Peng Eye For the Challenge Guy: The Grog Makeovers

[Seanachai]

Welcome to yet another incarnation of the Peng Challenge Thread!

Recently we of the Cesspool can't help but notice that there are individuals out there, poor, long-suffering souls, struggling the best they can, who are totally bereft of a sense of humour.

They're called, Ladies and Gentlemen, and fellow 'Poolers: Grogs.

That's right! Grogs! Love 'em, hate 'em, try and read to the last sentence with full comprehension, but do what you will, all too often you can't laugh with 'em!

Their culture, as has been pointed out, is something only they can comprehend.

Well, the Peng Challenge doesn't think that Grogs should always be 'outsiders'. Why can't they, too, be stylishly funny, witty, and filled with a sharp, satirical bent for repartee?

So in this edition of the Peng Challenge, we're asking everyone to: Bring us a Grog, and we'll make him over!

Before and after shots will be taken! Sign your Grog up now!

And you Cesspoolers are going to have to step up and do yeoman's work! Do you think it's going to be easy to recast an entire life dedicated to armour penetration charts, mantlet thicknesses and AFV production runs? Sod that for a game of tin soldiers!

Oh, normal Cesspool business will, of course, be conducted. But for now, we're suspending the 'rules', such as they are. This is a community wide event that no one should miss. Think of the Challenge! Think of the Ratings!

[Leeo]

Yes, yes, yes, but what will you do with the <big><big>Cabbages</big></big>?

[Joe Shaw]

Damn it Seanachai you've done it again haven't you ... invited the whole bloody world in, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE OUT A FREAKIN' AD SOMEPLACE?

As to the call to Coventry, I did my duty and posted the call and it has been rejected ... BAD MOVE gang but don't say I didn't warn you. If you don't send the swine to Coventry you just encourage them you know, much like a car engine ... you give it oil all the time and they just expect it.

I'll be proven right again ... wait and see.

Joe

p.s. I'm in Des Moines and I BLAME PENG!

p.p.s. Peng a declaration of Coventry applies only within the CessPool. No member may respond to the posts of one sent to Coventry made within the CessPool. Indirect references are frowned upon as well as they give a degree of recognition and it is the LACK of recognition that does the trick.

No ... not THAT kind of trick ... no I don't know if $30 was a reasonable fee in her case ... really ... for $30 bucks? Did that include the Howdy Doodey costume?

[imported_Wildman]

Someone has been watching WAAAAYYYYY too much T.V. and it hasn't even snowed yet. Pillock!

[ September 22, 2003, 11:47 PM: Message edited by: Wildman ]

[Bastables]

Bald-faced lies! as this chart shows http://www.geocities.com/lrmcgarvey/knights.html grogs have been involved in the cesspool since time immemorially, I draw your attention to Germanboy aka andreas aka getting his fascist hopping dog hide handed to him by yours truly at this very moment. Hell the pool even futzed around with an official grog with the caustic, bridling and ever superior SimonFox the lab rat.

Good god man there are ye olde gorgs like lorak as the self proclaimed lord and master of the pool

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Rune for crying and internalising it, is a storied knight of the pool. Yeh barking dogs Kitty used to bandy around the statement grogs like us in idle conversation.

Feck forgot how to spell idle!

[ September 23, 2003, 12:01 AM: Message edited by: Bastables ]

[Jev.Dk]

Anyone in need of a Mortal Enemy or personal stalker feel free to contact me.

Have several years of expirience, and can produce criminal record if needed.

Master at many different disguises, but my favourite outfit is Sheeps clothing. Very convincing, just ask Mace .

Jev

Aka

Fluffy The Sheep

PS: SOD OFF!

[MrPeng]

Absolutely no good can come from this.

What a great idea.

Well it at the very least annoys the Justicar, which is worth the price of admission.

Did I hear a rodent fart? I have a cute earing.

Have I mentioned my eternal dislike of rodents? All rodents everywhere? Even Capybaras, and they are large and not so rodent like as say... rats and mice and pigeons and squirrels. Oh don't split hairs or feathers, you know that pigeons are just rats with wings and squirrels are bushytailed rats. Feh. Hate em. A lot. All rodents. Kill em without mercy or thought. Vermin. The only good rodent is the one filling the belly of a serpent. Or the headless ones lying on my front porch every morning that my good cat Tricksey brings me. That's what mice are good for. Feeding predators. Tricksey likes to eat the heads and the guts and leave the pelts and feet.

Anyone remember the Kliban book aboot Cats? There was a cat on a stool with a guitar singing: "Love to eat them mousies/ Mousies what I love to eat/ Bite they little heads off/ Nibble on they tiny feet." THAT made me laugh until I stopped.

