Agua Perdido

UPDATES! I must report yet another glorious victory in my penultimate game of CMBO, versus the odious jdmorse. In spite of the most-unbalanced scenario ever, pitting nearly two battalions of FJ against my two (or so) companies of green Canucks at night, the Minions of Perdition pulled off a brilliant fighting retreat. Exacting a heavy toll from the attackers, the MoP cleverly delayed the assault force using a smokescreen from its own burning Shermans, and extracted several squads of survivors. This savvy withdrawal action (down, Bauhaus--besides, it's not an effective method of birth control) inflicted well over 50% casualties on the UglyLegalTruppen, destroyed most of the ULT armor, and managed to prevent capture of the last VL in spite of a 2-1 Axis advantage in numbers at the end (not to mention jdmorse's obviously-hacked copy of CMBO that replaced my Firefly's 't' ammo with Back Bacon, while apparently equipping his infantry with laser-guided Hellfire missiles). That the AI scored this as an Axis Minor Victory is entirely a result of flaws in the CMBO engine that I hope have been corrected in CMBB--if not, we'll have to wait for the rewrite in CMII. In my final game of CMBO, stevethedimmwitted-even-slower-playing-than-me-plus-he-smells-bad-and-has-poor-dictionrat-faced-git has been sitting on the current turn for something like three months. I've decided to hold Panzer Leader's setup hostage until I get another turn in this game (not because I think it'll make rat move faster, but to annoy PL). I think we only have another 10 turns to go, so we should be done sometime around when CM XXVI:Beyond the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens comes out. And in my other games: blahblah, Joe Shaw is losing; blahblah, Lars is a gamey pillock; blah. Agua Perdido

You spell the same word incoreectly twice in one sentence - and different each time!</font>

Trial! We want a trial! Bring forth the stenographers! Agua Perdido

Well, let's consider the issues.. [COUGH]loser[/COUGH]... Have you modified your tactics from CMBO? [HICCUP]incompetence[/HICCUP] CMBB requires more patience as the attacker... [bURP]couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag with battalion of sharp scissors[/bURP] Perhaps you're having trouble adapting to the new game. [sTOMACH RUMBLE]but why don't you go for a nice long run with that battalion of sharp scissors down a short, ball-bearing-strewn pier[/sTOMACH RUMBLE] I'm sure you'll get used to it soon enough. [sNEEZE]who let Ethan in here?[/sNEEZE] Agua Perdido

It's in his contract. Right, paint the sand yellow again.... Agua Perdido

What, in Bauhaus' Guide to Practical Math? ("Thingies." Heh.) Ah, yes, the deadly roadblock, single most effective weapon in the CM arsenal. ("Arse." Heh.) Besides, are you seriously suggesting I play CM outside a trench? I played Mrs. Jesus Christ in a geologic syncline! Just be thankful I didn't get the giant electric penguin with stinging tentacles as a reinforcement. Yet. Agua Perdido

What, a DEFENDER with foxholes? Outrageous! Next time I'll be sure to set up in the middle of the road and march proudly toward your MGs signing the Internationale. (Because that's about what it seems to take for your attacks to succeed.) And Germanboy is the one who put the trenches in the church--they were padlocked, too. Judging from his recent work, I think he's taken up huffing. Agua Perdido [Edited to note that Croda is a brainless prat.] [ October 29, 2002, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

