Peng, I Am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public

[Hakko Ichiu]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chupacabra:

Yes, we've established this much, but haven't you anything else to say?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Gee, how about, "I know you are but what am I?"

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Ethan

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"We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech." -- Dr. Kathleen Dixon, Director of Women's Studies, Bowling Green State University

[Joe Shaw]

Joe scrolled down the posts on page 48 of The One, The Only, The Peng Thread, his confident, sure touch on the mouse directing the cursor to it's appointed place on the page. His high, noble forehead (a sign of intelligence, to be sure) creased momentarily and then smoothed as he chuckled ... not at the comments of course, but at the thought that NOW, at last, Senility's simple, uncomplicated world was a bit brighter as he (Senility that is) was relieved of his anxiety that he (Shaw in this case) had gone forever. Joe's brow furrowed again as he attempted to decypher the convoluted prose created by his (Senility again) drug addled organ that passed for a brain when he (yup, Senility) wrote: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Yes, but it wasn't satisfying. It wasn't verbose, it wasn't tedious, it simply wasn't... Shaw!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Quite so, I trust this massive missive will quench your thirst. I exist, after all, to serve. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I would serve as a character witness, ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Oh my, no, no, uh I mean, thanks ever so much but my current difficulties don't require a character witness such as yourself. Right lads, Cell 14, lower dungeon, in chains and toss the key. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>{snip} Hell, even my present wouldn't pass muster in any nation where I couldn't rely on clandestine

understandings with 'Corrupt Governmental / Military Officials' who want to keep certain things off the public record.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Not to worry, public opinion is starting to shift to an understanding that what happens between a man such as yourself and an adult, consenting sheep is a mental and moral question and not one for legal action. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well, that's a bloody relief. I thought we might have to round-up one of the most verbal and chemically dependent of the Newbies as a

replacement, and tell him that Master says his name is gonna be Joe Shaw from now on, and he's going to have to work in the Big House.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>A replacement? Surely a pale and unsatisfying imitation my good man ... much like your role, not to put too fine a point on it. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mace and I are presently in a PBEM, Shaw, so do me a favour and dig a heel into a kidney so as to cripple.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> What? He is MACE, he's crippled just by that. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Splashing? You vulgarian. My appreciation of the Bodhran sometimes makes me get a little syncopated, but I never splash.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, I must then have mistaken the wavelets created by ... whatever it is you ARE doing under the surface there to be splashing. My mistake ... I say Mace, perhaps we should shift our position a few meters further UPSTREAM! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You have me there, Squire.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I will give you the benefit of the doubt and presume that you are using the term {shudder} Squire in the generic sense and not in the 'pool sense. Else I would be forced to take offense and instruct Mace to beat you like a drum instead of giving you the victory as befits a Squire vs. Knight conflict. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Brrrr. Took away my will to touch meself, they did, and it takes a lot to achieve that.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmmm, yes I suppose the sheep isn't always reliable ... by the way, be sure to practice safe sex ... tag the ones that kick. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>When yer case comes up, try for a change of venue out of state. No sane populace would find you guilty.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Well, that would pretty much rule out Minnesota then.

Joe

[David Aitken]

Is it just me, or sexual references starting to proliferate around the board? I can almost go into any given thread, and just read the suggestive comments... umm, I mean, not that I'd be looking to or anything... Must be the time of year, now that it's got cold and dark and everyone's shut away indoors. And shut away they should be, if you ask me, which inevitably you don't.

David (who hasn't yet worked out that sunset is supposed to be a cue for people to go to bed)

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Is it just me, or sexual references starting to proliferate around the board? I can almost go into any given thread, and just read the suggestive comments... umm, I mean, not that I'd be looking to or anything... Must be the time of year, now that it's got cold and dark and everyone's shut away indoors. And shut away they should be, if you ask me, which inevitably you don't.

David (who hasn't yet worked out that sunset is supposed to be a cue for people to go to bed)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thank the gods, there's Aitken! Thought he might be dead, and was going to make some of the peasants drag the 'Pool for him. Oh, well, no reason to waste the abuse, most of them can't read well enough to sort out that he's still alive, we'll have them holding their noses and diving after all. Welcome back, David. We could use some new art for this place, it's got a rather nasty echo since we moved to the new digs...

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

An immense amount of Shavian prose...

A replacement? Surely a pale and unsatisfying imitation my good man ... much like your role, not to put too fine a point on it...

