One Peng to rule them all, one Peng to challenge them ...

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Noba:

Just a quickie....but a Goody !

The Gnome's head has been delivered to the tune of 66 to 34. ( I did feel a bit sorry and threw him a couple of late bones)

"Throwing a bone" is apparently the Australian phrase for 'dropping the ball utterly on the final assault'.

Originally posted by Noba:

His quest against Australians is in tatters. He has won (just) only one game of late and squarely lost this key fight by a large margin.

Noba.

One Tactical defeat by a minor Australian does not equate to a Holy Crudade in tatters. Even repeated defeats by much more significant Australians (such as they are), would not invalidate the Crudade (second only to the Quest for Peng's name in importance).

The Crusade to 'Crush all Australians' not only continues, but things are looking a little grim for AussieJeff, who is not mechanincally inclined. Apparently he had a deep dislike, amounting to pathological hatred, of all his AFV commanders, as he has run every vehicle forward to it's death. Three HTs, 3 Heavy Armoured Cars, 1 Tank (model not confirmed), one SP Artillery?, and one Jadgpanzer IV later, he has finally rid himself of all of them.

Now we will begin the serious disassembly of his infantry.

[Croda]

Originally posted by Herr Oberst:

Just what we need around here, Crawdad running around in his underwear with a bath towel over his shoulders...

Now which one of you idjits stole his meds again?!?

SooperHeroes like myself haven't time for persiflageable pillocks like yourself.

I recommend that you get lost on whatever trip it is that you are on. Try visiting the natives and see if they can't shrink your head down to a more manageable size.

Failing that, see if you can't be the first person to colonize the middle of nowhere.

[Slapdragon]

New flash from the front:

It has just been learned from none other than that super historian Iron Chief Sakai that warmonger Wilson schemed for many years to see the United States enter World War One. This historical insight has gotten dozens of Wilson scholars scratching their heads and running for Xanax. In an earlier comment, Brian welcomed Iron Chief into the fraternity of people who can see the whole truth. Rumor has it that both historians plan a book on the Peng Challenge Thread explaining how its deep contacts with extremist Muslim groups lead to the well deserved attack on the Mall of America by Jock Strap wearing ski bunnies riding small three wheel trikes.

This has been a Grog News Flach direct from the front. You are now returned to your regular scheduled content.

[Marlow]

SlapNuts,

Kindly keep this outerboard filth out of the 'Pool. It is poluting the Cess.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

"Throwing a bone" is apparently the Australian phrase for 'dropping the ball utterly on the final assault'.

Actually, it means:

To take so much pitty of someone destitute and hard-of-luck as to give him $1 from a $20,000 roll of cash.

Let's see, exchange rate is ..umm.. about 51c to the US dollar.

So you, Seanachai, now have the princely sum of 51c thanks to the compassion of the good Aussie squire....spend it wisely!

Mace

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Wussl:

I'll send you the picture-- it's actually on my list of things to do, but it's somewhere down after cleaning the gutters and scooping out my eyes with a grapefruit spoon.

Wussl,

I can't believe you would choose scooping your eyes out with a grapefruit spoon over being immortalized upon my canvas of pixels. I had big plans for you ...you were going to be my masterpiece.

Just so you know that I don't hold any grudges...I would be more than happy to lend you a grapefruit spoon if you don't have one.

As for The former name of the Gates-Slut- the only way anyone wrests it from me is by winning it in a CM battle. At the rate Pluto and Seanachai are going, it may be a game of CMBB...

I think Wussl has gone delusional. Dalem, we need to borrow your straight jacket for this one.

Persephone

[ February 06, 2002, 05:13 PM: Message edited by: Persephone ]

[Goanna]

The Crusade to 'Crush all Australians' not only continues, but things are looking a little grim for AussieJeff

Point of order Bard. On behalf of the Australians that are the subject of your quixotic fantasy, we have to object to the inclusion of the above named induhvidual in our numbers. If our government has the ability to reject any number of bona fide refugees, we should certainly be able pick and choose among the throng of applicant SSNs who wish to swell the numbers of our already bulging side.

[imported_Wildman]

Forget the straightjacket.

Bring me the Brick

[Slapdragon]

Originally posted by Marlow:

SlapNuts,

Kindly keep this outerboard filth out of the 'Pool. It is poluting the Cess.

Actually, I was thinking of bringing in the guy as a squire and was just testing the waters...