A crazy chick at a place I used to work would bring Squirrel stew in for dinner. I ate it. Nasty tastin critters squirrels. Stringy little varmints too. Have to cook the HELL out of em just so you can chew em and swallow. But I ate one just because I could. I'd do it again. Not because I like to but because I can. Pods (and humans) are at the top of the food chain. We eat what we see.

No, you wont find me fraternizing with any of the rodentia around here. Clobbering them with big rubber mallets maybe, drowning them in buckets of soapy water, sure, using a little mousie sized guillo(a?)tine to lop thier little rodentbrained heads off, absolutely. But fraternizing? NEVER!

[Hiram Sedai]

Shut up, Peng.

Mookie mook from mookerson? Tiresome.

Edited to note that you know we belong to the land and the land we belong to is grand.

[ September 23, 2003, 12:24 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[MrPeng]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Shut up, Peng.

Mookie mook from mookerson? Tiresome.

"Mookie Mookerson from Mookville" you loathesome little underpants gnome. Or in your case "Louise Loserson from Loserville" Loser. Go back to your trailer park and mine for more gold in that big honkin schnozola of yours. And don't forget to share with your cats while you "pet" them. Do they catch mice? No. they are so fat and lazy you have to catch em and share. This is all aboot mice isn't it? You like em. I hate em. Well, mice HAVE NO RIGHTS so YOU shut up. Mook.

And you better not tell me to shut up again. OH YEAH, Know why the Eagles didn't LOSE this week? Because the DIDN'T PLAY. HA! Oh wait. I love the Iggles too!

Scratch that last taunt, but YOU continue to shut yer furry trap, Hiram.

[Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by MrPeng:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Shut up, Peng.

Mookie mook from mookerson? Tiresome.

"Mookie Mookerson from Mookville" you loathesome little underpants gnome. Or in your case "Louise Loserson from Loserville" Loser. Go back to your trailer park and mine for more gold in that big honkin schnozola of yours. And don't forget to share with your cats while you "pet" them. Do they catch mice? No. they are so fat and lazy you have to catch em and share. This is all aboot mice isn't it? You like em. I hate em. Well, mice HAVE NO RIGHTS so YOU shut up. Mook.

And you better not tell me to shut up again. OH YEAH, Know why the Eagles didn't LOSE this week? Because the DIDN'T PLAY. HA! Oh wait. I love the Iggles too!

Scratch that last taunt, but YOU continue to shut yer furry trap, Hiram. </font>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Jev.Dk:

Anyone in need of a Mortal Enemy or personal stalker feel free to contact me.

Have several years of expirience, and can produce criminal record if needed.

Master at many different disguises, but my favourite outfit is Sheeps clothing. Very convincing, just ask Mace .

Jev

Aka

Fluffy The Sheep

PS: SOD OFF!

Yes, yes, very nice. We here at the Peng Eye for the Grog Makeover Guy are all about LISTENING TO YOU PISSING ABOUT AND MAKING PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP, JEV.DK! NOW, ARE YOU GOING TO SUGGEST A GROG YOU WANT TO SEE GET A PENG CHALLENGE MAKEOVER, OR ARE YOU GOING TO PONCE ABOUT WHORING THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T NEED A CLIFF'S EDGE IN FRONT OF YOU TO BACK UP INTO MACE?!

Young people these days. No sense of direction.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

No No No!!! You hush up!! Simmer down now. You are a big headed windbag whiney pants poopiehead and I hatessss you. Oh yesss we hates you. You are like the Cowboys and the braves.

Zip it douchebag big head nasty person you!!

Edited to note that I'm just an Eagles fan who can't say "no", I'm in a turrible fix. Just when I say "come on lets go", that's when I aughta say nix.

While I'm sure that nothing is more of a mystery to former New Jersey-ites than a rather disturbing fascination with current Pennsylvanians; and while neither are more nor less important in the big scheme of things than, oh, say, incontinent opossums, I'd like to... Oh, I don't know, perhaps garner some posts that have something to do with something other than their Younglings Ale slap fights with each other?!

IS THAT TOO BLOODY MUCH TO ASK?

[ September 23, 2003, 12:47 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

No No No!!! You hush up!! Simmer down now. You are a big headed windbag whiney pants poopiehead and I hatessss you. Oh yesss we hates you. You are like the Cowboys and the braves.

Zip it douchebag big head nasty person you!!

Edited to note that I'm just an Eagles fan who can't say "no", I'm in a turrible fix. Just when I say "come on lets go", that's when I aughta say nix.

