MrSpkr Posted June 1, 2001 Share Posted June 1, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Maximus: With that, Mace said, "....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "Hey, its Alan Funt! I always wanted to meet Alan Funt and . . ." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: "Hey, its Alan Funt! I always wanted to meet Alan Funt and . . ."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ..."tell him he has a surname that rhymes with"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximus Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ..."tell him he has a surname that rhymes with"...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "Ahem. Fun?" coughed Maximus. "But hey isn't Jeff Probst somewhere in town now? Let's drag him into the FAQ, that would be a true measure of Survival." So upon getting this idea, Herr Oberst decided to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Maximus: "Ahem. Fun?" coughed Maximus. "But hey isn't Jeff Probst somewhere in town now? Let's drag him into the FAQ, that would be a true measure of Survival." So upon getting this idea, Herr Oberst decided to...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> begin a proper rant of his own... "Survival? SURVIVAL??" he ranted. "I'll tell you what survival is. It is returning from a four day sentence to purgatory to find that the FAQ'ers have amassed a goodly lot of posts equalling 1 freaking page!" "And to top it all off, if I read correctly, you laggards let the FAQ fall off the first page twice in that short time." "But where was I? Oh yes, purgatory. And I'm not talking about that place in the old Wild West of the United States where gunslingers abounded. No, I'm talking about somewhere far, far worse." "A place a bit to the north, thankfully not in the States, but just across the border." "A place named for a lawnmower of all things, TORO-nto." "A place where the people don't walkabout above ground like normal folk, but instead spend the better part of their day going from place to place underground like some sort of vole or shrew." "Well, I guess keeping the local folk underground makes it all the easier to hide those crowds of ugly lumberjack type women that seemed to abound." "Hardly a good looking shiela in the lot of 'em. Didn't see a one of 'em that could hold a claw up to Miss Kitty..." "A place where they take a magnificent structure like the "whatever dome" and light it up in a queer purple at night." "And when someone asked me if they could borrow a loon, I told them, 'Do I look like a freakin ornithologist that would be carting around a bird in my coat pocket? If you've got something in mind that involves animals, you'd better talk to an acquaintance of mine named Mace. And if a loon is in any way related to a penguin, apart from them both being birds, I'd suggest that you talk to a chap named Madmatt.'" Just as Herr Oberst was winding down his tongue-in-cheek rant(his own cheek mind you), the other FAQ'ers... [ 06-02-2001: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted June 2, 2001 Share Posted June 2, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst: Just as Herr Oberst was winding down his tongue-in-cheek rant(his own cheek mind you), the other FAQ'ers...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> woke up and . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: woke up and . . .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...then ran to their PCs to see what witty repertoire had transpired while they were off in the land of nod. They stopped, looked at the vacant spot where there their PCs used to be in, and in a collective voice exclaimed "AAAAaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaa"! The reason: A secret society had broken into each CMers house and stolen their PCs to facilitate.... [ 06-02-2001: Message edited by: Mace ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Phan Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ...then ran to their PCs to see what witty repertoire had transpired while they were off in the land of nod. They stopped, looked at the vacant spot where there their PCs used to be in, and in a collective voice exclaimed "AAAAaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaa"! The reason: A secret society had broken into each CMers house and stolen their PCs to facilitate.... [ 06-02-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...the takeover by Everquest. Its fans dissapeared in droves when Combat Mission came out and Sony wants them back. The unforgiving gaming giant also wants control over your... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan: The unforgiving gaming giant also wants control over your...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...bases! "All your base are belong to us!!!" the chairman of the unforgiving gaming giant shouted at the last board meeting. This was a rather unfortunate choice of words, as what he meant to say was... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ...bases! "All your base are belong to us!!!" the chairman of the unforgiving gaming giant shouted at the last board meeting. This was a rather unfortunate choice of words, as what he meant to say was...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "All your butts belong to Sony!!! And if you don't get off them and do something for this year's holiday season, I'll take all of you out, castrate you and feed your dangly bits to the pigs!! You all royally screwed up and let the FAQ fall off the first page, and last holiday season by under-supplying the Playstation 2. We could have sold 1,000,000 units in a month, but Nooooooooo. Someone screwed up production. Now there's this X-box getting ready to compete, and Bleem is coming out with newer version of their software! How will we retain our position as the Gamey giant if... [ 06-04-2001: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted June 5, 2001 Share Posted June 5, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst: How will we retain our position as the Gamey giant if...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...we don't complete production of our Gamey giant enforcement Robot with built in miniguns and tactical nuclear missiles" <tm>!!!! "I want those Robots out on the street enforcing our will NOW!!!" Pulling out his favorite baseball bat..the chairman rose from his seat at the head of the table, walked around to stand behind the manager in charge of robotics, lifted the bat, then... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Phan Posted June 5, 2001 Share Posted June 5, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ...we don't complete production of our Gamey giant enforcement Robot with built in miniguns and tactical nuclear missiles" <tm>!!!! "I want those Robots out on the street enforcing our will NOW!!!" Pulling out his favorite baseball bat..the chairman rose from his seat at the head of the table, walked around to stand behind the manager in charge of robotics, lifted the bat, then...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "...swing and a long fly. Watch this baby, outtahere." Harry Kalas was on the radio again and it would appear that Doug Glanville is unstoppable. Now if only the rest of the league would catch up to us. Maybe we should sweep the Mets or the Braves, again. Maybe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted June 5, 2001 Share Posted June 5, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan: "...swing and a long fly. Watch this baby, outtahere." Harry Kalas was on the radio again and it would appear that Doug Glanville is unstoppable. Now if only the rest of the league would catch up to us. Maybe we should sweep the Mets or the Braves, again. Maybe...