to make sure no hint of a smilie was here to offend...you know who.

Oh, his he... er, attractive? I mean, single... in season... I'll wonder over.

Idjit Yeknod

[Noba]

----------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, his he... er, attractive? I mean, single... in season... I'll wonder over.

Idjit Yeknod.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I believe he is Canadian...pretty exotic !

Noba.

[CMplayer]

Originally posted by Michael Dorosh:

I'm here to inquire about ordering a hit. Is that possible?

Can you pay?

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by CMplayer:

Can you pay?

Twit! We do not accept payment for a worthy cause. Now see if you can follow Yakup's example... he did quite well for a squire of OGSF

[Croda]

Originally posted by Michael Dorosh:

Basically, I want to know - do you guys take requests?

Well, in a word: No.

But, for you: Hell No.

Seeing as the quality of the outer board is at stake though, it may be time for a collective Penging™ of the Outer-Boardians.

[Joe Shaw]

Michael, Michael, Michael ... may I call you Michael? The LAST thing we need is to antagonize some of the less well tightened outerboarders in their natural habitat, i.e. the outerboard.

We tend to leave well enough alone for the most part and, trust me, Major Owie is well enough ALONE and NOT here. The Tin Pot Cook came here first in an attempt to ... be somebody I suppose. Failing in that attempt he next decided to be a grog but opted out of all that messy and time consuming research and stuff and went straight to inventing his OWN facts.

The problem, you see, is that many of these clowns look at the MBT, shudder, place a hankie held delicately 'tween thumb and forefinger over nose and depart. THIS IS A GOOD THING, Michael. We grow weary of putting SSNs in their place ... the outerboard if I haven't made that clear.

And, to be perfectly honest, the Hi Fi/Stereophonic Mortar Thread gives me a headache. What IS the purpose of the thread anyway? It seems that someone is arguing for some kind of sound location/distance thingie? I can see Steve and Charles staying up nights working on THAT one.

In short, he's all yours Michael, best of luck, don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.

Joe

[**YK2**]

Oh, his he... er, attractive? I mean, single... in season... I'll wonder over.

Idjit Yeknod

*Cough*

*Ahem*

Are you hiding something in that closet of yours YEKNOD ?

[Noba]

Michael, a quick poll of the pool uncovers {shudder} the following.

Those in favour - Croda

Those not in favour - everyone else. Quite conclusive.

(Mind you, the headless Gnome has been known to do the trolling around for most of the pool. I think he lists it as a fetish on his resume... a bit like a hobby for him really.

Put that with his animal fetish and it's a potent mix.

Noba.

[Noba]

Originally posted by YK2.....

*Cough*

*Ahem*

Are you hiding something in that closet of yours YEKNOD ?

Only the various bits of Seanachai that are not fully abused, me thinks.

Of course, rumour has it that various..TOYS are to be found hidden away cleverly in the thistle patches that adorn his paddock. And probably a spare set of goolies recovered from a vetinary practise on his last visit to town....

Noba.

[Michael Dorosh]

Precisely the sort of response I anticipated; unfortunately my mother tired of fighting my battles for me long ago and so I only thought it natural to suck on the dilapidated teats of human degradation that is commonly known as theMBT.

I shall leave you in peace, as I promised lo those many months ago, and as a parting gift to the great Joe Shaw, whom I will henceforth refer to in public as Joe Shaw I will indeed let the door hit me in the ass on the way out - because your abnormally high sense of schadenfreude is obviously more deep seated than your sense of fair play.

My deepest thanks, not for your simple consideration/misreading of the matter but for your obvious obvliousness to the needs of the Outerboard. We still hate you and tire of your presence, and this was a very nice/putrid reminder of that. In the end we all benefited. To our great chagrin.

When you get all jealous at us for hating Major KooKoo even more than we hate you - you will regret long and hard not helping us to hate him. And you will hate the fact that an Outerboarder was right.

I gladly leave you to return to pouring your long-soured milk of human kindness into the Cesspool, and the dubious task of forcing the solid chunks down the drain of intellectualism with a fork.

[**YK2**]

Originally posted by Noba:

Only the various bits of Seanachai that are not fully abused, me thinks.

Of course, rumour has it that various..TOYS are to be found hidden away cleverly in the thistle patches that adorn his paddock. And probably a spare set of goolies recovered from a vetinary practise on his last visit to town....

Noba.

Hey YEKNOD you said that without moving your lips......

[dalem]

Michael-

MajorDooDoo just doesn't strike the same chord as Mister Iron Chef. Ferrous is caustic, loud, and unignorable.

MDD is... is... kinda silly.

Oh, I guess if he were to come in here with his harrumphing and foot tapping and the like we'd spin him so fast his toupee would fly off, but you Outerboarders will have to come up with your own remedy. Coming in here was a step in right direction though. You'll figure something out.

[Sledge59]

Michael,

Give the guy enough rope and he will hang himself. Always remember that trolls feed on attention (particularly if it's negative), so use the [ignore] switch and carry on your conversation as if he isn't there. I understand that you've got a sore spot after those utterly tasteless polls. I'd wager that he's been on this board under some other name before and has been banned. He doesn't deserve attention in any case.

[Hakko Ichiu]

Dorosh, old thing, you seem to have a slightly skewed view of the 'Pool, its reason for existence, and the nature of its denizens. I'll spare you the illustrated diagrams and just point out that those of us who on occasion forsake the fragrant balm of the MBT to venture into the crepuscular, not to say crapulous, waste known as the Outer Board treat it as the cheap hotel that it is and check our baggage at the door. Which is to say we maintain an appropriately schizophrenic separation between 'Pool life and Outer Board life.

