Hamsters

You insult us, sir, and you do it in a remarkably boring way, yourself. Just look at our austere, Buddhist insult and compare it to your mid-90s era clunker. You insult our smell, our social position, and our sexual practices, ha and double ha! In the immortal words of Gandalf, Fool of a Took, throw yourself in next time. Our smell may as well be reprehensible, you imbecile. our smell could very well have rendered the whole of the Arctic impotent. It may very well have caused significant damage to the ozone layer and to the sensibilities of the much contested Latino vote. Guess what, that doesn't mean jack squat here. Yep, we could smell like the rotted, festering carcass of Bauhaus and it don't matter. Our social position? Ha and ha again, you fool. We may as well be destitute hamsters of the streets, chewing a used prophylactic and making money by selling ourselves to syphilitic ape-men. We can by day be that one-legged mongoloid dip**** that you refuse to spare a nickel to and by night that smooth-talking man-whore that you can't help but shower money on but that doesn't matter, either. Finally, you take a jab at our sex life. Our sex life?!?! What the holy hell does sex have to do with our interactions, you horseless woman? Do we chase after the same women or boys or svelte wombats? No. You don't live anywhere near us. Could we interact in any kind of social manner that involved the acquisition of poontang? No, you leprous boob, because, get this, we only interact via the Internet. Yes, you inconsequential lapdog of society's base need to humiliate itself, how we look, what we have, who we are is wholly insignificant, just like your insults that latch on to such things. Except. Except, you jiggling, jaundiced, jabberwocke, except for how creative we are. How intelligent are our insults, how thick are our skins, how sharpened are our hate. You flail about, trying so desperately to regain your youth by acting like the strutting peacock but youth was not about showing off. You sniff and snuff and huff and puff, trying to act the elder statesmen but fail to realize that wisdom is not cynicism. Competence, sir, is all that we ask here. Be your taunt one line or a thousand, make sure it is well made. Descriptive but not pedantic, barbed but not barbarous, pithy but not dull. Your only true use here is as a foil for the brighter among us, some pitch to throw on the fire. You cannot grasp why we are wholly superior to you and it causes you to rut even louder. To which we make this offer, to teach you, on the field of battle, a minor lesson in life and justice and the world. You are free to pay attention or not for a teacher cares not if his student learns but rather only that he has learned himself from the teaching. In educating you, we become smarter and though you cannot hope to keep up, perhaps it will help you with your pathetic taunts. I await the setup.

Which Shandorf is Shandorf? Jefe?!?! Is this your cousin? JEFE?!?!?!

It's ok, armornut, we got angry once at a dip named Futbolhead, made a complete ass out of ourselves, too. It's a sin, you know, getting angry about the goings ons of the Pool. Now the only reason we set you up with a map of complete irritation is because you were such an insufferable git, which is a real-life thing, too. If you promise to be less of an insufferable git, we'll be happy to play you in a real game of CM, otherwise, you owe US a turn, not vice verse. Hope and charity to all your family, A raging multitude of Hamsters On to the rest of the twits, gits and stupid sheeeeeits. (We don't think the occasional anus plug reference is going to get us in too much trouble, though we can also agree with Joe's admonishment {We're not sitting on the fence here, there are enough hamsters to sit on either side of the argument}) Seanachai, the gamey git, has managed to throw a Churchill 8 at us (Who uses those damned Roman numerals, anyway? What a bunch of pompous bastards the British are) along with a, get this, white scout car?!!?!. Now, everyone knows that the Churchillosaurus Ausf 8 was only used once in the Western front and then only to sell hot dogs and everyone knows that the white scout car is unbalancing, overly used and a sure sign of an inferiority complex. MarkIV and the horrendous hive of hamsters have started a battle, which appears to take place somewhere in Mirkwood, as one of our HMG teams is all ready being set upon by spiders while waiting in the vast woods of the map. Did we mention how gamey Seanachai is? No significant changes other than that.

Yep, I do this, too. Many people think you shouldn't be able to tell the difference but there it is under the unit details. Take advantage of any information given to you.

14" arty should dislodge it.

Gamey? GAMEY?!?! Take a look at your bloody taunts, you nincompoop, that'll show you gamey. They're bad, boring, hackneyed, loser taunts. They deserve an interesting, sick, twisted destruction on the field of battle. You fool, if we were gamey, we'd do something so that we could beat you at the game of CM. Our purchases preclude any kind of victory. We are not, therefor, gamey, rather, you pulsating mass of useless flesh, we are interesting and we are subjecting you to an interesting torture. Being wholly uninteresting, it is no surprise that you do not understand this.