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> we should stop taking such big hits off this baseball fantasy crack pipe. That way we would realize we are in a two game losing streak and forget that . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted June 6, 2001 Share Posted June 6, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: That way we would realize we are in a two game losing streak and forget that . . .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...end-of-season winning cup. Actually a lot of players forgot their cups that day, leading to more severe groinal injuries, as.... [ 06-05-2001: Message edited by: Mace ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted June 6, 2001 Share Posted June 6, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ...end-of-season winning cup. Actually a lot of players forgot their cups that day, leading to more severe groinal injuries, as....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> the team manager kicked each of them in the scrotum for allowing the FAQ to fall to the bottom of the second page. "You call yourselves FAQers?" he growled. "Why, in my day, real FAQers were better than you sorry lot. They used to . . ." [ 06-06-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted June 6, 2001 Share Posted June 6, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: the team manager kicked each of them in the scrotum for allowing the FAQ to fall to the bottom of the second page. "You call yourselves FAQers?" he growled. "Why, in my day, real FAQers were better than you sorry lot. They used to . . ." [ 06-06-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "keep the FAQ right there at the top of page one. Yessiree, posted info or drivel into the FAQ every hour on the hour, typing uphill both ways, through mud in the spring and fall, scorching heat in the summer, and neck deep snow in the winter." "Why when I was young, we didn't even have computers to do this, we had to keep a FAQ by..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted June 6, 2001 Share Posted June 6, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst: "Why when I was young, we didn't even have computers to do this, we had to keep a FAQ by..."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...chiseling it into the back of each other's skulls"! "This was until some one a lot brighter than us pointed out we could actualy write it down on sheets of paper using a pen". "So we.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted June 7, 2001 Share Posted June 7, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: "So we....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> promptly lynched the bugger. Then we decided to use his blood to fill our ink wells, his dried skin as parchment, and sharpened shards of his broken bones as our writing quills. This worked okay, but eventualy the FAQ grew too large to fit on his skin, and the vermin kept eating the old FAQ pages. To solve this, some nob came up with the bright idea to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Phan Posted June 7, 2001 Share Posted June 7, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst: promptly lynched the bugger. Then we decided to use his blood to fill our ink wells, his dried skin as parchment, and sharpened shards of his broken bones as our writing quills. This worked okay, but eventualy the FAQ grew too large to fit on his skin, and the vermin kept eating the old FAQ pages. To solve this, some nob came up with the bright idea to...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...go to the village scribe. His name was russellmz. (russell the love muscle) He was a fuzzy little chap who spoke to himself at length each days about questions and answers. "What would this world be like if there were not enough answers to the questions?" His other favorite phrase was "If a FAQ poots in the forest, does anyone answer?" Harry O. wandered over the small shanty of russell (mr. muscle) and asked.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted June 7, 2001 Share Posted June 7, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan: Harry O. wandered over the small shanty of russell (mr. muscle) and asked....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> rather cautiously . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Phan Posted June 8, 2001 Share Posted June 8, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: rather cautiously . . .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...would you be kind enough to scribe some things for us? We can only pay you in sheep droppings. "Russell the love muscle" stopped his flexing for a moment and looked upon Harry Oberst. His response was... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted June 8, 2001 Share Posted June 8, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan: "Russell the love muscle" stopped his flexing for a moment and looked upon Harry Oberst. His response was...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "I'm bleedin' huge! Cop of a feel of my massive"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted June 8, 2001 Share Posted June 8, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: "I'm bleedin' huge! Cop of a feel of my massive"...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> cranium," crowed russelmz. "Scientists say that I suffer from encephalitis, and that's what gives me this bulbous skull perched atop my shoulders." "I must be the luckiest man in the world! Women all say that the most important sex organ is the mind, and baby, I have a huge one!! So huge that I have to wear a collar to keep my pencil neck from breaking." "With such a huge cranium, I must be the sexiest man on earth!" Disgusted with all this self-delusion, HerrOberst packed up the FAQers in his Expedition and drove them all to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted June 8, 2001 Share Posted June 8, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst: Disgusted with all this self-delusion, HerrOberst packed up the FAQers in his Expedition and drove them all to...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...a quick mass suicide! It was his inane droning on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and... ... ... ... ...and on and on and... ... ... ... ... ... ... on and on and on and on about... [ 06-08-2001: Message edited by: Mace ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted June 8, 2001 Share Posted June 8, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ... on and on and on and on about... [ 06-08-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> how Mace was going to be the first to go. Not cleanly with a bullet, or even a guillotine, but the old fashioned way with a huge wooden mallet right between the eyes. When Herr Oberst hit him with the mallet, there was a resounding crack. But against all expectations, Mace didn't fall to the ground dead. He just kind of stood there with his eyes bugging out, like this :eek: Determined to give it another try, Phan decided to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedy Posted June 8, 2001 Share Posted June 8, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst: <snip> Determined to give it another try, Phan decided to...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...To look at Speedy, who like the drunken sot he is just wandered in and wondered where his beloved penguins had got to...???... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts