Seanachai

Hopefully, in the very near future, I will no longer be sober, and able to once again post here as one of you. During this very disorienting period in which I was reminded, sometimes hourly, as to why alcohol is the very foundation of American society, I had time to reflect on you all. I decided, of course, that 'bugger them all except the Ladies' pretty much covers it. Strangely, I'm sure this is also the motto of 96% of you. Oh, and the wee spaniel. He's alright. Not that that won't stop about a third of you from having a go at him, as well. I have now ordered the game, and invited a larger influx of hatred, in the form of mail, from the Outer Board. I will be rejoining you all shortly. Watch this space.

These things are not important. The Demo was never an issue. Little boys want the Demo, the rest of us want the Game. Checking out the Demo of CMBB to see whether you're going to purchase it is like asking to see a picture of a nude woman before deciding on whether you're ever going to be willing to have sex or not. It might help, but the rest of us can't help but wonder about your sense of perspective. But right now, all I require are your postcards.

Well, just placed my pre-order. No fanfare, no sounds of trumpets... I think that what really hurts, is not so much BFC's failure to allow me to order before anyone else, but to not even send an email to notify me that, if I was quick, I could be amongst the very first to order. I don't know...as a man gets older, and starts to feel the burden of the years, I think the one thing he probably looks forward to is an email from BFC telling him when the pre-orders will open up. I never realized, when I was young, how important that would be to me when I was older... Do you know, I don't think Steve Grammont, or any of the BFC crew has ever sent me a personal email telling me to bugger off? It's not so much to ask, is it? Just a sad, unemployed old man, plagued with Argentinians, almost a father figure to a whole generation of Cess Wariours, and not even a lusty 'Sod Off' from BFC. Don't know why I get out of bed anymore...mumble mumble...except to go to the liquor store...mumble...and check the mailbox for cards from argie...sigh Well, now that the pre-order is out, and this thread no longer serves any bloody purpose at all, I'd like to ask the community to rally, and make me feel a little bit better. I ask that, wherever you are, you take a moment to send me a postcard, filled with abuse. Mind, it's a postcard, and some nations might have issues with really disgusting imagery or language being sent throught the mail, but I don't. Please send your 'Although BFC may have ignored you, Seanachai, I despise you beyond all measure' postcards to: Seanachai 3841 Grand Ave. So. #1 Minneapolis, MN 55409 You see, I've recently undergone a bout of drunken rage, and punched huge holes in my bedroom wall. I thought, rather than undergoing the whole annoying process of learning plastering, I'd simply cover the wall with your words of hate. Send now, send today.

LOL I knew that his fixation with myself was not related with true love...</font>

The dark-light, dark-light shuttering of cherry-tops spills over the landscape, alerting householders that 'the Rules' are being enforced. The tall, painfully young looking, and buzz-cut officer approaches the driver's side window, which effortlessly glides down...in a slow, jerky, even spastic way. Officer Good evening, sir. Do you know how fast you were going, sir? Seanachai I was, Officer, doing no more than 25 mph. Officer Yes, sir. But you were driving through a playground, sir. Seanachai Indeed. But, as it is well after midnight, and no children are present, I don't think that the normal '20 mph when children are present' applies. Officer Well, no sir, perhaps not. On the other hand, it's usually considered bad form to jump the curb and drive through a playground at 2 AM. Seanachai You would know better than I, Officer. I was merely taking this convenient and unpopulated short-cut so as to get around that mess at the intersection. Officer Back there where someone ran into the traffic signal and knocked it across the lanes? Seanachai Yes. Officer Sir, what happened to the front of your car? period of silent consideration Seanachai Pronghorn Antelope. Officer What? Seanachai Pronghorn Antelope. These beasts, Officer, have it in for me. Unprovoked, they often charge my car. They can do considerable body damage. Officer You're trying to tell me you hit a Pronghorn antelope, rather than that you just knocked down that stoplight? Seanachai Of course. Officer And you expect me to believe that there's a Pronghorn antelope wandering around South Minneapolis? Seanachai Of course not, Officer. I've just come from the Minnesota Zoo in Apple Valley. There are...or, well, rather, there were a number of them there. Vicious beasts. A quick examination of the crumpled bumper reveals fur, blood, but no signs of a traffic light's metallic yellow paint. Officer Oh my god, you did hit some kind of animal! Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to get out of the car! Seanachai Er, Officer, you don't, perchance, happen to know 'Lars', do you? Officer You know my cousin Lars?!! Frankly, lads and lasses, jail might have been preferable to a recitation of Lars' cousin's reminiscing about 'good times, good times'. But, while no charges were filed, 48 hours in the tank are nothing to be sneered at. Especially since I met another half dozen of Lars's cousins there...

