Ceebee Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 > To the citizens of the United States of America... > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > independence, effective today. > > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties > over > all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she > does > not fancy. > > Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you > who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your > borders) > will appoint a minister for America without the need for further > elections. > Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. > > A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of > you > noticed. > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following > rules > are introduced with immediate effect: > > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then > look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at > just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise > your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same > twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you > know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up > "interspersed" . > > 2. There is no such thing as "US English" . We will let Microsoft know on > your behalf. > > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It > really isn't that hard. > > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the > good guys. > > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, > but > only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get > confused > and give up half way through. > > 6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of > football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. > The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders > may have noticed that no one else plays American" football. You will no > longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. > Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a > difficult > game. > > Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which > is > similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest > every > twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are > hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. > > You may not conceive a "world series" for a sport that is only played in > one > country. > > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if > they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there > is > a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians > have never been the bad guys. Merde is French for "****". > > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new > national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day. > > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your > own > good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. > > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. > > Thank you for your cooperation. > > Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russellmz Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 from http://theonion.com/onion3640/bush_or_gore.html Bush or Gore: 'A New Era Dawns' AUSTIN, TX, OR NASHVILLE, TN--In one of the narrowest presidential votes in U.S. history, either George W. Bush or Al Gore was elected the 43rd president of the United States Tuesday, proclaiming the win "a victory for the American people and the dawn of a bold new era in this great nation." Above: Bush and Gore, one of whom called the election "a victory for America." "My fellow Americans," a triumphant Bush or Gore told throngs of jubilant, flag-waving supporters at his campaign headquarters, "tonight, we as a nation stand on the brink of many exciting new challenges. And I stand here before you to say that I am ready to meet those challenges." "The people have spoken," Bush or Gore continued, "and with their vote they have sent the message, loud and clear, that we are the true party of the people." With these words, the crowd of Republicans or Democrats erupted. Bush or Gore attributed his victory to his commitment to the issues that matter to ordinary, hardworking Americans. Throughout the campaign, the Republican or Democrat spoke out in favor of improving educational standards, protecting the environment, reducing crime, strengthening the military, cutting taxes, and reforming Social Security. He also took a strong pro-middle-class stand, praising America's working families as "the backbone of this great nation." "During this campaign, I had the good fortune to meet so many of you. And I listened to your concerns," Bush or Gore said. "And do you know what I found? That your concerns are the same as mine. Like 64-year-old Rosemary Cullums of Wheeling, WV. She said to me, '[Mr. Bush or Mr. Gore], we need to restore a sense of values and decency to this country. I have three young grandchildren, and I worry about the filth they're exposed to on a daily basis from TV and the movies. We need Hollywood to take responsibility for its actions and stop peddling sex and violence to our young people.' I told Rosemary I agreed wholeheartedly and gave her my word that when I became president, I would demand accountability on the part of the entertainment industry. Would my [Democratic or Republican] opponent have said the same?" "The greatest thing a president can do is set an example for the people," Bush or Gore continued. "And as a devoted family man with a wonderful wife and [two or four] wonderful children, I promise to make the White House a place Americans can feel good about." The crowd erupted again, with thousands of delirious Republicans or Democrats waving signs reading, "America's Families For [bush or Gore]" as a blizzard of red, white, and blue confetti fell from the ceiling. During his 30-minute victory speech, the president-elect also praised his campaign manager, Joe Allbaugh or Donna Brazile, for refusing to resort to the "negative smear tactics of my opponent." "Unlike my [Democratic or Republican] counterpart, my staff and I insisted that this election be about the issues," Bush or Gore said. "We refused to take the low road and stoop to dirty tricks in order to get elected. While [Mr. Gore or Mr. Bush] was busy with cheap innuendo and unfounded accusations, we were out there taking our message to the American people. And, judging from what happened today at the ballot box, you heard that message loud and clear. And I thank you." More confetti rained down from the