imported_Hiram Sedai

Madam Seanachai, My disdain for you started when I was just a fetus. When both of my brain cells combined efforts, the disdain started for all things Bard. As I was torn from the womb I screamed your name at the doctor and he decided to slap me anyway. As a toddler, I would scrawl your likeness upon my bedroom walls with the only paint I could find. Since it was always available, your brown, geriatric visage was always there until my poor mother would scrub it away. As I learned to stumble and then walk, I would practice kicking the bard. I imagined your face upon that hapless soccer ball and would shout epithets at your personage. I encouraged my playmates to play games like “eviscerate the bard” and “stomp the gnome” but they were much more interested in other activities. So, I continued alone in my quest to pummel you. Flash forward through my prepubescent angst and pitfalls of life. The time finally arrived when I became your squire. The others taunted and shat upon me with their vile prose because I was connected to you with a tenuous umbilical cord of slavery. You wanted me to beat another squire and I purposely lost because it was your wish that I would win. You did not show your disappointment because you suddenly knew that I wasn’t there to do your bidding after all. I noticed that you began to become concerned with your new squire and chose to distance me. Perhaps you sensed that I would like nothing more than to put on my Seanachai kicking boots and go to town. But then again, I probably overestimated you. With each sonnet and poetic musing you uttered, I abhorred you more. You took others squires and did a poor job mentoring them too. Maybe they will figure out that poetry and pretty words don’t help in battles. Now, you revel in a sick, demented, sadomasochistic world of your own making. You want others to pay attention to you and pretend to hate you so you can respond with pithy sayings. You flex your cerebral muscles as your flabby body undulates with disgusting rhythm and is replete with back hair. I no longer lose my lunch thinking about you. There was a time when a spineless worm such as yourself would disgust me and force me to look away. That time is past. It’s your turn to reply with the false assumption that I am phobic and projecting. Just know as you step into your unwashed pajamas this evening and cuddle with your plastic love mate, that I do hate you. It’s hatred combined with a bit of fear that there are others like you and they may be living near me. It’s also a bit of concern that you may have influenced a generation of effeminate poets and testosterone driven anger may be a thing of the past soon. You can reply with your pedantic mewling now.

I hate to say this, but it's bad taste to post this here when you could email the webmaster of that site. I remember when that site rocked and I'm glad he put all the work he did into it.

Lagavulin, ye spotty faced kipper toucher.</font>

Well, when I got home, I pounded down a quick brewsky, but now I'm just having water. Later, I will pound down a few more brews, but I must go light tonight as I plan on spending yet another day knee-deep in "The Tots From HELL!" Don't forget to "fall back" tonight.</font>

Hiram, did you read what I wrote about Mr. Night and his tendency to 'project' onto others? I have a sad, certain suspicion why it is you are so fixated with 'bums'...</font>

I'm currently playing against two confirmed pillow biters. Since this is such an astoundingly important topic, I thought it warrented a bump.

Make sure you wear that cute little maid outfit too, Dalem. The loney old dude loves that stuff. I was going to fix him up with my great aunt Ethel, but I guess you'll do, Dalem.

What about that booty in the big shorts you were pining over earlier?</font>

I haven't finished a CMBB PBEM yet, but some are not going so well yet. I know for certain that if I were to play OGSF that I would beat him within an inch of his life and make him run home crying to his mommy. If this was any help whatsoever, it was purely unintential.

Idiot, "holding your own" is not a tribute to dignity. I noticed that little wisecrack earlier and I decided to not stomp your guts out. That would be unseemly. I can relate to what mister Dalem is going through. I went through the period of self doubt and remorse at one time too. Since your profession does not allow for feelings of empathy, I don't expect you to understand things like feeling discouraged. I've been guilty of "holding my own" for some time now since I've been bereft of a partner. The cacophony of grunting noises emanating from my apartment has made my neighbors a bit jumpy. They are hesitant in shaking my hand because they know that I am one of the outcast. As a pariah of society, I am used to the demeaning glances and whispered inuendoes. This is the paragraph that you might reply from. Like many of your ilk, you are all too predictable. I can understand what the single cell, brainless one is going through. I can relate. PS "I like big butts and I cannot lie..."