Heh. You shoulda seen the spanking he got after I challenged him over the heresy of so-called "Key Lime" Martinis. The Dice Gods themselves [makes the sign of 'Baby needs new shoes'] were so outraged by the recipe that they granted me a first-shot frontal kill on a Hetzer from a Hellcat running flat-out and shooting directly abeam. Good times. UPDATES! Lars continues to be a gamey bastard, in addition to a girly-drinker of Slapdragonian proportions. After hacking the map so my defenders have exactly three peasant shacks and a single tile of leafless woods as cover (plus, it's a probe--so, no foxholes), he bought an entire platoon of KV-2s so he can systematically vaporize the tiny amount of cover that exists. He even skewed the aim of my jabo somehow so my cluster bombs missed his oceanful of human waves. Joe Shaw is another big pillock, whining about my hapless Russkies actually being armed, while himself having a gun, a nice tank and a ton of arty (mostly wasted, true, because Mr. "Wait, you don't need LOS to use a TRP?" forgot that you can't re-target a prep barrage). Speaking of fenderheads, jdmorse (has he finally given up his ridiculous jd posturings? Everyone keep quiet about J.Lo's divorce, or he might switch again.... although "J.Mo" seems somehow appropriate--especially if he got the bowl cut to go with it) is going to lose to the clock before I can auto-surrender if he doesn't get out of the overlong parenthetical asides and start killing Bob and Doug faster. Goanna is one slow-playing git, but I suppose I'll have to wait for spring for his metabolism to speed up enough to start responding. Big 'splosions on my side, lotsa pinned guys flailing in deep snow on his side. Agua Perdido

What grass mod are you using? Agua Perdido

Er, so you'll not be pestering us any further? Splendid. Mind you don't get any blood on the rug. Hi, Mom! Agua Perdido

Especially when the only setting is, "dim." Agua Perdido

It's been nicer to her than to dalem. Agua Perdido

Eartha Kitt was better. Agua Perdido

Punters. Agua Perdido

UPDATES! Goanna is a sandbagging twit who "lost" the most recent movie I sent because he's hoping I'll recompile the turn and his horde of lizardy skiers somehow manage to avoid the rain of sweet, hot Die-A-Lot currently raining down on their bogged-in-waist-deep-bloody-snow little heads. Now stop shooting at the buildings, I mean it. jdmorse returns turns much faster than Joe Shaw (who returns turns faster than Seanachai, while we're on the subject of "comparisons that prove very little"). Now that we've established a nice Elvis-addling string of sequentially-numbered turn files, one of his cheating uberStuGs met hot death after he finally managed to finish off my double-penetrated (down, St. B!) Sherman. All the infantry's Dying-A-Lot, but he seems to have started with more of it than me, gamey bastard. Joe Shaw finally returned a turn, and I'm so surprised I haven't been able to open it yet. I wonder if he'll spend another turn shooting at buildings and not advancing. What a change that would be. Lars is a pokey, feculant git and is also behind on the turns. Chop, chop, monkey-boy. Lots more buildings to blow up. Agua Perdido

Check your inbox, you useless punter. Agua Perdido

What the lumpy old git meant to say was that he was a cheating bastard who seems to have hacked his copy of CMBO to implement CMBB's death clock for one my hapless Shermies, which has been holed 24 times (give or take a factor of 10) without being KOed. My doomed vanilla Canuckleheads laugh at your gamey ubertruppen! Agua Perdido

What? Agua Perdido [Edited to add: Since I'm feeling generous, I won't add this to the week-extra-wait-for-each-whine Wait-o-Meter-o'-Whining Clock. The clock's down in single digits, so don't blow a gasket. You'll get your setup Real Soon Now. On second thought, do blow a gasket (Bauhaus! What have I told you about taking Chilton books into the bathroom?).] [ October 15, 2002, 02:11 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

