Geier

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks: This is my home, you bastards, if you ruin this, then I will personally hunt each one of you down, cut off your significant parts, sew them together and make a new house out of them. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> We've got a special offer at the moment. It would save you the trouble of going outside, we understand you have a special condition. Feel free to contact us so we can negotiate a contract. We're not in the phone book. The Old Firm

A tired old elf king is seated on a piece of flotsam, possibly a rotting throne, in the middle of a dark murky pool. He is bobbing gently and in the gloom we notice that the pool is at the bottom of a well. No daylight ever reaches this place. A dark passageway seems to be the only entrance into the Throne room. Lorak (of course it is Lorak how many elf kings live in a cesspool? Get on with it.) lets out a tired sigh. - Oh gods I’m bored. I really hate being me. What a useless person I am. (An odd dark green globe is clutched in his hand. The colours in it move, sometimes a muffled flash can be seen, accompanied by the distant sound of thunder) - Well, you’re not Hiram, thank the gods for that. A robed figure has emerged from the muck, it is completely covered in filth and seems to be riding on a deranged seal. - Oh. It’s you. Senility. How wonderful of you to drop by. Lorak intones in a voice that suggest someone is slowly inserting a red-hot poker covered with ants in his navel. - Yes, yes quite... So. How are things? - Bloody awful. My bum hurts. - Yes. I see. But… but you’ve gotten your scrying ball connected now! That’s good. Isn’t it? Able to look at all the heroic battles between our Cesspool brethren, isn’t that something. - They’re all stupid gits and I hate them almost as much as I do myself. Pwetty splosions though. Sometimes. (Seanachai quickly downs a fistful happy-happy-joy-joy pills, swallows and somehow manages to keep a vaguely happy, if distant, face.) - Right. Nuff chit-chat. I’ve come here for a reason. It’s about Geier, the corrupt bastard. - What about him? Oh, so you didn’t come just to see me then? Can’t say I blame you, I’m... - Yes yes. Enough of that. The thing is, according to the board, he is undefeated. I do so hate him and his bloody ABBA references. We need to know if he is about to lose soon, we fear it would ruin our reputation if he became too full of himself and also could back it up. We can’t have that. - I don’t care. - Just shut up and tell me the status of his games. - How can I shut up AND tell... - TELL ME! NOW! - My, aren’t we grumpy today. Oh alright, alright. Let’s first look at his game against Ethan. - Ah, Hakko Ichiu. An evil bastard if there ever was one. Purveyor of fine grog-porn too and… (He is interrupted by shrill giggle) - Oh my! It’s a slaughterhouse… Ethan tried a mechanized flank maneuver and they’re all dead. All of them. - Can’t he even salvage a draw? - He hasn’t got a chance. Let’s see how Moriarty is faring. He’s useless, just like me. Nope. He’s dead too. - Sheepshagger? - Hmm. Hard to tell. He is too chicken (sheepish, shurely :ed) to move forward. He mostly moves laterally. And Geier’s setup looks... awful. Not a chance. - Andreas then? He’s already played him, maybe he’s learnt a trick or two? - Unlikely, but that game has just started. ”Unable to compute”heheheheee. - Shut it. It is as I feared then. We will have to use our secret weapon. We will have to make Buckethead a Knight. They’re playing each other and he is our only hope now. Make him a Knigget so we can view the game. - Done. You’re not going to like this though. It’s up for grabs still but you know, Geier always wins. It’s hopeless. I’ll slit my wrists right after breakfast. - Damn! However. There is one more. If we can’t beat him, we can get someone close to him. Didn’t Geier state that he would champion that other vile Swede, Dr Alimenretardo? - He did. But the Dr was too stupid to accept it. So he’s not a squire. - Since when did the squires have anything to say about anything? We’ll say he’s a squire and then use him to get to Geier. It’s a brilliant plan! - No. He killed him too. Senilitys shoulders slump, his jaw hangs down. A fine trickle of drool is gently running down his cheek (sit down bauhaus). - Bugger it. I’ll go back and start a sing-song. Sparky, forward! - Gods, what a useless waste of time. (Curtains)

Thank you Andreas. You are a better journalist than the people who write the papers here. A hero just died. Think about that and remember to tell your children about him. Johan