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by OGSF:

Wha hay! Di' mah poor wee squire gi' has spotty arrse kacked aboot bah tha' glistening clump o' gobbed oop cattle snot, Pondscum? Ne'er meend, ye obviously ha' tha tactical acumen o' blanc mange, boot tha ne'er stopped Hiram fraim bein' a pilla' o' tha 'Pool (Bauhaus, raist yersailf laddie)!

Liege, I only know one way to be thrashed, donkey-style...

Noo, ye need a quest

Oooh, oooh, a quest, a quest, I want I a nice quest, a tasty quest... oooh, with virgins and propellant and great vats of ketchup..... pleaaaaaaaaase, pleaaaaaaase

...a quest sae mighty an' full o' glory, tha' floor lickers leek Pondscum et al cannae aspire tae at. Lessee noo...

Yes, YES its virgins, virgins ... ooooooh, yes, gimme the quest, gimme the quest

Rrrright! Squire, ye quest as tae seek oot....

Virgins? virgins... right, yes, I know that bit, where are they... over here? Leige, 'nuf said, get the drift, off I go...

... tha ancestral haim

Eh? The what? haim? Errrrr, bugger, bleedin useless dialect... ahhhhh, right ancestral claim to lots of virgins, why, Liege, flattered you should want to share, no really I am, ... oh, there's more?

o' tha Cesspool, tha well spring o' at's spirit, tha most ancient an' fetid granite walled bog hole an' all o' Olde Christendom. Havin' foond at, tae present at tae tha assembled Olde Ones, Seniour Kannigets, Kannigets, an' assorted fetid scum.....noo, ferget tha assorted fetid scum, ain tha manner o' ye choosin'. Ah wid suggaist tha manner bae along tha leens o' a vivid an' evokative word-scape, a wee ballad af'n ye leek. Wun or more pictures o' thas hallowed place wid bae tae ye credit as waill.

Eh? No virgins? Bugger, bugger, bugger... oh, that's all just dandy... oh, great, bleedin hell, just picture it now: Yeknod the feckin vagrant Nomad... fantastic, well me Liege, what can I say... lets get a grip here: a life-time of trawling through the pool, meeting every Olde One, Kniggets and their clumsey, wretched, retarded squires and (this bit I like) summing up enough energy and social skills to WANT to enquire about a bleeding Cesspool leek... WHAT AM A, LIEGE, A BLEEDIN PLUMBER? Sorry, Liege, sorry, its just the shock.

Oh, and to cap it all, a jolly bit of water-song singalong at the end. Great, marvelous... mark me words, Liege, its going to be a Leonard Cohen special... no, no why not stop there? Bring on synchronised swimmers, add the odd trans-Atlantic tanker... ooooooooooh, I see... Marine-buoy right, that's it, this really takes the water-biscuit... I just DO NOT believe this, right, okay, okay... I'll need to pack equipment... look, Liege, want to reconsider? I mean I DON'T FECKIN FLOAT.. oh, gawd almighty, just typical, I have the looks, the charm and what do I get, eh? Mr Urinal Utility Inspection Donkey AND I BLEEDIN SING...

Idjit Yeknod

[Yeknodathon]

(as dusk gathers around the paddock to welcome a particularly gloomy night, something can be seen at the far end throwing a bit of a strop)

... waterproofs, where's me feckin waterproofs... I AM NOT GOING TO GET WET... *bang* *crash* that, PondDuck, is NOT FUNNY *smash* *bang* oh, bleedin hell *bang* *smash* *crash* where's me divining rod *bang* *crash*

Yeknod

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

I'll need to pack equipment... look, Liege, want to reconsider? I mean I DON'T FECKIN FLOAT..

A donkey in an assault boat, eh?

[ February 06, 2002, 07:08 PM: Message edited by: PondScum ]

[Lawyer]

Justicar

I see you have me defending that sea urchin look-a-like chrisl. Why don't you realize he is already suffering utmost daily humiliation of the worst sort as a physics geek in the Land of Hard Bodies and Cool Kids. His eternal punishment in La-La-Land (inclusive) is to never have sex or be cool, which in fact was his eternal punishment at birth. Having no cash, I suppose he will try to pay me with the Peng appellation, which I shall then peddle on E-Bay for slightly more than a Frankie Avalon charm.