I know that I shall meet my fate Somewhere among the clouds above; Those that I fight I do not hate, Those that I guard I do not love; Now for a few updates: Deke Da Dumbass Doesn't Do Diddly Well, that's not true, as Deke da Dumbass has managed, so far, to A)Complain about not being able to pick sides and 2)Work himself into a tizzy thinking we shall fight in the snow, which we shan't. MarkIV, The Setup Non-Sending Whore Look, you sissified sob, you're supposed to send a file. You have not risen to the standing of longshoreman's bitch for nothing. Goanna Is a lizard and also a whore. There has been no action. Priest and Armornut Are they still in the Pool? If not, we'll just stop playing them. What's the point, after all? As far as status, we are schooling Priest in the art of asswhuppery as if we was a young student come to Asswhuppery Mountain for proper schooling. Armornut still does not get the joke. Seanachai Doesn't return turns but we all ready knew this. jd Probably still has our number. What, praytell, is that number sir? Geier We're pretty sure the Old Firm received our setup and the only assumption that can be made is that said establishment has toned down it's once energetic nature. Too bad, really, as it would have been good fun to compare notes on death and destruction. Lawyer Is a git like never a git before was gitted. Almost as bad as PeterNZer but without the stupid, stupid name. In the immortal words of Bruce Campbell, come get some.

It's silly that CM has the term Abandoned when they mean Damaged. In CM2 they should allow recrewing and they should institute a Damaged state to replace the Abandoned state in use in CM. Otherwise the implication is that the gun (Or vehicle) is always damaged to some degree before the crew takes off, which is patently false. There are sufficient accounts of crews ditching becuase the fire was too heavy or they were just plain scared or whatever to say that crews only leave a gun or vehicle when it is inoperable. With the possibility of Abandoned, Damaged or Knocked Out, you can properly institute remanning guns, rather than grouping everything under an ambiguous Abandoned and then claiming that most of the time this means damaged.

Lies! Damned lies!! Statistics!!! And a damn, dirty smilie!

What a nancy-boy! We should publicly stone him and tie his naughty bits into a knot. And disbar him! And run him down with a lawnmower!!! We find it real sweet that you think so highly of us, you little pencilpusher. Here's hoping you aren't so caught up in your bright, sunshiny world that you don't see that piano falling from the 14th floor of the Acme building.

What I don't understand is that everyone thinks there are only three possible outcomes: Win/Loss/Draw. This is inaccurate, there are four levels of win as well as four levels of loss. That people only see it in black and white is a result of various ladders (And Lorak, you putz) caring only about victory of defeat. If we started to take into account Total, Major, Minor and Tactical victories, we'd see more realistic play. As an example, if a ladder gave 2 points for Total victory, 1 point for Major, .5 points for Minor and .25 points for Tactical, we'd see players take more into account regarding the execution of their battles.

Dammit, you steenking lizard, less of the postings and more of the killings! Yar!!!!!!

I thought you got angry when people said, "Gimme gimme gimme"? Oh and, gimme gimme gimme! [This message has been edited by Hamsters (edited 03-11-2001).]

No, they seem to fire as a last-ditch action when enemy units get too close, generally they just die if they're being shot at. I'm using 1.12.

I've seen my sharpshooters shoot men inside the same building, perhaps you just had bad luck.

Tell her to go read a Cosmo. And Maximus, it would do you good to go do the same.

Yes, but only if you include your severed head in the package, GB. In which case I'd like to request the first one.

Ya, what he said.

Javor unt don Schitzel! Ja, der German sounding person has arrived! Ja ja ja!

Jd has bested me. Mine nipples are in mine ears. Lorak, scribe it as thus. In a fevered dream, we remember complaining to jd that having set the turn limit to 25 gave him an unnecessary advantage, forcing us to be rushed and all. Thank the gods for that limit or otherwise my poor Limeys would all be guests at the Hanoi Hilton or wherever they kept sissy Brit prisoners during WWII. [This message has been edited by Hamsters (edited 03-10-2001).]

Don't be so sensitive, it was merely an example. I myself surrendered to Shandorf on the second turn when I was too pissed off at seeing two of my tanks whacked in what I felt were unacceptable ways. And as to your jibe that I'm a gamey player, that's just silly, Andreas, as any number of my opponents will attest.

I'm sorry, Andreas, I never meant to impugn your playing ability. My point is only that the purpose of this game is to win, not kill the most troops and not keep the most of your troops alive, even though those are often facets of winning. This does not mean that one should only by SMG squads and KTs, because it is both unrealistic and boring, conversely, though, you cannot curse about gaminess in troop selection and then implement gaminess in tactical doctrine. In real life, given a situation where it is imperative that you take a position and you suffer heavy casualties, would you have surrendered all your forces? No, as this is both unrealistic and boring.

The starch alotment for those units must be astronomical.

Remember that we have a tree. Considering there are so many of us, this tree is likely one of the beautiful and awe-inspiring Sequoia Gigantia or Giant Sequoia (For those of you unfortunate enough to have never seen one, we will find a little picture to pass along). Current census data shows that there are, roughly, 17,238 hamsters in this tree. He's some Japanese guy, so keep that in mind for perspective. [This message has been edited by Hamsters (edited 03-10-2001).]

Germanboy and I had a battle and he surrendered quite quickly and said that in RL, he would have fallen back and attacked under better conditions, with arty support, et cetera. I don't think this is a legitimate argument, given the rules of CM. Because of the isolation of these battles, you cannot look at it from an everyday battle perspective, that's not what an everyday battle is like. There's no retreat, no evacuation and no second chance tomorrow, it's one hoary fight for the fate of the entire war. Granted, I've won the entire war only marginally more than I've lost it but we cannot look at it any other way. CM doesn't model any consequences beyond this battle, so to act like it does is to pretend that CM is more than it is.