ceiling, this time accompanied by balloons. Waving to acknowledge his supporters, the Ivy League graduate and scion of a political dynasty called for "a time of renewal and rebirth in America." "America has always been the land of promise and possibility," Bush or Gore said. "And never has that been more true than today. The opportunities that stand before us are great. The challenges are many. But I am energized by what lies ahead. Make no mistake, there is much work to be done. But we are more than up to the task. Remember that I am here to work for you, the people. Because you are the people who put me here. This is a fresh start. Our children are the future. America is ready for change. And new ideas. And a fresh start." ------------------ "They had their chance- they have not lead!" - GW Bush "They had mechanical pencils- they have not...lead?" - Jon Stewart on The Daily Show Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceebee Posted November 17, 2000 Author Share Posted November 17, 2000 LMAO!! We Brits over here have been following this election (well I have), personally I prefer Bush! The other one reminds me of Micheal Portilo over here! I must admit its becoming a bit of a farse. I can't imagine what its doing the American People! Ceebee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marlow Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 Very funny article from the Onion: Serbia Deploys Peacekeeping Forces to U.S. BELGRADE--Serbian president Vojislav Kostunica deployed more than 30,000 peacekeeping troops to the U.S. Monday, pledging full support to the troubled North American nation as it struggles to establish democracy. "We must do all we can to support free elections in America and allow democracy to gain a foothold there," Kostunica said. "The U.S. is a major player in the Western Hemisphere and its continued stability is vital to Serbian interests in that region." Kostunica urged Al Gore, the U.S. opposition-party leader who is refusing to recognize the nation's Nov. 7 election results, to "let the democratic process take its course." "Mr. Gore needs to acknowledge the will of the people and concede that he has lost this election," Kostunica said. "Until America's political figures learn to respect the institutions that have been put in place, the nation will never be a true democracy." Serbian forces have been stationed throughout the U.S., with an emphasis on certain trouble zones. Among them are Oregon, Florida, and eastern Tennessee, where Gore set up headquarters in Bush territory. An additional 10,000 troops are expected to arrive in the capital city of Washington, D.C. by Friday. Though Kostunica has pledged to work with U.S. leaders, he did not rule out the possibility of economic sanctions if the crisis is not resolved soon. "For democracy to take root and flourish, it must be planted in the rich soil of liberty. And the cornerstone of liberty is elections free of tampering or corruption," Kostunica said. "Should America prove itself incapable of learning this lesson on its own, the international community may be forced to take stronger measures." On a serious note, I don’t think that the election results are driving anyone except for the most partisan of U.S. citizens nuts. In many countries, a contested election such as this result in an Army takeover, riots, or other such nonsense, rather than resolution by debate and rule of law that we are seeing here. The process isn't necessarily pretty, and the debate and legal maneuvering are at times unseemly, but the American system will be just fine. I think that the current situation demonstrates the true resiliency of the U.S. democracy rather than the reverse. [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-16-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward the Surly Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 I couldn't have said it better myself Marlow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marlow Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ceebee: > To the citizens of the United States of America... > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > independence, effective today. > ... > > Thank you for your cooperation. > > <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, CeeBee, It looks like our little game has taken on a whole new dimension. So no longer are we merely fighting over some imaginary digital terrain, but metaphorically , I am fighting for the honor of America, against you as the representative of the newly expansionist British Empire. [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-16-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dell Wade Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 LOL BUT I have some corrections to make. On the list you say Nobody but Americans play American Football. Not true. Ever here of the WFL? (World Football League) Teams like Barcalona, London, Munich, etc) Also ever here of the CFL? (Canadian Football League) You have Alberta, British Columbia etc. Both of these do have some Americans but most are either European or Canadian. As for taking a rest. I have heard Rugby and Non-American football players say that American Football is MUCH harder and physical. Since when has Rugby or Non-American football player weighted in at 350+ American pounds? Take that American football player who at a minimum weights 180 pounds (Wide reciver to defensive back) to up 400 pounds. Now take that person running at top speed, full out and then add on top of that strength that would match most weight lifters (Power lifting 400 pounds) and have him put a hit on you. I will wager your Rugby or Non-American Football player would be dead or crippled. Lets use a scietific example. Take 2 cars moving at full spped (lets say 60 MPH) and crash them into each other head on. Would you like to be one of those cars. I wouldn't. I must admit though that Rugby or even soccer does take more endurance running all over the field like mad fanatics that you are. Be glad there is a America. As for Bush and Gore and this new election. Most Americans believe that it is a mockery of the electorial system here. Not all of us live in Florida. No offense taken in your post ------------------ "Just Give Me the Prize" Kurgen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marlow Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 Edited because of my incompetence with posting. [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-16-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike the bike Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 Ah but Dell yuo miss a few of thenuances of the original game (Rugby that is....) Surethe pplayers aer not gorillas - they can't afford to be, because the game is 80 minutes long and most of them will play hte full 80 minutes. Not only that, but the average length of "play" between stoppages is longer than 15 seconds. And "stoppages" restart from where the stoppage occured - not reset right in the middle of the field, so he might have to run from side to side occasionally too. So you see your 300+ lb "Football" player would be left gasping after about 5 minutes of the game. Also he probably can't dodge worth a damn - that's why he starts out just a couple of feet from his opposite number - any further and he might not be able to hit his moving target!! Just soem thoughts from a Kiwi who has seen exactly 1 NFL game - GO RAIDERS!