Gamey Updates

Yes, I don't normally do this as it is a waste of time, considering the fools I play, but here it is:

Seanachai thinks he is winning, but will soon be glad to go back to listening to his old folkie "Peter Pullen Hairy" records. Remember that tune, "If I had a hammer, I'd bash my thingie..." Well, he will be doing more than that.

OGSF is not sure if he is winning because that is not a term familiar to Australians, even those who become boat people and white slaves in the US. Sometimes I think his spaniel is playing, but then I realize the moves aren't that good.

Stuka is definitely losing because... well, he is a loser and all that. QUIZ: What is 50 times greater than wasting away in Margaritaville? ANSWER: Wasting away in in some godfersakken and obscure part of Oz where even Goanna won't go. Shudder

You all know how to pick your nose with your fingers. Now, Hanns will gladly show you how to do it with your fist, and then he will show you how to do it with HIS fist. Do bloody boogers count as trophies in the Northland S&M bars? Who cares?

[ February 06, 2002, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: Lawyer ]

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by jshandorf:

Hey, this is addressed to the members of Cess-Air.

Are we flying tonight? Sorry, Ihaven't been around but I picked up Medal of Honor a few days ago and I have been playing that in the evenings. So, if we are flying tonight I will be in the Hyper lobby looking for ya guys.

Sod the feck off!

[bad UBB, very bad]

[ February 06, 2002, 10:05 PM: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Slapdragon:

New flash from the front:

{notible lack of link}

This has been a Grog News Flach direct from the front. You are now returned to your regular scheduled content.

Where dammit!

[Sledge59]

Spewed forth by Berlichtingen:

Where dammit!

Right here. He is annoying indeed.

[Croda]

Topplement Announcement

I am here to announce the topplement of Terence. I'd tell you lots of good things about the galantry of his attack...except...there was none.

He merely died.

When he wasn't dieing, he was cowering.

When he wasn't cowering, he was dieing.

It was a rather pathetic display.

The final was 81-14, but only because I agreed to an Alt-C.

I could have taken the field.

I will however say this to his credit:

He sucks.

[chrisl]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I've done my bit as well. I expect Loark to drop in shortly to confirm that Peng is still Peng and always will be since the defeat that caused the loss of his name was clearly fraudulent and therefore invalid.

You ought to know about his loss, since you were ostensibly his second in his ill-fated battle. If you had done a better job he might not have been slaughtered on the 4th turn or so. Nevertheless, I own his name now, and Berli or Seanachai has to win it back. I expected a much better battle out of Berli, but it's clear now that he's probably in cahoots with you to keep The Gates-slut as he is.

(edited to get those tiny little letters)

[ February 06, 2002, 11:38 PM: Message edited by: chrisl ]

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Slapdragon:

Gods?

My mind is clearer now.

At last all too well I can see where we all soon will be.

If you strip away the myth.... from the man,

You will see where we all soon will be.

Seanachai lying in ruins as his attack is crushed...

Taunt the Second

Ah ha ha. How droll, Slapdragon. Yes, I'm sure that in your haste to rework the words of others as an example of your native wit, you simply neglected, out of sheer, Ambrosian sloppiness, as it were, to make any acknowledgment of the actual artists to whom your own, rather touching tribute to myself owes it's genesis.

Now, I, perhaps more than anyone here, enjoys a good parody, a satirical reworking, an

'in the style of' post. But even so, I always at least give a nod and wink to the original.

I note, with some bemusement, but no real surprise, that your taunt to me is that of an angry worshipper taking up some issues with his deity. Now, that is right and proper, Slapdragon. I stand in the same relationship to you that Jesus stood to Judas, my dear groggish Iscariot.

Will thou kiss me in the garden, Slapdragon? Or perhaps, my dear opponent, a handshake will suffice?

BLOODY HELL, COULD SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO IDJIT YEKNOD THAT SEANACHAI'S LIKE DONKEYS SIMPLY AS FRIENDS?!!

Now, perhaps as a sign of the intensive preparation to destroy me occurring on Slapdragon's side of the map, or perhaps because the poor, conflicted apostate was busy gnashing his teeth over attempting to renounce me, but this turn was...quiet.

Boring, even. No contact, no shelling, no sightings.

Nothing but a low weeping coming from his side of the map, and the muttered words 'my olde one, my god, why have I forsaken thou?'

[ February 07, 2002, 12:09 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Croda:

Topplement Announcement

I will however say this to his credit:

He sucks.

