I Love My Cigar, But Even the Peng Challenge Takes It Out of Its Mouth Now and Then..

[Paul AU]

The Abuse-Master re-said, backed by it’s fluffy but justice-challenged Orcs:

…we've been exchanging insults…

Well no, not exactly. With supreme and confident arrogance “Senachi” had said that everyone was a boring dickhead except itself, and I challenged it on that point, noting that it in fact, based on the evidence, seem to be pretty boring and not without some dickheadedness itself. Politely. (This’d be in a previous thread, which I have no doubt spawned this thread).

For example, I didn’t call it an “areswipe”, as it did, me

I’m not saying it’s not, I’m just saying that I never said it was, not would I. Normally.

I questioned its record on the “interesting”

front. Is all. And look what happened.

For example, this is an “interesting” good-natured repartee, obviously meant to inspire a similar response:

“YOU BORE THE **** OUT OF ME!”

(Capital letters – are extra INTERESTING!)

Now, correct me if I’m wrong (and it is all on record, so be careful which lies are told - this time), but is this not the very first thing I said to it? (Albeit it in slightly less lager-induced language)?

So isn’t it now in fact saying, “No, you are!” in the traditional six-year-old manner?

Again, I steadfastly refuse to call it an arsewipe, no matter what the provocation. But:

“No you are?”

Is that where it’s rhetorical skills are up to?

Six years old. Pretty clever eh? Engaging” interesing? “ No, you are”

I’d like to say that Senachi shouldn’t be as afraid of me as it obviously is. I’d like to. But.... maybe it should?

Here's some tips: Avoid bad language, and make every 'personal' attack somewhat 'indirect'.

Thanks for the tip, arsewipe.

Yo ho.

[Yeknodathon]

*Honky* Muletide

[Paul AU]

Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm. But the harm does not interest them.

T. S. Eliot

[Seanachai]

Okay, Josephus. I believe that I have lured him into one of those other areas, where he can lash me with his disdain and stand above me, sneering.

I will now cease to acknowledge him in this Thread of threads, as is only good and proper, and ask everyone else to do so as well.

You see, I have no problem with a call for Coventry when it's an individual prat-falling around the Thread and annoying everyone. But it seems...I don't know... cowardly? when the focus is simply myself.

I am, as all will acknowledge, a horrible little man. Should I then hide behind a general invocation of 'Coventry' in order to avoid someone who wants to say so, at some length?

Thus, you must understand, my initial decision to ignore the otherwise inviolate and generally righteous call for Coventry.

But the individual in question has now been provided with a thread wherein he can castigate and berate me to his heart's ease. I will scurry over there now, and do some cringing and bleating.

I think it's important that people who take the time to hate me feel like they're doing well. After all, he quoted Eliot. I've always rather enjoyed Eliot.

Mind you, I think he got the quote from the bottom of the 'Word a Day' newsletter by Anu Garg. But that's a very good newsletter, and the quotes are one of the best parts.

As for his participation here, such as it has been, Coventry is appropriate.

[ December 25, 2007, 02:35 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Seanachai]

Bloody ISP...

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Stuka:

Its great in the Seychelles, warm azure seas, gleaming white sands, blue skies with some pretty white clouds, beer....the vodka I bought in duty free....the red and white wine I bought in duty free.... the Cohiba cigars I brought with me...the good lady Stuka.... yep, it's pretty damn fine... but the best thing is, non of you tossers are heer (little military joke, get it?) to spoil it for me...

Muahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Will someone please drive a stake through its heart. The insecticide doesn't seem to be working.

Michael </font>

[Moraine Sedai]

Merry Christmas everyone!

Well, except those as don't deserve it.

[stikkypixie]

Merry Christmas to the lot of you and remember a lump of coal can be a lot of fun if you just use your imagination.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Small Emma is such a sweet child. It really is sad that she suffers from the delusion that you, Seanachai, are not a worthless swine that should be beaten to death. Perhaps there is a cure out there, and someday, she will kick you squarely in the fork

Well, she's only four. And remember: As far as she's concerned, she owns me more completely than the most despotic Southern plantation owner ever owned a slave.

Except that I back her Mom up on important points. Mostly.

Of course, I haven't had more than a quarter of any chocolate malt ever purchased for me from the shop down the street in the last year. We 'share' one. But she sucks that stuff down like a freaking hummingbird. Her Mom has begun to suspect that, after the initial division of 1/8 of my malt, mixed with milk and put into a glass for Small Emma, is being surreptitiously turned into a chocolate grenade by an over-indulgent Grandma Steve.