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sten: That's why I only give it a 9 out of 10 (Well more like 9 out of 9.5, since 10 is reserved for CM)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "Yeah. But this one goes to eleven." Spinal Tap

Europa Universalis Baldurs Gate 2 Battle of Britain Heart of Winter (Icewind Dale expansion) Neverwinter Nights I'll never have time to play either of them but I will enjoy looking at the boxes. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bullethead: Geier Ain't it a pity when your FO blows his wad and fails to accomplish anything?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes, I'm quite done for. I have the VL, you haven't. I'm in a good position to hold it, you are in a bad position to take it. My FO did what I wanted him to but that cannot possibly be enough against someone of your titanic skill. I wish my FO was as talented as yours. I'm probably almost certainly doomed. And you will live happily ever after. Shurely. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer: Hmmph. Time for some game updates. Insert insignifcant people here Think that's it PeterNZ<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Good. That means we really haven't started playing yet, have we? I was starting to wonder if you would ever get around to actually attacking. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

Are you telling me that the Sooners are beating the Cornhuskers? Soundly even? Sounds like I did good when I stopped following NCAA. Damn expensive from here too. So, now they're gonna try talk Tom Osborne back or what? Three yards and a pile o dust football. Those were the days. Good luck on the counseling. Sounds like you will need it. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu: Goatfellator, You are ugly... I am greatly looking forward to the moment when I can use the deboned flesh of your head as a Hackey Sack™. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Glad to see that that fine old tradition hasn't fallen into the place where things fall into when they are forgotten. You are an OK guy in our book. However, since you are in our book, you will soon be a Dead Thing. That shouldn't stop you from making a Hackey Sack out of the Goatsweater however. With Gratitude, The Old Firm (Who performed The Hackey Sack of Krakow in 1639)

I just toasted a CD with some classic ABBA for all my opponents. Here is a sample on what songs are on it: Mortars Mortars Mortars When I kissed the Hauptmann Voulez-ve-surrender Does your CO know? Hamster Queen Thank you for the panzers Mamma mia (for CM3 obviously) The Panther takes it all and of course: Waterloo Enjoy! You idiots. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai: ...and I wait with baited breath. or is it breath that smells like bait? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> We, The Old Firm, pride ourselves with our ability to kill anything and certainly anyone in Creation. Our CV contain some very interesting names I might add. There are, of course, some individuals we just don't touch. Mainly because no one can afford the fee involved but also because we always honor any agreements and contracts that we have signed, all of which has a subclause that forbids us to annihilate the contractor for as long as the contract is valid . Also we operate on a free market so obviously killing our main clients is a bit silly, if intriguing. Now there are also some quid pro qous, some addendums, some Rules for this kind of thing. There are the few fortunate individuals who we cannot touch. One example would be Cain of course (an old mean git who likes Boyzone for the obvious reasons. Has a nice house though). The first clue to Hiram Sedais True identity is: We (The Old Firm) are not allowed to touch him. Nor is there any power this side of Creation that can. The purpose of this? Who knows? Who cares? There are plenty of more interesting victims out there. Sod off, ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu: I always thought the lyrics were Can you touch my Love Commando™ <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Which really only shows how little you know. "Love Commando" never was an ABBA song, it was either Europe or Ace of Base. Two other great contributions from our talent-filled little country. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: I may have the words slightly wrong, but always happy to entertain the Old Firm.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You're welcome. We felt it was almost as entertaining as playing CM against you. Which is saying a lot. Andreas has been thoroghly indoctrinated into the music of Jan Johansson. Send me a note so that we might incorporate you too. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bamse: It's a little disturbing that a hamstertread gets more attention than a possible major bug !<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I don't get that argument. If any of the participants of the Cesspool could have answered your question they would have. BTS does not, EVER, post to the Cesspool, so no time is taken off their hands by its presence. You have a response from BTS where they said "We'll check this out and get back to you". What more do you want? ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>PeterNZer... "I find this game boring because I can't see the enemy and I think he is over there but I am too chicken (or sheepish) to find out so I'll just creep forward in case he does something awful to me if I don't and I think that that is boring."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well when you put it that way... There is this wonderful other game out where you can be invulnerable and get Really Big Gunz and blast the enemy away faster than a rat on crack. It's called Quake. Sounds like just the ticket for you. Either that, or stop putting amphetamine on your cornflakes. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer: Sweden is boring Geier is boring this game is boring <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I, on the other hand, find your complete lack of initiative and competence incredibly amusing. If you find it boring, why not, just as a suggestion, try to actually move toward the VL's? I mean, instead of doing the things you new zeelanders do when you find some sheep. Or if everything is so boring, why not just send me your surrender and be done with it? I have other games as I'm sure you have. Now I think I'll go listen to some ABBA. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Germanboy: bla bla I'm scared bla bla Mommy? bla bla I'm losing bla bla<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I, on the other hand, believe I'm going to win quite handsomely over this Buckethead fellow. It all depends on whether my FO team can gnaw the face off his FO team in a few turns when they are all that remains of our OB's. What a lovely day! I'm off to blow something up. Gawdam trees. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Germanboy: Will post it later for Tommi and tss. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And I thought tss and Tommi were the same person. But clearly tss is the one with the account and Tommi just signs the messages. And AFAIK all male Finns over 20 with Internet accounts are grogs. Tommi just happens to be the best of them. I would be interested in if he is going to buy Europa-Universalis (and let Finland fulfill their destiny and invade Moscow. He would have to play as Sweden though.) or just continue to make up JAS Gripen jokes. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DrA. Loket: Geier: Yeah, same goes for you ... get a move on you punk-ass!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> How original. yawn. Wow, you even got in an exclamation mark. How wonderful for you. I'm sure you'll defeat me too. Perfectly dreadful I imagine.zzzz snort yawn Excuse me, I have to go hibernate. Tomorrow I will reveal (bauhaus, please... thanks Ethan) some interesting clues to the true identity of the entity known as Hiram Sedai. Have you noticed that I seem to totally ignore him? Stay tuned, Johan