Now on occasion one or another excrescence will, like some nefarious virus, penetrate the membranes that protect the 'Pool from the various ills of Outside. So it was with Tetsujin Sakai, and look where it got him. More to the point, look where it got us. Do you see any recent traces of Sakai in the 'Pool? No, I thought not.

Even more infrequently, one or another of the Kniggets, Olde Ones, Squires et al. will venture forth to lay a rhetorical smack down on some worthwhile target in the Beyond. It's a sort of prophylaxis, rather like what the Israelis did at Osirak in 1981. It happens, but don't stand around like Joshua waiting for the Sun to stop.

In other words, Dorosh me lad, you're on your own. Unless, of course, BooBoo gets up the nose of one of us in our Outer Board incarnations. Meanwhile, let me leave you with a piece of wisdom from that great philosopher, Bruce Lee:

He who does not know and knows he does not know is ignorant: teach him.

He who knows but does not know he knows is blind: enlighten him.

He who knows and knows he knows is wise: follow him

He who does not know and does not know he does not know is a fool: shun him.

Or somefink.

[Lawyer]

Originally posted by Michael Dorosh:

We still hate you and tire of your presence, and this was a very nice/putrid reminder of that.

Kinda like coming back to KFC, eh Michael? During a long absence you conjure up images of fresh, hot, tasty, crispy fried chicken. And so you forget your past disappointing experiences and try KFC again. Then you get the same old greasy, cold, heavy drumstick, accompanied by tasteless white potato paste with gooey brown gravy. And then you remember why you swore never to come back again.

Like the inevitable return visit to KFC despite your prior experiences, you will return again to the MBT. You can't help yourself, really. And when you come back, you will remember once more why you swore never to come here again.

As the door smacks yer festering Canuckian butt on the way out, why not take Yeknod out for a walk. He's been annoying the residents with his ceaseless braying again.

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Noba:

Originally posted by YK2.....

*Cough*

*Ahem*

Are you hiding something in that closet of yours YEKNOD ?

Only the various bits of Seanachai that are not fully abused, me thinks.

Of course, rumour has it that various..TOYS are to be found hidden away cleverly in the thistle patches that adorn his paddock. And probably a spare set of goolies recovered from a vetinary practise on his last visit to town....

Noba.

Dear YK2

Hiding, Me Lady, in me closet? Oh, no me Me Lady, no, no.. me closets are open to yer 24x7x365. Nothing to hide and just enough room for a trussed Nobbit.

Idjit Yeknod

[ February 16, 2002, 12:31 PM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[Sledge59]

Hakko Ichiu wrote:

...let me leave you with a piece of wisdom from that great philosopher, Bruce Lee:

He who does not know and knows he does not know is ignorant: teach him.

He who knows but does not know he knows is blind: enlighten him.

He who knows and knows he knows is wise: follow him

He who does not know and does not know he does not know is a fool: shun him.

Or somefink.

Is it philosophy day?

The softest thing in the universe

Overcomes the hardest thing in the universe.

That without substance can enter where there is no room.

Hence, I know the value of non-action.

Teaching without words and work without doing

Are understood by very few.

--The Tao Te Ching

[Michael Dorosh]

Originally posted by Lawyer:

Kinda like coming back to KFC, eh Michael? During a long absence you conjure up images of fresh, hot, tasty, crispy fried chicken. And so you forget your past disappointing experiences and try KFC again. Then you get the same old greasy, cold, heavy drumstick, accompanied by tasteless white potato paste with gooey brown gravy. And then you remember why you swore never to come back again.

More like A and W actually; you long for their ice cold root beer, Teen Burger and Onion Rings, and when you finally go in to be assualted by the sight of 13 years old girls in brown denim uniforms, and swallow down about 2 pounds of pure lard, and taste it for the rest of the day, you know you've made a mistake - but you are right, you find yourself back in line two weeks later quivering with anticipation at hoisting one of those frosty glass mugs and wondering how they get away with using tin foil wrappers in this day and age.

I'm really leaving, but since I'm here, I'll tell dalem to send me a setup. The door landed quite heavily on my behind as I attempted to leave and I will be laid up for the next few days while it mends. (Family Day in Alberta, don't you know, only state or province in North America to have a stat holiday in February...woohoo!)

(Oh, incidentally, KFC in Canada doesn't serve mashed potatoes. All we have are French Fries up here - no kidding. That blew me away when I was in the States as a kid. Mashed potatoes at a fast food place? The Gods must be crazy.)

And to return the favour - you are on your own with Yek-whatever!

[ February 16, 2002, 12:32 PM: Message edited by: Michael Dorosh ]

[Joe Shaw]

As the door smacks yer festering Canuckian butt on the way out, why not take Yeknod out for a walk. He's been annoying the residents with his ceaseless braying again.

Quite right too Lawyer. I can only assume that OGSF, using what passes among the Scots for humor, finds his unutterably witty. We just find him unutterable. Witness his latest:

Dear YK2

Hiding, Me Lady, in me closet? Oh, no me Me Lady, no, no.. me closets are open to yer 24x7x365 for a full rummage... er, oh, aha... all buried Me Lady, I remember now, burried during a spot of canine phobia treatment... "woof"..., there I go again. Rest assured Me Lady, there is nothing to interest Hanns in me draws... cupboard draws.

Me Lady, excuse me while I *boot* kick the Nobbit *boot*

It's almost Pawbroonish isn't it ... I mean without the Pawbroon charm. I wonder what he was trying to say? Amazing what a few weeks without meds will do isn't it.

Joe

[dalem]

Originally posted by Michael Dorosh:

I'm really leaving, but since I'm here, I'll tell dalem to send me a setup.

Ahh, accepted! I will carry the torch of the honor of the strength of the heart of the Pool high and sally forth to do battle and, you know... do stuff.