Oh, but I did have to rat her out the other night. I felt bad about it, but... well, here are the circumstances:

She and her sister, Smaller Nora, went into the downstairs bathroom together, and shut the door. Nora likes the bathroom, for some reason. They were in there for a while, and when I stuck my head in to find out what was going on, she told me 'I am helping Nora to practice going to the bathroom on the small potty'.

As a man who has, in all truthfulness, done the 'Underpants Dance of Victory' in front of the likes of Lars, Dalem and Papa Khann, I wasn't in a position to inquire too deeply.

But eventually her Dad went in there, and made them come out and join the company. Not me, of course. They had other friends over, as well. And I asked Small Emma, 'Emma, what were you teaching Nora in there?'

And she looked around, carefully, to see if anyone was listening, and told me: I was teaching her how to touch the angel's dress.

Okay. After a long life of fairly extreme weirdness, you'd think I'd simply bob my head, suck down some more red wine, and say: 'Wow! Really?' After all, she's only four. If it was someone else, I'd either have to call the cops, or go get a video camera.

But she told me this like she was revealing A Great Secret. So I said: What? Emma, what did you just say?

And she told me, with a conspiratorial look 'I was teaching her how to touch the angel's dress'.

I was, suddenly, filled with a nameless sense of...disquiet. And, frankly, I was intrigued.

So I said to her 'Emma, can you show me how to touch the angel's dress?'

And she said 'Sure, Grandma Steve! C'mon!'

So we went into the downstairs bathroom, which is simply a radiator, a sink, and a toilet. It's pretty much useless except as a place for company to void their bladders and wash their hands. But her Mom likes to make everything... pretty. There's nick-knacks in there. Decorative towels. Things hanging on the wall. All the things that women do to turn an otherwise functional place into something less like its function.

And she says to me: 'First, you put down the toilet cover. Then, you climb up on top of the toilet...'

I'm watching this, less than sanguine...

'Then, you put your foot here...' and she stretches her little leg across the gap between the front of the toilet and the opposite wall, and plants her foot on the freaking toilet paper holder, which I goddamn well know is only held to the wall by a couple of screws, 'And then you reach up like this, and touch the angel's dress', and she flips this small wall-hanging with her fingers that's made up of a spray of wheat stalks.

And then she pushes off, settles back onto the top of the toilet cover, and gives me a winning smile.

Many years ago, as I was entering a party, I passed two women, one of whom said to the other: 'And that's how the armadillos got syphilis...'

I never knew what that story was all about, but I relived that same moment of staggering confusion.

'Emma, you were teaching Nora how to do that?'

'Yes.'

'Emma, I don't think...you shouldn't...Emma, you can't...Emma, I will be right back.'

And I went and found her Mom, who was trying to make dinner. And I told her 'Jen, I need to tell you something.'

'Uh-huh.'

'Has Emma ever showed you how to 'touch the angel's dress'?

I got a startled look, with that one. 'You mean the little spray of wheat stalks in the bathroom? She thinks that's an angel's dress.'

'Yeah. Well, has she ever shown you how to touch it?'

'No, why?'

'Well, she just showed me how to do it, and told me she was teaching it to Nora', and I described the process.

We are talking about eyes so round that they looked like luminescent golf balls. We are speaking of a look of disbelief and horror more eloquent than the loudest 'You are s******g me!'

I nodded.

And then, to my horror, she shouted 'EMMA! EMMA, COME HERE RIGHT NOW!'

'Jesus, Jen! I mean — Jesus! You can't... She'll know I told you!'

"Emma! Come Here! She won't know you told me, she's four!'

'Look, we're friends. She's going to know I told on her!'

There is something distinctly bizarre about a 51 year old man panicking about informing on a four year old child. Life is a bit strange, when you're a minion.

'She's not going to know anything. Go hide in the living room, if you want.'

And, although I'm chagrined to say it, I went and hid in the living room.

But I could still hear what transpired.

'Emma, show me how you touch the angel's dress. Uh-huh. Okay. Emma, we do NOT climb up on top of the toilet like that! We NEVER put our foot on the toilet paper holder, because it might break and you would fall down and HURT yourself! And we do not EVER, EVER teach Nora how to do things like that! Do you understand me, young lady?!'

I couldn't hear the reply. It was a small girl reply. I felt like Judas.

After a little bit, Emma came into the living room. She was... subdued. I gave her a smile. 'Emma, what do you want to play?'

I held my breath. She looked at me, and smiled. 'I want to play that I am the princess fairy, and you are the prince...no, wait, you are the king, and I am the mom, and Nora is the little sister, and we need to take her to the doctor, and you are the brother, and I need to go to work'.

It was a freaking huge relief. Things were still normal between us. If completely, as usual, almost incomprehensible.

