I Challenge Peng to Eat a Bug

[Noba]

Originally posted by Treeburst155:

OK, listen up you wankerous warts. I'm only gonna say this five times, so pay attention.

- SNIP -

We're having a tournament.

Intelligence test: make the subject of the email, "Cesspool, your forum name".

- SNIP -

Treeburst155, proud Squire to Senior Knight More-Arty, Defender of Lost Causes

I'm in and I'll win,

It's no sin......

If you want to give in.

Noba.

[Stalin's Organ]

Some dork called Treeburst opined....

OK, listen up you wankerous warts. I'm only gonna say this five times, so pay attention.

.....twaddle snipped....

Maybe I'll understand it after the next 4 repeats......

[ December 03, 2002, 02:19 AM: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[Guest PondScum]

I vote that all those who are currently Dying a Lot should be First to Feel the Long Pointy Stick of Pain and Poking and general Pointiness.

That would include Noba, who just managed to lose THREE KV-1s in the space of 60 seconds.

I have nothing else to add here. I just like saying "THREE KV-1s in 60 SECONDS".

Ahahaha.

THREE KV-1s IN 60 SECONDS.

Mwaahaa<font size=+1>haahaa</font><font size=+2>haaahaaa</font><font size=+3>arrghhh</font><font size=-1>oh, sorry, didn't mean to cough up on you like that, here let me wipe it off</font>

PS Drafting? Drafting?? Did someone leave the door open or something? We'll catch our death.

[Noba]

Originally posted by PondScum:

I vote that all those who are currently Dying a Lot should be First to Feel the Long Pointy Stick of Pain and Poking and general Pointiness.

That would include Noba, who just managed to lose THREE KV-1s in the space of 60 seconds.

I have nothing else to add here. I just like saying "THREE KV-1s in 60 SECONDS".

Ahahaha.

THREE KV-1s IN 60 SECONDS.

Mwaahaa<font size=+1>haahaa</font><font size=+2>haaahaaa</font><font size=+3>arrghhh</font><font size=-1>oh, sorry, didn't mean to cough up on you like that, here let me wipe it off</font>

PS Drafting? Drafting?? Did someone leave the door open or something? We'll catch our death.

Pillock. It was two.

Noba.

ps, No time. Gunna watch the Raiders.

[**YK2**]

Originally posted by Marlow:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by YK2:

Berli gave him a kick in the yarbles and told Panzer Leader what a useless git he was.

Panzer Leader has yarbles?</font>

[**YK2**]

Originally posted by Mike

Now this Larcentious person seems to owe me a turn, so could you kindly kick him in the fun-da-mentals and tell him to send his turn before he heads off to sleep?

Thanks awfully.

But that would damage his Motility even more, then you will never get your turn!!

[Nidan1]

This is to announce that Noba is a gamey

bastard, and was somehow able to buy 35 KV-1s for our 1000 pt ME. He then proceeded to send my hapless Waffengrenadieren to the great Bierhalle in the sky, in large numbers. The 1 StuGIII I was able to field accounted for at least 20 of these monster clankety things, he was awarded the Knights Cross with diamonds, postumously. I am about ready to signal a mass withdrawal, but I will probaly still win.

[Patchy]

Originally posted by YK2:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Marlow:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by YK2:

Berli gave him a kick in the yarbles and told Panzer Leader what a useless git he was.

Panzer Leader has yarbles?</font>

[Panzer Leader]

It is fun to imagine Berli with big brown eyes and floppy ears, glancing around furtively and ready to skitter away at the slightest sound.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Oh, and it's 11º Fahrenheit here with light snow on the ground. You lads and lasses from the 'lower round of the arse cheeks' will never achieve manly, virile temperatures like this. Or, if you did, you'd die. But we Northern types simply curse, and shrug it off. Oh, and drink a lot.

Pfffft! I waggle my fingers at you. It's 8º F with five inches of the white stuff on the ground over here. Go back into your den, fire up the shortwave and cackle your way through another episode of "Lum and Abner", you red-arsed baboon.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

It is fun to imagine Berli with big brown eyes and floppy ears, glancing around furtively and ready to skitter away at the slightest sound.

It is fun imagining Panzer Leader on the ground with my boot crushing his wind pipe

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

Oh, and it's 11º Fahrenheit here with light snow on the ground. You lads and lasses from the 'lower round of the arse cheeks' will never achieve manly, virile temperatures like this. Or, if you did, you'd die. But we Northern types simply curse, and shrug it off. Oh, and drink a lot.

