Dave H Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by mike_the_wino: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Dave H: I now have the following record with four of the seven games completed: 1 Major Defeat, 1 Tactical Defeat, 1 Minor Defeat, and 1 Draw. Pretty even distribution of results.Math grog. I think if you plot this it will show a trend of suck-a-tude unmatched by all but MolassasTurnrate</font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike_the_wino Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Dave H: By the way, I mentioned my gamey opponents in another thread (I was thinking of you, mike) and another member explained the reason I have gamey opponents is because I play Cheery Wafflers! I thought that was very perceptive of Firefly. The word "gamey" is used by limp-wristed, no-game-having nongs that get their heads kicked in on a regular basis and need some reason for their ineptitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterGoodale Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snarker Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Hey Axe. No turns or posts from you most of this weekend. Did you drive to Boston for the game last night? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 Do I owe you a turn? Oops. I'll send it right now. I have been really busy with the move coming up this Saturday. In fact, today's our Thanksgiving here in Canada but I have to go in for a few hours to the office since tomorrow Paula and I are signing all the papers at the lawyer's. Closing is 12:01 a.m. Wednesday morning. w00t!! So forgive me if I'm not around much this week but I should be back up to speed come next Monday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snarker Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: Do I owe you a turn? Oops. I'll send it right now. I have been really busy with the move coming up this Saturday. In fact, today's our Thanksgiving here in Canada but I have to go in for a few hours to the office since tomorrow Paula and I are signing all the papers at the lawyer's. Closing is 12:01 a.m. Wednesday morning. w00t!! So forgive me if I'm not around much this week but I should be back up to speed come next Monday. Well, Happy Thanksgiving!!! Enjoy the closing - it's really not as bad as you'd think. Except for the part where they keep asking for checks, the blood suckers. :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Snarker: Well, Happy Thanksgiving!!! Enjoy the closing - it's really not as bad as you'd think. Except for the part where they keep asking for checks, the blood suckers. :mad: Speaking of, where's Becket? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward Windsor Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 I don't know. I disappear off to Sherwood Forest for a few days to hug trees and be at one with nature, and this place goes CMAK crazy. So which forum am I supposed to be posting in? Did I miss a raft of witty and erudite posts, or am I safe in assuming my life will be none the poorer if I don't plough through the last few days' missives? Dave, I’ve sent a couple of pictures with scribblings over them after our BDLRM encounter. Many thanks for another gripping and entertaining game. Mike, I’ve had a word with the really rather splendid Fuerte and he will endeavour to get to the bottom of our PBEM Helper conundrum. If anyone can unravel the tangled web we’ve woven, I’m sure it will be him. And last but not least - Axe. I will knock our creative masterpiece into some sort of working order by the end of next weekend. I’ve badly overwritten, but am tempted just to stick it into cyberspace anyway. I’ll give it some more thought over a nice warm pint of bitter and a ploughman’s. Toodle pip, Teddy Crikey! I nearly forgot MG, the maggot!!! I'll regenerate the last turn and send it again, you maggot-bangin', vomit-encrusted, etc, etc. [ October 13, 2003, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: Edward Windsor ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Edward Windsor: And last but not least - Axe. I will knock our creative masterpiece into some sort of working order by the end of next weekend. I’ve badly overwritten, but am tempted just to stick it into cyberspace anyway. I’ll give it some more thought over a nice warm pint of bitter and a ploughman’s. Is that your polite way of saying I've underwritten? Actually, when I started I was writing for each turn, then it was a little more general (more of a narrative) and then, for those last few turns -- "Everyone died. The End." Never enough time to do the job properly. If you want, you could always send it back to me and I could give it a once over. Just a thought -- of which I don't seem to have many these days. :mad: Jas :mad: n Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward Windsor Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: Is that your polite way of saying I've underwritten? Actually, when I started I was writing