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The Peng Challenge Thread Wants YOU... To Go Away.


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Well bloody effing hell on a stick, there is a goddam Canukistani storm abrewing that is headed straight for me. There is every chance that it will prevent me from flying home on Friday. 8 effing weeks I've been flying out here every Sunday night and flying home every Friday morning, and now that the effing project is wrapping up, I'm going to be effing stuck in this podunk effing little backwater, redneck, pissant, bull****e, waste of a goddam village longer than I actually have to be.

You should thank me, now, for providing you with a reason to, if not laugh, at least smile quietly to yourself.

You may also grin at such a widely split infinitive. Could drive a bloody truck through that one. Go ahead. Do it. I dare you.

Bastards.

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Originally posted by MrPeng:

Boo!, I sent a file from my work address again to see if it works. Lemme know if you don't get the thing. I'll resend from the home address.

You mean that message you forwarded with the subject line, "Make her show fear when you unleash your new love missile"?

Yeah, about that... I'll be blocking you from now on.

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<tap tap tap>

Is this thing on? Testing . . . testing . . . 1 . . . 2 . . .

Oh, who am I kidding? You lot wouldn't know how to count that high anyway.

Turns are out. New office is opened. Shingle is hung.

Now, where's Foul Joe so I can remind him to sod off?

Steve

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Originally posted by Seanachai:

I now live under a shadow. The shadow that, soon, my friend Small Emma will no longer have any interest in Grandma Steve.

I don't think Small Emma will tire of her Grandma Steve anytime soon.

And even if she does....We will never tire of our Grandma Steve in here.

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Originally posted by MrSpkr:

<tap tap tap>

Is this thing on? Testing . . . testing . . . 1 . . . 2 . . .

Oh, who am I kidding? You lot wouldn't know how to count that high anyway.

Turns are out. New office is opened. Shingle is hung.

Now, where's Foul Joe so I can remind him to sod off?

Steve

I am here ... where are you and why haven't you greeted me on even ONE of my many trips to Dallas this year?

Well it's too late now, I'm off to Oklahoma where ... oh GAWD ... that's where YOU'RE from isn't it ... my day just got worse, and I didn't think that was possible.

Joe

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Originally posted by dalem:

Peng has to fly on a pla-ane!

Peng has to fly on a pla-ane!

Peng has to fly on a pla-ane!

Nah-na-na-na-NAH-na!

How's that leg room treatin' ya?

Swine.

What legroom?

Last flight home I got to sit with a normal human next to me. A plain but good hearted soccer mom. We were able to chat amiably a little and leave each other in peace to read. A good seat mate.

The flight out before that I sat next to a creepy looking guy who had a cold, but had no tissues, so on a randomized interval schedule of 30 plus or minus 17 seconds he loudly snuffed all his horrid, poisonous, festering, fetid, viral phlegm inward with a hideous slurglurp. That was while he was awake. When he fell asleep he would randomly twitch himself awake, elbowing me in the process, and shoot me a dirty look for disturbing him. He is the reason - I am certain - that I now suffer from this foul respiratory malaise.

I will make certain that I take the appropriate medicine pre-flight so that I am drier than a popcorned fart and not leaking heinous infectious fluids like some other air travelers are wont to do.

The flight before that? A fat guy. A big, lumbering can't fit in the effing seat, fat guy squashing me into the window. He smelled bad. He insisted on speaking too me while I tried to read, well beyond the polite "howdedos" and "whereyafroms" a seatmate should go when one buries one's nose in one's book. The fat bastard. I wish him ill. His abdominal rolls invaded my seat space, and his flabby, fish-belly white arm touched me the entire trip. I was aghast. Jaba the Hut would have been a better adjacent sitter.

So, legroom schmegroom, there are worse things about flying than the crappy seating, and they are the people occupying the crappy seating.

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Originally posted by dalem:

Oompa Loompa, doopity dee

If you are drunk, you will listen to me

Oompa Loompa dippity da

Unbridled hate will carry you far

What do you get when you play a cool game?

Scads of followers who bring you fame

How can you submit turns that die off?

Where can you find folks who do nothing but scoff?

Why do you keep reading things that I post?

When you realize that your pain will be most

Beneficial to me when I check in

And find that your ripostes

Are

As usual

Frightingly thin!

Ba-ba-ba-baaaaa

Youuuuu allllllll are pooo-heads!

(Youuuuu arrrrrre pooooo-heeeeeads)

Oompa Loompa doppity doe

This will surely piss off Olde Joe

Oompa Loompa deppity dee

This has been much fun

Purely for me!

Ba-ba-ba-ba-baaaaa

Purely for me!

Quite horrible, in the way that only a Chumbawamba song gone wrong can be horrible.

Kudos, Dalem, at continuing to be at the very bottom of the literary food chain.

Normally, to meet with the writings of a man of your talents, you have to climb up the arse of a pop star who's torn a page out of a Roald Dahl book, eaten it, and washed it down with a large shot of of some 'flavour of the day' vodka.

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Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

I now live under a shadow. The shadow that, soon, my friend Small Emma will no longer have any interest in Grandma Steve.

I told you that this would end in tears.

But that's okay, right? It will give you something to write about in your drunken, senile old age.