I hate you. Agua Perdido

Panzer Leader, you idiot, I would be hard-pressed to find a bigger pillock in the MBT than you, including all the Oddstralyuns. And yet... you hate us. You've always hated us, ever since your idiotic "Peng Bastids" thread, when you didn't understand this place (not that you understand it now). And we all hate you, pretty much, for being the useless punter that you are. You are a clueless prat, and yet you seem to fit into this assemblage of gits, losers and layabouts (however accidentally). Others, less so. Others appear here and make protestations of intellect, wave about their "high-falutin' fancy-talk" as though the Mutha-beautiful thread were some sort of competition to be won. Such juvenile misapprehension! Like life, the Cesspool never leads to victory, but inevitably to death--and death only. No, the Peng Challenge is called the Cesspool for good reason. This is not some playground of good-natured ribbing we jocularly term a waste-pit, like a wood-paneled basement rec room with stacks of old pizza boxes and empty beer bottles. It's a pit of filth, filled with embittered idjits, losers all who forsake earthly happiness for the sake of the immense hatred they bear one another. And for what eternal reward? Only the grave, the chewing of worms on decomposing flesh of a life wasted. Like life, the Cesspool is futile--only more so. Staying here isn't about bon mots and badinage, it's about embracing the insanity of a futile existence by hating your fellow git with your entire being. If you haven't come here to hate, go home. We have too many fancy-boys already. Agua Perdido [sorry to get all sappy, but I got out of a traffic ticket today and I just really hate all of you.]

Panzer Leader, you idiot. Teach your dipwap squirrel to word-wrap, in addition to quoting, and get him to edit his feckin' post. Every time I have to scroll sideways is another week you'll wait for turns. Agua Perdido

UPDATES! Panzer Leader is a gibbering, monkey-like parody of a man, only less articulate than most monkeys. Our setup is evidently still in escrow, and I have to say this his impatience at this small delay amuses me to no end. Just wait, Panzer Leader--you'll be doing a lot of it. Speaking of delay, Joe Shaw and I haven't progressed beyond his prep-barrage and nasty bit of church-blowing-up, which (as the goddless pinko commies in this one) I heartily applaud. I'd certainly appreciate more turns of 'splosions and boomy things, especially if it interrupted your negotiations with Seanachai on scenario design and made that idiot Panzer Leader wait even longer. Speaking of idiots, Goanna's had his abacus working overtime, and the movie file for turn 1 is almost enough to overload the 300 baud smoke-signal generator he's using to send email. I think if I call an arty barrage it'll bring down the whole works. Speaking of smoke signals, Lars is slowly staggering forward--I think I even heard a tank engine this turn. Here's a hint: command delays are really long when you forget to give orders. And speaking of cheating, gamey, feculant bastages, jdmorse has finally figured out how to hack the CMBO engine well enough to get an invulnerability cheat for one of his StuGs, allowing it to win a 2-on-1, even though I had the first shot! I guess even an addled old mouthbreather like him can get one those infinte-number-of-Panzer Leaders-with-keyboards-and-reverse-assemblers successes from time to time. Agua Perdido [Edited to note that Croda is a brainless prat.] [ October 07, 2002, 01:26 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

Mixing the Nyquil and the TheraFlu again, are we? Be patient, you whining twit (or better yet, dump a gallon of cow's blood over your head and go swim in a shark tank). I haven't even begun to make you wait (really, I haven't, but just you wait until I do!). Agua Perdido

Why whine at me, you incontinent wiener dog's favorite cushion? Joe's laid up with bad chops, and I'm sure Seanachai would rather pluck his entire scalp than do you any favors. You'll get your game when you get it. In the meantime: Shut. The hell. Up. Agua Perdido [Edited to note that chihuahuas, being small dogs with little skulls, have very tiny brains. Most of them are smarter than Panzer Leader, and better-mannered, too.] [Edited again (while I'm at it) to note that Croda is a brainless prat.] [ October 04, 2002, 04:31 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

Gnome with no Tongue would be better, then maybe he'd shut up from time to time. Guy Fokker, remember that hate sustains from within, and requires only that you keep on hating. You worthless git. (I say make it a serf on the merits of the "over-40 divorced chat room" riff, poorly spelled as it was.) Speaking of which, where's my feckin' turn, Lars? And where the feck are your units? We are in the same game, right? That goes for you, too, jdmorse. Stop resending your last move and answer the turn I just re-sent you! Or do you check your email? Punters. Agua Perdido