Peng, I take your Challenge to HOLLAND!

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by stevetherat:

In truth, APs attack was an exhibition in style, execution and humiliation. I can't fault a single phase of his reign of terror. I feel fuller by the experience and shall examine the files again for my education.

Spare me your gamey conciliatory rhetoric, you edge-hugging, jeep-reconning, file-hacking, cheating bastard! How dare you be humble in defeat. I demand satisfaction for this egregious insult--send me a setup this instant, you dastardly mongrel.

And speaking of sending, make with the surrender file, already. Given your level of play, I can see where you might not know how (the computer probably surrenders for you in most games), so RTFM!

Lorak, let it be written:

Agua Perdido: Glorious, crushing victory due to brilliant execution of masterful attack plan, in spite of having a force of only 3 homesick Iowa farmboys armed with a single toothpick among them. (Plus some arty and armor and some other vicious, rabid Iowa farmboys bristling with firearms.)

stevetherat: Humiliating, ignoble surrender, despite gamey German paras, supported by gamier 81mm FOs and MGs and ultra-gamiest uber-Marders. (Marders! What sort of crap ahistorical OOB is that?)

In other news, long-absent Major Tom has also conceded my mastery of our game, as he has surrendered his pathetic Canadians, stripped of their armor and pinned in the woods well short of the VLs by my defenders. I'm not sure if this is one for the books, but he was still listed on the Cesspool Site when I last checked, so:

Agua Perdido: Brilliant defensive triumph.

Major Tom: Disgraceful surrender showing palpable lack of will (and wit (and possibly too much schoolwork)--no wonder we don't seem him around anymore).

{My mistake--Major Tom's Cesspool membership has lapsed, the stupid git, so please disregard the above mention of his topplement by my forces.}

Death is also in store for the rest of you gibbering twits I'm playing--Real Soon Now.

Agua Perdido

[Edited because Major Tom is a worthless toad.]

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Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

[This message has been edited by Agua Perdido (edited 03-21-2001).]

[stevetherat]

HerBladder Burst, you may of heard the phrase "Honour among thieves". There is a similar honour, I believe, among the cutthroat and backstabbing world of Squires. It is in this tradition I congratulate my opponent.

Though I think less of him than the turds I flush away every morning, I cannot deny him the accolade. And yes, I believe that he did cheat and bribe his way past my easily swayed defenders, using cheap whores and back-country moonshine. For that, I have requested a rematch and I shall give no quarter.

StR

[Joe Shaw]

It has been ... a GOOD morning. Rarely have I begun a day with such a plethora of joy. I was able to rise from my repose without stubbing a toe on some sundry object, I enjoyed a healthy and pleasing evacuation and my hunger pangs were assuaged with eggs and bacon by my lovely bride of thirty years (albeit with some grumbling ... thirty years is, after all, thirty years and not JUST thirty years but thirty years with ME. As to other forms of hunger ... thirty years ... etc.) But then I opened the pages (as it were) of this tome and what to my wondering eyes should appear (a little Christmas touch there) but the announcement of the twin victories of my gracious and capable squire Agua Perdido over the forces of evil. I, of course, claim the vast majority of the credit for these victories as is my right as his Liege and Knight ... speaking of which, hmmm.

Perhaps Knights should be rewarded for the hard work of raising up a squire (sit DOWN Bauhaus) by having their victories (fruit as they are of the tutorial and experience of the Knight) placed in the victory column of the Knight! Their losses, of course, would be the result of their own ineptitude and would serve a greater vaule as a reminder to them in THEIR loss columns. What say the Knights of the CessPool to this proposal?

Oh ... well done Agua ... etc, etc. etc.

Joe

------------------

I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Croda]

Now Joe, even I am not so desparate for wins that I would usurp them from my Squire. Methinks you should try winning your own games.

Speaking of Squires/Serfs/PissBoys/RancidSacksofNewbiePuss... Has the twerp Leeeeeoooooo been spoken for? His tenacity impresses the Legion of Croda (yes, we are a Legion now. Much more impressive and regal than a mere disorganized Multitude). We have no idea if it can fight, but we are considering sponsoring the git, if only to see him fight a battle in a vain attempt to become Champion of all Gitdom. The Legion shall watch the Leeeeooooooo.

------------------

Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99

The New CessPool

[Joe Shaw]

Now Joe, even I am not so desparate for wins that I would usurp them from my Squire. Methinks you should try winning your own games.

Usurp! To usurp something means that you take that to which you have no right. A Knight has complete rights to the fruits of the labors of his squire, this goes without saying. As to victories, pah, a TRUE KNIGHT cares not about these baubles, as so clearly and lucidly expressed by Lorak recently. My ONLY desire is for the further education of my squire Agua Perdido. His ego is in a fragile state at present, weighed down with the knowledge that his every action reflects upon ME, his liege lord, and yet flushed with elation over his recent victories. It is possible that seeing his name with a victory next to it at this delicate stage of his career, might lead him to delusions of grandeur and destroy the progress we have made to date. Damn it man, I don't WANT victories to ruin my near perfect record, but I do this as part of my duty to my squire.

Joe

------------------

I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 03-21-2001).]

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

I have begun by teaching Leeo that flanks are not our friends when we don't cover them. I have also taught him that armor surrounded by Schecks do not survive. Another lesson taught is that although the term is 'FORWARD Observer', that does not mean forward of your own lines (a side lession was that an FO team cannot win a firefight with Fallschirmjäger squads).

Flanks? FLANKS?

(stevetherat, take notes) I would like it to be known for the record (though I am sure the records are already stuffed to over flowing with this bit of "news") that Berli is an edge-hugging, gamey bastidge! He must've had those uber-troopers practice walking the tight rope before the battle to get them that close to the edge of the world without falling off.

Besides, his soldiers were cheating. They weren't wearing the requisite flourescent orange safety vests required by the Geneva Conventions when "...conducting military operations in heavy fog."

And those weren't ordinary FO's. They were ninja-scout-forward-observers, and he didn't kill them, they simply bit down on their cyanide filled tooth.

Indeed, though the official surrender has yet to be sent, let it be known:

Leeo-loss due to temporary insanity induced by heavy fog.

Berliwin due to gamey edge-hugging an flagrant violations of the Geneva Conventions.

[dalem]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

OFFICIAL CESSPOOL POLL

I've noticed that we all have our little "pet" names for the group as a whole

Teat-lapping pouch kittens. The lot of you.

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I LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER BATTLE TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS NOW HIS AND I AM HIS SLAVE. PLEASE ABUSE ME AS YOU SEE FIT AND CALL ME A DOO-DOO HEAD. IT IS MY PLACE IN LIFE, I WILLINGLY ACCEPT IT.

[dalem]

And Cromag, if you have time to prance around and spew the contents of your scent-gland, you have time to send me a turn.

------------------

I LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER BATTLE TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS NOW HIS AND I AM HIS SLAVE. PLEASE ABUSE ME AS YOU SEE FIT AND CALL ME A DOO-DOO HEAD. IT IS MY PLACE IN LIFE, I WILLINGLY ACCEPT IT.

[Croda]

Originally posted by dalem:

And Cromag, if you have time to prance around and spew the contents of your scent-gland, you have time to send me a turn.

You owe me, you earless freak...

------------------

Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99

The New CessPool

[armornut]

Posted buy Cruda;

...the Legion of Croda (yes, we are a Legion now. Much more impressive and regal than a mere disorganized Multitude).

Wow, look! A Legion of flatulent Yellow bellied sapsuckers! The leader appears to have the extremely rare yellow stripe down it's back! Quit your squaking and send a turn out!

[This message has been edited by armornut (edited 03-21-2001).]

[Guest Wildman]

Marlow, my most gracious and inept lord. After hearing news of your defeat, I immediately launched a blue-ribbon committee to investigate the obviously shading dealing of Herr Oberest.

It has come to my attention, that he has now sold his pathetic, shat filled soul to the evil one, Berli. Who then allowed his newest soulmate to ability to manipulate code, as well as, removing the FFOW.

Speak the word ,my defeated Knigget, and I shall unlease the mighty Whore of War upon the evil, gamey bastards who dared to dishonor you.

I wait your orders.

