Hamsters

Download Pooler mod for great justice!

The best way to satisfy this Deke character is to do what we did with Armornuts, say you'll play him and then buy nothing but AT mines and an airplane. You never have to do anything for your turn and you get to watch ol' 'Look at me, I'm a moron.' newbie get blowed up in silly and interesting fashion. Eventually they find out that your sum total of forces consists of 2 LMG teams and four snipers and they probably get more than a little pissed off at being considered so lacking in any merit and thus deserving such a slap in the face. Not sure about the last part as ol' 'Dur de dur dur' newbie is still under the impression that we may have armor or RI assets somewhere. Tee hee hee.

Frickin' newbies. And they don't even know how to spell "coming".

If you don't Kwazy, we'll post a couple of those "raw untextured" pictures of you, instead...

First off, toots, it's hamsters, not hamster. We are a multitude of hamsters occasionally making our domicile in a tree, mimicking the tree full of rats which is so crazy in it's ratty treefulness. Lorak, of course, lies like a cheap rug. How does a cheap rug lie? Poorly. It is simple to understand that on Tuesdays, as opposed to Wednesdays, you are commonly known to be tarred, feathered and paraded about the land on a wagon made up solely of leftovers. Don't act so shocked, we know you like it. This should not, could not and would not be confused for the big, white, feathery god who some among us like to place higher than cheese and other valuable foodstuffs, so much so that they would rather visit said deity than eat their pathetic morsels of granola. You, being nothing more than a silly woman, which ranks higher than a womanly sill, can not possibly understand this, which is ok, as Lorak will likely show up later and explain it as weird, inane ranting, except Lorak only has a 157 word vocabulary and does not know the meaning of inane and would instead just repeat the word 'weird', thereby setting your mind at ease, as has been done since time immemorial.

Malathion is not a registered trademark, rather it is a servicemark and should, thusly, be treated as such. Only an imbecile with no grasp of relativity theory would post such an idiocy as that. Next thing you know, he'll start to claim DDT is copyrighted (Or, knowing this poor excuse for a handmaiden's brazier, he'll call it copywritten).

Don't ever give a rat $4, because he'll only spend it on booze and cheese.

Die Madmatt, die! (Just trying to even out the sentiment)

Look you hoary toddler, we weren't going to bring this point up but your time is nigh, also. We figured that, what with your creation of a board where cursing was not just allowed but required, you'd be left alive for, say, an extra three hours. Well your time is up, so kiss your bacon and mend your sheets, cuz you're gonna see the great, white, feathery one, and I don't mean Kitty on Tuesdays.

While we're very impressed with Jefe's ability to renounce groupthink, we must keep in mind that organizations don't lie about E-mails and not send set ups, people do. Specifically, people like Jefe. For what it's worth, we agree with Jefe's stand on personal responsibility and the nasty habit of scapegoating organizations like the Kiwanis and the Eternal Order of Fighters for our own wrongdoings, this does not excuse his lying and cheating in regard to not sending us a promised setup.

Sound off like we've got a pair? You idiot, we've got over 300 pair, at last count. As to your attempts to pick apart my taunt, you have failed miserably, for the piss was prepubescent and the udders were part of an entirely seperate insult. By all the gods in heaven, you are a stupid one so here, I will spell it out for you: You, the imbecile of the pool, with your fake Sco'ish accent and your unfortunately large amount of body hair, are going to be destroyed in a game of CM by us, a multitude of hamsters. Before, during and after, you will cry like a wee lass, though for differing reasons. You will be crying before the game because your kind cannot seem to grasp the point of deoderant and toothbrushes, you will be crying during the game because it will remind you of when the girls from St. June's Catholic School for Pathetic Sissies game by and royally kicked your sorry ass and you will cry afterward because every time you see some squirrel squished flat on the road it will remind you of the utter topplement you received at our non-opposable-thumb-possessing extremities. And Jefe, my mailbox is, was and will be waiting for your file. It is, was and will be nowhere near full. You're out of excuses, you sissy.

