Peng, I Am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public

[Roborat]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

... some pointless long winded blather...

Roborunt..I have called ahead and pre-booked a mass grave for your troops ahead of an impending challenge, en garde!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Does that mean that I'm finally going to get a pool game. I'm soooo excited (sit down, etc.). It's about bloody time. Would this be my knnoiggitt qualification match?? It would have nice to get some actual human opponent practice first, but whatever, bring it on. By the way gophers are small and cannibalistic, so the grave won't need to be all that large.

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"With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal;

In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel." -G&S

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Roborat:

Would this be my knnoiggitt qualification match??

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No it is bloody not a kniggett qualification match!

Do you think those are just handed out like sick-bags at your family BBQ's? No Siree Mr RotaryRat, its not that easy, dark and mysterious powers must ponder and judicate over your pathetic mewling for the honour and priveledge of even being thought about being even considered for the outside chance of selection for a squire's joust.

As it stands, you are somewhere down the back of the que behind some fat kid who wears glasses and eats paste, and I dare say he'd be chosen for a knigget challenge ahead of you.

Now go bury your head in the sand so I've got somewhere to park my bike.

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Torture you? That...That's a good idea.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Would this be my knnoiggitt qualification match??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No, it wouldn't... that would be against Foolbar on a map created by your's truly and troops assigned by Seniletea. The map is done... Seniletea has it... it is out of my hands.

[Herr Oberst]

On the battlefront:

PeterNZ has signed a blood pact with the Devil, "He of the Cloven Hoof" (Or maybe he just buggered a sheep really well), but the Divine M8 is no more. Still, the battle rages on. This will wend out the last few final turns, into a minor win for one side or the other, who knows, but there will be lots of body parts to toss into the pool.

Crawdad, similarly aligned with Satan, managed to save his PzIVG with a timely "run like a little old lady chased by a chihuaua" a third of the way across the map. Games of peek-a-boo in the mist get really ugly, in case you didn't know..., although the good guys did manage to take down a 75mm Pak40 this past turn.

Shandorf is hearing things nowadays, like the buzzing of planes overhead where I have none (or do I? Hmm...) He took out two of my lesser minions with those cursed 60mm mortars I am sure, but we traded for two M3A1 halftracks in town killed, and two more immobilized. Now, if I can light his Ronsons, my troops could roast some marshmallows and pass the JaegerMeister around... For a small peek, go visit: http://home.cox.rr.com/herroberst/

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To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee...

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Ugh! For the terminally brain-damaged amongst us...'The commander of the tank's name'<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

you mean its Herr Obers?? wierd family you have stuka…

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Der Kessel Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[Stuka]

Thats Mrs Herr Obers to you, Menschy-frankenfurter!

Now go back to designing more smilies, how about one in frilly underwear? (I know how you like that sort of thing).

You sicko Krauto-Canuckian.

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Torture you? That...That's a good idea.

[mensch]

I have to share this one ...its so... beautiful...

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University:

English 44A

SMU, Creative Writing

Prof. Miller

In-class Assignment for Wednesday:

 

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

"The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted."

-----------------------------------------------------------

STORY:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

----------------------------------------------------------

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"

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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

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Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

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Asshole.

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Bitch.

[PeterNZer]

for goodness sake Mensch, if you're going to post web jokes on the holy of holies, the Peng thread, you could at least post a NEW one. I do believe I first read this piece some 4 years ago, but in the insipid world of net-humor the jokes tend to blend one into another.

Anyway. Had a draw vs. Lewis. It was a good game, marred by my not knowing the scenario, and Lewis having seen it already. In this circumstance a draw, (Stupid scenario, I owned both of the two big flags outright and had decimated the defender. Sure, we had lost almost the same ammount of stuff, (he lost a bit more) but still it was me on attack so 1:1 trade should be just fine. Damn stupid scenario points. It was a moral victory).

Herr Ovaries has indeed lost his holy M8 to the schrek o doom that has been chassing back and forth across the map for the past 5 turns. He did well for a tired little schrek man. the rest of the map is blood and death I'm affraid.

Chupie? Who knows. Last I remember I was kicking his little ass like he was some huge momma at an ass kicking competition. Still, I think he's dead or something, no emails, even on the Sunday he was supposed to be back.

Germy. Hmm. Odd scenario. And too predictable I think. I really have only one route, he really can only sensibly defend from one place. It will all come down to whetether arty gets a bit lucky, or tanks get some nice LOS. Interesting scenario, but not that interesting.

Meeks. Squish squish squeek. Well, that's the sound I imagine he's making as I stomp all over his little men.

Croda. Bah. Bah bah bah. Stupid tanks. Stupid can't hit anything. How's about this. One road, only place to go really. And i'm facing churchills front on. Bah. From 100m. Bah. I'll die soon and quit this gyped game with the snotty little co-squire.