[Lawyer]

Originally posted by Lorak:

New catagory added on the squires page for the serfs and pissboys.

unclaimed pissboys

Von Shrad

Roborat

Wildman

Lawyer

check6

Armornut

Lorak the loathed

Strike my name from Lorak the Lisper's List, you bureaucratic numbskull!

Jeez, no due process or what?? While I'm away helping Greenspan and "W" turn the economy around, Lorak the Lobotomized simply follows whatever directions are belched up by the likes of Joe Pudhugger, Berli-Squirrely, jd wannabee, and the other self-styled Chicken Niggets who abuse BTS bandwidth in the Pool. They tell Lorak the Larged to create a new category of "pissboy serfs", and he knocks over his french fries racing to follow their orders.

Who needs a North Carolina coon dog when you got a Lorak to go fetch? Zip it up you obsequious dork, and don't get your nose caught in the zipper this time.

Now listen up!! Lawyer is nobody's serf, pissboy, squire, knigget, or any other laughable category created by these ego-challenged gits looking for an id-fix here because they ran out of glue to sniff. It's not my problem if they can't afford another case of Elmer's Gold to ease the pain of their alleged existence.

I'm an EEO killer who stalks the Pool at my leisure flushing away useless gits at all levels because it's cheaper and easier than getting a new septic tank. The Legal King picks the prime, the prim, and the pompous to feel the sharp sting of the Jake Snake and die a thousand horrible death's. Only Croda is spared because Crodaitis is a dangerous and highly infectious disease without a cure. Yes, even the Lawyer has his limits.

All the chosen ones respond to The Lawyer's Challenge. And they all expire with certitude because there is no greater evil than a Lawyer on a kill-binge armed with a bunch of tanks and guns. Like the ghetto punk in "Dirty Harry", they "gotsta know" how big my gun is. And they gotsta die when they find out.

So, Lorak Go-Lightly, take my name off your list of obnoxious dullards and rapists of innocent nouns, adjectives, and adverbs. Otherwise, I will be forced to have the FDA declare lard a dangerous substance, which will be the End of Life as you know it.

I shall now return to ignoring you all completely, which is more attention than any of you deserve.

------------------

There are good reasons why the movie was called "Patton" rather than "Hodges".

[mensch]

<center> </center>

[This message has been edited by mensch (edited 03-21-2001).]

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Croda:

His tenacity impresses the Legion of Croda (yes, we are a Legion now. Much more impressive and regal than a mere disorganized Multitude). We have no idea if it can fight, but we are considering sponsoring the git, if only to see him fight a battle in a vain attempt to become Champion of all Gitdom. The Legion shall watch the Leeeeooooooo.

Damp gloom settles over the Cesspool. A lonely bell tolls in the tower as the Knights of the Pool round up the assorted dippers, pissboy serfs, and squires for Vespers. Liberal use of club and whip are applied to encourage the slow of foot and wit. The Poolers gather in a ancient torch-lit courtyard, the smell of incense filling the air as the Chief High Priest of the Cesspool Lorak enters. Behind him, Senility slinks in, carrying a heavy leather-bound book. After Lorak observes the proper rights, The Bard moves to a stone lectern, opens the book ,clears his throat. After depositing a large wad of phlegm on armornumbnuts, he begins to read from the Book of Peng:

And they came over unto the other side of the Cesspool, into the country of the Hamsters. And when he was come out of the dingy, immediately there met him out of the septic tank a vile squire with an unclean inner Croda (and nasty underwear), who had his dwelling in the septic tank, and no man could bind him, no, not with chains: because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, he enjoyed it far too much: neither could any kanigget tame him. And always, night and day, he was in the sewer, and in the septic tank, crying, and cutting himself with stones, for he was pitiful and inept.

But when he saw Marlow afar off, he ran and threw himself at his feet, and cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Sir Marlow thou master tactician and greatest of all Knights? I adjure thee, that thou torment me not with defeat at thy hands. For thou knowest that I am the Inept among the Inept at CM, and I fall before all. Thou Stugs runneth over my Jacksons, and thou Rickets blow up my Infantry. What more doest thou want?

For Marlow said unto him, Come out of the squire thou unclean Croda. And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.

