Agua Perdido

You mean paraboloid, you innumerate pillock. Hyperboloids aren't saddle-shapped. Mongoloids, however, are dalem-shaped. And, no, you don't get any extra credit for starring in a Devo song (unless it's "Smart Patrol," and it's clear that you don't exactly qualify for that role). And since when do we bold non-poolers? Last I checked, Terence was, at best/worst, an intermittent pissboy. (Which hasn't stopped me from clobbering his spotty arse all over the map in our current matchup.) Agua Perdido

Sounds like your brain is also asleep, how ironic.</font>

Oh, quit your whining. I bought transport for them (even though they're foot-mobile and don't need it). I'll grant you that was a miscalculation. Turns out you can't put the things in buildings. --where the only feckin' cover was on my half of map, except for the town itself. I left 'em there to fend off a Puma rush, and it's not my fault you blundered your armor into the middle of town to come under fire from 'em. Serves ya right, ya gamey bastage ya. Oh, I'll get you for that one. Of course you gave yourself the fallinghamsters, leaving me the all-rifle infantry and a pack of 2" mortars and PIATs, the ultimate FIBUA death force (death for itself, of course...). But you'll pay. Yes, you will. It would have been "ironic" if you had accidentally employed the concept correctly. Instead, your pathetically-forced, over-explained example was utterly appropriate (that is, not at all ironic), which we'd expect, given what a subtlety-impaired lackwit you are. (Personally I've always found irony to be a dangerously suspect, pinko phenomenon. We've got the Bomb in 'Merka. We don't need irony.} Agua Perdido

Only ironic to a brainless pillock with no understanding of what "irony" actually means, such as yourself. Speaking of brainless pillocks, time for some UPDATES! on things. I have graciously offered the no-account dirt-eater Lars a cease-fire in our match, in which I was beating him with a ball-peen hammer like the bent fender he is. The final result (take note, oh Lorak, exalted writer-down of things we write down): Me: Another glorious victory with many points, in which my M8HMCs and RRs out-gamied assorted Hetzers and SMGs, proving once and for all that a Martini contains gin and vermouth (and approved garnish), not whatever girly mix of almond syrup, cranberry juice, coconut rum, and rainbow sherbet Lars was proposing. Lars: Ignominious defeat with not so many points as me, noteworthy only in that losses are the only thing we note anymore. In that respect, at least (and very least), he has made a mark. Seanachai continues to fall bit by bit to my JasonC-like attritionistas, who plan to step up their attacks by reading some of his posts from the MG ammo levels thread (wearing earplugs for their own protection, of course). I shall grind you to dust, sir, then hawk phlegm into the pile of leavings, mix it into paste and use it to glue your pointy shoes to the floor. jdmorse and I are playing a game, though you wouldn't know it by the rate I'm sending turns to Joe Shaw (which is so near to zero as to be hardly measurable). Both of you knob-ends can wait a bit longer, since stevetherat has gone back into hibernation. Agua Perdido (And while I credit Croda for his amusing LGMB impression, I note that he is still a brainless prat.)

You'd root for it? Aren't you supposed to be an Ozzie or somefink? Ewwwwww.... [shudders] Agua Perdido

You almost made me spit coffee all over my new flat-screen monitor! Not because this was particularly funny, but because I hate you so much. Still, your abasement moves you one step closer to another game via this third-of-the-four-required UPDATES! before Seanachai, with whom I am playing a game in which nothing is happening because I'm delaying the current turn for one more "nothing is happening" update, gets another turn. Nothing is happening. I still hate him, however. I also hate Joe Shaw, whose long-winded "blahblahworklaptopblah" horsefeathers nonsense is a just a lily-livered, rambling rip off of my own never-send-any-turns strategy. You wanna see how can delay longest, eh? You're already losing that match, bastard, no matter how well you're doing in the game. jdmorse, who is merrily slaughtering my Canuckleheads and roaming freely through my non-existent defensive line, was pleased to get a turn in less than a month. See you in 28 days. Lars has received many turns lately (at least 2 this year alone). I'll kill that immobilized Hetzer, yet, and your little dog, too. Agua Perdido

Why you slack-assed pile of leavings from the soiled prophylactic receptacle at the VD clinic! I'm never one to argue with forcing someone to wait for the sake of forcing someone to wait, but pleading work as an excuse? That's weak even from a sand-eating dullard of your sub-98-pound stature. Now, don't send away for the Atlas course--I'm sure the pictures would just addle what few connections function in the curdled mess of protoplasm between your ears. Try this: install CM at work! Fer criminy's sake, that's the only place I can get any turns done. Agua Perdido

Where's my turn, you Pelican's-beak-full-of-semi-digested herring? I need to know whether I have to chastise you for gamily immobilizing your Hetzer right where it can kill my armor without being able to shoot at (and thus be distracted by) my infantry with their silly knees-bent running around and bouncing behavior. Agua Perdido

This is a slightly more academic discussion of "gaminess." Agua Perdido

PFFFTTthhbBBbbtttTT!