Hey, where's our picture? What, you say you can't find a picture of a treeful of rats? Get ol' Aitken to draw one, he seems to be proficient with the proverbial ugly pen of doom and has massive amounts of time on his worthless hands. Hey, OGSF, you insignificant pool of prepubescent puppy piss, send me a setup so that I may properly tie your udders in a not.

Car Wars. But it doesn't have the cool explosions and WeGo.

Bah, what's for dalems or Mongols or habitses anyway. We say phooie and titwit and natter-bob on all of them. Once upon a time there was a tree and in this tree there was a large, some would say enormous, grouping of rodentia. Not insectivora, mind you, but gorgeous fury power in an easy to care for package. That's right gentlemen, that tree is back, and frankly, it's a tree, so it can't feel anything, but those unkempt hamstertruppen that make that tree their residence are pissed, PISSED, and they're ready to make something of it. When we're through with Peng, you can keep his remaining retina as a pimento of his emasculated fortitude. Like Spock with a tricorder, we's gonna whup all over his shrivelled, chigger-rotted buttocks. Pathos greater than that felt by yon orphaned child looking for the first time upon his mother and then seeing her hit by a Santa's sleigh being ridden by none other than the animated corpse of Herr Manfred von Richtofen shall be heaped upon any who even so much as think of the thing that once was Peng. Fear, fire, foes! The fox is back in the henhouse, the womenfolk are all ready ravaged and yes, the fix is in. You die, Peng, and when you do, the where and how will be up to us. Be thankful that at least you have the luxury of naming when.