Well I'm buggered. Not only is this thread not yet locked, but it had only sunk to page 7 before I dragged myself back in here (shameful, simply shameful, how the rights of the accused are ignored in this country. Sod my phone call to an attorney, where's my internet access to let my opponents and the Peng Challege Thread know where I am?). Although the High Ones of BFC have mocked and poked me with a sharp stick, they have not categorically stated that I will not have first crack at purchasing the game, nor have they sent me emails stating such. Nor have they aked me to 'cease and desist', behave myself, remove their names from my ever-growing email list of people who should consider the justice of allowing me to buy the game first, nor changed their 'unlisted' home numbers recently, which makes my acquisition of them timely, even if my phone calls might not be. After all, it's well known that I never sleep. Perhaps dose, a bit.

I have never been so proud to be a member of this forum than this, er, 'well off-the-wall' demand that BFC sell me the game first. I have seen postings by so many of you, each in your own rush to let the world know that I'm an idjit, that I've grown quite maudlin. I would rather post on the Combat Mission Forum, than post with the best people in all the world! Because you are, of course. The best people in all the world, that is; but a more aimless and half-witted bunch of bastards I simply cannot imagine. I feel my right to buy the game before all other motals who are not complete sodding idjits growing by leaps and bounds.

Anyone remember the Ceausescus? Elena? Nicolae? Well, here's a jolly sing-song adapted from the very fine song by the Oyster Band, and continuing to demand that BFC sell me the game before anyone. 'Poolers take the palace, what do they find in the cabinets of power, secrets left behind? Is it judgement, judgement, stripped to the bone? No, it's 19-carat bathtaps, ivory telephones... It's black satin sheets and crates of German beer pornographic movies, a shattered chandelier sharkskin tuxedos, crystal powder on the sleeve closets full of objects you would not believe How can you use 1000 terms of abuse? When he got those walking blues Just one term had to do So put yourself in Seanachai's shoes They didn't give him time to choose And he said, I'd rather die than look like a loser He said, I'd rather die... There's a safe house in General Forum, full of broken glass blood and wires and mirrors, well the neighbours didn't ask You and I, my friends, took our pleasures to the hilt Only little people have to pay their way with guilt How can you use 1000 terms of abuse? When he got those walking blues Just one term had to do So put yourself in Seanachai's shoes They didn't give him time to choose And he said, I'd rather die than look like a loser He said, I'd rather die... No more bodyguards when he hit the bell no helicopters to lift him out of hell How can you use 1000 terms of abuse? When he got those walking blues Just one term had to do So put yourself in Seanachai's shoes They didn't give him time to choose And he said, I'd rather die than look like a loser He said, I'd rather die... -A very strange adaptation of "Elena's Shoes" by the Oyster Band

Steve: You make me sad. I return now to my extraordinarily annoying original thread requesting, with all forelock pulling arrogance, that I be the first to be allowed to order Combat Mission: Barbarrosa to Berlin. There I shall post adapted song lyrics, and I will wave over my head a sheaf of foolscap with nothing on it while shouting that 'I have absolute proof that there are over 500 communists currently employed by BFC' Are you sure you wouldn't prefer, just this once, to say, 'hey, that Seanachai idjits okay with us, in fact, we decided to let him order the game before anyone else..."