I know this thread is meant for creative humor, fake venom, and duplicitous hatred towards opponents. But, I need to purge some real hatred hear and now, so bear with me. Let me speak of real hatred. The kind that makes you cry alone in your apartment and forces you to feel totally ineffectual. My mind roams over the possibilities of why and why not as I view my sister in the throes of a seizure because of her brain cancer. It was the first time I saw this first time first hand and I was helpless. She describes her symptoms as a tingling, then numbness in her right side of her body, and then she goes blind in her right eye. Can I do anything to help? Of course not. I am just a human. As I see her collapse in a heap on the floor, I feel nothing but immediate sympathy but cannot convey that because that would be forbidden in that house. It is “meant to happen for a reason” she says. Her faith and strength of character is enough to humble me and silence my questions. She does much to comfort me, as I am very upset when I see such a thing happen. Still, when I am home alone, I get to ruminate upon the injustice of it all. I allow the feelings of anger to run through my mind and I wrestle with the abhorrence I have for all things having to do with cancer. This is true hatred, gentlemen. This is what wracks my soul and leaves me with no answers. There are so many of us who abuse our bodies and live the carnal lifestyle with no or little repercussions. Then there are those who live a life of peace and internal strength who suffer from malignant tumors. I can rail against the powers that be and pretend that the idea of original sin cannot affect my family. I refuse to believe that anyone deserves to be treated that way by fate. I won’t delve into Judeo Christian mythos at the moment because I lost that seed of faith years ago although she still holds to the belief that her god allows this to happen for a reason. For me, it demolishes the idea of Agape love and the treatment of the followers of that god. Perhaps, when we all stand before the Bema Seat, we will know once and for all why the innocent would suffer from such an egregious disease. Until that time arrives, I will feel absolute abhorrence for anything that harms my family. Yes, I know that I am supposed to mention gameplaying issues here and pretend effrontery due to a battle with an opponent. I just needed to vent. I’ll pretend to be angry about something else sometime when hope returns and justice peaks through the dark clouds of cynicism. Let’s pray to the gods of chemotherapy and anti-siezure medicine that they might be merciful. There is so little mercy show lately.

I have heard of an aeroplane called a Trinidad but I have never heard of a place called a Trinidad. Are you sure you live there?</font>

Dear YK2, when you refer to "log pinching" I do hope it doesn't have a defecatory meaning. One pinches a "loaf" and "leaves some friends off at the pool". Since sophmoric humor is my forte, I am suprised that you decided to jump into the fray. Also, I wonder what you may be spraying all around as you put it. Do tell. Is it the ode of estrogen that makes me yearn for the large hipped women of this world? Edited to note that although I yearn for a nice hunny with all sorts of junk in the trunk, I will never be as perfect as Germanboy and that keeps me awake at night tossing and turning. Well, I toss once or twice and then I turn. Oh, someone chastise me quick for some more sophmoric humor. [ October 16, 2002, 07:03 PM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

Hirsute Hiram’s Gamey Updates Before we begin with the usual frivolity, I must note that the Old Firm has deigned to discard our PBEM altercation to search for better opponents. I wasn’t surprised, but I was a bit saddened. I had offered this gentlemen a berth in the winning spot in a CMBB PBEM in that we were starting a CMBO PBEM and did not complete it. I have yet another reason to be unhappy now. If the person known as Geier decides to look for an easy win, I am game. One might surmise that he feared my CMBB aptitude and demurred for reasons unknown to the rest of us. Still, he remains my hero. (him and Germanboy of course) Now, what you’ve all been waiting for: JDMorse Cute little scenario. I’m German and attacking while he is defending and cheating. Well, he has potential for cheating. My brave troops are knocking at his barrister door and attempting to gain entrance to his wine cellar. When all is said and done, I hope to have his entrails as an ornament for my front porch. One can hope. Seanachai Tiny place with little to do. I am pummeling his soldiers with arty while he whines and preens. Perhaps his poetics skills will save him. Maybe one of his gods or goddesses will redeem him and he will come away with a draw. Elvis He has earned my eternal disdain in this scenario. It is a small city with 30 Russian soldiers per square inch. I am the “other side” and things don’t look good for the home team. I could accuse him of cheating, but that would be passé. Lindan His Polish troops wander aimlessly in the snow searching for me. It is amusing in a pedantic way. Since I am the personification of being pedantic, I get a good chuckle. Speedbump He is a week and wimpy girly man. I will flex my armor and he will hear a thunder crack. His flabby forces will run before me like a 4th grade class of Biology after discovering their test subjects were alive after all. Moriarty What is old, is new again. He waits for me on the other side of the forest. His trepidation is heavily scented and I am ready to pummel him into oblivion. I could say “boo” and he would scamper to the end of the map. Goanna How I abhor him. I yearn to eviscerate his troops and leave them lying in pile by the flag they struggle to reach. His armor is currently raping and humiliating a platoon of mine. This is still a CMBO game and he is teaching me a lesson. The Uber Gecko is indeed “uber”. Much to learn, hope he has fun. La tee da!! (This is denial, nothing more) Lorak We are starting a little CMBB QB with my Rumanian forces facing off against his cabbage eating, live stock raping, vodka drinking, communist forces. We already know that I will spank his rotund hindquarters. So, off to more important topics. In the last year, I’ve had more luck with CMBB than I’ve had with the fairer sex. I’m certain that none of you will read this portion of my text because I have no one’s name bolded. I earn approximately 6 or 7 Front Penetrations in CMBB whereas I earn none in real life. I find this somewhat disconcerting. I encourage the owners of the plump rump to “back that thing up” and let them know that I am “mad for the bacon”. Still, they spurn my advances. I would mention names, but that would confuse the Bard. He would state something silly like “I’m glad I’m not fill-in-blank”. One day, gentlemen…I will tap that booty. I will frolic is the fields of the magnificent booties. That will be my nirvana. You will all be a bad memory for me that gives me heartburn in the middle of the night.

