The Peng Challenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold...

[Seanachai]

Now then, quick note:

The title of this Thread comes to us by way of Peng in Exile. It is his choice, posted here by myself while his identity is held in durance vile by the rogue, Chrisl

That said, on to the reading of the Rules:

Now, it has been brought to our attention that some individuals, perhaps even whole cultures, find the term 'Sod Off' offensive. We here in the Peng Challenge Thread are sensitive to the issues of others, no matter how half-witted we find them.

So, let me invite all new arrivals here to Bugger Off immediately.

That said, and you are still here, which you should not be, then please be aware that we don't give a rip about your needs, wants, preferences, nor, in fact, anything at all you might have to say about pretty much everything. You count for nothing with us.

If your ego is easily bruised, or you're used to having people as mentally challenged as yourself hang on your every word, then this is not the place for you. Be a good lad, bugger off, and we'll forget you came in.

Sigh. If you're still reading this, then you think you probably belong here. You're quite wrong.

However, on the off chance that you don't turn out to be a useless little wanker, read now the Three Major Rules:

You are here to taunt, challenge, and seek a game with another individual (any that will have a game with a useless little Peng Challenge wannabe like yourself). Do not challenge us all, or post 'general' challenges to the lads, as this will most clearly mark you as a fool.

You are not here to ponce about like some benighted Oliver Twist, wringing your cap in your hand, and saying 'Oh, please, sir, may I have a game?' Sound off, as they say, like you have a pair. We don't care what you have a pair of, we simply want them to be present in your challenge.

We are most assuredly not interested in you coming in here and dropping trou and sounding off about your pair. Save that for your buddies down at the boozer. The same expectations regarding language and personal attacks based on such things as race, etc. are in force here, as they are on the Outer Boards, though perhaps in a more whimsical fashion.

Now, those three out of the way, keep in mind that everyone likes a good sing-song, we're all here to have fun at each other's expense, and that playing Combat Mission is the only thing keeping most of us out of detox.

Also, do not bother the Ladies of the 'Pool, or even weasels won't piss on your grave.

[ February 11, 2002, 02:10 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Moriarty]

sayeth Lizard boy-o

The swine is currently being baited into a rematch.

Baited? Balderdash. I'll take you on any day, any time, any side, any conditions, bucko.

[ February 11, 2002, 02:13 AM: Message edited by: Moriarty ]

[Sledge59]

Seanachai revealed:

...that is not, in fact, a picture of himself that Persephone has been pointed to.

For shame, ChrisL. For shame.

[chrisl]

Originally posted by Sledge59:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Seanachai revealed:

...that is not, in fact, a picture of himself that Persephone has been pointed to.

For shame, ChrisL. For shame.</font>

[Seanachai]

Oh, and to save any trouble for our own Justicar, who is a close, personal enemy of mine, I will augment the general rules by pointing out a few auxillary, as it were, maxims.

No one owes you a game. If you challenge long time members of significant standing (by local standards, which are the only ones that truly matter), then you'd better hope you post a good, intriguing, humourous, and stimulating taunt. Otherwise, even our spittle will be judged as more than you deserve, and you'll probably be spat on by someone's Squire.

Those who strut in here possessed of incomplete profiles, with no email address (pretty much essential info, if you truly want to Challenge someone, don't you think?), or personal info, are, well, regarded with quite righteous suspicion and disdain by everyone.

YOU CAME HERE FOR A GAME, DIDN'T YOU?! YOU CAME HERE TO TAUNT, FLAUNT, AND CHALLENGE OUR LITTLE COMMUNITY IN THE HOPES OF BEING ACCEPTED, DID YOU NOT, YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN?! WHAT?! YOU JUST CAME IN HERE TO POST LIKE A SODDING PILLOCK? BUGGER OFF!

Most folk here, you see, have no use for anyone who doesn't wish to be a part of the community. It may be a nasty little community, but we love it. So go and fill in your profile.

Finally, the lads and lasses of the Peng Challenge Thread have, to date, heard more Challenges, Taunts, Insults, Hurled Abuse, Personal Belittlements, and general ****e than your Fairy Godmother has seen fit to grace your muddy little dreams with. If you can't come up with something amusing and well done, please reconsider our offer to Bugger Off. Or, if you're not culturally or personally offended, then, at your choice, you may Sod Off. It's quite up to you.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Croda on the MBT:

...actually putting up a good fight. He has dismantled 2 of my cheap roving American sardine cans, and actually routed some infantry. 105VT will end that, however.

Followed shortly on the outerboards by:

Tell whoever's in charge of that battery of 105s that he needs to check his fire!! One piece is consistently dropping short and leveled a couple of squads in my staging area when a round of VT landed short.

There's nothing like a good dose of schadenfraude to start the day. That, and watching one of Darth Berli's tank crews bail out because they threw a track. Awww, poor diddums. Was nasty boggy ground mean to you?