As noble in victory as he is in defeat...

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by OGSF:

Rrrright! Squire, ye quest as tae seek oot tha ancestral haim o' tha

Cesspool, tha well spring o' at's spirit, tha most ancient an' fetid granite

walled bog hole an' all o' Olde Christendom. Havin' foond at, tae present

at tae tha assembled Olde Ones, Seniour Kannigets, Kannigets, an' assorted

fetid scum.....noo, ferget tha assorted fetid scum, ain tha manner o' ye

choosin'. Ah wid suggaist tha manner bae along tha leens o' a vivid an'

evokative word-scape, a wee ballad af'n ye leek. Wun or more pictures o'

thas hallowed place wid bae tae ye credit as waill.

Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

a life-time of trawling through the pool, meeting every Olde One, Kniggets

and their clumsey, wretched, retarded squires and (this bit I like) summing

up enough energy and social skills to WANT to enquire about a bleeding

Cesspool leek... WHAT AM A, LIEGE, A BLEEDIN PLUMBER? Sorry, Liege, sorry,

its just the shock.

Idjit Yeknod

What he means, Donkey, is that you are to seek out the original Peng Challenge Thread, the immortal Cesspool that rose to some 3,000 extant posts before disrupting the Board and collapsing into a black hole. The Original Thread that could no longer even be entered by normal means, and which could not even be properly padlocked and shutdown because of the disaster.

I don't even know if you can reach that original Thread nowadays, what with archiving, and changes to the Board.

But, Donkey, there is this: No one who read all three thousand some posts of the Original Peng Challenge Thread came away unchanged. I believe your Liege, OGSF, feels that doing so will somehow change you, perhaps even ennoble you, and make you someday worthy of Knighthood and inclusion into the rolls of the Cesspool.

And well it might. Or, if nothing else, it'll keep you busy for a good, long time.

So, Donkey, it is up to you to see if it is still possible to get to the ancestral Thread. To aid you in this noble quest, I will tell you that it was named "Peng, I Take Our Challenge Public!"

Also, to be truthful with you, I know for a fact that there are ways to still get to this hallowed place, all 122 pages of posts. But should you actually arrive there, remember to touch nothing!

It is a Holy Place, now, and must be treated as such.

Should you be at a loss, Donkey, email me, and I will do what I, as an Olde One, must, when approached by one on a Quest.

[ February 07, 2002, 12:37 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Moriarty]

Idjit Donkey boy can look here. Good grief, if he goes to Senility he'll have to fill out forms in triplicate and listen to myriad sing-songs.

http://lindan.panzershark.com/cesspool/007077.html

Provided courtesy of Pawbroon

[ February 07, 2002, 12:46 AM: Message edited by: Moriarty ]

[Slapdragon]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Nothing but a low weeping coming from his side of the map, and the muttered words 'my olde one, my god, why have I forsaken thou?'

CAROLINA

by Henry Timrod

(1829-1867)

I

The despot treads thy sacred sands,

Thy pines give shelter to his bands,

They sons stand by with idle hands,

Carolina!

He breathes at ease thy airs of balm,

He scorns the lances of thy palm;

Oh! who shall break thy craven calm,

Carolina!

Thy ancient fame is growing dim,

A spot is on thy garment's rim;

Give to the winds thy battle hymn,

Carolina!

II

Call on thy children of the hill,

Wake swamp and river, coast and rill,

Rouse all thy strength and all thy skill,

Carolina!

Cite wealth and science, trade and art,

Touch with thy fire the cautious mart,

And pour thee through the people's heart,

Carolina!

Till even the coward spurns his fears,

And all thy fields and fens and meres

Shall bristle like thy palm with spears,

Carolina!

III

Hold up the glories of thy dead;

Say how thy elder children bled,

And point to Eutaw;s battle-bed,

Carolina!

Tell how the patriot's soul was tried,

And what his dauntless breast defied;

How Rutledge ruled and Laurens died,

Carolina!

Cry! till thy summons heard at last,

Shall fall like Marion's bugle-blast

Re-echoed from the haunted Past,

Carolina!

IV

I hear a murmur as of waves

That grope their way through sunless caves,

Like bodies struggling in their graves,

Carolina!

And now it deepens; slow and grand

It swells, as, rolling to the land,

An ocean broke upon thy strand,

Carolina!

