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Moldy waffle with pus and maggots


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The title of this thread is making me gag. That plus the fact I'm still at work because we had a two-hour power outage on a production day! We had to take all our equipment to the head office half an hour away to make deadline (barely). It's all a conspiracy. I was going to print John's interesting take on the universe. Come to think of it, there were an inordinate number of black helicopters buzzing around today.

AGRGARG GARGGARG GG ARG ARGGAR !!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Turns — no.

Anger — si.

Jas :mad: n

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Originally posted by Dave H:

Get in line. Everyone else is, too, even on the General Forum.

That's only because you are posting on the silly things on the "9/11 conspiracy" thread. Please don't encourage the silly wackos.

BTW, here is your soap box back. Sorry about the stains...I spilled. :D

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Originally posted by mike_the_wino:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Dave H:

Get in line. Everyone else is, too, even on the General Forum.

That's only because you are posting on the silly things on the "9/11 conspiracy" thread. Please don't encourage the silly wackos.

BTW, here is your soap box back. Sorry about the stains...I spilled. :D </font>

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Prinz Eugen has now been a no-turn-sending monkey for four weeks. Under the Soddball's rulez he juzt made up his game is cancelled. I hate cancelling games from feeble jessies. :mad:

MasterGoodale has, since his last vestiges of hope left him, stopped sending turns again. It was remarkable how furiously turns turned up for a week, whilst he thought he might have a chance at victory. So, I've written a little piece for you all to enjoy. It goes like this:

MG had chosen a 3,000 point allied assault set in 1944. That gave him a fat 4,500 points of kit to buy.

The map was a pretty standard QB countryside one, with uneven hills, patches of woodland and scattered trees, no roads or buildings. As is the game's wont, it was far too long and the flags I had to defend were stretched out.

I therefore abandoned the westernmost flags (2 large and one small, about 700 points worth), leaving only a single mg to cover them, and concentrated my defence on the remainder of the battlefield.

My plan was to use two layers of defence. The outer would pare away recon units and light armour, and the inner would deal with heavier units and larger concentrations of infantry. I put together three 'fire brigades', which each consisted (roughly) of a pair of StuGs, an assault halftrack, and a platoon of Panzergrenadiere.

The outer layer consists of machine guns with interlocking fields of fire, and 50mm AT guns. The 50mm AT guns have a fast turn rate, good accuracy, and are cheap enough to buy plenty of. They will be ideal to pick off any fast recon vehicles. The machine guns will separate armour and infantry, and if ol' Goodale tries a halftrack rush then the AT guns can paste the tracks whilst the infantry are mown down by MGs.

The inner layer consists of heavier guns, some light (20mm) FlaK guns in case of air attack, and two companies of Panzergrenadiere. They are as best I can to ensure that they can support each other in an emergency.

I also have a pair of 75mm AT guns, which I strap on to some trucks, in case of a surprise attack, and some mortar halftracks.

Every plan relies on being able to second-guess the actions of your opponent. With MasterGoodale, this was an insane, some might say suicidal mistake. Bear in mind, though, that our game started back in January and I had no idea what to expect.

The first few turns were peaceful, perhaps even soothing. I remained in position, used a couple of tank hunter teams to sneak forward as scouts, and that was all.

On turn 6, all hell broke loose. Three T-34s crashed out of scattered trees right by the eastern edge of the map, and proceeded to blast holes in one of my mortar halftracks. Fearing an all-out assault, I diverted a fire brigade to the eastern flank, and was rewarded by the thundering boom as a T-34 fired all its ammo at once, thanks to some 75mm AP. The remaining T-34s backed off rapidly.

A turn later, two of my 50mm AT guns were forced into action by the appearance of yet more T-34s on my far west flank, close to the unguarded flags. Fortunately, the 50mm AT guns come loaded up with Tungsten, which rapidly re-educated Goodale in the use of unsupported tanks. That's three T-34s down in sixty seconds, and still they came. In the end, there were four knocked-out T-34s on the battlefield, for no loss.

There was a wide, open, rolling section of ground in the centre of my defence, and no cover for AT guns. Instead, I placed a 50mm AT gun off to one side, so that it covered the open section of ground from about 300m. I stationed an HMG alongside. I doubted that Goodale would come bombing through here - there was no cover for infantry and any armor would be hammered - so I defended it lightly.

Imagine my surprise at the sudden appearance on turn 11 of Ghengis Goodale's Mongrel Horde, yammering through the open plains with wild abandon. A company of infantry poured over the ground, supported by two MG carriers. I fixed covered arcs and waited.

At 250m the AT gun let rip two shots. The first blew one MG carrier to pieces, routing the nearby infantry and killing the units inside. The second knocked out the second MG carrier. The distressed infantry were cut to shreds by the HMG, and fled to a distant patch of woods.

Undeterred by this senseless slaughter, Goodale now pushed the heavy units into play. Some SU-152s, supported by KVs and T-34s, rumbled ominously towards my front lines, avoiding the carnage in the centre and pushing for a break on the eastern flank. I unlimbered my 75mm AT guns, and moved a fire brigade to a flanking position.

I was astonished, then, to see his tanks moving across the map on a diagonal, away from my eastern flank towards the unguarded western flags, exposing their side armour to my loving embrace. I was so shocked, that I completely forgot to un-hide my AT guns and Stugs for an entire turn. Fortunately, his tanks were already buttoned and, moving casually along, they learned the lesson that frontal armour is thicker for a reason.

At this point, I was forced to check my setup to see whether I was actually playing the AI instead, but was pleased to find out that this wasn't the case. I can, however, confirm that The AI's attack technique is based exclusively on MasterGoodale. Exciting stuff, eh?!

A simultaneous strike down the eastern edge of the map by infantry cut down a Company HQ who was on recon. The rapid fire and swift movement meant SMG squads, so, using the StuG and a platoon of PzGrenadiere which remained behind after pasting the T-34s, I set covered arcs and waited.

A banshee wail shattered the still morning air as the SMG squads thundered out from amongst the trees. They had a mere 80m of open ground to race across to engage my dug-in infantry. They never even came close. As 75mm HE routed one platoon, the second platoon tried to hide amongst the grass, but to no avail. Most squads were killed, and the remained fled back into the woods.

By now, tanks and infantry worth around 1,200 points had been killed or routed. I assumed that this must be some sort of diversion from the main attack but, as I was to discover, it was the main attack.

By now, it was turn 15, and things seemed to lull for seven or eight turns. I suspected that Goodale was manoeuvering for another savage onslaught on the population figures of Leningrad, and prepared my defences. I rotated out the infantry units and tanks which were in place with the fresh units from my fire brigades, and the tired, low-ammo units became fire brigades instead.

Two final infantry lunges were carried out - one on an eastern flank,the other which took control of the largely unprotected flags and killed the machine gun there. I was unable to defend against this, but it was expected. Goodale, naturally, treated it as though he had taken the Reichstag.

The eastern infantry lunge managed to dodge through a gap in my outer defensive lines, only to run into a 150mm gun. The two platoons now lie on the battlefield, scattered into tiny pieces.

By now, it was turn 21, Goodale had been promising me 'hot death' in his emails for about 5 turns, so I had the funniest feeling some big artillery was on the way.

I got the feeling that this artillery should have turned up around 20 turns ago. Nevertheless, Goodale promised me a splodicon thrill, and that was what I got.

Rocket after rocket thundered down, causing huge explosions right across my defensive area. Sadly for Goodale, nothing seems to have gone right. He destroyed a 20mm Flak cannon and pinned a large number of infantry, but, since my infantry were all veteran or crack, and since his attack took so long to materialise, little was gained.

However, Goodale, having failed to crack my eastern flank, decided to try to sneak along the back of the map. I could see his units preparing themselves, sneaking very deliberately to assault the back of my lines.