for each turn, then it was a little more general (more of a narrative) and then, for those last few turns -- "Everyone died. The End." Never enough time to do the job properly. If you want, you could always send it back to me and I could give it a once over. Just a thought -- of which I don't seem to have many these days. :mad: Jas :mad: n [/QB]Axe, certainly not, and I'm sorry if I've implied that. I imagine people would much rather read a clear and concise summary of a battle (that also happens to be very entertaining) than thousands of words of waffle. I'll stick them up in their current state so anyone interested can have a choice. Sorry for the delay - I've got a few other things on and I'm putting off trying to figure out how to cut and paste into my html "template" Cheers, Teddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becket Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Snarker: Well, Happy Thanksgiving!!! Enjoy the closing - it's really not as bad as you'd think. Except for the part where they keep asking for checks, the blood suckers. :mad: Speaking of, where's Becket? </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 *gag* Some of us are trying to eat lunch here. :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becket Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Axe, you're clearly a rabid anti-lawite! I'm going to have to dish out extra :mad: :mad: :mad: in our games because of this. Prepare for 37mm fury!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Becket: Axe, you're clearly a rabid anti-lawite! I'm going to have to dish out extra :mad: :mad: :mad: in our games because of this. Prepare for 37mm fury!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not an anti-lawite! By the way, what do you call 100,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becket Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: By the way, what do you call 100,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. A good start...ON OUR UNDERSEA CITY OF PARADISE FROM WHICH WE WILL RISE UP TO RULE THE WORLD AND SMITE OUR ENEMIES, HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH. :mad: :mad: :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 I think someone forgot to take their lithium today...... Marge — "Oh, that's your solution to everything, go live under the sea. Well, it's not going to happen." Homer — "Not with that attitude." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becket Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 ------------------------ Lisa, you and your stories, Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that...place...where our....bed and...food...is. ---------------------------- What are you going to do, sick the dogs on me? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? ----------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 Best....opening....ever Bart: Go, toothpaste, go! Move your pasty white butt. Lisa: Come on, shampoo! You can do it! [both swirl down the sink, shampoo first] Yay! I won your stupid bathroom products race. Bart: No fair! You only won because you had the inside track. If the water was spinning the other way -- Lisa: It _never_ spins the other way. In the Northern hemisphere, water always drains counterclockwise. It's called the Coriolis Effect. Bart: No way. Water doesn't obey your _rules_: it goes where it wants...like me, babe. Lisa: Yes, _Bart_...why don't you try it and see? [bart turns the tap on; water swirls counterclockwise] Bart: I _know_ I've seen it go the other way. Ah, faithful toilet: you'll prove me right. [flushes it repeatedly; groans as it swirls counterclockwise] Homer: [elsewhere] I'm a singin' in the show --! Ow! Hot...aah! Cold! Oh! Hot! Cold! Hot! Oh! Who's...doing...that? Marge: [walking into upstairs bathroom, seeing Bart pushing the water the other way] Oh, for Pete's sake, Bart, use the plunger! -- Marge, uncharacteristically, misinterprets Bart's behavior, "Bart vs. Australia" Lisa continues to try to explain the observed phenomenon to her less- than-brilliant brother. Lisa: Bart, water will only go the other way in the Southern hemisphere. Bart: What the hell is the "Southern hemisphere"? Lisa: [sighs] Haven't you ever looked at your globe? [said globe is still wrapped for Bart's birthday from Abe] Lisa: [pointing] See, the Southern hemisphere is made up of everything below the equa -- [stops, sees Bart looking blankly] -- this line. Bart: Hmm. [spins globe] So down there in, say, Argentina, or...[reads logo] Rand McNally, all their water runs backwards? Lisa: Uh huh. In fact, in Rand McNally, they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people. Bart: Cool! -- Impressionable youth, "Bart vs. Australia" Bart grabs the phone book and looks under "International Dialing". He dials 577562374257635623567462357736257635725 (those darn country codes) for Antarctica and awaits an answer. Bart: Hello, Southern hemisphere? Which way does the water go in your toilet? Man 1: [sighs] Just a minute, I'll check. [walks into bathroom; toilet water is frozen] Man 2: [walking in with a magazine] Aw, nuts. -- Bart checks with Antarctica, "Bart vs. Australia" Next, Bart dials a palatial-looking building in a jungle. {The view of the building is cut for one second.