JD Morse. Crap, shootouts with German armor over 500+ meters. Crap bah bah crap. Was funny watching a sherman of mine shove a 'live' lynx off a road and out of the way as it stormed across the map. Both units undegoing a shootout at the same time. Meanwhile my tanks die like flies as they fail to hit anything.

Bullethead. Seems he has like.. Life stuff.. and can't continue the race. Good luck man, I will keep the file close to my heart and hope for your return so I can once and for all give you the topplement you deserve.

Anyone else?

Who knows, it's probably boring and hence I forget.

all

die

now

PeterNZ

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"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." George W Bush -Saginaw, Mich.,

Sept. 29, 2000

[Hiram Sedai]

Hey Pete!!!

Wasssup? Wanna dance with the Hiram in the pale moon light? I have a place all ready for you in my lineup. I'm still waiting for a file, tough guy.

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Did someone compare this to the Peng thread? I've apologized for less.

-Anonymous

[Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Hiram, if you don't stop posting about this thing called the Philadelphia Eagles...I shall hide it the kitchen and cackle like a hen.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sir Seachai, I am saddened to see that you are indeed bereft of testosterone. I had thought that living in the land of the "Vikes" would have toughened you up by now, But it would appear that your effeminate nature is truly indominateable and pervasive. When it started snowing in August, did you put on your coat of the fuschia hue and your Pokemon mittens to play in the snow? I could try to explain passion for football to you, but I'm sure it would be met with much eye rolling and deep sighing on your knightly part.

Please let me know when you want to share in a PBEM. Now that would be good entertainment.

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Did someone compare this to the Peng thread? I've apologized for less.

-Anonymous

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally blaberd by PeterNZer:

for goodness sake Mensch, if you're going to post web jokes on the holy of holies, the Peng thread, you could at least post a NEW one. I do believe I first read this piece some 4 years ago, but in the insipid world of net-humor the jokes tend to blend one into another.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

lets see old jokes for old folks.... as the old warrior Hunuko of the Tumokono Tribe said to his battling opponent...

"Bite me!"**

<h5>** which the opponent did, at this point Hunuko gave his opponent a hammering likes the never seen before. Sadly Hunuko conracted mulu-mulu disease, which cause one the urge to wear fluffy bras and pink tu-tu's... needless to say no one took Hunuko the brave warrior serriously after that.</h5>

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Der Kessel Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[Herr Oberst]

Hiram and the Eagles...

Well that explains where the big piles of bird crap keep coming from...

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To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee...

[Roborat]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Would this be my knnoiggitt qualification match??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No, it wouldn't... that would be against Foolbar on a map created by your's truly and troops assigned by Seniletea. The map is done... Seniletea has it... it is out of my hands.

Oh that explains my confusion, I thought Stuka had somehow gotten Berli's setup, instead of foolboy. So, it seems that I am actually about to receive two (two!) files. Oh! my rapture knows no bounds. I will remain skeptical until they actually arrive in my mailbox. Oops, this post is far to coherent. Got to go now, medication is starting to wear off.

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"With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal;

In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel." -G&S

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PigGroom:

The Croda in me always thought Conrad was a former federal agent who ducked it out with the Japs in a flying metal horse named Corsair.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

At last your true self is revealed, and you sir are no Frenchman. Leaving aside the question of why anyone would impersonate the French, no true Gaul would ever admit to even a passing knowledge of that piece of Americana known as "Baa Baa Blacksheep." Even your pungent aroma is false, and was probably obtained during a long sweaty night of rubbing against some coffee shop artist.

If you are truly French, prove yourself. Go loot a McDonalds.

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The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis. - Anon. German General

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sean-feng-shui:

Be careful, in your journey upriver. Should you actually arrive at your destination in the heart of Schloss Peng, it will be you brokenly crying 'the horror, the horror!'.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I have come to this Cesspool, and journeyed up the Schloss Peng under the apparently mistaken impression that this was a challenge thread. Instead I find much contemplation of navel lint, dissertations on sheep buggary, and God help, us the Philadelphia Eagles; but not a game to be found. Could it be that in the depths of ennui you have lost that spark that once made this former of pit death and destruction into Romper Room? As originator of the thread, you should be ashamed. Nevertheless, I will continue on, as to leave for the rest of the forum is to be consigned to topics such as "how do I do that reply with quote thingy" and "CM sucks because game does not correctly model the penetration of the German Big Ass Gun Mk. XXIX. I demand that this be corrected immediately, so that I can shoot through 5 Shermans with one round rather than 4." No, I will not retire to the realm of Rob and Lewis, and my journey to the source of the Schloss Peng will not be swayed by incompetent provincials or surly natives.

[This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-13-2000).]

[Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Marlow:

"...and God help, us the Philadelphia Eagles..."