Ah, the Cesspool, it’s been a long time. Sometimes your odours have reached me, though I shall not indict the sources. You, Shaw, hold my cloak you simpering man-child. I will be as brief as possible for, though I have only returned to report on Schloss Peng, Seanachai is not the only one to be privy of my special attentions and I have words for the best and worst of you. As is my custom, the mediocre shall have none of my time. First, this deplorable situation with Pawbroon and YK2 has forced me to drag out of the dustbin of the past a little trip I made to the Swiss Alps. We were all young then and Andreas’s older sister, Germangirl, offered to drive us there (And you thought I was the only one with a sister). I can’t remember why but Pawbroon needed to go down the mountain for something, I think it had to do with my breaking his spine for a perceived slight. Well, to make a long story short, I boffed YK2. Three times in one night. Mind you, this was long ago, when YK2 shaved, wasn’t sagging and didn’t smell like sardines. Also keep in mind that a choice between a French girl (I think she’s French, she spoke with one of those trendy European accents) and a German girl is no choice at all. Yes, well she was distraught and angry with me, so I left her up there and went back down the mountain with Germangirl to go check on old Frenchie. Granted, we took all the supplies, but I understand YK2 grew quite strong living off roast Sherpa. Well, to make a long story short, I boffed Pawbroon. Four times in one night. Needless to say, a choice between a German girl and a French boy is not a choice at all. As to my nemesis, Peng, I have learned he was on the ECHELON design team, afterward creating PENGELON, which runs the same way but checks for words like, “Buxom, young, taught, hot, 36-24-36” as well as 468 permutations on the word sex and 30,000 synonyms for the female organ. Naturally, he has been reading all of my E-mails, listening to my phone conversations and tapping plants, allowing him to discover my strategy. I respect Peng like the inquisitors respected those heathen Aztec high priests, he’s simple but he gets the job done. Hiram will always have a place in my black heart, being the only Pooler with the chutzpah to break with the establishment. Of course, this could be because he is weak and easily swayed, much like Wormtongue, so I shall have to test him by ordering him to kill and eat one of you. Now, dear Roborat, if you continue to be loyal, I shall give you one of Seanachai's femurs so that you may suck the morrow out. Herr Oberst, though I don’t know him, laid bare one of the sickening aspects of this thread. You 3rd-rate hacks are only too willing to post 3 syllables of mindless chatter and then spend the next five posts crowing about it. For trying to improve this thread, Herr Oberst, I will eat your living heart, you may send me a set-up when you have grown tired of this mortal coil. Speaking of people I don’t know, Geier is an enigma wrapped in a conundrum, covered in tinfoil, roasted in a smoldering pit of embers to be served later on a paper plate and eaten among friends on a rocky beach next to an airport junkyard on an island off the coast of Alaska while the thousand fires of the Aurora Borealis dance above. Send me a set-up, oh onion, so that I may peel the layers and discover who, exactly, you are. Croda, I brought you into this world and I have proven I that am quite capable of taking you out of it. Having this much power over a person has allowed me to expand my corrosive wit into areas before untapped. Stay in line, Croda, for I have such power over your destiny that I could shape your descendants into circus performers. If you dare raise your hand at me, I shall reveal truths from your past that will drive you insane. If at any point I don’t like the look on your face, I shall descend deep into your psyche and create carnage such as would be unattainable without a Pleistocene shark and a pool full of baby seals. Bauhaus. I am happy to say I know nothing of him but that which Seanachai, through his ingenious propaganda campaign, has made me believe. The amount of filth attributed to this sick bastard is such that every time I think of him I feel I’m going to turn into an S & M freak. You make me sick, sir, though I’d love to see some of the tricks you’re purported to be skilled at. Mmmm, in some patent leather with a corset… Gah! See, see how well your little game has worked, Seanachai!!! Shandorf, I’m glad you’ve brought your sorry, defeated carcass into the Pool. It’s