Shout! let it reach the startled Huns!

And roar with all thy festal guns!

It is the answer of thy sons,

Carolina!

V

They will not wait to hear thee call;

From Sachem's Head to Sumter's wall

Resounds the voice of hut and hall,

Carolina!

No! thou hast not a stain, they say,

Or none save what the battle-day

Shall wash in seas of blood away,

Carolina!

Thy skirts indeed the foe may part,

Thy robe be pierced with sword and dart,

They shall not touch thy noble heart,

Carolina!

VI

Ere thou shalt own the tyrant's thrall

Ten times ten thousand men must fall;

Thy corpse may hearken to his call,

Carolina!

When, by thy bier, in mournful throngs

The women chant thy mortal wrongs,

'T will be their own funereal songs,

Carolina!

From thy dead breast by ruffians trod

No helpless child shall look to God;

All shall be safe beneath thy sod,

Carolina!

VII

Girt with such wills to do and bear,

Assured in right, and mailed in prayer,

Thou wilt not bow thee to despair,

Carolina!

Throw thy bold banner to the breeze!

Front with thy ranks the threatening seas

Like thine own proud armorial trees,

Carolina!

Fling down thy gauntlet to the Huns,

And roar the challenge from thy guns;

Then leave the future to thy sons,

Carolina!

Now, you know that the process of citation is designed to provide those who do not know the source the means of finding it. I fugured here we had two sorts. Those like my liege Berli who would figure the thing out, and people like Sodachi who would not.

I guess a boring turn is met with a boring taunt by The Gimp Gnome so we can excuse a round of nothing happening. My guns are silent because, aside from a few scampers, he is doing nothing. Running down the clock is a time honored tradition of course, but one so rarely expects to see this start on turn one.

Well, if I had endless artillery some of it would be headed his way as we speak just as a matter or principal. I don't, so it wont. But if he would just line up a few of the knicker biters under that little red circle, or move away from my poor scout, I would be happy to send some 150 over to help him to an early grave.

So teh question is, when one is faced with a boring opponent who mixes up attacking with running around in circles, what dloes one do?

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Moriarty:

Idjit Donkey boy can look here. Good grief, if he goes to Senility he'll have to fill out forms in triplicate and listen to myriad sing-songs.

http://lindan.panzershark.com/cesspool/007077.html

Provided courtesy of Pawbroon

Oh, very nice, Moriarity! Nothing like a 'Noble Quest' where some pillock waltzes in and points at the third plain silver goblet from the left and says: that one there, lad, that's the goddamn Holy Grail!

Well, I hope you're right there and ready with your helping hand the next time he's incontinent, so you can wipe his arse with a handful of thistle leaves!

Bloody hell. A Knight of the 'Pool sets his Squire a Holy Quest, with a 'Lo, Forsooth! Go, thou, and seek out the Wellspring of the Peng Challenge!' (through the Broad Scots gibberish, mind), and up shows Moriarity with his paw waving frantically over his head going 'ooh, me sir, me sir! I know how to get there!' like some sort of poxy little pre-teen selling 'maps to the Quest for the Peng Challenge Thread' from a cheap lawn-chair by the side of the road.

You're a nasty little know-it -all trollop, Moriarity.

[Moriarty]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Moriarty:

Idjit Donkey boy can look here. Good grief, if he goes to Senility he'll have to fill out forms in triplicate and listen to myriad sing-songs.

http://lindan.panzershark.com/cesspool/007077.html

Provided courtesy of Pawbroon

Oh, very nice, Moriarity! Nothing like a 'Noble Quest' where some pillock waltzes in and points at the third plain silver goblet from the left and says: that one there, lad, that's the goddamn Holy Grail!

Well, I hope you're right there and ready with your helping hand the next time he's incontinent, so you can wipe his arse with a handful of thistle leaves!

Bloody hell. A Knight of the 'Pool sets his Squire a Holy Quest, with a 'Lo, Forsooth! Go, thou, and seek out the Wellspring of the Peng Challenge!' (through the Broad Scots gibberish, mind), and up shows Moriarity with his paw waving frantically over his head going 'ooh, me sir, me sir! I know how to get there!' like some sort of poxy little pre-teen selling 'maps to the Quest for the Peng Challenge Thread' from a cheap lawn-chair by the side of the road.

You're a nasty little know-it -all trollop, Moriarity.</font>