Even more Shavian prose that ends with a sad little whiny dig at the marvelous state of Minnesota, where men are men, and sheep are frozen.

Joe <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ah, now that was all Shaw, that was! Thick, turgid, the 10w40 weight of prose and meaning.

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Thick, turgid, the 10w40 weight of prose and meaning.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Sit DOWN Blousehouse, I'm not sure if it was the Thick the Turgid or the 10w40 but ... well just sit down.

Joe

[gorilla]

Weird big thread.

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gorilla:

Weird big thread.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Gorilla, at the Washington Monument: Tall pointy thing!

At the ocean: Big wet spot!

At indoor plumbing: Gawl-leee!

At Meeks: Illiterate boor!

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Let me start of saying that Combat Mission is a WARGAME. -Maximus

[Hamstersss]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Gorilla, at the Washington Monument: Tall pointy thing!

At the ocean: Big wet spot!

At indoor plumbing: Gawl-leee!

At Meeks: Illiterate boor!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You are the second most humorous person to post on this board. I am currently laughing so hard as to not think straight. Hey, Custer's a great calvary commander! Hey, look at that, supply side economics works! Wahoo! This is better than psychadelics! Weeee, wait, ok, stopped laughing. Seriously, whoa, that was a funny post. Hey, wait a minute, that last part was about me!

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I've got far more annoying things than that up my sleeve.

-Meeks

You must wear awfully loose shirts to fit an oompah band up your sleeve.

-Chrisl

[Kitty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Gorilla,

At the ocean: Big wet spot!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Fine. Just as long as I don't have to sleep in it.

I tried to keep quiet but I couldn't resist. =)

Kitty

[Hamstersss]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Kitty:

Fine. Just as long as I don't have to sleep in it.

I tried to keep quiet but I couldn't resist. =)

Kitty

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No, sorry, we've filled our quota, we'll have no more women here, thank you. Yes, yes, move along. Out, now!

Gah, women, you vote them into office and then they want to be everywhere. I say we stone her!

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I've got far more annoying things than that up my sleeve.

-Meeks

You must wear awfully loose shirts to fit an oompah band up your sleeve.

-Chrisl

[Kitty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

No, sorry, we've filled our quota, we'll have no more women here, thank you. Yes, yes, move along. Out, now!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why? You afraid I might steal some of your men? =)

Kitty

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Kitty:

Why? You afraid I might steal some of your men?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You can steal me, Kitty. (Send picture of boat and motor.)

[Herr Oberst]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

No, sorry, we've filled our quota, we'll have no more women here, thank you. Yes, yes, move along. Out, now!

Gah, women, you vote them into office and then they want to be everywhere. I say we stone her!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmm...

I say we get her stoned, then we see what it takes...

no... No... NO... NO...

*ack* must... maintain... control...

*arrgh* must... respect... *gack*

*grr* not... the... keyboard...

to make her pu... aaaauuuuugggghhhhhhh!!

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Kitty:

Why? You afraid I might steal some of your men? =)

Kitty<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Wiping the tears away...okay, Meeks, my little Marshall of Knights, that was the next funniest post after Mark IVs.

Welcome, Kitty. Your presence is refreshing, and in this Cesspool, that's a blessing.

Mark IV is back to keep Meeks in line, women are showing up to slap Meeks like a cheeky monkey, Aitkin isn't dead, Shaw is posting again, Berli is Evil, Geier is jolly and pathological, YK2 seeks to destroy me, PawBroon is unutterably mad and French, Lorak broods, Hiram is polite, Bauhaus is standing and waving his hand over his head to be called on, Peng communes with Powers beyond mankind, Professor Doktor Hamster X is lolling on the beaches in Tahiti, Andreas/Chubacabra/and Ilk are drunk in London, God is in His Heaven, and we crouch here below in muck. Who's for a bit of a sing-song, then?

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Hamstersss]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Wiping the tears away...okay, Meeks, my little Marshall of Knights, that was the next funniest post after Mark IVs.

Welcome, Kitty. Your presence is refreshing, and in this Cesspool, that's a blessing.