While both statements are certainly true, Marlow's crack-addled brain can't seem to grasp that I'm playing the Amis as should be obvious to anyone noting the lengthening (Bauhaus!) list of German armor of Lars' that I've KOed thusfar thanks to my gamey^H^H^H^H^H brilliant play. Keep your "horse fancier" leanings for the outre boards. Hah, if you're using some non-gamey towed gun with a truck, go right ahead. Perhaps I've got a foot-mobile gun that really doesn't even need transport, because it's so gamey it doesn't have to lack transport to be gamey. If they weren't (usually) so sodding useless, I'd put RRs right up with M8s as gamey little gems. Consider the HT a little bonus killing-you-a-lot, then. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to decompiling CM so I can hack my 'zook teams into uber hand-to-hand kung fu killas for the last-turn flag rush (I see you massing your vehicle crews!). Agua Perdido [Edited to note that Croda is a deluded halfwit. I am not gamey at all--in fact, CM models me in an entirely realistic way via map edges, MG jeeps, and AA halftracks. Lars is just mad he didn't buy a 20mm to cover his flanks against my Hellcat rush.] [ February 28, 2002, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

I bought transport for that gun, you pillock--it's just multipurpose transport (that is, it's machinegunning the snot out of your troops by the southern VL). And I didn't buy any more M8's than you bought Hetzers. Of course, I did hack my copy of CM in order to kill that first Hetzer and the StuH. In other UPDATES! jdmorse and stevetherat have neither of them sent a feckin' turn. Nothing is happening. I hate them. Joe Shaw and Seanachai (only two more updates to go!) have neither of them received a feckin' turn. Nothing is happening. I hate them. Terence is not a regular pooler, though I hereby sponsor him for Pissboy status, just because it'll annoy him. We're exchanging turns at a breakneck pace, and nothing is happening. I hate him. Agua Perdido

Pillocks. I don't have time for individual abuse today, although I do loath each and every one of you for each of your own unique failings (or for your hackneyed, derivative failings COUGHCrodaCOUGH). I only have time for passing UPDATES! I had sworn long ago that the gamey uberbastiche known as Lars would have no turn, ever! Or, perhaps only when stevethehorriblelittlerat-facedgit finally sent me a turn (a restriction perhaps more severe than "never, not ever in the lifetime of this universe"). Anyhow, Lars got a turn today. Choke on it, but don't get used to it. stevethegameyratbastard finally ponied up the next move, wherin his ultra-gamey CentaurIVs (who picks friggin' CentaurIVs?!) are driving around in the middle of his own artillery barrage. This game is more a showcase of Abstract Expressionism than of tactics. I've been so shocked by the lower-casedrodent's sudden return to CM, that I accidentally responded to jdmorse, as well. Again, this will not be a regular occurence. Nothing has happened in the game with Seanachai, as I am holding the turn hostage for at least another three updates wherein nothing shall also happen. I'm also not playing Joe Shaw, even though his brave two-squad rush is being mauled by one of my ear-and-stomach platoons who've fashioned a slingshot out of their colostomy bags and are flinging their hearing aids with it. Bah. Agua Perdido [Edited to add a third spelling of "wear-in."] [ February 25, 2002, 02:00 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

In honors of Lars' return, I offer UPDATES! Lars is a bastard. No turn for Lars. jdmorse is also a bastard. No turn for jdmorse (unless it's his turn, in which case, where the FECK's my turn, you useless donkey's backside (that's right, you ass's ass)?). Or for Lars. Joe Shaw is a bastard who can't follow simple directions, like "please don't reply to this email address, instead respond to my usual address which I've even feckin' spelled out for ya meaning ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BLOODY CLICK ON IT!." Nope, too complicated. I've killed several of his paralyzed-with-Hamlet-like-Northern-angst Canuckleheads this turn as a rebuke. And my "hah, made you look!" flanking movement has served its sneaky purpose (or else the jittery chihuahuas I have as troops have panicked and run off at the first burst of enemy fire... nope, nope--sneaky movement, I say... very tricky... better give up now). As I say, a bastard. No turn for Lars. Seanachai, while possibly a bastard, is certainly a daft old punter. My fanatic pixeltruppen embrace their berserker frenzy to kill him, whether charging his undermodelled MGs and wiping out the crews in hand-to-hand combat or being slaughtered by the squadful by his gamey Ami vets as they panic and run away. I gladly drop arty on his men and mine alike to kill a few more of the old gnome's lackeys. Anyhow, no turn for Lars. Have I forgotten anyone I'm not sending turns to? No turn for Lars. Agua Perdido [Edited to remove accidental inclusion of Lars' next turn.] [ February 14, 2002, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