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Germanboy: I am inclined to show mercy though<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'm not. I like to show my teeth after I taken a chunk out of someone's face, bauhaus likes to show... and most of my opponents likes to show, nay flaunt their incompetence but I've never felt the slightest bit inclined to show this "mercy" thing. Is it one of your nasty bits? If so, then showing it to Peng would be considered by most people and pods to be a Stupid Thing To Do. Your call (and bits) I suppose. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Germanboy: And not even allowed to talk about it here, bah!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Do you honestly believe that the kind of posts we write here would give any one of these drooling nincompoops a clue about anything? I mean, some of them hasn't even figured out why to lifting one of their hind legs before peeing is a good idea. Rune didn't mention that we weren't allowed to write homages to our mutual hatred of each other did he? There is no need to bother writing about any actual facts. And I thought that you worked for the Government. Don't they teach you anything these days? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Oh BTW, I just cashed in a cheque on your account, didn't bother to ask you. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Good luck with that one. I'd run if I were you. That account is one of our most interesting innovations. It can... well that would just ruin the surprise. Anyway, It is hungry and you just woke It up. Oh and btw. You claimed somewhere that the Old Firm had been hired to perform security duties for one of your newly acquired facilities. FYI, We don't do "security" or "protection". It is against our very nature. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Germanboy: Who cares what he wrote?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Didja notice that we're betatesters now? I didn't bother to ask you because..uh well... I didn't feel like it. I'll send you a setup tonight. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett

This is the one if you are interested in this period in history. I don´t own it yet but I have heard from beta-testers what it does. It´s a must buy for me. Meeks. You have no idea how sweet it feels to retribute for the time it takes some US games to be distributed to Sweden. Seriously, contact me and we can see what can be done. I'm off to invade Moscow. Again. Johan

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by rune: The Army of the Porcupine needs two volunteers to playtest a new scenario. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Does it have lots of lovely lovelies that go boom in it? In that case, without bothering to ask, I would like to use it to humiliate Gerbiltofu again. Please forward to: The Old Firm c/o Geier & Son 42 Dead Things Row Wherever or to my email addy. Thank you and may you rot before you die, Johan

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>That Really Nice fellow Hakko Ichiu wrote: Geier: bla blä bla ...How many picoseconds of life do you reckon that tank has left?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Tank? I have tanks? Oh wow! Do I get to use them too? Thank you ever so much! "We're off to make some Dead Things, some wonderfully Deady-Dead Things" Wizard of Oz. Sing along or I'll kill you. We are not in Kansas anymore. ------------------ Johan "The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps." Dashiell Hammett