And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country, for the other Cesspooligans needed a whipping boy. Now there was there nigh unto the Mount Peng a great herd of sheep feeding. And all the Crodas besought him, saying, Send us into the sheep, that we may enter into them. And forthwith Marlow gave them leave. And the unclean Crodas went out, and entered into the sheep; and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the Loch Peng, (they were about two thousand,) and were choked in the Loch Peng.

Senility closes the tomb and shuffles off into the darkness …

[This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 03-21-2001).]

[Guest Wildman]

Originally posted by Lawyer:

Strike my name from Lorak the Lisper's List, you bureaucratic numbskull!

Some needless retoric on how Lorak is a complete moron. I mean come on! We all know that.

More bullshat that I'm important and everyone should think I'm cool.

Lorak, take my name off of that list or I'll start to cry and pretend to talk to Dubba about how naughty and mean you are!

I've just ignored you until now, as you obviously suffer from delusions of adequacy. However, with this last post you have managed to hit rock bottom and start digging.

Really,...stop putting my under the piss-boy section, stop it...stop it...WHAAAAAA

Lawyer, Jake, Snakeboy, or whatever personality happens to be in control when you visit the Pool, Shut the hell-up! Not only are you a complete windbag, your obviously suffer from the delusion that we give a rats-ass about what you want.

You'll stay on the piss-boy list until someone, and I can't imagine who, takes notice of you and makes you a squire.

There is one way, however, to remove your name from the list. You could take your sorry, LAWYER kester out of the CessPool and never come back. I'm sure we could find a replacement for you, I'll just take a six-year old, the taunt will have the same level of effect.

Shut up and play you git!

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Wildman:

You'll stay on the piss-boy list until someone, and I can't imagine who, takes notice of you and makes you a squire.

There is one way, however, to remove your name from the list. You could take your sorry, LAWYER kester out of the CessPool and never come back. I'm sure we could find a replacement for you, I'll just take a six-year old, the taunt will have the same level of effect.

Shut up and play you git!

(Marlow pats his sniveling dog squire on the head)

Yeoman work my good squire. For your next task, I demand vengeance against that Gamey Bastage Speedy. See to it that he is sliced and diced into small pieces suitable for fishbait.

That’s a good lad.

[armornut]

After depositing a large wad of phlegm on armornumbnuts...

Mmmmmmmmmm. Phlegm.

Says Armornut, as he collects as much as possible for future use.

"Thank you sir, may I have another?"

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Lawyer:

[Delusional ravings.]

Shaddup, ya pissboy serf.

Agua Perdido

------------------

Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

[Croda]

Originally posted by Marlow:

Spider Man, Spider Man, Does whatever a spider can!

You sir have been blessed by the god of luckyosity. You are a gamey bastard who uses fleets of Stugs, sooper-dooper-uoober tanks, and accurate rockets (accurate rockets, I tell you!) and will subsequently be destroyed for your unfettered pursuit of victory by all means possible, especially your over-usage of kabooming my tanks. We, the Legion of Croda, will opt to engage you again when the current conflict is over. We had esteemed you as a worthy and upright opponent. Now that the truth is known, your innard shall be made to resemble outards and your outards shall be fed to eels during their mating season.

------------------

Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99

The New CessPool

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Lawyer:

fevered rantings of a prozac deprived serf

OOoooo, look who thinks he's all high and mighty like. Look who thinks he doesn't have to hold a bucket. (That about do it, Sir Croda?) Look who thinks he is better than the rest of the serfs. (Really, Sir Croda, I'm worried about you. You should drink more water; it's looking very yellow today, Sir). I agree. He's not worthy enough to hold the pot to piss in. (There you go, Sir, a couple of shakes...aannnnnd you're done. No, Sir, really, my pleasure!) He's strictly a serf, no doubt about it. At least us pissboys get to spend our days in the castle, and get to go through the slop before the pigs.

[Joe Shaw]

And it started so well, the day that is. Then Lawyer deigns to actually READ the board for a change and ... I can hardly believe it ... DISPUTES THE RULE OF LAW! He who purports, by his very name, to be an advocate and practicioner OF the law now mocks it's existence and demands exclusion from it's rules. He then invokes the name (okay, technically he only invoked the Initial) of the President of the United States as his defense while, at the same time, whining about the method by which the rule was institued. DOES THIS NOT SOUND FAMILIAR? Did not "W" GAIN the office through disputed methods (I make no judgement on those methods, I merely state that dispute there was)? IN OTHER WORDS ... Lawyer the Supreme Court (as it were) has ruled against you by a vote of five to four (or seven to two depending on how you look at it) and you are hereby given the rank of SERF until such time as a duly recognized Knight of the CessPool should take pity upon you and declare you to be his squire ... perhaps one of your ilk, jd would suffice? That might be amusing. Let Lawyer stand by the rule of LAW as all of us must and accept his mantle with whatever dignity his kind is capable of displaying.

Joe

------------------

I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Iskander]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

... perhaps one of your ilk, jd would suffice? That might be amusing...

Amusing, but terribly, horribly wrong.

And why? Why, because my Most Just and Gracious Lord, jd, is in that most noblest of endeavors, the Wealth Generating Sector. The SERF known as Lawyer (really, should serfs have their names bolded?) is a lamprey on the belly of the Noble Steed that is the Productive Economy. Wonder why things are tanking in the US right now? Ask the Lawyer and his 900,000 co-civil servants that don't create a scintillia of wealth in this country, only take it at gunpoint and stuff it into their Mammon's Moloch Maw.

My just and true Kneeecht would have NO part of that! Losing to 'Pool newbies maybe, but never that!

------------------

"I send you a kaffis of mustard seed, that you may taste and acknowledge the bitterness of my victory."

"Legal advice is very often divorced from reality in my humble opinion" - BTS

[jshandorf]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

As to victories, pah, a TRUE KNIGHT cares not about these baubles, as so clearly and lucidly expressed by Lorak recently. My ONLY desire is for the further education of my squire Agua Perdido.

That's because you and Lorak SUCK. Which I am going to prove to you shortly when you get me that setup.

Also this buffoon notion of you claiming your squire's victories is shallow and beneath my contempt. For one who is great and awesome, when it comes to my CM play, I see through your willy ways Shaw. May you be mocked as the brainless git you are.

Jeff

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When nuclear weapons are frozen then only freezers will have nuclear weapons.

[This message has been edited by jshandorf (edited 03-21-2001).]

[jd]

Originally posted by Lawyer:

I'm an EEO killer who stalks the Pool at my leisure flushing away useless gits at all levels because it's cheaper and easier than getting a new septic tank. The Legal King picks the prime, the prim, and the pompous to feel the sharp sting .... etc

Jakeleodeo, your pomposity is only surpassed by your delusion. After all as I recall, in the setup we recently played, carefully constructed by you to maximize your advantage, you lost! So much for Mr. toothless Lion Scat.

Now as for faithful and earnest young squire Iskander we shall apply such tutelage and instruction in the ways of the pool that the stiff rod of correction (watch it there Bauhaus) shall be appropriately employed that through sacrifice and the forge of service he may some day rise his sallow mien from the low estates from whence he has sojourned. First lesson will be in the humility of remembering that those of privileged rank often bestow a boon and favor upon such newcomers that allowing a win to slip gently into that goodnight, is oft practiced, and should be gratefully acknowledged. Am I not right, my young apprentice?

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edited to remove Jake's overuse of bold typeface

•Non illegitimi carborundum est

•If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[This message has been edited by jd (edited 03-21-2001).]

[Guest Wildman]

Herr Oberst....Frauline Obie....where are you.

You heinous and nefarious Knigget. You one-legged, syphillic snapper-head. How dare you practice such gamey moves and tactics on the most noble and inept...I mean wonderful Knight in all the land.

Wildman, wipes tear from his right eye

It obvious you have no honor, and less that three brain cells to have sold your pathetic soul to Berli.

Come out and fight you...you...shat-filled vessel of putrecent slime. Unlike the most glorious and slightly slow Knight Marlow, I am not below the gamey tactics you obviously used. I will find you, pull out your inner Croda, and set it *thingy* on fire with a blowtorch.

Bring yourself or a champion to the field you scabborous dog!!!