[PeterNZer]

Marlow, you are as noisy as you a noxious, you force me to play you so that I might gain some pleasure from your destruction.

Send me a setup.

While the world is watching, where/how/what who is my damn Kinigit Challenge?! JD Morse! Where are you to champion my cause as someone who can kick your booty and as a worthy wretch etc.

PeterNZ

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"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." George W Bush -Saginaw, Mich.,

Sept. 29, 2000

[Roborat]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

No it is bloody not a kniggett qualification match!

...yadda, yadda, yadda

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey Stuka, I love you to. Oh by the way, refer to post following yours, it will explain something to you. In the meantime, I fart in your Aunties faces, and wave my privates in your general direction (or something like that). Surrender now, or prepare to fight! (bonus points if you can id the quote).

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"With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal;

In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel." -G&S

[This message has been edited by Roborat (edited 11-13-2000).]

[Croda]

As the fore-gunner on PT 212 scanned the river ahead of him, he got an uneasy feeling in his gut. It was similar to the sensation of eating live worms, and having them squirm around in your belly. He new it meant trouble...that something was going to happen...

He strained his eyes forward and trained the .50cal on a small shape in the river. The Captain slowed the engines and the 212 floated up close to what was emerging out of the mist as a yellow, rubber raft, being carried by the current. The markings read: S.S. Marlow. The Captain hailed the lone passenger:

Hey, Marlow! Wake your lazy ass up!

Huh? What? Who are you?

I am Captain Croda, in charge of the PT 212. I've been charged with patrolling the pool for riff-raff like you. Now stand up, we're coming aboard.

Coming aboard for what? You've got no reason...

Gang Way! I certainly do have reason. I need to make sure that you have the equipment to survive in this pool. Judging by the barge you're sailing, my guess is you'll sink and be eaten alive by the bottom feeders.

Bottom Feeders? Do you mean jdMorse?

Why? Just because he's a lawyer? Naw, we've got worse scum than him around here. The Bottom Feeders come for a swim every now and then to see what they can find out here, unaware. Keep your eyes peeled. Germanboy is out here today, I saw him go for a swim a few hours ago. And Shaw's down there somewhere, he surfaces every now and then.

I had no idea? I thought this was a harmless little place that little kids like me come to frolic and dance and skip the days away. You mean to tell me that there is real danger? Not just navel-lint discussions?

It's only dangerous if you're not prepared. Let me see what you've got in your arsenal. And Bauhaus, I said ARESNAL!!

What was that for?

You'll learn...Let's see, word usage - decent; vague literary references - just the name from what I can see; biting insults - not really there; CM skill - totally unproven; Grog level - very high; juvenality - high; humor - decent;poignant and directed taunts - improving gradually.

Well, it looks to me like you may one day grow some hair on your nads, but for now, I'm going to have to tow you to Isla Newbia. It's for your own good.

Isla Newbia? But I want to be a Knigget!

Stifle yourself! You can't handle yourself in here yet! You won't last with the likes of PawBroon, I'd hate to think what would happen if Meeks or Berli got to you.

What about Seanachai?

You won't see him travel out here, he doesn't like to get wet. As a matter of fact, he may not even exist. No one has ever actually seen him. The current theory is that it's Peng's alter ego, and Peng created him so at least he could say that somebody lost to Peng.

Wow, that's fascinating.

Sure is, but that's the stuff you need to learn. I'm towing you to Isla Newbia. You can bunk with Hiram, he's a nice guy. You'll get sick of him being nice after about a week or so, and then you'll want to slaughter everything that moves. It'll be good training for you. Steer clear of PeterNZer though. He likes to...well, you'll learn the hard way. Is that a lamb's wool sweater?

Why yes it is.

Wonderful. Hitch up this line, we'll give you a tow. But don't venture back out here for a while...you're not ready. shandorffffff, fire up the engines!

I am so stupid. Thank you Captain Croda! Thank You!

Just doing my job, son, just doing my job

The Frigging End

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"Nuts!"

[This message has been edited by Croda (edited 11-13-2000).]

[Hiram Sedai]

"Prepare for trouble and make it double!!"

-Pokemon

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Did someone compare this to the Peng thread? I've apologized for less.

-Anonymous

[This message has been edited by Hiram Sedai (edited 11-13-2000).]

[Roborat]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

"Prepare for trouble and make it double!!"

-Pokemon

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I knew YOU would get it, I was aiming this at the other sewer skimmers.

[PeterNZer]

I CHOOSE YOU, CRODACHOO!

Whereupon Croda appears out of his own ass, like a little green hairy nose goblin and then starts grunting 'croda croda croo daaa CRO-da cro-DAAAAAA' and hopping up and down

*PeterNZ pets Croda on the head, pat pat*

"good boy Crodachoo! Now you must fight, because Meeksy is here and says he can be your topplement!"