In a recent QB ME, I was performing a perfectly gamey "Hellcat rush" to get behind an opponent who'd left his flanks covered by a Hetzer. It couldn't rotate fast enough to draw a bead on the speeding M18 (which was to its left, the "bad" side for traversing the gun). The 'Cat slewed its turret 90 degrees and drilled it through the glacis at 200m in one shot without even slowing down. Don't try this at home, kids! Moral of the story: The Hellcat is the best Axis tank for the buck in CM Agua Perdido [Edited because editing is the best Axis tank for the buck in CM.] [ February 12, 2002, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

Oh, sod off, you Style-Invitational-ripping-off ignoranus (as you are both stupid and an *sshole). CHRISL, while an annoying dunderhead, is at least an... annoying dunderhead. Hm. Carry on. Agua Perdido

I'm considering getting a job as a Pentagon spokesmodel. Just doing my small part to minimize entropy and stave off the eventual heat death of the universe by a femtosecond or so. (Because I hate you all so much I'd take such measures to prolong your misery on the off chance any of you is some sort of ageless or immortal being that would escape the Sisyphusian (and you'll all Sissies) burden of existence only when the universe explodes/fizzles.) Like Berli, I take the long view. Agua Perdido

Given Croda's usual modus operandi, he'll drop it on his own troops pour encouragez les autres. Speaking of UPDATES! that daft bastard Joe Shaw has the flanks of his spearhead (Bauhaus! don't make me come over there! I mean--oh, never mind. Just... stay in that corner) barely covered by a half-squad of Candians, which is, of course, more than enough to ward any number of the frightened girl scouts Berli imposed on me in this little fiasco. Still, I've bounced enough rocks off the side of one Joe's uberSchermanns that the gunner seems to have gotten a headache and is now brewing up a kettle before slinging more shells at my hapless twittertruppen. Only 23 turns to go. Lars I despise, although I can't really recall why. I'm sure it was a good reason. Seanachai I also despise, and I'm pretty sure I don't need a reason there. In fact, I might even send him a turn now that his plate's getting overfull. Croda is a right bastard, and he will die, die, die. I'm also going to get 'round to a setup Real Soon Now. There must be others, but I'm surprised I can remember this many. Y'all go die now, ya heah? Agua Perdido

Are you sure it wasn't "bocage"? "Hedge" and "bocage" are distinct terrain types, with "hedge" being bushes like the kind around your neighbor's yard, and "bocage" being large earthen berms topped with hundreds-of-years-old gnarled trees and vegetation. Axis tanks can not go through bocage. Allied tanks can go through bocage after July '44, I think (when someone came up with the idea of welding what are essentially giant hedge-clippers to the front of Allied armor). Welcome to the obsession. Agua Perdido

Plagiarist!</font>

Taking up a second job as a piano-tuner, are we? Yes, I can see where Hiram or dalem might quail with terror before your offer to break out the tuning forks--or do you just tap your forehead with a ball-peen hammer and listen to that happy, prolonged BOOOONNNGGG reverberating in the great emptiness within? As I recall, the last time we traded pointy/'splodey things, your half of the snow was quite a bit more bloodstained and corpse-ridden than mine. Ask not for whom your head tolls. It tolls for thee. Agua Perdido [Mind you, I never said I didn't like Croda, just that he's a complete and utter bastard and we all hate him.] [Oh, and he's a brainless prat.] [This message was not edited.] [Edited to add: oh, yes it was!] [ January 31, 2002, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