While I'm sure that nothing is more of a mystery to former New Jersey-ites than a rather disturbing fascination with current Pennsylvanians; and while neither are more nor less important in the big scheme of things than, oh, say, incontinent opossums, I'd like to... Oh, I don't know, perhaps garner some posts that have something to do with something other than their Younglings Ale slap fights with each other?!

IS THAT TOO BLOODY MUCH TO ASK? </font>

[JonS]

Leans in and taps screen

*tink tink* Hello? Is there anyone in there?

Turns away from screen to floor to ceiling bookshelves, full of such titles as "Grogs I have Known", "Talking To, You Know, REAL People", and "Penetration Tables for 76.78L81 kwk 40 at 300' ASL, 34.2°C, Noon, Bright Sunshine. Volume 8.d. Revised."

Hmm. Nothing useful there.

Looks around for inspiration

Nope. None there. Still, this Uncle Sena guy seems ok - I wonder what he's up to?

Wanders of to make a warm milk. Except, of course, it'll be a cold milk, 'cos mum said not to play with the bad electricity. Not after that last unfortunate incident.

Mmm. Cold milk. That's the stuff! Now - where was I? Ah yes, Bas. There he is, burbling in pseudo-Groglish again. Does it count that I've lost to him more times than I can remember? Well, up until our last game of course. Teehee. Which reminds me - it's my turn to set up the next game.

Now - would any of you stout fellows have a good reed with which I could beat Bas in the way he oh-so-badly needs?

Edit Twice: because purfekshun really is worth it

[ September 23, 2003, 01:27 AM: Message edited by: JonS ]

[Bastables]

Originally posted by JonS:

leans in and taps screen

Now - would any of you stout fellows have a good reed with which I could beat Bas in the way he oh so badly needs?

That's it I'm sick and tired of your continued homoerotic subtext. If I've told you once I've told you twice, I will not play Noddy to your predatory Big Ears! And that is final.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Bastables:

Bald-faced lies!

... grogs have been involved in the cesspool since time immemorially, I draw your attention to Germanboy aka andreas aka getting his fascist hopping dog hide handed to him by yours truly at this very moment. Hell the pool even futzed around with an official grog with the caustic, bridling and ever superior SimonFox the lab rat...

...(A lot of stuff snipped here because he was becoming increasingly incoherent)...

Bastables, we've never denied Grog participation here in the Peng Challenge Thread. Sometimes it's taken us days to get out the smell of bleach and historicity.

The Grogs on the CM Forum are paramount. But...a little under-presented. We're not claiming special knowledge. We're not making a claim for historical knowledge.

We just want to give the CM Grogs some...sparkle.

Something that makes people sit up and take notice. That last little bit of insouciant certainty that says: 'Hi, I'm a CM guy! And a Grog! Take me home. Make me yours. I'm not the kind of Grog that's up 'til 3 AM playing klondike with my mannequin. I want to rock your world. I can make you laugh. I can make you understand the delicate balance between AP round production values and riveted armour.'

[ September 23, 2003, 01:15 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Michael Emrys]

I'm not a grog, but I've portrayed one on the CM forums...

Okay, so I am reading five books on WW II concurrently. BFD. I like to read. I also like playing with girls...though I wish they'd leave their dolls and tea sets at home.

Here's a quote from the Master that was going through my head today:

They all play on the penny whistle

You can hear them blow

If you lean your head out

Far enough

From

Desolation Row

That's the spirit. Desolation Row. That's where we ought to take this party. Get down with the truly depressed and miserable in this world. Wear a lot of black. Get tattoos and body piercing. Die of a drug overdose. Sounds inviting, what?

Then we can be reborn into a world full of light, flowers and incense. Beautiful girls in diaphanous gowns who are always willing. Islam has that part right at any rate.

Got a dump truckin' mama to

Unload my head

She brings me ev'rything

An' jus' like I said

If I go down dyin' y'know she's

Bound to put a blanket on my bed

Be cool.

Michael

[ September 23, 2003, 01:49 AM: Message edited by: Michael Emrys ]

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

I'm not a grog, but I've portrayed one on the CM forums...

Okay, so I am reading five books on WW II concurrently. BFD. I like to read. I also like playing with girls...though I wish they'd leave their dolls and tea sets at home.

Be cool.

Michael

The first step in making the new you is knowing the old you.

(or, in Mace's case, the first step in making the new ewe is having already had a go at her mother...}

Personally, I see only a need for tweaking with Emrys (but he was 'on the list').

Michael, what I see for you is simply a greater trust in your own sense of humour, and less trust in the almost magically half-witted swine that surround you. I mean, really. You repeatedly and courteously post with all the Major Grogs on the CM Forum.

Of course you have to be courteous, of course you have to be accepting! But isn't there room there for acknowledging that there's times when you'd like to take any number of them out into an open and deserted field, and kick the ever loving ****e out of the bastards?

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! AND YOU DON'T LIKE THE STUPID BASTARDS ANY THE LESS FOR WANTING TO DO SO!

A quick and dirty Makeover.

Gods bless all Grogs here.

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

You repeatedly and courteously post with all the Major Grogs on the CM Forum.

I am atoning for grievous sins committed in a previous incarnation. It's like washing the feet of lepers.

I'm also researching a Ph.D thesis on their quaint culture. After I finish that, I have a contract to design a new section for Disneyland. It's called Grogland. You'll understand that I don't want to give everything away, but I can reveal that it will include such thrilling rides as The Nitpick and The Hairsplit. The latter will have you on the edge of your seat. Or the seat of your edge, as the case may be.

Michael

[SirReal]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

I also like playing with girls...though I wish they'd leave their dolls and tea sets at home.

Do you really feel comfortable posting that where the FBI could read it?

/SirReal

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by SirReal:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

I also like playing with girls...though I wish they'd leave their dolls and tea sets at home.

Do you really feel comfortable posting that where the FBI could read it?</font>

[Andreas]

Originally posted by Bastables:

I draw your attention to Germanboy aka andreas aka getting his fascist hopping dog hide handed to him by yours truly at this very moment.

I can not but categorically deny this outpouring of unbridled spin rotating at a speed that would make an energy storage flywheel weep in envy. There are in this world lies, bald-faced lies, and Bastables' posts. Quite au contraire and habeas corpulent to what the pipe-smoking, slipper-wearing excuse for a pseudo grog masquerading as Bastables says in the above, there can be no question that the loss of all my tanks to his red hordes is anything but a magnificent victory for me. His men, who were welcomed with open arms and an invitation for breakfast on the fields of Kursk by my fascist Nazi SS jackboot-wearing village burners, err, I mean cuddly German tourists who just dismounted their Kaessbohrer Mark IV 75L48 buses for a brew-up, instead turned around and threw our offer of hospitality back at us, together with their inferior 76.2mm projectiles. So I had to kill them. Honest guv. Lots of them. So I did. In fact, the Magnitogorsk steel works can run on the shredded remains of his T34s for about a year or so, with no need for new ore to be delivered.

Quite frankly, reading made-up reports 'from the front', such as the one poured out some orifice by Bastables, that have the internal consistency of a News of the Screws report, or a Downing Street press release, albeit a slightly higher connection to reality than a Rumsfeld press briefing, makes me sick. I wish there could be some truth in this world. For a change.

I'll have to take this to Battlefront.com to see what can be done about it. A good caning comes to mind.

All I can suggest is that Basty should revert back to Borkum Reef in his pipe. The cow dung that is currently in it obviously does not agree with him, and produces bad trips.

[Nidan1]

Hmmmmmmm....lets see...peers into hidden closet...Grog make overs!...would Andreas look good in this?... holds up Pink Lame' Jumpsuit, from a long ago dark period, better not mentioned ....., no this won't do, it does'nt go well with jackboots. pulls out silk John Travolta shirt and tight polyester trousers Ah ha..now this is more like it, all we have to do now is put blonde streaks in his hair, tone down the teeth a little, a few Hustle lessons and viola!! Biermann could put Tony Manero to shame. I wonder if the Brooklyn babes would put up with his never ending drivel on tank gun calibers and armor penetration?

I wonder what I have in here for Dorosh?

Hey Boo you still have that Leisure Suit assortment I loaned you?

[Andreas]

Originally posted by Nidan1:

I wonder if the Brooklyn babes would put up with his never ending drivel on tank gun calibers and armor penetration?

Idiot. You are mistaking me for Bastables, or *shudder* Kip *shudder*. I don't give a flying monkey's about armour penetration.

Go somewhere and get a clue. What are you? Joe Shaw's dimwitted assistant that is allowed to prance about here to make him look better? Dalem's hair-comber incarnate? Oh don't tell me, I could not care any less, actually.

[Nidan1]

Originally post by Andreas:

Go somewhere and get a clue. What are you? Joe Shaw's dimwitted assistant that is allowed to prance about here to make him look better?

I'll have you know that Shaw can be perfectly dimwitted all by himself, and needs absolutely no help from me.