Col Deadmarsh Posted December 25, 2001 Share Posted December 25, 2001 Volume 1 of the new CM unit descriptions: GERMANS JagdTiger -- High price is due to massive gun; it both annihilates the enemy and also compensates for player's sexual shortcomings. Panzer IV 70 -- The gamey bastard's choice of tanks. Hetzer -- Great little tank once you get it hull down. From the side or rear, armor is vulnerable to opponent spitting on it. Hummel -- Firing rate = once every battle Tiger -- A Tiger when facing Bazookas. A kitten when facing opposing tanks. Lynx -- Small, fast, great at taking out halftracks...and never bought because it uses up valuable German armor points. Flammpanzer -- Would've been a great tank in CM if not for the fact that flame range is only slightly longer than the tank commander's Zippo set to "high." ALLIES Hellcat -- Only reason for wanting to give your opponent Germans. M8 HMC -- Okay, reason #2. Churchill Crocodile -- For 246 points you get a tank with good armor, lots of HE ammo, a flame gun, and a shelf life of 4 minutes because every German tank within a hundred miles will be aiming for it. Churchill AVRE -- No real use in CM other than letting you reminisce about the days of CC2. Priest -- MG ammo of 12 is attributed to tank crew using whatever bullets which might have rolled under the seats. Churchill (All Models) -- Blazing top speed of 16mph apparently due to Brits experimenting with solar power. Wasp -- Take one against your opponent and you're smart. Take two and use them together and you're a genius. Take three or more and you get a reputation for being gamey and are blackballed by all other players. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Priest Posted December 25, 2001 Share Posted December 25, 2001 Hmmm always thought the Tiger was well modeled and damn impressive and never heard of anyone calling the PIV L70 gamey or bad although I have one opponent who hates Hetzers in such a way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidst Void Posted December 25, 2001 Share Posted December 25, 2001 I feel more confident with the Tiger than I do with the Panther. Here's a story I can tell: StuG vs. Sherman StuG: Aim, fire, miss, reload... Sherman: Aim, fire, hit, armor flaking. StuG: 1 crew casualty caused, shocked. Sherman: Front upper hull penetration, Knock-out. The StuG's aren't bad tanks when used correctly, I prefer them over Panzer IVx's in many cases. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeauCoupDinkyDau Posted December 25, 2001 Share Posted December 25, 2001 <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Amidst Void: The StuG's aren't bad tanks when used correctly, I prefer them over Panzer IVx's in many cases.<hr></blockquote> StuGs aren't tanks, they're assault guns. And yes, assault guns work very well in ambush positions against both enemy armor and infantry. :cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stixx Posted December 25, 2001 Share Posted December 25, 2001 <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Priest: Never heard of anyone calling the PIV L70 gamey or bad although I have one opponent who hates Hetzers in such a way.<hr></blockquote> It's not that i hate them. It's just that i can't kill the gamey little buggers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Col Deadmarsh Posted December 26, 2001 Author Share Posted December 26, 2001 <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Priest: Hmmm always thought the Tiger was well modeled and damn impressive and never heard of anyone calling the PIV L70 gamey or bad although I have one opponent who hates Hetzers in such a way.<hr></blockquote> This whole thing was supposed to poke fun at the game. It's not meant to be taken seriously... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M Hofbauer Posted December 26, 2001 Share Posted December 26, 2001 you forgot the Pz IV (all models) - do not expose to sunlight or fresh air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwolf Posted December 26, 2001 Share Posted December 26, 2001 Halftracks - make sure your opponent gets enough victory points to give him a chance of winning even when you sit on the flags. [ 12-27-2001: Message edited by: redwolf ]</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvio Manuel Posted December 26, 2001 Share Posted December 26, 2001 <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by M Hofbauer: you forgot the Pz IV (all models) - do not expose to sunlight or fresh air.<hr></blockquote> serious addendum to above: Their glorious HE and MG loadout will save your hide...by pounding enemy grunts from pseudo-keyhole firing positions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gredeker Posted December 26, 2001 Share Posted December 26, 2001 Air support - jobs program for those with color blindness and poor vision. Hotchkiss tank - has the advantage of being an odd historical unit. Yep, it sure is historical. And it's good at... Did I mention it's historical? [ 12-26-2001: Message edited by: redeker ]</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvio Manuel Posted December 26, 2001 Share Posted December 26, 2001 2" mortar: buy 1 tube, get 20 bang-snaps for free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Porta Posted December 27, 2001 Share Posted December 27, 2001 Hilarious !! Keep them coming ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiggDogg Posted December 28, 2001 Share Posted December 28, 2001 Hofbauer & Silvio, <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by M Hofbauer: you forgot the Pz IV (all models) - do not expose to sunlight or fresh air. serious addendum to above: Their glorious HE and MG loadout will save your hide...by pounding enemy grunts from pseudo-keyhole firing positions. <hr></blockquote> However, even in keyhole firing positions, PvIVs, because they are invariably unlucky & are AT shell magnets, never live long enough to shoot HE & MGs. Cheers, Richard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwolf Posted December 28, 2001 Share Posted December 28, 2001 Sturmgruppe squad: make artillery more effective - enemy artillery. Especially good in low visibility. Jagdtiger: the sword and the shield - [37mm puff] aehrm, yes, only the shield then. Nashorn, the sword and ... well, the sword [on the real nashorn the few 30mm armor pieces were often unhardend steel] Pillboxes: surprise the enemy by reverting the effectivity of his different calibre tank guns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russellmz Posted December 28, 2001 Share Posted December 28, 2001 m10 or any tank destroyer: proving the validity of admiral jackie fisher's thesis that "speed IS armor!" sexton, priest: unarmored sp's named after holy men, due to their ability to achieve miraculous kills against heavy armor btw, this post shoulda been named "the devil's cm unit descriptions"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Col Deadmarsh Posted December 31, 2001 Author Share Posted December 31, 2001 French Infantry -- The oddity that each French rifleman costs the same as an American rifleman can only be explained by the fact that either Steve or Charles is in fact French. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow 1st Hussars Posted December 31, 2001 Share Posted December 31, 2001 <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Amidst Void: I feel more confident with the Tiger than I do with the Panther. Here's a story I can tell: StuG vs. Sherman StuG: Aim, fire, miss, reload... Sherman: Aim, fire, hit, armor flaking. StuG: 1 crew casualty caused, shocked. Sherman: Front upper hull penetration, Knock-out. <hr></blockquote> In my case it always ends up that I have a Panther and a Sherman Jumbo at 50m shooting. Sherman: front turret hit, ricochet Panther: front turret hit, ricochet Sherman: front turret hit, ricochet Panther: front turret hit, ricochet Sherman: front turret hit, ricochet Panther: front turret hit, ricochet This usually goes on for about 5 turns before one of them goes into reverse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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