Pfffft! I waggle my fingers at you. It's 8º F with five inches of the white stuff on the ground over here. Go back into your den, fire up the shortwave and cackle your way through another episode of "Lum and Abner", you red-arsed baboon.</font>

[Marlow]

Arrrggg. I read and even posted in the "Monster Trucks run over Redwolf" thread. Please help. There must be a 12-step program out there for me somewhere.

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by Marlow:

Arrrggg. I read and even posted in the "Monster Trucks run over Redwolf" thread. Please help. There must be a 12-step program out there for me somewhere.

Here it is;

Step 1: Pack your belongings

Step 2: Give away all your posessions

Step 3: Leave home

Step 4: Dont tell anyone you have left

Step 5: Give away your money

Step 6: Start walking north

Step 7: Keep walking north

Step 8: Make personal contact with no one on your way north.

Step 9: Give away whatever you have left on you.

Step 10: Locate the railroad tracks

Step 11: Lay down across the rails

Step 12: Wait for the train to come.

[ December 03, 2002, 01:20 PM: Message edited by: Nidan1 ]

[Lars]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Oh, and it's 11º Fahrenheit here with light snow on the ground. You lads and lasses from the 'lower round of the arse cheeks' will never achieve manly, virile temperatures like this. Or, if you did, you'd die. But we Northern types simply curse, and shrug it off. Oh, and drink a lot.

I thought it was a little nipplely out today. Must be about time to turn on the tenant's heat. But perhaps I should wait until they actually complain. BTW, does anyone know what it means when the light on your answering machine keeps blinking? I just got the thing and I'm not sure how it works...

Game Updates:

Agua Perdido

This rotten bugger has the only flamethrower in the world to have been blessed by a priest. But, I am about to treat it like an cute choirboy. As all my infantry is shot to hell from running across bare flat terrain, I am going to feed it every shell left in my KV-2s. Slowly.

Dalem

Send a turn.

OGSF

He sits on a hill with big guns. Unfortunately for him, I'm in his blind spot and buggering his troops in the town. Just like the last game.

Panzer Leader

Sends me a game out of the blue to playtest and then sods off. Send a turn

Aussie Jeff

We are just starting a little thing from rune. It's dark, but not so dark that you can't preplot a arty strike. Odessa Reprieve, I think. The governor won't be calling at midnight, AJ, so just go quietly.

Seanachai

The Gnome is proving that, in his hand, the Finns aren't so uber. Is it my fault this scenario was designed by Russians?

Gaylord

We are just starting another little thing from rune. Fall Blau or some such. Huge, nice looking map. To bad rune forgot to include a "convoy" command. Bastiche. I'll have to make the little Focker pay for that.

Goanna

The lizard is lost somewhere in the Rodina. Send a turn.

Hortlund

Send a turn.

Mike

Figure out how to use email and Send a turn.

Mrspkr

He's a gamey bastiche. Nothing else to see here, move along...

Papa Kahn

Somehow my scenario briefing was sadly off. It said nothing about Tigers. Really, who would give a Hungarian a Tiger? Who would give Papa Kahn a Tiger? Who sent me this scenario?

SSN Hint Of The Day: Leave your thumb prints on photographs.

Now sod off.

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Lars:

Mrspkr

He's a gamey bastiche. Nothing else to see here, move along...

Losing to MrSpankie? [snicker, snicker] You must REALLY suck.

[Panzer Leader]

Lars sputtered and cackled thusly:

Panzer Leader

Sends me a game out of the blue to playtest and then sods off. Send a turn

Lars, old boy, firstly let me remind you that 'twas not my scenario that needed testing, 'twas an ooterboordurs.

Nextly, let me say that it has been examined and found wanting. keep expecting that turn though! Check your inbox hourly. Don't let up!

[Lars]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Lars sputtered and cackled thusly:

Panzer Leader

Sends me a game out of the blue to playtest and then sods off. Send a turn

Lars, old boy, firstly let me remind you that 'twas not my scenario that needed testing, 'twas an ooterboordurs.

Nextly, let me say that it has been examined and found wanting. keep expecting that turn though! Check your inbox hourly. Don't let up!</font>

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Lars:

Agua Perdido

This rotten bugger has the only flamethrower in the world to have been blessed by a priest. But, I am about to treat it like an cute choirboy. As all my infantry is shot to hell from running across bare flat terrain, I am going to feed it every shell left in my KV-2s. Slowly.

Like a KV-2 can do anything quickly...

Wasn't it cool how the FT got off its final shot as the building blew up? He went out in a literal blaze of glory. And the dust cloud blocked LOS on your other KV-2, saving Jergen and the Regimental Dog-Walking Squad for another turn! Heh. Sucks to be you.

Agua Perdido

[Edited because I haven't had lunch yet.]