clear that your repeated trips to Valhalla, courtesy of moi, have given you access to some of the finest minds in military history with which to confer, so that you have learned some way to defeat me. Of course, last time I checked, I sent most of those bastards there, so I doubt you will achieve another victory during this decade. My spies tell me that said victory had less to do with my poor tactics and more to do with that bearded, half-sheep thing you sleep with and its astounding proclivity toward mid-20th century squad level tactics. I demand that in any future games you do not council your wife (Pet? Servant?) and that you fight me based solely on your own wits, however withered and unused they may be. Hiram, I choose Mensch as the one you must kill and eat. OGSF, you rat ninny, it wasn’t just that you were defeated, the only man left under your command, to face my barely winded 150+ men supported by their unused 4 (5, 6, god, I lost count, when you don’t use them, you hardly notice them) HTs, was a broken, battered and I believe homosexual 16 year old named Little Johnny. I break my mediocre prohibition for PeterNZer because the moron is so mediocre as to warrant notice. You, sir, are the epitome of why it is criminal to put Uranium in a child’s corn flakes. It would be a service to your family, your friends and the human race as a whole if you would throw yourself bodily into the nearest volcano. I pity anyone who shares your genes, which fortunately is limited to those pathetic half-sheep, half-man beasts that inhabit New Zealand (Yes, Shandorf’s in-laws). Hakko, if you post any more meandering, worthless crap, you will become an honorary Frenchman. As you seem to have a grasp on English, I can only imagine what fevered thoughts are in that swollen head of yours. Chupe, you funny bastard, you are like a beacon of moderately bright light in a dirty, foggy port that no ship sails to. I hope that some day you get picked up by a bunch of goombahs who, before killing you but after raping you, let you know how much you are appreciated by me. Berli, Berli, wherefore art thou master of evil? Oh, there you are, in a match with Germanboy… This has significant consequences in the homeland. If Berli is defeated, as is stated in the Necronomicon ex Mortis, Andreas is to be the honorary despicable rat sonofabitch of the Thread. Andreas, you are evil, sir, and I have consulted the Oracle of Delphi who assures me, you will. Speedy, Goanna & Mace, whom I’ve been meaning to ask, “Who the hell are you, anyway?” must be someone, right? Well, I know Goanna’s cute and Mace is “krazy” and Speedy posted on the first page but, other than that, nothing. Nada. Zip. Cheeseballs. The rest of you, excepting the fool who I left out because he will be dealt with on the field of battle and the nitwit I left out because I know it’ll cook his rooks to be considered merely mediocre, are worthless, spineless, two-bit wannabes who came into this thread with the full-assed assumption that you would be welcomed by someone. Were I still here, you would’ve had your family jewels torn off, your bones broken, your heads shaved and the whole lot of you would’ve been sold off, part and parcel, to the nearest necrophiliac Arab pedophile. That said, the cleansing of Schloss Peng looms before me. I knew Berli hated all things but this is too much. The map, obviously, was dragged bodily out of Hades, where it has been crafted by the festering hands of the damned in exchange for the blood of fifty goats. That’s right, he didn’t splurge and spend a virgin or maybe a llama or two, and it shows on this fifty goat hell map. Regardless, Seanachai will be defeated, his men ground to powder and spooned to him by the filthy hands of a Frenchman known only as Henri. As to the troops, when I receive reinforcements I would order them to shoot my current troops, though I know the reinforcements will likely make these men look like bloodthirsty killers. The vehicles are practically rusting apart in front of my eyes and seem to be selected based entirely on sitcom appeal. In fact, I believe one of my Kangaroos was on a very special episode of Ally McBeal last year. Well, I am to lift the spell, to lose the longing, to have the child, to wed the Prince, to get the money, to save the house, to kill the wolf, to find the father, to conquer the kingdom, to have, to wed, to get, to save, to kill, to keep, to go to the Festival! ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength. [This message has been edited by Hamsters (edited 10-20-2000).]