Perhaps another way to show your joy is to let BFC know that you believe that the ÜberGnome, Seanachai, should be allwed to order and pay for the game before all other mortals.

This begs the question of why you aren't in the 'Seanachai Should Be Given Precedence Over All Other Mortals In Ordereing CMBB'. Isn't it about time you strolled on over and let BFC know you support the concept of Seanachai being allowed to order the game before all other mortals?

What a sad Universe? What a glorious Universe, Argie! What a Universe rich with possibilities, and stupidities, and banter between odd Argintinians, and no-account Minnesotans who long for BFC to grant them the right of first purchase! Of course you did, Argie. From myself, bolded and capitalized forever more. For we are very strange brothers. And you should tell BFC so in no uncertain terms. Let them know that Seanachai should be given the right, before all other mortals, of placing an order for Combat Mission: Barbarrosa to Berlin. For you have but mistook me all this time. I live by bread, like you, know want, feel pain, and request that before all other mortals, I be given the right to order Combat Mission: Barbarrosa to Berlin. Encumbered thus, how can you tell me I am king? [ September 01, 2002, 02:08 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Be not afraid, Gustav. For you are never alone, and we are always with you. My very nice sister, survivor of Hodgkins Disease, Breast Cancer, and Having Me As Her Older Brother is always ready to pay the bill by giving me employment. Do ya' know, there's a strange moment in every 'Older Brothers' heart when they look back on how much they were a worthless, sodding bastard, and they realize they always loved their younger sister. Probably you'll never get there, of course. Because if you could, you'd be convincing your sister that Seanachai should have the right, before all other mortals, of ordering CMBB.

I remember that proud moment, when the Thread Heard Round The World first barked its particulars at a Forum yet unknowing. It is not 'on' for you to not support my claim to be the first and foremost of those who can order CMBB. Moriarity, you've been there since the beginning. Should not I, as the half-mad Olde One, know when we should be given our due? [ September 01, 2002, 01:08 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Yes, ladies and gentlemen (such as you are), the creature known as 'argie' has proven that there is no God. Because there most certainly are Cesspoolers. So argie, tell us about why Seanachaishould have the right, before all other posters on this Forum, to pre-order CMBB. Isn't it true that you and Seanachai have occassionaly been mistaken for each other, given that you're an almost magically bizarre Argentinian half-wit, and he's someone who will stumble into discussions in which magically half-witted Argentinians are mistaken for him?

I ask that all members of the Peng Challenge Thread stumble on over to my very strange thread asking that I be given the right of ordering CMBB before any other mortal, and chime in like a GOOD, THOROUGH, AND ULTIMATELY STRANGE Member of the Peng Challenge Thread. Selah.

Thank you for posting on the: "Why Seanachai Should Be Permitted to Preorder CMBB Before Any Other Mortal" thread. Your half-witted statement is important to us. Please stay on the line so that you can not only tell BFC why Seanachai should be first, of all mortals, to pre-order CMBB, but to allow them to accept your credit card in confirmation of his order. [ September 01, 2002, 12:07 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