Mark IV is back to keep Meeks in line, women are showing up to slap Meeks like a cheeky monkey, Aitkin isn't dead, Shaw is posting again, Berli is Evil, Geier is jolly and pathological, YK2 seeks to destroy me, PawBroon is unutterably mad and French, Lorak broods, Hiram is polite, Bauhaus is standing and waving his hand over his head to be called on, Peng communes with Powers beyond mankind, Professor Doktor Hamster X is lolling on the beaches in Tahiti, Andreas/Chubacabra/and Ilk are drunk in London, God is in His Heaven, and we crouch here below in muck. Who's for a bit of a sing-song, then?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh no, we'll have no sing while I'm around here. It is an odd equilibrium that has been reached within the Pool, though I must say, since not a soul patted me on the back, my John Wayne-Patton post was the funniest thing known to man since Confucious invented knock knock jokes.

I am sad to report OGSF is in the process of beating me like a redheaded stepchild and looks to be moving into the beating me like a white dog area. I'm having a good fight with Jitbag (Elvis told me to call him that, I don't know why but it does have a good ring to it) and Croda is once again learning why I have total control over his pathetic life.

Oh, and unless one of them is a man, we've got more women in the Pool than the entire rest of the forum put together, life is good.

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I've got far more annoying things than that up my sleeve.

-Meeks

You must wear awfully loose shirts to fit an oompah band up your sleeve.

-Chrisl

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:

Hmm...

I say we get her stoned, then we see what it takes...

no... No... NO... NO...

*ack* must... maintain... control...

*arrgh* must... respect... *gack*

*grr* not... the... keyboard...

to make her pu... aaaauuuuugggghhhhhhh!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OBERST, YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN! YOU'VE GOT ISSUES, LADDY, YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO!

Although, in it's own horrible way, that was somewhat well done. I could see where you were going, and although you're a useless wank, there were elements there that were, well, clever. Stop it. Return to biting the ankles of your betters, and pulling the forelock when noticed.

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

No, sorry, we've filled our quota, we'll have no more women here, thank you. Yes, yes, move along. Out, now!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

MEEKS! HEADS UP, YOU SODDING LITTLE GIT!

We brought you in here not merely because you're as crazy as a treeful of rats, not merely because even the repeated application of the Brick made little or no impression, not merely because yes, you can turn a humorous phrase and are an occasionally extremely humourous bastard, but we mainly brought you in here to help act as an enforcer of for the Order of the Knights of the Cesspool (with Squires and attendant Peasants, and the Sodding Horror of the Presence of Retired Morris Dancers).

Now, you are devoting your efforts to chivying women from the 'Pool, which is singularly counter-productive, given that so far the women showing up here to post are way more humourous and well-spoken than an equal showing by recent Squires/Peasants/Wannabes.

Your job, if you think things through (and you never do, which is why, Meeks my rodent, you will still need me, even should you hammer me into the muck from which you arose, and everyone should chime in to agree that you're significantly more humourous for fewer characters used than that Seanachai fella') is to deal with the fact that eventually, some rejected dolt is going to show up in one of the 'dudes, I think all sorts of stupid things rule, and my opinion needs to be spread across the board because I think it's becoming infected' threads, and tell everyone: 'hey, did you hear that there are women over in the Cesspool, man?', and when the hydrocephalics write back to say they can't find the Cesspool thread, one of the brighter Red Dwarf stars will inform them, 'man, it's called like the Peng Challenge Thread, or somefink', and there's going to be an f'ing migration of completely useless and cortex-dead simians showing up here to post swill even worse and less interesting than what the lowest of our members are capable of, with tag-lines like 'yo, where are the chicas, man? Hey, dude, are you a lady?'

Gird yourself, Meeks, and drive not forth from this rather fetid sanctuary all those who yearn to post free, regardless of race, regardless of gender, creed, or even Being French! Get the damn Brick ready to knock some sodding sense into the heads of lesser life-forms who might storm this last bastion of the 'Up yours, you useless sod, and send me that quote from Marcus Aurelius that proves to all exactly how vulgar I am...' school of posting (bet that Brick feels pretty good in the hand, doesn't it, Meeks? Solid, significant, satisfying...)

Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Quick, Meeks, bar the doors! Oh, and set out the good pint glasses, Hiram, we're entertaining tonight, and draw a ewer of the truly good stuff.

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Bullethead]

Miss a day at the forum and miss 4 pages of this thread. Good riddance, I say. It appeared to be nothing but Senility and his lapdancing Hameekster taking turns dropping the soap in their long, hot shower together. So, on with more important matters. To wit, another report on the continued destruction of my various foes.