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Rock Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 Getting in before this one is locked up... Here's a rebuttal to the original post. As long as we're slandering we may as well spread the grief around... +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE > > To the citizens of the United States of America, > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > independence, effective today. Fair call, as England has never had a crisis of governance. The War of the Roses and the English Civil War were simply overenthusiastic (if misguided) English celebrations of political unity. No doubt it would be churlish to see these as a justification for giving control of England back to the Romans or the Normans. > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties > over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Such duties consisting primarily of wedding idiot children off to sluts. > Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Understandable, although she might wish to swap with Utah with Yorkshire as part of a non-cultural exchange program. > Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP > for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a > world outside your borders) As opposed to the 98.75 of Britons who are unaware they are part of Europe. > will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Let's consider this. England's inability to find an approriate English monarch in the 17th century prompted them to surrender the throne to the Dutch and then the Germans. This was after their abortive attempt to establish a legitimately representative democracy, so I suppose it's fair the Americans take their turn surrendering sovereignity. > Congress and the Senate will be > disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine > whether any of you noticed. Which is as daft as saying "we will disband Parliament and the House of Lords". I suspect the author means the House of Representatives and the Senate... It's a given that the English don't understand the difference between the Executive and Legislative arms of government, and for that matter that the US government actually still has a president. It would be unreasonable to expect the English to understand how other governments work. This would considering alternative ways of doing things, and the British haven't had any new ideas since the Adam Smith. And he was a Scot. > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following > rules are introduced with immediate effect: > > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. The apparent rationale seems to be to arbitrarily use a dictionary produced by British elites and use this to establish a norm. This will make it possible to demonstrate that these same elites' world views are the only correct ones. We will ignore the implicit circularity of the argument. It is unfortunate that the real editors of the OED find American usage a legitimate branch of the language - but then they recognise words from Australia and even South Africa, so standards have clearly slipped in the last 121 years. > Then look up "aluminium". Unfortunately "aluminum" is in the OED as an acceptable alternative, further evidence of the declining standards of the editors. > Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed > at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. If they had been trying to pronounce "aluminium" this would be accurate. That the Americans were pronouncing the equally valid "aluminum" (on the proviso one accepts the OED's authority) does appear to weaken the argument slightly. No problem. A simple appeal to intrinsic rightness should deal with this objection. For centuries the Anglican church has relied on this technique to manage the inherent contradctions between the High and Low churches. It is much simpler than rational thought. > Generally, you should > raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using > the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as > "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of > communication. Look up "interspersed". Indeed. Please try to emulate the linguistic eloquence of soccer hooligans, East Enders and north country farmers. > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on > your behalf. Yes, there is only RP. That RP is an artificial construct devised early in the 20th century by British Oxbridge elites is neither here nor there. > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. > It really isn't that hard. For example the typical Englishman/woman can distinguish between 387 accents: 383 regional variants in the UK, plus American, Australian, South African, and all-those-strange-woggy-noises-uttered-across the channel. > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the > good guys. This is inaccurate. Hollywood should be required to occasionally cast any non-Americans as the good guys. Instead they should follow the British example of tolerance for foreigners. For example British films typically feature French or German heros bravely standing up to the wretched English villains. Unfortunately actual examples escape me for the moment... > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen"... Preferably sung in French to remind us of the Norman Conquest. > ...but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get > confused and give up half way through. The thinking here is muddled. "God Save The Queen" doesn't use the word "revocation", ro deal with any issues involving revocation. Perhaps the author should look the word up to clarify the meaning for himself. > 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind > of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very > good game. Oh, dear. The only thing worse than platform wars (my OS is better than your OS...*yawn*) are debates between codes of football. Akin to arguing over which animal's sweat tastes the best. > The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders > may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. If international acceptance is the defined criteria, can we take this opportunity to abolish English beer and cooking? > You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play > proper football. Saying American football is not a very good game is one thing. Arguing it is not a good game in comparison to soccer is pathological. This is a game in which scoring is so rare a goal is occassion for a national holiday. There is no other game on earth that enshrines dullness so well. Except for cricket. > Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. Which might add some interest to the game. At least there would finally be something to look at. > It is a difficult game. True. Staying awake throught he stultifying boredom requires superhuman psychological toughness. > Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to > play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve > stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body > armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby > sevens side by 2005. The author is quite welcome to go onto an American football field for a quarter. His next-of-kin can write a witty rebuttal on his behalf. > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if > they give you any merde. There is some merit for attacking Quebec, but the French are a priceless thorn in the hell of the English and should be nurtured accordingly. > The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there > is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. Someone needs to point out to the author that England is part of the EU. He clearly belongs to the 98.75% who don't realise England is part of Europe. Or that the Hundred Years war is over, and England lost. > The Russians have never been the bad guys. Please advise the Tories and MI5. >"Merde" is French for "sh*t". As in "les Anglais sont pleins du merde" > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new > national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive > Day". The English have a long history of celebrating failures of democracy. It is based on a historical distrust of ordinary people. That is why they still have a monarchy. It sits rather well with the fine tradion of "do as you're told" that peridically leads to the decimation of generations of young British men in badly fought wars. > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your > own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. Absolutely correct. Which is why the British abolished their automotive industry years ago. > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Please tell us why Maggie Thatcher is still alive. We find that incomprehensible. > * Thank you for your cooperation. We look forward to rejoining Britain so we can too can slide from world dominance to a third rate regional power. > The British Empire That should read "Formerly known as the British Empire". That, or "Poor losers who still can't accept they got their asses kicked by an American-French coalition two centruies ago and really should get over it." 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Phoenix Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 To the citizens of the UK - In the light of your nation's increasing irrelevance in world affairs, and in an effort to preserve your quaint culture, The Disney Corporation has decided to buy the entire nation and convert it into a theme park. To ensure a smooth transition, Michael Eisner himself will be overseeing this operation. A few changes are to be made immediately: 1) All unnecessary vowels are to be purged; the proper spelling of "colour" is "color." Note that it's "aluminum" not "aluminium." 2) In an effort to foster effective communication, all residents of the former UK will be required to pass a basic vocal skills exam. They will be judged by representatives of all other English speaking countries; anyone who can not be understood will be sent to a remedial speaking class. In an effort to cut down administrative overhead involved with these exams, everyone in Scotland is deemed to be incomprehensible and sent to class immediately. Especially those from Glasgow. 3)All English slang is banned. The word "fanny" will now properly refer to the posterior. You can keep "bollocks" though, as it's sort of endearing. 4)Parliament will be replaced by a large gallery of sexual deviants, cross-dressers, alcoholics, and bribe-taking do-nothings. They will have no actual power. No one will notice this change. For entertainment value, we suggest doubling the size of the wigs and the occasional indoor display of fireworks, a la professional wrestling. Someone will be required to bang a gavel and shout "Order! Order!" every two and a half minutes. 5)The Queen will be replaced with an animotronic robot. No one will notice. Prince Charles will be replaced with a cardboard cutout of himself. No one will notice. Princes Henry and William will be replaced with two of the "cuter" members of N' Sync. No one will notice. 6) As soccer (its now official name) is insanely boring, and the only entertaining bits are the occasional kick to the gonads and the riots afterwards, the rules are changed to the following: a) The game itself involves each team lining up facing one another; each team member will kick his opponent in the gonads as hard as possible. The team with the most men standing is the winner. In case of a tie, the winner will be decided based on penalty kicks. The riots afterwards will be televised. Points will be awarded for such things as most original use of common objects (beer bottles, signposts, policemen), most teeth lost by a combatant, and most damning insult. 7) All other British sports (cricket, rugby, etc) are irrelevant. The stadiums and grounds used for these sports will be converted for use in repeated, unending Britney Spears concerts. 