[ December 03, 2002, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Marlow:

Arrrggg. I read and even posted in the "Monster Trucks run over Redwolf" thread. Please help. There must be a 12-step program out there for me somewhere.

Ah! So now you know why I think Redwolf would be perfect for the job of village idiot

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Marlow:

Arrrggg. I read and even posted in the "Monster Trucks run over Redwolf" thread. Please help. There must be a 12-step program out there for me somewhere.

Ah! So now you know why I think Redwolf would be perfect for the job of village idiot</font>

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Lars:

There's another opening for you, Marlow.

Good. I could use an light workout.

[Herr Oberst]

Berli, where's my feckin' turn you laggard!!! Been in your mailbox growing mold since 1:26am today...

Hahahahahahahaha

[ December 03, 2002, 12:30 PM: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ]

[Panzer Leader]

...so...cold...

[MrPeng]

Are we talkin "true bug" here or any class of what are commonly referred to as bugs in the vernacular?

Most True Bugs do not make good eating as they either bite before you do or they have a noxious chemical defense wot makes em pretty nasty. Leaf hoppers are fairly innocuous tasting and do not bite so they can be harvested directly from leaf to mouth. AVOID Stink-Bugs for obvious reasons.

Beetles can be quite yummy. Darkling beetles and their grubs are pretty darn good if you toast them a bit first. Very nutty tree-ish sort of flavor as they mostly eats wood. Do not try to consume blister beetles or bombardier beetles. Chemical weapons of mass destruction. In fact, don't even pick up a blister beetle unless you are in the mood to practice some first aid for chemical burns.

Grasshoppers and crickets legs and wings removed briefly sauteed in a bit of butter are good good good. If you are out wandering in a meadow and feel a bit peckish and there isn't a fire available you can use your handy pocket glass to roast em in the sun. Just be careful not to burn holes through them. Oh, and have a heart and take the head off or something before you put them in the spotlight so to speak. Not sure if slowly burning to death is such a pleasant way to go even if you are a lowly orthopteran.

Ants - Big black ones good. Small red ones bad. nuff said.

Lepidopterans -

This is a tough category. Larvae - fuzzy is bad smooth is good. However, Monarch caterpillars are smooth and taste like hell so this doesn't always work. Inchworms: in the field the technique is to take them by the silk and slowly lower them into your gullet. Not much taste to them but they are kind of fun as they wriggle around on your uvula.

Pupae- eurgh. can't get past the look. Too much like eating a raw chicken egg or somefink. Adults: ALWAYS REMOVE THE WINGS. Whatever it is you plan to munch, the scales on the wings are pretty, but they are the animal's WASTE PRODUCTS. (Sure go ahead, drink your own urine. Or someone else's. They have websites for people like you.) Best bets in this area are what we entymologists like to refer to as LGMs - little grey moths. There's really no point in trying to identify them down to the species, they are just a bunch of non-descript nearly inch-long moths that are greyish. Remove wings, dry roast or pan fry in batches. Consume. A bit of salt and pepper helps.

Roaches and Fies: Unless you are on Fear Factor and stand to win 50K for eating a few hissing roaches (which are quite clean) Stay away from roaches and flies. They are disease vectors and should be destroyed with prejudice whenever possible.

Bees and Wasps. So you are a bit of an adventurer eh? WELL TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. NEVER TRY TO EAT A LIVE ONE. Actually the only good eating wasp is one called Muffy, but it can be awfully difficult to get her out of her wide wale cords unless you get her really lit up on Manhattans.

Not surprisingly honeybees are a bit sweet. KILL them first. Really. I can't stress it enough. Yellowjackets are also on the sweet side because despite the fact that they will consume just about anything, they really like fruit. They are good raw or cooked. KILL them first.

Other terrestrial arthropods - sowbugs, pillbugs, rolybugs, whatever you want to call them. The little gray bastards that roll up on themselves when you touch them - feh. They taste like where they live: dark, dank, musty and fetid. Avoid.

Centipedes and millipedes. I can never remember which is which. the quick moving flat ones that are reddish orange and live under rocks and leaf litter and stuff have a NASTY bite. Avoid. Drop the rock you found him under on the little bastard and crush him. The round ones that are dark brown and slow moving and come out at night - well, plenty of people eat em, but NOT ME. Too BIG. TOO much bug per bite if you ask me.

Spiders - Use the inchworm technique, drop em down the gullet by the silk. Of course it is a good idea to bite the bastard before he bits you. Again, TRUST me on this one. This is really more for show than for eating.

Well, that about sums it up. Why don't ya'll come over for a snack sometime?

Peng