[Editted to make sure my spelling annoys Germanboy]

[ February 11, 2002, 03:43 AM: Message edited by: PondScum ]

[mensch]

Tossers

[Mace]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Also, do not bother the Ladies of the 'Pool, or even weasels won't piss on your grave.

Yah, but if they do it'll be the fluffy sheep costume for them.

Mark my words!

Mace

[Croda]

Scum

I suppose you think you're clever.

A regular John (uhh, Sherlock) Holmes.

If I weren't already engaged in mortal strife with you, I'd challenge you until your ears bled and you ran away screaming, seeking the shelter of your mommy's apron.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Croda:

A regular John (uhh, Sherlock) Holmes.

Hey, no peeking! Bad man. BAD MAN.

If I weren't already engaged in mortal strife with you, I'd challenge you until your ears bled and you ran away screaming, seeking the shelter of your mommy's apron.

We're already engaged in mortal strife? That's news to me. Let's see, of the cesspooligans I'm playing you can't be the Nobbit, because he's on holiday, and you can't be Berli, because you're not evil enough, and you can't be Sludge59, because you talk too much. Oh dear. That means you're Abn_Ringer87. In which case you owe me a feckin' turn. Or a setup (remember: I'm French, you die).

PS I'm way ahead of you on the bleeding-from-the-ears bit. Please keep up.

[sSN's don't get no steenkin' boldin']

[ February 11, 2002, 08:16 AM: Message edited by: PondScum ]

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Croda, shut your pie hole, you filthy cockroach. You’ve been scuttling in the cupboards and munching on Fruit Loops for too long. I have a shoe with your name on it, boy. Nothing short of your guts strewn all over the kitchen cabinets would make me a happy Hiram. Well, maybe that or both you and Bauhas being gang raped by hemophiliac lesbian heroin addicts in a field outside of Newark. Or, perhaps even your head on a pike outside of my apartment complex to ward off the evil spirits. It would be a daily ritual for the neighbors to stop by your fearsome visage to expectorate and hurl epithets. “Croda on a stick” would be a big hit around here.

I’m back at work and struggling to return my schedule to some kind of normalcy now. Turns will go out some time this week.

Bauhaus, I’m still waiting for you to taunt me so we can start a game.

[Lawyer]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

playing Combat Mission is the only thing keeping most of us out of detox.

Also, do not bother the Ladies of the 'Pool, or even weasels won't piss on your grave.

Au contraire, Monsieur. Drinking and CM go together like love and marriage. That is, you need to express love to get what you need, and you need marriage to have a modicrum of honor covering your illegitimate heritage. Bastiche!

On a happier note, I nominate Hiram to be a Lady of the Pool so people will stop bothering him per Seanachai's rules. He may assume the name Dame Pengette to serve as harlot of our tribe until Gate's Slut returns to claim the Kingdom.

I would nominate Seanachai to be an Olde Lady of the Pool due to the buggering interest he has attracted from Yech-Nod, but the very thought of it makes me pine for Mormon Wives. Even a lawyer can't stoop that low.

And remember, regurgitating is a useful way to have a whole six pack when you can only afford one beer. Of course, the sixth time may not taste as good as the first. But for most of you, it will definitely improve your breath.

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Croda on a stick; would be a big hit around here.

Hiram, could I have your recipe for Croda on a stick?

Persephone

[chrisl]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Hiram, could I have your recipe for Croda on a stick?

You'd be better off asking Seanachai-it's most certainly something that they sell at the Minnesota State Fair.

[ February 11, 2002, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: chrisl ]

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Lawyer:

It appears that the useless placebo for a jdmorse is feeling a bit froggy. I guess the combo of Geritol and Ensure is working after all. I trust that the new package of Depends is working wonders. Are they comfy? If the geriatric barrister from the land of smog and crime wants a small challenge, I can take another opponent in a PBEM game.

How much for a dissolution from Croda?

Edited because of the foul presence of an ambulance chaser within my range of vision.

[ February 11, 2002, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

The title of this Thread comes to us by way of Peng in Exile. It is his choice, posted here by myself while his identity is held in durance vile by the rogue, Chrisl

I am assured by the Fair Persephone that when we make our trip to Philly this year, she will slice Peng's naughty bits off if he doesn't put an end to the chrisl Heresy in the very near future

[Patchy]

Members of the Cesspool,

I feel it is only fair to tell you something that Berli told me last night. To my utter horror and disbelief...he confessed...that he has been hiding something from me for all these years that we have been married. He admitted that he truly is...a Pillock...and...a Nong! *Sigh* I guess I will have to learn to accept this sad fact about Berli. It won't be easy.

Persephone

[Croda]

So many idjits, so little time.

Hiram

Why dost thou hatest me so?