Seanachai, I await the start of the final battle. If you defeat me, then I shall be loyal to the all and I shall do anything you and your rabble desires. I never found you interesting, merely possessing of a particular quality, that of longwindedness. Yess, I took advantage of the split. Yes I dug a pit out by the dogs and declared it was the Cesspool. And, finally, yes none followed me but the toothless man-child Hiram. This does not make you right or proper, no, it merely means your little men are too scared, too stuffed full of red hots and marshmallows, too complacent and comfortable in their Peng Thread. I welcome combat, the flames will purify this ugly war. ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

And Roborat, what's this I hear about you thinking you have the right to stop being my squire? You're not allowed to think. Until Andreas writes some kind of Peng Magna Carta, which would necessitate his learning to write, you have no right to think. If I want your opinion, I will spend three seconds of my time writing it and 40 turns of CM giving it to you. If you feel otherwise then I give you one chance at emancipation: Meeting Engagement, 200% Handicap for you. You win, I renounce my ownership of your immortal soul. I win and you're doing the metaphorical Hamster bootlick until you gain a Sir in front of your name. The rest of your Pengers, show some cajones for god's sake, every time I read that damn Peng Thread I can feel seconds of my life tick away in a state of all-encompassing boredom. I spit on your collective efforts to be more than lichen. ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Steve Clark: Look mom, I've learned how to support other people's assertions that I'm an idiot:http://baywindows.com/gerbil.asp <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Enough about you, back to someone important: Croda you wandering monstrosity! You're unwanted in that thread and your untolerated in this thread. Sit down and post with some regard to honor you schmuck! As to the rest of you bastards, I don't see any of you sticking to your guns you buncha sissies! Lemme ask ya something, if someone flouts your little blood hamster and your cutesie jihad, whatcha gonna do? You gonna write a formal complaint to Peng the senile? Maybe hope that Seanachai gets over his sudden case of the Scared Stupids and starts posting something, eh? Can't you automatons think for yourselves??? Now get over here Croda, where you belong. I brought you into the Pool, and I can sure as hell take you right out. ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Steve Clark: Speaking of hamsters, I'm a total moron. Can you believe how stupid I am to first, believe a well known urban legend, try to pass it off as a recent news piece and also think that it is in any way funny. Hi mom, I'm stupid. Yes, that's right, your son, who you nurtured in your womb, who you swaddled and adored, is a total and absolute dumbass. I have been trying to tell you how much but, unfortuneately I am so stupid that I do not know the words to express how stupid I truly am. One day scientists will unearth the BTS forums and see my contributions and they will think I am a subspecies of human, homo sapiens moronicus. Theories and counter-theories will abound about how entire societies of me lived along side the normal humans and, while they did useful, beautiful and intelligent things, we would run into walls and watch Roseanne. My only hope is that someone comes along and gives me the words to express how stupid I truly am.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Don't worry little Stevo, somebody did. ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pham911: I'd like to see the ability to change platoon/company/battalion/team names, squad size, and arms in the editor. Then you could have all the Rangers, Marines, etc, that you wanted, even if they didn't ship with the game. Tanks shouldn't be changeable beyond names, though.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Pham, since both of these won't happen any time in the forseeable future the argument is a moot point. I must ask, though, why wouldn't you want to have tanks changeable? I don't think it's unreasonable to request special forces and such as we've shown here in CM2, as it will include a rarity-based purchasing system for QBs. So, if you want a normal game where unit costs are based only on their quality, you can have that, otherwise you can set it so those bloody Spetznaz cost an arm, a leg and another arm. ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng: And yet, Hamsters/Meeks(!), here you all are trying to force another Peng Thread without even My NAME in the Title where it belongs. You call this spontineity? HOGWASH! This is a patent heretical attempt to lead the vile and low away from the one true path to Hell. Well, MrCedarShavings, It ain't gonna work. I am going back to the other thread to invoke "Blood Hamster" on all who continue to post here. Peng - The One, the Only, the Original<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Bah, Peng, your sorcerous ways don't frighten me. Your time is past, old man, and you have come to late! Look to the future and weep, for your dessicated corpse shall hang from your own gibbet. Your blood hamster only worked in the Old Pool because of the powers of your conviction but even now you doubt and as your skin gains the pallor of death ours gains the rosy complexion of young life. I will feast upon your cochels!!! ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength. [This message has been edited by Hamsters (edited 10-12-2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng in The Peng Thread: Well, after rubbing my two functioning neurons together for several seconds this morning I can think of no reason why there should be another Peng Thread. In reading some of the post mortem comments of 'pool denizens one stood out in particular, in that the original cesspool was of a spontaneous nature. To try to force it into being again would be similar to putting your old dead cat in the pet cemetary in hopes of it rising again. Yeah the flesh and bone are reanimated, but it acts a bit cross and not like its old self. Its just not the same.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> First of all, I am the one which Peng qoutes. Let's give credit where credit is due. Second, there are a few of the Old Guard that are going against their nature staying in the Peng Thread. I call them out! OGSF - You crazy bastard, this is your home and you know it. And bring back my ass! Croda - How, praytell, will you get along with a bunch of senior citizens and their prescription drugs? I know the truth and the truth is, you also are a crazy bastard. PawBroom - Seanachai and I will have a tug of war over this one but, dammit, he's French, and the French are a hard-smoking, hard-drinking, hard-smelling people. They have no place among Mormon househusbands like Shaw. Berlichtengin - Oh, he'll probably choose the Peng Thread but his heart will tell him that you cannot perform pure evil in Munchkinland. After the house falls on him, he'll come over here. Peng Himself - The most insane, rambling and incoherent of them all! What does he have in common with that windbag Seanachai? They aren't even in the same phylum!!! Lorak - Come on man, how can you have knights and glory with a bunch of toothless old biddies? There are more but I leave it for them to confront their own black hearts. ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength.

I want nothing to do with your incestuous Brotherhood and I renounce it myself! Gone, Chup, gone are the days of the Illuminati and the self-serving Elders!!! ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength.

So Seanachai managed to cart ol’ Peng out, and, lo and behold, Peng supports Seanachai’s claim that the other thread is the True Peng Thread. Well, I agree. But I tell you now, that thread is not the Cesspool and I will never again post to it, nay, it may have approval of the elders but it is not the Cesspool. Read some of the posts in there, in between Seanachai saying, “Everyone calm down,” and Peng, mumbling like Don Corleone in Godfather III, telling everyone to put it to rest and let him get some sleep, you can’t stay awake over there. For god’s sake, they’ve got Shaw, have you ever met a more boring person? The man’s idea of fun is to hunt for Mormon wives and play badminton. I don’t besmirch them their little Peng Thread, it is a nice place if you like watered down beer along with your insults but I will stay here, in the Pool, where men try to find new ways to cut off the naughty bits of others and make deviled eggs out of them. I will stay here in the fetor, where no moray is safe and aardvarks are feared. So where stand ye, men of the Old Cesspool? Are ye men? Lustful and angry! Or are ye mormon wives? Tired, pathetic and totally devoid of wit? ------------------ Barad-Dur, the Dark Tower, which suffered no rival, and laughed at flattery, biding its time, secure in its pride and its immeasurable strength.