The by now 'historical' genesis of this thread was my desire to be allowed to place the first pre-order. It was not to be. However, on the bright side BFC has not outrightly said they will not sell me the game at all. Now, to get some use out of this thread, and becaue I don't feel hated nearly to the extant I probably am hated, I now ask that all Forum members send me a letter, card, or postcard (depending on how much of your hatred you feel moved to share) to me at: Seanachai 3841 Grand Ave. South Apt #1 Minneapolis, MN 55409 USA (for those who hate me from foreign shores) I will be posting (where language or concepts on hating me do not prevent; some minor censorship may have to be practiced), the BEST HATREDS OF ME, as well as the most amusing postcard, or graphics, or means of presentation. Points will be taken off for anything that explodes and blows off one of my hands, on the other hand. Rush your hate to me today! You probably won't have time once the game's released. Except for the Europeans and the Canadians, of course. You lot will probably have weeks and weeks of extra time in which to hate me. If you continue to read, you can follow the genesis of this concept (such as it is). ********************************* I'm not downloading the sodding Demo. I don't want the Demo, I want the Game! I'm currently unemployed, and I have no sodding money. But I will buy this game. If there was a God, BFC would allow me to be the very first purchaser. They would make a huge announcement along the lines of: Seanachai, well known lunatic, non-Grog idjit, Olde One of the Peng Challenge Thread, and currently unemployed layabout, was given the distinction of being the first person to actually order Combat Mission: Barbarosa to Berlin. Steve Grammont had this to say: "I know we've been saying 'no preorders', but when a long-standing poster who's almost magically odd is willing to buy CMBB over paying both his utility bills, well, we just have to give a nod to that sort of weirdness". Primary Forum Moderator Matt Faller, known as Madmatt told Forum members "He's always been good about not creating too much work for us. Unlike some of those Peng Thread lot. Until this pre-order issue came up, he's almost never just started up a thread for no damn reason at all. For my money, I'd let him be the first to order. " Moderator Dan Olding, aka Kwazydog told the Forum "Well, we have to keep an eye on him. Gets funny ideas, he does, about what's right, and then goes off on people. But he's usually friendly enough. They call him 'the Nice One' on the Peng Challenge Thread, and that's saying something. I'd let him place his order first just because it would make the poor little sod happy. There's not an ounce of meanness in him, say what you will. Oh, except for his almost pathological campaing to 'Crush All Australians'. That's a bit over the top, but then, who doesn't hate Aussies?" Finally, Martin Turewicz, aka Moon had this to say: "Well, he's a nutter, but I'd take his credit card number before anyone else has a chance to submit theirs for the very simple reason that he's going to be locked down from charging eventually, now isn't he? And why shouldn't BFC get that last $45 before they lock his arse up? It's what he would want, after all" Puzzled and half-witted Forum members had this to say: "I've done more to drive the level of discussion on this Forum into the Outer Limits of detail than most any other human being. I say, let the odd little bastard pre-order before anyone. As long as he acknowlegdes my statements about the nth tetchy thing that bothers me, I'm on board." -Jason Cawley "I first met the individual known as Seanachai when I stumbled into the Peng Challenge Thread drunk on Australian beer. And not good Australian beer, but really bad Australian beer. By which I mean that that Australian beer was totally sweet. In any case, I told him he was a sodding idiot, and that I was the Second Coming. He never told me I was wrong. So I say, let him order before anyone else." -Sladragon "I suppose we could let Seanachai order before anyone else, but there would have to be certain observances. First, I think that before we could allow it, we would...AH, AH SOMEONE'S KNOCKED THE HAT OFF MY MANNEQUIN! WHO DID THAT, WHO TOUCHED IT?!! IT'S NO GOOD PRETENDING IT JUST FELL OFF, AS I MADE SURE IT WAS STUCK ON TIGHT!" -Michael Dorosh "Allow who to order before anyone else? Ah, yes, Seanachai. I've never really liked him, you know." -Michael Emrys "Seanachai? He once asked people to vote on having me put to death. Give him preferential treatment in ordering CMBB? I'm all for it! How about a big CMBB hug, eh?" -Doug Beman [ September 17, 2002, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

We must go where the Bozos go, lad. And I think we're all Bozos on this bus.

sssssshhhhhheeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwTHUD Bugger. When I found out what goddamn f'ing lackwit put that rabbit hole there, Berli's going to have to buy a whole new set of toasting forks, he is. It all looks a bit squiffy and odd down here. What the hell's that music...sounds a bit like the Internationale...that can't be right...and what's with these bloody posters on the walls: JOY THROUGH PENG! Well, that's not so strange, we've seen that one before, but what's with: COMMUNE 57 PRAISES THE GLORIOUS PENG OF SEPTEMBER 1ST! What in bloody hell. And why did that bloody idjit Mace forget to capitilize "peng" and "challenge"? Very strange. Very strange indeed. OHMIGOD! IS THE GODDAMN DEMO OUT?!! I'M ON THE FORUM!! I'M GOING TO LOSE MY IDENTITY AND JUST BE ANOTHER FACELESS TOAD! RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!!!