Michael </font>

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Originally posted by Stuka:

There's nowt wrong wit ABBA....

spesh the blonde one....

that was then of course, not now *shudder*

Damned, and thrice damned, by your own mouth. You get to do her for eternity, just as she looks now. Your punishment for being almost unspeakably shallow, vile, idiotic and...did I mention shallow?

Also, I'll be showing up in Hell as a guest DJ, and spinning ABBA for you until you admit that 'Fernando' was your fave of all time.

Being a guest DJ in Hell to torment the stupid Damned? Just one of the perks of being an Olde One of the Peng Challenge Thread. Talk to Berli. He's mad weird with his 'Get to Push the Buttons in Hell Free' cards.

Make sure you use it right away. We're getting some reports that after a couple of weeks, your penis falls off.

That's pretty bad, for a normal person. Not like you lot. But we're being told that it crawls off and starts life anew as a member of a Boy Band.

And the goddamn thing doesn't even write its own material.

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Originally posted by MrPeng:

The flight before that? A fat guy. A big, lumbering can't fit in the effing seat, fat guy squashing me into the window. He smelled bad. He insisted on speaking too me while I tried to read, well beyond the polite "howdedos" and "whereyafroms" a seatmate should go when one buries one's nose in one's book. The fat bastard. I wish him ill. His abdominal rolls invaded my seat space, and his flabby, fish-belly white arm touched me the entire trip. I was aghast. Jaba the Hut would have been a better adjacent sitter.

He may have been hoping for a date. You could have missed the crowning event of your life.

Michael

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Originally posted by Patch:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

I now live under a shadow. The shadow that, soon, my friend Small Emma will no longer have any interest in Grandma Steve.

I don't think Small Emma will tire of her Grandma Steve anytime soon.

And even if she does....We will never tire of our Grandma Steve in here. </font>

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Snow tonight, snow tomorrow.

You're a lot of gibbering apes, each and every one.

I want to paddle my kayak over the lakes. I want that moment that..can I describe it to you?

I want to lay out the frame of my kayak, and put it together, piece by piece. I want to puff and blow, a bit, about sliding the frame into the skin. I want to snap down the central turnbuckle, and then put one hand on it, to make sure it doesn't pop up and catch my hand, blackening a nail, while I push to the side turnbuckles.

I want to sit in a smooth, black and blue skin, gliding over a Minnesota lake. Down a river. This is a State of water.

I pity you lot that will never know this kind of joy. I could try and describe it, but...why bother?

Also, someone get me a goddamn drink.

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Originally posted by Seanachai:

I want to sit in a smooth, black and blue skin, gliding over a Minnesota lake.

Why didn't you say earlier.I'll just go and get a bigger baseball bat. I want to make sure the bruises all meet up, smoothly, as per your request.

I'm not sure you will manage to glide very well, more like a stumbling mess after I've finished. But ar least the cold waters will ease the pain, maybe.

Noba.

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Originally posted by Seanachai:

I want to paddle my kayak over the lakes.

I want to lay out the frame of my kayak.

I want to puff and blow, a bit, about sliding the frame into the skin.

I want to snap down the central turnbuckle, and then put one hand on it, to make sure it doesn't pop up and catch my hand, blackening a nail, while I push to the side turnbuckles.

I want to sit in a smooth, black and blue skin, gliding over a Minnesota lake.

I want to go to town in a golden gown... and have my fortune told.

I want to dance till two o'clock,

Or maybe dance till dawn

And if I'm bad, or wild, or mad, just go on and on and on.

But I want much more than keeping house.

Much more, much more... much more...

That's so... so.... oddly disturbing.

But I will defend your right with my last breath to act out as much as you feel you need to!

Just keep saying, "I'm the pretty one! I'M the pretty one!" over and over to yourself.

Sadly, it won't make it true, but it might keep you quiet for awhile so the rest of us can go back to sleep.

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Originally posted by MrPeng:

So, legroom schmegroom, there are worse things about flying than the crappy seating, and they are the people occupying the crappy seating.

Oh, brighten up.

I think this flight you're scheduled for a colicky baby and his three-year-old brother with restless leg syndrome sitting behind you.

Have a nice trip!

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Originally posted by Lars:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrPeng:

So, legroom schmegroom, there are worse things about flying than the crappy seating, and they are the people occupying the crappy seating.

Oh, brighten up.

I think this flight you're scheduled for a colicky baby and his three-year-old brother with restless leg syndrome sitting behind you.

Have a nice trip! </font>

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Originally posted by Noba:

I'm not sure you will manage to glide very well, more like a stumbling mess after I've finished. But ar least the cold waters will ease the pain, maybe.

Noba.

Sure he'll glide. Right to the murky bottom. And that's just fine.
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On Saturday I found my Pioneer Elite VSX-33TX receiver had died, at least partially. Since this would have been the third time in the shop for it since I bought it in 2001 I decided to simply replace it. Now I have some sort of Pioneer VSX-1017TXV-k monster.

It hulks at me, black and shiny, from my component stack.

The remote has a neat little LCD screen.

The unit comes with a microphone I'm supposed to plug in so it can optimize my 5.1 speaker placement. As if I'm going to move them.

The plug park in the back is horrifyingly complex and crowded.

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