I began to sense the desperation of my opponent. Three major infantry assaults had all been routed or annihilated, and all his armour had been destroyed - around 2,000 points worth by now. He had scraped together some support units and a few squads of infantry and had prepared an all-out attack. It might have worked, had he not prepared it in full view of one of my platoons, allowing me time to shift infantry and armour to cover the area.

His assault seemed to be going so well. Even the 75mm HE from the StuG and the infantry gun failed to deter his first SMG platoon, which was able to reach the safety of the woods. He hadn't anticipated the infantry platoon waiting for him in the woods, nor the assault halftracks on the other side.

And that's where we are. I am just preparing to clean up Goodale's remaining forces.

I should inform you that with at least six turns to go (we could go into extra time, although please, I hope not), the game is far from over. I anticipate MasterGoodale should be able to drag this one out until Christmas. However, before the excitement palls, I felt that I should share this one with you.

Hope you enjoyed the show.

To follow: Goodale gets creamed in Africa, Sicily, Italy and Crete.

[ July 16, 2003, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: Soddball ]

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Bra-vo!! Encore!!!

I only hope Teddy and I are as entertaining in our AAR. Coming soon to a thread near you.

P.S.

Allofyou are maggots. :mad: :mad: :mad:

RAWR! :mad: :mad: :mad:

Jas :mad: n

[ July 16, 2003, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: Axe2121 ]

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Originally posted by Dave H:

All I'll say here for the silly wacko maggots is that the same governments which successfully planned and carried out D-Day and the Manhattan Project haven't forgotten how to protect secrets. That's all.

You mean the same government that used the results from the Philadelphia Experiment to travel back in time and plant a manufactured retrovirus in Africa in attempt to wrest control of the world's oil supply from the Arab nations, thereby undermining their just cause of establishing a Palestesian state? JFK discovered this nefarious plot and was killed by the CIA.

There take that. Who looks silly wearing the tin foil hat now? :D

On a more serious note, after this round of games I will have to cut back on my PBEM addiction (Dave H do they have CM Anon yet?). Starting in August things will be quite busy until November.

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It paints an even more disturbing picture of MasterGoodale.

I can see him plotting his moves in his moldy basement, absentmindedly scratching at the ants crawling on his skin.

Somewhere from upstairs comes the sound of projectile vomitting. A woman curses.

Moves plotted, he hits the "Go" button, his twisted features bathed in the glow of the monitor.

After getting someone to help him e-mail the turn, the movie arrives back from Soddball.

"Mwahahaha!!" says MG has he hits the "Play" button. The evil grin starts to fade as his eyes widen with the realization of what is unfolding. "Noooooo!!!!" he screams as rush after futile rush of armorless infantry and infantryless armor are cut down like a scythe cuts YeCoyote's weeds.

"This can't be happening!!!!" he screams as he tears at his hair, which comes out in clumps, already weakened by mold.

"Wait!! I have it!! I'll try the same strategy again!! He'll never expect that!!"

Meanwhile the vomitting has subsided to a series of dry heaves. The house grows quiet.

It's another day in suburban New Hampshire.

Finis

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Originally posted by Schoerner:

Guys, do you play as good as how much you're talking BS?

Well you can ask any of the nongs that have bailed on games when tired of me brutally, and repeatedly, kicking them in the groin.

Or you can ask my opponents who are spanking me like a naughty school girl (lieing hoors).

The choice is up to you. :D *

* Smiley added cuz it really makes MoldyFuzzywalls cranky...and occasionally gets a turn sent to me. :eek:

[ July 16, 2003, 04:12 PM: Message edited by: mike_the_wino ]

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Dear Schoerner,

We appreciate your interest in our offer of kicking you square in the nuts but that promotion has ended. Feel free to give your email address for future promotions/ sale to spammers and we will inform you of upcoming promotions.

Please accept this gift of a tin foil hat to protect you from the brain-wave altering satellites run by the Mormons.

Things to note:

-remove tin foil hat before microwaving your head

-tin foil may interfere with cell phone reception

Your Truly,

The Team Responsible for Keeping mike the wino Sober 3 Hours a Day

P.S. I think you missed a spot on your jack-boots, break out the polish and get to it.

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