Later, I told her Mom, 'I had to tell you, you know.'

And her Mom told me 'Hell yes, you had to tell me!'

'Because her climbing around on stuff like that was just nuts.'

'No kidding! That damn toilet paper holder won't support her weight if she steps on it too hard! Not to mention teaching her little sister to do things like that!'

'I still feel kinda bad. I just didn't want her to get hurt.'

And Jen looked at me like I was an idiot. 'Why do you feel bad? I swear to God, sometimes I think you've hit your head too many times!'

The thing about mothers, is... they forget about ever having been children themselves. And that's why most children actually manage to make it to adulthood.

[**YK2**]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

'EMMA! EMMA, COME HERE RIGHT NOW!'

Do you have to shout so loudly? I was stuffing the turkey..

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to each and every one of you.....

[Joe Shaw]

I swear to God, sometimes I think you've hit your head too many times!

Words that apply to us all I suppose ...

Joe

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I am, as all will acknowledge, a horrible little man.

True, true. But you aren't going to launch into one of those long, weepy alcoholic confessions that are such a bore to listen to, are you? Can't you be man enough to go to hell unrepentant and unreconciled? Not that there's anything very interesting in that either.

Michael

[Patch]

Merry Christmas!

[Berlichtingen]

Lumpa coal, lumpa coal, lumpa coal, nice bottle of wine for Emma, lumpa coal, lumpa coal, kick inna fork for Seanachai, lumpa coal, lumpa coal, bottle o' Scotch for Peng (not the good one, mind), lumpa coal...

[Boo Radley]

"Deck us all with Boston Charlie

Walla Walla, Wash. and Kalamazoo

Nora's freezing on the trolley

Swaller dollar cauliflower, ally-garoo!"

Merry Christmas to all!

[Leeo]

Kerry Mecking Fristmas!

[Stuka]

Jeez, first day back at work and the good Lady Stuka tells her boss what she really thinks of him and his attitude/abilities and walks out of the office, never to return....

Not the smartest thing to do when an Arab employer can make it extremely difficult to obtain a change of sponsorship permission as required by law here.

Merry Fecking Christmas indeed......

On the bright side, the first turn of my re-match with Noba has gone swimmingly....meaning none of my stuff died. (clearly it takes a couple of turns before he can fully hack the code)

[Noba]

Originally posted by Stuka:

On the bright side, the first turn of my re-match with Noba has gone swimmingly....meaning none of my stuff died. (clearly it takes a couple of turns before he can fully hack the code)

Come out and fight. Skulking Germanic-Type. Roll that panther, I want to see the whites of the driver's eyes before I dispatch it.

Noba.

[Stuka]

Given the entire weight of the 'Merkin 1st, 2nd, 3rd and probably 4th, 5th and 6th army is poised to steamroller my green, half strength, exhausted squad of Dachshunds, I think we'll stay hidden in our sneeksy, tricksy little hidy holes thank you very much.

At least until the arty barrage lifts....which will no doubt be along presently...

[Lars]

Anybody else get snow for Christmas?

Want some?

[Stuka]

I got sun, sand, surf and scuba diving.....

Keep your snow, snow sucks, snows gets down your neck, melts and finds it way down to your butt crack...which is ickky....unless your'e into that sort of thing...

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Lars:

Anybody else get snow for Christmas?

Want some?

Nope. 45°F and sunny.

Sux to be you (-5 pts for tautology)

Send a turn, Snow Boy.

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Stuka:

Jeez, first day back at work and the good Lady Stuka tells her boss what she really thinks of him and his attitude/abilities and walks out of the office, never to return....

Not the smartest thing to do when an Arab employer can make it extremely difficult to obtain a change of sponsorship permission as required by law here.

Do you mean that there's a good chance you might spend the remainder of your short, miserable life sweating in a stinking Middle Eastern dungeon, hanging by your thumbs from the wall while enormous and vicious rats gnaw on the stumps of your genitals? Cool!

Michael

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Stuka:

Jeez, first day back at work and the good Lady Stuka tells her boss what she really thinks of him and his attitude/abilities and walks out of the office, never to return....

Not the smartest thing to do when an Arab employer can make it extremely difficult to obtain a change of sponsorship permission as required by law here.

Do you mean that there's a good chance you might spend the remainder of your short, miserable life sweating in a stinking Middle Eastern dungeon, hanging by your thumbs from the wall while enormous and vicious rats gnaw on the stumps of your genitals? Cool!

Michael </font>

[Stuka]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

enormous and vicious rats gnaw on the stumps of your genitals?

Stumps of my genitals? Stumps? How many genitals do you think I have? No need to answr that, the less you think of me in that way, the better.

Perve.