} Aide: Please to repeat again and I will translating for the el presidente. Bart: [slowly] Which way does the water turn in your toilet? Aide: [in Spanish] He says the tide is turning! Presidente: Ay, caramba! Then the rebels will soon take the capital. I must flee! [dives out window] -- Bart checks with Argentina, "Bart vs. Australia" Bart rues his luck. Bart: I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere. [tries another number] [a phone rings in a car in a foreign country] Adolf: Eine minuten, eine minuten! [ringing stops] Ach! Das facken phone ist ein...nuisance phone! Man: [riding by on penny farthing bicycle] Buenos notches, mein fuehrer. Adolf: Ja, Ja. -- Bart checks with Argentina, "Bart vs. Australia" A pay phone sticking out of a sea of lava rings. A man sitting on the roof of his house floats by; he reaches for the phone but falls screaming into the lava. Lisa: [walking in] Bart, you can't actually _call_ these places. Don't you know how expensive international calls are? Bart: [dials] Hello, Operator? I'd like to make a collect call to [in Australia, a phone rings; a koala electrocutes itself] Operator: This is the international operator. Will you accept a collect call from -- Bart: [lowering voice] Uh, yes. Uh, ahem, this is Dr. Bart Simpson of the International Drainage Commission. It's an emergency. Tobias: If it's an emergency, then. Bart: We understand some drains in your area have been malfunctioning, sucking in people and...whatnot. Tobias: Willikers! That's awful. Bart: [gravely] Indeed. We need you to check your sinks and toilets and tell us which way the water is going, and please! Stand clear. [Tobias checks sink and toilet] Tobias: [breathless] The fixtures...they're all draining clockwise, Sir! Bart: D'oh, she was right, stupid Lisa science queen. -- Bart forgets his sisters' mental superiority, "Bart vs. Australia" Bart: Look, why don't you just check your neighbor's drains? I'll hold. [Tobias rides trike off down long dirt road] Milhouse: [at the window] Hey, Bart! The bakery caught fire and all of downtown smells like cookies! Wanna go smell? Bart: Yes...yes, I do. [leaves phone off hook] [later that night, Bart walks back into the kitchen] ["Hello! Sir! Sir!" is heard from phone, still off the hook] Bart: [picking up phone] Huh? Tobias: I've returned from the Koolamuggerys' place...they're draining clockwise too! Bart: Draining? I don't care about that any more. Tobias: Are we in any dang -- [bart hangs up] -- Short Attention Span Simpson, "Bart vs. Australia" "Three Weeks Later," says a caption on the screen, as Homer sits on the couch and reads a phone bill. Homer: Burkina Faso? Disputed Zone? Who called all these weird places? Brain: Quiet, it might be you! I can't remember. Homer: Naw, I'm going to ask Marge. Brain: No, no! Why embarrass us both? Just write a check and I'll release some more endorphins. [Homer scribbles a check, then sighs with pleasure] -- Bart's tomfoolery is paid for once again, "Bart vs. Australia" In Australia, however, the picture isn't nearly so rosy. Bruno: Nine hundred dollary-doos? Tobias! Did you accept a six hour collect call from the States? Tobias: It was an emergency call from the International Drainage Commission in Springfield. Bruno: Oh my God! There's nothing wrong with the bidet, is there? -- A fate worse than death, "Bart vs. Australia" Bart's phone rings in the middle of the night. Bart: [sleepy] Hello? Bruno: Right! I'm calling all the way from Squatter's Crog, Australia and I want to speak to, er, Dr. Bart Simpson right now. Bart: Uh...[plugs nose] hold, please. Bruno: All right, but I don't -- Bart: [low voice] Payroll, Bert Stanton speaking. Bruno: Oy! I said "Bart Simpson". What kind of a company is this? Bart: [high voice] Bart Simpson's office. Bruno: Thank the great good Lord. Look, I was just say -- Bart: One moment please. [hums "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head"] Bruno: Who do they think I am, some stupid Aussie drongo? Bleedin' yanks, I oughta -- Bart: This is Bart Simpson. Can I help you, ma'am? Bruno: Yeah, er -- hey! My name is Bruno Drundridge, right? You owe me $900, mate. Bart: No, you owe _me_ $900! Bruno: [stammers] I...you...ooh! You're just some punk kid, aren't you? Ooh, you picked the wrong guy to tangle with here, mate. Bart: [chuckles] I don't think so. You're all the way in Australia. Hey! I think I hear a dingo eating your baby. [hangs up] -- Bart cries in the dark, "Bart vs. Australia" Bruno: Ooh! Ah, that's it. I'm going to report this to me member of parliament. [yells out window] Hey, Gus! I got something to report to you. [Gus tends his swine] Gus: That's a bloody outrage, it is! I want to take this all the way to the Prime Minister. [they go down to a lake] Hey! Mr. Prime Minister! Andy! Andy: [floating naked on an inner tube with a beer] Eh, mates! What's the good word? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike_the_wino Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Not that I haven't seen that episode like a couple of hundred times, good stuff, but shouldn't you be working, or least pretending to work, Axe2121? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snarker Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by mike_the_wino: Not that I haven't seen that episode like a couple of hundred times, good stuff, but shouldn't you be working, or least pretending to work, Axe2121? Yeah! Back to editing CMAK! That must have taken forever to type out. Remind us to teach you about that newfangled cut & paste stuff... :mad: :mad: :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soddball Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 I had a great holiday. It was greater because I didn't have to tolerate the blathering of a bunch of interweb-dwelling bell-ends. However, I did have to share a hotel with 200 German and French people, which was borderline purgatory. Some notes from my holiday: Corfujikans drive like Italians. They suck at driving. They are diabolical. The only thing that is worse than their driving is their parking. Corfu is a small island, and its roads are pokey and narrow. Ammerikkans would never understand it. Some of the roads are too narrow for cars and only just wide enough for a motorbike. However, this does not deter local drivers, who assume that any gap wide enough for two motor vehicles should be reclassified as a motorway. This particularly applies to taxi drivers (as it does all over the world) who offer as part of their service the opportunity to turn the customer into a toothless gibbering wreck. One of the big treats on Corfu was all the mopeds (scooters). There are billions of them for hire, and they are mostly hired by crazy teenage Brits. However, the locals all ride them and they ride them in a terrifying way. During our stay, I saw a man riding his moped without wearing his helmet - which is how the locals ride them, to avoid the risk of messing up their hair. So far, so froody. However, loaded on the moped was his shopping (handlebars). I could have overlooked this as nominally eccentric. Behind him was one child, who was also carrying two bags. On the footplate was another child, and he was talking on his mobile phone! :eek: On our way to the airport, I saw two men on a moped, one of whom was carrying a piece of 6-foot piece of copper pipe under one arm. We visited Albania whilst we were there. Jesus Christ. You guys have no idea. Communism turned the country into a dive and the bits that we saw needed a lot of love and a stack of cash to make them habitable. It's a third world country - not enough fresh water, not enough electricity, but the people are desperate to make something of their chance. You can see it everywhere - the houses and blocks of flats from the Communist era are grey and drab - the new ones are brightly, beautifully coloured in blues, reds, greens. The Albanians are a fierce, proud, hopeful people. I wish them all the best. Italian Television sucks giant, inflatable, rubber donkey dicks. The zenith of Italian Television involves semi-naked, dyed blonde long-legged women smearing each other in cheese whilst football players inspect their hairstyles. Almost every programme requires the appearance of nekkid wimmin. They're only about 20 years out of date in their programmes, and about 100 years out of date in their style. I rule, and you are all wankers. :mad: :mad: Turns out when I hate you less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by mike_the_wino: Not that I haven't seen that episode like a couple of hundred times, good stuff, but shouldn't you be working, or least pretending to work, Axe2121? Wanker. It's Thanksgiving here today. Not that that kept me out of the orifice, I mean, office. :mad: :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Soddball: The Albanians are a fierce, proud, hopeful people. I wish them all the best. I'll second that. I interviewed some members of the Albanian armed forces who were at Canadian Forces Base Borden earlier this year on language training courses for United Nations peacekeeping duties. And welcome back maggot. :mad: :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike_the_wino Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: It's Thanksgiving here today. Not that that kept me out of the orifice... Head still stuck in your nether-regions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 Hey, if I change my onscreen name to Axe* -- since plain old Axe (member 6409) is being used by someone with zero posts :mad: -- will I lose my member status and number of posts, etc.? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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