"CRO-DA crodacroda cro-DAAAA"

"that's the spirit boy, now go get him!"

*Crodachoo launches himself into the air and leaps at meeksy "CRODDDAAAAAA"*

"use your stink cloud!"

*Crodachoo emits an unholy stench from between his buttocks, Meesky gasps and coughs, but then launches wall of bile"

"Crodachoo! His bile is blocking your stench!"

*At that moment Meeksy attacks with righteous vitriol, quickly following up with the advanced form of the long pointless invicative attack, Crodachoo is caught with his pants down, literally, and gasps, knocked to the ground*

"croo... daaaa crooda"

"Crodachoo! You can do it! Use circular logic!"

*Crodachoo leaps and binds his enemy in circular logic, leaving meesky dazed and confused, grappling with the implications*

"Now follow up with your wall of noise!"

"CR-O-DAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

*Crodachoo launches his special attack, hundreds of pointless words and passages of text across thousands of posts, soon meeks is gagging under the mass of ****e Crodachoo spills forth! Meeksy collapses to the ground and whimpers away to a corner. PeterNZ and Crodachoo jump up and down in joy!*

"Please Crodachoo you're getting too excited, that's my leg, go find Mark IV"

THE END

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"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." George W Bush -Saginaw, Mich.,

Sept. 29, 2000

[PawBroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Chirped by a Sparrow:

At last your true self is revealed, and you sir are no Frenchman. Leaving aside the question of why anyone would impersonate the French, no true Gaul would ever admit to even a passing knowledge of that piece of Americana known as "Baa Baa Blacksheep."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well Triste Sire, I am French and the stench is genuine.

The dreaded show you're referring to is called "Les tetes brulees" ("Burning Heads" in your backwater dialect).

Although they did only two seasons of it because it was too expensive to produce and was opposed to "Charlie's Angels" at that time, it had been aired in France even since.

Now be nice and respect my frenchness or you'll never have a game in this challengeless challenge Thread...

After all if you're so witless as to target the only questionable frog in here, how would you fare against some of the true evil beings like BleatMeUp and his uncanny ability to suck up any intelligent substance in anyone's posts?

You seem to have a modicum of education and some basic knowledge of tauntings.

My inner Croda says it has a growing foundness for you.

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And NO Bauhaus I didn't say SELF EXPLORATORY.

[Chupacabra]

Bow down, children, Daddy's home.

Files have been sent to those who deserve them. If I missed anyone...well, tough. I hate you all so much that it's a bit difficult to read your insipid emails for fear that I will spontaneously combust with bilious black rage, let alone download any attachments. So if you don't get a file from me, it's your own fault for being such a hateful person.

Oh, and Sheepshagger: it's you, not me, who owes the file. I've been waiting for you for some time. The delay has at least given me a chance to think about the patterns in which your lower intestine will look best in when croched into a scarf.

Cheerio, illegitimate foundlings!

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Grand Poobah of the fresh fire of Heh.

[jdmorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer:

While the world is watching, where/how/what who is my damn Kinigit Challenge?! JD Morse! Where are you to champion my cause as someone who can kick your booty and as a worthy wretch etc<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sheepshagger my young apprentice, you appear before me and demand a boon from me, your liege and lord? Well let's see if you are ready. We do have standards you know.

1) Diplomacy....In the first game I granted you, to test your mettle, you had the audacity to both beat me and crow about it. Not wise my boy, not wise. At least Croda has the sense to lie down and die under my VT barrages after realizing that if he went any further he might win.

2) Generalship....in our second game you are proving yourself a tank commander non paraeil...at losing your own tanks. Your tactics are abysmal and if you'd stop chasing the local fauna and apply yourself perhaps you might improve, but alas you are addicted to those "little woolies" aren't you?

3) Aucumen...you appeal to me to assist your cause. Apparently you seem to think that I have some authority or repect in this pool..fer chrissakes man I am a lawyer! So your ability to discern the shifting centers of power and hierachy are sadly lacking. Your pathetic attempt to call Croda out, since that relation is incestous and already taboo by the tribal council of elder kniggits demonstrates a certain lack between the old earlobes if you know what I mean.

4) Perspicasity....Well here you at least show some merit. Gawd, you do go on. However, you fail further (see 1 and 3 above) in thinking that we'd want anyone that would actually want to be such as ourselves, to join us. Your desire to be a kniggit proves your unsatisfactory and unsavory nature and forever will disqualify you. You cannot find or demand greatness, it is thrust upon you unwillingly, much as a poor woolie finds you. The Old One of the North and the Evil one must decide your fate.

Nonetheless, keep at it boy, after all our amusements and divertisments are important to us.

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Kniggit of the Old Pool, Official 3000th poster to the original Peng thread and present at it's demise

[This message has been edited by jdmorse (edited 11-13-2000).]