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=23;t=002160 Tu mama hace con mi perro

This is the Peng Challenge thread. Don't post in here to impress your friends or your grandmother. First, you are not welcome here at all. If you choose to stay, its on your head if someone decides to get nasty. We are nasty. Some of us smell bad and have some atrocious manners. Third, you have to earn a place in our presence. Just wandering in and mentioning that you know Leonard Nimoy won't work any more. Spork, taunt, taunt, and taunt again. Look it up, sparky. For all of the clever little specks of offal that say things like "minute is over", your little bus is waiting for you with all of the other intellectually impaired freaks of nature. I would heap ahborance upon your unworthy, mishappen heads, but God has already done that to you. Where was I? Pick a person and challenge him and/or her. Some are hermaphroditic in nature and enjoy poetry. Try not to stare. [ October 15, 2002, 05:52 PM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

Lorak is my newest opponent and I'm wondering whether to do a QB or a scenario. suggestions?

That is incredible!! I'm looking forward to losing in each and every one of the scenarios.

Sorry, did you say something?</font>

Is it me or is it gassy in here?

I've been using Mister Fuerte's PBEM Helper for quite some time now. It performs magnificently with both my CMBO and CMBB files. I just wish it would help me with wimmen.

Yeah, Joe. How is that tooth? How is the last tooth in your rotting head doing? Had it affected your speech patterns yet? Still speak with a lisp and throw your head back when pontificating? Oh, I'm being silly. Tis better to be silly than to be miserable after all. Even if life takes a healthy dump on you and you look forward to retiring from this mortal coil.

Why bother straying from the norm Hiram. It wouldn't do for you to crack a smile now would it?</font>

Blech!! Too silly tonight.

Hirsute Hiram’s Gamey Update It’s been awhile, boys and girls. I am in the throes of some juicy games and would like to share the details with you. Sit back and enjoy. JDMorse He and I just finished (finally) a CMBO PBEM and are starting a new CMBB PBEM. He royally and gamily thrashed me in an unfair scenario where I was defending and he was cheating. His gamey use of Merkin trucks and infantry left my brave German lads perplexed. A lawyer cheating, who would have thought? Elvis Same scenario, same results. A car salesman cheating, who would have thought? I used the same awe inspiring strategery against both and lost the same way. They have some interesting ways of pummeling that I will use in the future. I learn from my mistakes. No more women that weigh twice as much as me!! Speedbump He plans to spank me in a CMBB scenario, but I used my Mensch technique of Ricketry and softened up his defensive colon. I will now give him a commissar colonoscopy and over-run his fascist hoards. Ask me if he’s cheating. Well, of course he is. Moriarty The odds are stacked against me from the beginning and I will make a brave effort. I would love to play a tactical game of “got your nose” and see if he falls for it. I read about my part in this scenario, and no one has won yet. Is there hope? Not if he cheats. Seanachai My apartment is larger than this scenario. Whenever I sneeze, I hear him ask the goddess to bless me. His divination techniques and verbosity won’t help him this time. Perhaps if he cheats, he could save himself from the embarrassment of losing to me. Will he cheat? Probably. Linden Bolded, because he immortalized the original Peng thread and should be remembered. He is attacking with his Polish peoples and I am cowering with my Rumanian people who speak like they are French dudes. I hear them questioning each other about if this guy will cheat or not. One wonders. Goanna No transition to CMBB yet. He is slowly overtaking my brave American lads with his uber-tank thingies in our CMBO scenario. The scenario sucks royal cracken. Everyone is surrounded all the time. Like a barium enema, I just want this to end quickly and for no one to notice my weeping and leakage. The nefarious gecko doesn’t need to cheat because the scenario does it for him. Both Croda and Slapdragon are waiting for their mommies to buy them CMBB and for the summer fricken solstice before they return a CMBO turn. I am ambivalent about the Slapdragon turn because he is a cop and is always right in the General forum. The idea of having a file named “HiramCroda” on my hard drive makes me naseous. I still abhor him. Only squirming bunches of maggots should be named Croda.