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Another CDV bash

Sgt Steiner
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Sgt Steiner Senior Member

Sgt Steiner

Posted
Posted

Actually not

Just posted to annoy Michael Dorosh (whom I actually hold in some regard) and everybodys favourite Advice Giver From On High the one and only....wait for it........... Priest

smile.gif:(redface.gif:Dtongue.gif:rolleyes: :eek: :confused:

(please select whichever Graemlins you feel most appropriate)

BTS please lock this up soon I just felt 'moved' to post it.........

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Hakko Ichiu Senior Member

Hakko Ichiu

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Then this would be the place for a jolly sing-song!

All together now, lads:

When the good Lord made Father Adam, they say he laughed and sang,

Sewed him up the belly with a little piece of wang.

But when he'd got finished, I guess he measured wrong,

For the piece he'd sewed him up with was very much too long.

"It's but eight inches long," he said, "I guess I'll let it hang,"

And he left on Adam's belly that little piece of wang.

But when he made mother Eve, I bet it made him start,

For the piece he sewed her up with was very much too short.

"It leaves an awful crack," said he, "but I don't give a dang,

She can fight it out with Adam for that little piece of wang";

And ever since that ancient day when human life began,

There's been a constant wage of strife between a woman and a man

For the woman swears to have that piece that on his belly hang,

To fill that awful crack that's left when the Lord ran out of wang.

So let us not be selfish, boys, with what the women lack,

But keep them busy on the wang to fill that crack,

For the good Lord never intended that it should idle hang

When he placed on Adam's belly that little piece of wang.

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Pvt. Ryan Senior Member

Pvt. Ryan

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I got this off a message board a few years ago:

Here's the story behind this... There's this tripped out guy who digs things out of his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that this guy really exists and does this in his spare time!

Anyway... here's a letter from the Smithsonian Institute after he sent them a Barbie doll head.

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Paleoanthropology Division

Smithsonian Institute

207 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below

the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common

domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you

speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly

one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this

institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going

into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive

appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe

Curator, Antiquities

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Marlow Senior Member

Marlow

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Posted

Oh, good. Open mike night at the CMBB forum.

Ahem...

Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me

As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.

Groop I implore thee my foonting turlingdromes.

And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,

Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,

see if I don't

Thank you very much.

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Hakko Ichiu Senior Member

Hakko Ichiu

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Posted
Originally posted by Seanachai:

That's the stuff, Hakko!(My God, what a low and vulgar fellow you are)

And when the Mad Bald One shows up, we just point at Mr. Barr! It's like absolution!

Glad you liked it. Here's another one for you:

As I was a-walking one morning in May

I met a pretty fair maid, her gown it was gay.

I step-ped up to her, and back she did fall

She want to be played with the long peggin' awl.

I said, "Pretty fair maid will you travel with me,

Unto foreign countries, strange things for to see?

And I will protect you, what e'er may befall

And follow your love wuth his long peggin' awl"

Then home to her parents she then went straightway

And unto her mother these words she did say,

"I'll follow my true love what e'er may befall

I'll follow my love with his long peggin' awl."

"O daughter, O daughter, how can yopu say so?

For young men are false as you very well know.

They'll tell you fine things and the devil and all

And leave you big-bellied with the long peggin' awl."

"O mother, O mother, now do not say so.

Before you werte sixteen, you very well know

There wqas father and mother and baby and all

You followed my dad for his long peggin' awl."

Thank you. I'm here all week.

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