Is it because I blow your men to little bits, and then blow the bits to littler bits, and then feed it to your cat as kibbles and bits, and the he hacks the bits into your shoes?

Is is because you live in New Jersey and are incapable of pumping your own gas?

Or is it the same sign of affection that you used to show the boys on the playground that you "liked?"

Regardless, you can keep this close to your heart:

I loathe you so much it makes my spleen ache.

Scum

Stop playing around on the OuterBoards™.

They don't want you there.

Hell, we don't even want you here.

I recommend you try eating a whole cactus and wash it down with some lemon juice.

Or, if you'd really like to suffer, send me a setup and I'll feed you the cactus one spine at a time.

Git.

Recipe for Croda on a Stick:

Take one stick.

Jab it through a Croda.

What's that?

It won't go through?

That's right.

Croda is unflayable.

Keep your visions of BBQ to yourself.

I do have good recipes for Pickled Dog Ear, and grilled cat steak.

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Persephone:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Croda on a stick; would be a big hit around here.

Hiram, could I have your recipe for Croda on a stick?

Persephone</font>

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Croda:

So many idjits, so little time.

Hiram

Why dost thou hatest me so? I dost squirt tears with abject recrimination.

Good! Let the hatred burn holes in your stomach. I hope the bile rises to your mouth whenever you think of me. Just know that your kindergarten effrontery is like a match compared to the blazing inferno of abhorrence I have for all things Croda. I detest your action figure with it’s frilly dress and frying pan. The odium of your refrigerator magnets advertising your twisted machinations make me grind my teeth. The very next time I see a commercial for Crodaburg, I will pimp slap the nearest person who reminds me of you. There is that small frumpy individual panhandling by the supermarket who smelled like you. He shows you both of his teeth when you give him a dollar. I wonder if he’s from your neighborhood where “men are men and so are the women”.

Edited to note that the Redskins are useless and their fans are fairies.

[ February 11, 2002, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Croda:

Recipe for Croda on a Stick:

Take one stick.

Jab it through a Croda.

What's that?

It won't go through?

Then USE A BIGGER STICK.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Members of the Cesspool,

I feel it is only fair to tell you something that Berli told me last night. To my utter horror and disbelief...he confessed...that he has been hiding something from me for all these years that we have been married. He admitted that he truly is...a Pillock...and...a Nong! *Sigh* I guess I will have to learn to accept this sad fact about Berli. It won't be easy.

Persephone

Ah! I see you don't want me to make any more Peng bread

[Croda]

Oh, Hiram.

Your belicosity makes me chortle.

I actually almost snarfed my Pepsi out of my nose.

Boy is that uncomfortable.

Nearly as uncomfortable, I imagine, as walking around inside your gangrenous carcass, rife with the effrontery of an odor most egregious.

Don't succomb to the hate, lad. Don't succomb to the hate lest you end up like that blathering idjit BASF. He doesn't make a lot of the products we buy, he makes a lot of the products we buy sound Scottish.

By the way, are you the simp who lost at Crodaburg?

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

There once was a small village with some ex-militia from the great war. They knew that there was a huge army standing near the village and that without some assistance, they were doomed. They went to the clan elder and spoke with him. “Wise elder, how are we to defeat the mighty army?” they asked. The elder paused for effect and said in a gravelly voice, “Go to the shaman and ask for Croda on a stick.” The old soldiers looked at each other and wondered how a bumbling idiot who was impaled years ago could help them in their fight. They did as the elder has suggested and went to the shaman. As they came closer to his hut, they saw the moronic, inbred person named Croda stuck in the ground outside. They remembered dancing around the Croda during the Expectoration and Epithet hurling ceremony in which the Croda would be placed in the village center and the children would carefully place piles of feces near the impaled idiot. Their parents encouraged this because it meant that they would have a good harvest in the fall.

The shaman was sitting in his hut mumbling to himself about how Crodaburg had ruined his chances with a mountain goat when the veterans stepped in. The shaman looked at them with his one good eye and started pawing at himself because of the body lice he had contracted from the Croda on a stick. “Ye must be here for my lawn ornament!” the shaman half shouted at his visitors. “Ye kin have him only if ye delouse him and paint him blue”. “As fer yer chances aginst the army, I haven’t a clue”

It was a sad day as the village was plundered, the horses raped, the huts burned, and the shaman was forced to play parchesi until his fingers bled. The Croda on a stick was no help at all.

Remember that a Croda on a stick won't help you against an army, kids.

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Persephone:

Members of the Cesspool,

I feel it is only fair to tell you something that Berli told me last night. To my utter horror and disbelief...he confessed...that he has been hiding something from me for all these years that we have been married. He admitted that he truly is...a Pillock...and...a Nong! *Sigh* I guess I will have to learn to accept this sad fact about Berli. It won't be easy.

Persephone

Ah! I see you don't want me to make any more Peng bread</font>