SheepNZbed 6 Daimlers in a bumper-to-bumper draft on the home stretch, when a lone Puma rams into their midst and takes over 3rd place. All vehicles come to a halt as their drivers back and fill around those they have collided with. Somehow, my Puma survives the 0-range fire long enough to be targeted by one of the "good lads" of the RAF, who is intent stopping my leader. 2 bombs arc down and all but 1 Daimler are immobilized. The survivor is trying to negotiate the wreck-strewn rough slope and is about to be passed by my following vehicles on the road. I'm still laughing about this one.

Seedy His Pumas have squandered their lead by getting out of the groove. Now it's a dead heat in the center of town, where the infantry appear too intent on killing each other to do much about the passing armored cars. One of Seedy's squads was annihilated as it attempted to cross a street and another's building is now a mass of flames following a satchel charge explosion.

Qeier His pathetic rabble cowers around the VL like it can protect them, but it shall only mark their mass grave. Nothing but the flagpole will remain when we finish with this village.

Gerbiltoy His snowfiend Canadians continue to stumble around aimlessly as arty and snipers thin their ranks. Attempting to retaliate, he has begun blindly shelling random sections of the map. It reminds me of the writhings of a snake after you blow its head off with a shotgun.

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-Bullethead

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there is bacteria.

[OGSF]

Hello again, you wretched pox-ridden squabbling scum, ...and ladies.

Quite right, Mr Meeks, confounded and out foxed again it seems. Please don't surrender before I have the pleasure of hearing the ripping thuds of Heer lead smacking into your abhorrent contingent of Quebec militia.

StukaPukaPants - attacks my paltry infantry defence with his armour, and dies like a cane toad cricket ball. Keep moving forward Stooks, not all of my men have gotten to kill something yet.

Speedy - foggy day, green infantry meeting green infantry. Come and warm yourself around the roaring fires. Come on lad...no good skulking back there in the mist.

Lorak - some minor success in the last turn. A fleeting thing of course, but he actually managed to shoot some of the hamstertruppen walking towards his men in the woods. But the general tide moves on. Speaking of my esteemed sponsor...

HiramKnockKnockBuggerOffSedai - I have been toying with his green Frenchies (ughh!) in the Kannigget Joust. Soon, soon my pets, very soon the world will come crashing down around his confused and aimlessly wandering Voul-et-Vents.....what price then his "I hold the Victory Location"?

As for the rest of you, remember to chew the lumps.

OberGrupenBloodyStompinFeuhrerBastard

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bullethead:

Miss a day at the forum and miss 4 pages of this thread. Good riddance, I say. It appeared to be nothing but Senility and his lapdancing Hameekster taking turns dropping the soap in their long, hot shower together.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh, fine, Prison/USMC references. They're almost indistinguishable, and draw from the same crowd. Still, Bullethead is purported to be a master of Artillery. We'll let it pass, for now...

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Roborat]

This is the funniest page I have seen yet on this thread. Not just one or two good posts, but a sustained string. I actually burst out laughing, scared the crap out of the cat. My congratulations to all, with special notice to Meeks. I salute you.

Sorry, the drugs took control for a minute, I hate you all now, back to normal. Move along, nothing to see here...

Wait a minute, two alleged women, and they are in our thread! Wasn't that one of the signs fortold in the book of Peng. Number 7, Part 4d, Subsection 11.25 I believe. Sandwiched between a coherent Meeks post and a nasty Hiram taunting. If Peng posts haiku written with smilies I'm heading for the backcountry. I think I am going to replenish my foodstocks and finish that bomb shelter, just in case.

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"With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal;

In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel." -G&S

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>women are showing up to slap Meeks like a cheeky monkey<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And this surprises you how?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Berli is Evil<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Redundent

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>PawBroon is unutterably mad and French<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Redundent

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Lorak broods<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Redundent

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Peng communes with Powers beyond mankind<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Correction... is a Power...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Who's for a bit of a sing-song, then?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh bloody hell... what now?

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Why? You afraid I might steal some of your men? =)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sehr gut! Hit him again... we want to see blood

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Oh, fine, Prison/USMC references. They're almost indistinguishable...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Much as I find Bullethead to be loathsome (artillerymen all are... being generally lower life forms), I must point out that you have insulted the sacred... that which is truly honorable and good... my beloved Corps. For that you insignificant cunuk wannabe, I must demand your head. I give you the option of sending it via second day air... as whatever method you deem suitable for severing it will be infinitly less painful than the method I have in mind.