So, stripped of your Oscar at last, eh? I always found the LoC's acting and directing to be positively Costnerian in its plodding woodenness (as one would expect, given the tightly-packed cellulose between Croda's ears). While I have no need to post a mechanical drawing of my hate for Croda, rest assured that the thing I hate more than him, is each and every one of you. Although I hate Croda most of all. Nasty, filthy, horrible little beast. I hate him almost as much as Canadian infantry. UPDATES! Yes, it's been three months, so I've played nearly a turn in all my games since the last one. Joe Shaw is plodding along like the rusty gears in Croda's noggin when he has to puzzle out a particularly-confusing doorknob ("Damn! Another round one..."). He wields a force of hated Canadians, and is blowing up bocage and routing my pack of diaper-wearing BrownieTruppen right and left. Of course, he's only managed to get to one VL in about 20 turns of trying. We hate Shaw. The Army of Perdition has embarked on a new crusade against that pillock Terence. While normally I wouldn't mention a semi-outre-boarder like he, I bring it up to reiterate how horrid the PanzerLeader scenario was that we abandoned in order to start the new game. Did anyone ever think we'd find such a uselessly Crodastic scenario from one other than the creature itself? We hate PanzerLeader. jdmorse is finally dying-a-little in the Rune abortion which has saddled me with more Canadians. I killed his StuG real good last turn by flinging a burning sack of back bacon on the rear deck. I hope BTS hasn't modelled the Geneva convetion, or I could be in trouble for that move. We hate Rune. Seanachai has finally appeared. And he's got some MGs as pickets, plus (shockingly!) some on-map mortars. Gee, I wonder if those could possibly be M1917s, you gamey bastard? Remember how I roasted Cpl. Yarblefondler last game, or whatever the feck his name was. You'll get more of the same. We hate the uberGnome. And last (but least), we have Lars. No, I've done nothing in this game since ruthlessly drilling (easy there, St. B) his Hetzer through the front glacis from a speeding Hellcat. As far as I'm concerned, it's already a moral victory. And with jury duty earlier this week being like two days off, except with uncomfortable chairs and standing in line, plus being dismissed right at lunch the second day to revel in a glorious unseasonably-spring-like day in DC, with the coeds skating around the open rink in the National Gallery Sculpture Garden in tight little midriff-baring tops in the bright, flat winter light... I've just been in too good a mood to waste it on a pillock like Lars. Or the rest of you idjits. We'd hate Lars, too, but I saw Lord of the Rings at the Uptown the other night on the huge surround screen, and we just can't be bothered. Agua Perdido [Edited to note that Croda is a brainless prat.] [ January 31, 2002, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: "just not bothering with scenario design."<hr></blockquote> Well, you certainly didn't seem to with this one... ... <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>it wasn't THAT skewed towards the defender's victory. Was it?<hr></blockquote> Considering the defender could easily channel the attackers into the one large bridge/reverse-slope-defendable fords (under the watchful eyes of the pillboxes) by dropping the center one with mortar fire (and the other one with tank fire after feckin' VT arty killed the FO), AND the attacker reinforcements featured a rhymes-with-humbo-76 and a rhymes-with-German-76 (to preserve FOW) placed on IMPASSABLE GROUND (specfically, a craggy patch next to the road)... All I had to do was press GO and watch the pretty 'splosions (well, and track movement paths exactly along the leftmost edge of that bridge in the rear, or else vehicles would hang up on the cliff at the bridge/road transition). But other than that, it was a smashing scenario. Smashing. Like Crodaburg, only less playable in the long term. You complete and utter pillock. Agua Perdido

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Terence: [Panzer Leader is a great sodding pillock. His Guns of Navarone scenario is actually worse than Crodaburg, in spite of being only one-third the size. I have cravenly surrendered to save the noble Agua Perdido from further annoyance, as he is my better in all things.]<hr></blockquote> Well said, Terence (I had to paraphrase a bit, of course, but we all know what you meant). Yes, it is true fellow Cesspudlians: Panzer Leader is a great, flaming Pillock! While the scenario seemed like a good idea on paper (at least on that paper with the pictures of Mickey Mouse on it that makes your Mods look ultra-high-res and kind of melty when you lick it (down, Bauhauas)), it features bridges one can not drive across, reinforcements placed in areas where they can not advance to the line of battle, and an utterly gamey uber-tactic for the defender that guarantees a win (which I helped myself to, thank you very much). Mind you, none of those things would be particularly objectionable in a Cesspool map if he'd intended them on purpose. It has come to this: I am actually going to use some historical, ungamey, thoroughly-playtested tripe by Andreas for my next battle (preening and arrogant fathead though he is, and not in a good way like Nero or the Unabomber). mensch, you should put a link to GoN on Der Kessel to make people appreciate the scenarios there even more (you psychotic wanker). Joe, I'll put it simply (as you are a simple man): no stenographer, no turn. To my other assorted opponents: Bah! Feh! I hate you all. Agua Perdido [Edited. Yes, edited. Now, go die.] [ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jd: Are you not men?<hr></blockquote> Jocko-homo! If you ever want to see another turn, I demand a bootleg of any Man or Astroman? show from their Warhol-inspired clone period. Agua Perdido