Translation for the dimwits (that's most of you) Sod off Seanachai</font>

Well, none of us have ever gotten offended by your pretending to be a man. I say, let Treeburst play out this humourous internal dialogue. And Hiram, 'homophobia' is just another term for 'self-doubt'. After all, Herr Eichmann, that most particular and thorough-going Majordomo of the Death Camps had Jewish ancestors. And that's one of the reasons, lad, why we don't really want to go that route, now do we? Because any real 'phobia' regarding other human-beings can all too easily end up with sad-eyed people standing in the rain in front of machine-guns and trenches that bulldozers then turn into mass graves. That wouldn't be good, would it? I certainly don't think so. So let's not go 'overboard' with any form of humour about perceived 'others'. It's all just so much more 'friendly' that way, and as we all know here in the Peng Challenge Thread, there's nothing more satisfying and comforting than 'friendly' hatred.

You know, oh best beloved Boo, generally speaking you swing wildly between the utterly tedious, typical references to thingys and scatology, and then you come up with something like the above. You are a true son of Ohio. From a base as common and as unappealing as mud, you can still turn up moments when the sun shines through the thunderheads of your stupidity, and give us a moment of actual enjoyment. Makes my continued efforts to not have Berli just declare you an annoying half-wit all worthwhile. Flan. Gibbons. It works on so many levels...

Bother. I thought this thread was about a new, fascinating cereal concept from Holland. BFC! Please fix, or do somefink.

What is being done about the Treeburst creature? Has Moriarity taken him/her to Squire? Where the hell is Old Foul Joe? Joe, it is clear that the disturbing phenomenon known as Roxy/Treeburst, or Treeburst/Roxy (depending on what you want from this person, I suppose), is worthy of being here. Not only was it great good fun watching everyone try to decide how to deal with the concept, but ever since the revelation I've been getting these increasingly strange emails from Grog Dorosh. After commenting on our game, and trying to put a good face on how horribly his troops are doing, he asks me strange questions like: 'If a man tells his Wehrmacht-uniformed mannequin all his secrets, and the mannequin never tells him he's wrong, then is he wrong to still love when his love is suddenly shown to be not what the mannequin was told?', and 'If a man falls in love with another man in the forest, and no one knows, is either one a transsexual?' Value for money, in my book, and I'm glad that the Olde Ones extended sanctuary to Treeburst when the lunatic flounced in here and began his Greta Garbo impersonation. Not to mention the serious delight I've taken in all the emails I received from 'Poolers in which they quickly readjusted their underwear and assured me that 'they knew all along that Roxy was not really a woman', and that 'they were just playing along'. Bollocks! Most of you lot were one step off from writing sad-eyed droopy love poems, and trying to decide if it was too campy to rhyme 'Roxy' with 'Foxy'. The Olde Ones, upon deciding to give Sanctuary to Treeburst, also decided that keeping his identity secret would not only spare BFC any concern over the 'disrespect' of allowing a banned member into the 'Pool (which is not like anywhere else, after all), but that it would be vastly amusing. The only 'Pooler to correctly and openly guess that 'Roxy' was Treeburst, was Panzer Leader. Of course, when the Olde Ones and the Justicar met to decide what should be done about Panzer Leader's almost astonishing perceptiveness, the decision was: 'Nothing, because no one listens to a goddamn bloody word he says in any case.' So, while most of you lot where sucking the end of your pencils (an appropriate physical metaphor, given the ultimate revelations) and trying to find a way to compare 'Roxy's' beauty with a Tiger tank, the much despised Panzer Leader had actually guessed the Truth. Of course, he's an idjit, so it didn't really matter, but what does matter is that the rest of you were trailing behind him!