8) As it was entertaining the first time around, the Hundred Years' War is started again. The pretext is unimportant. For argument's sake, let's say it's for failure of the French men to insist on shaved armpits on their women. Or their insistence on not bathing and covering their stench with cologne. Or wearing speedos at the beach regardless of state of physical fitness. Hell, everyone hates the French, not just the British. 9) All British heavy industry is hearby halted, as you no longer own any of your own automobile manufacturers anyway, and the British have found ways to make all mechanical devices leak oil, including those that have no need for lubrication and those not based on internal combustion. Triumph Motorcycle Company may stay in business, as Disney understands the national pride that comes from only having one motorcycle company in your country worth a damn. We would suggest having the USA, UK and Germany declare war on Italy and Japan out of jealousy, but then we'd end up sending all of the troops and the UK would send no enlisted men but a dozen generals who would insist on running the campaign. So you can stay home and eat kippers instead. 10) While Disney applauds the UK for inventing the steam engine and the locomotive, please realize that you can't run a railroad for the life of you. Let us handle it. 11) Parapets are to be installed on all buildings. 12) All British "cuisine" is banned, as it would not be used for fodder in a civilized country, much less eaten by a human being. British national cuisine will now be considered pizza and curry dishes. 13) All residents of the UK shall be forced (at gunpoint, if need be) to the dentist for corrective orthodontia, crowns, bridges, etc. Any Brit without a full set of choppers shall be shot on sight. 14) Hugh Grant is to be slowly burnt at the stake. His ashes, carefully preserved and not allowed to blow away, will be fired by NASA into the sun. Liz Hurley may live. 15) All residents of the UK may continue to look down their noses at everyone else on the planet. Otherwise, how would we know they were British? [This message has been edited by Phoenix (edited 11-16-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Compassion Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mike the bike: Just soem thoughts from a Kiwi who has seen exactly 1 NFL game - GO RAIDERS!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Good Man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mike the bike: Also he probably can't dodge worth a damn - that's why he starts out just a couple of feet from his opposite number - any further and he might not be able to hit his moving target!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Heheh. Perhaps you should check out "The Freak" some time. Jevon Kearse. 6' 5", 265 and fast as lightning. Oh well, at least you like the Raiders! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Pattison Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 LOL, What's Mr. Eisner's position on Scotland? Can I go home and replace those sheep with highlanders? Jeff Pattison [This message has been edited by Jeff Pattison (edited 11-17-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Heidman Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 I hereby nominate Phoenix' post for the newly created "Post of the Month" Award. Second? Jeff Heidman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellros Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 <You may not conceive a "world series" for a sport that is only played in one country> Hmm... then what do the Japanese and Cubans play in that their Little League consistently whips ours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supertanker Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ceebee: Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I've spent an inordinate amount of my time correcting this misconception (though one time was using a full-contact method, which was loads of fun). Anyway, on to the point: while the equipment worn by a football player is half-heartedly disguised to look like defensive gear, it is in fact meant to be used as a weapon. Remember, the rule against spearing (intentionally striking the opposing player with your helmet first, not your shoulder) was created for the protection of the tackling player, not the target. Oh, and the World Series involves Canada. ------------------ "Late evening turned to early morning as you sat with fists tightly gripped and thumb poised, anxiously awaiting the next cartridge of goodness. The hardcore gamer was born from nights such as these. Show your 'Roots.'" - The description of the Atari 2600 shirt on game-skins.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximus Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 I second it. ------------------ --"We want information." --"Information." --"Information." --"Who are you?" --"The new Number 2." --"Who is Number 1?" --"You are Number 6." --"I am not a number, I am a free man!" --"Hahahahahahahaha." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceebee Posted November 17, 2000 Author Share Posted November 17, 2000 Pheonix, Excellent!! and hats off for that response! you should write books. Brian, I really dont think you've got a sense of humour, but hey you do have an opinion! I posted the above for a little laugh but you really don't seem to have grasped! It was posted as a joke and does not have any serious undertones! Ceebee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Rock Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 Ceebee My post was in the same spirit. That's what the smiley is for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Havermeyer- Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 </rantmodeon> I could care less about what the rest of the world thinks about our election. Add-up the time I spend on the crapper this week, and in the same amount of time the US will have created most countries entire yearly GDP! An Italian commenting on the state of US governmental affairs? The National Hockey League has a longer season than the average Italian coalition government. How about the British monarchy and its syphilitic progeny? Please. This country compares itself with itself-- comparing us to two-bit Euro has-beens is laughable. Put another $5 (38 Franc) litre of petrol in your Citroen and stick the 1.5 cylinder POS where the sun doesn’t shine! </rantmodeoff> Ah...hem... back to our regularly scheduled programming. (All smiles have been hidden in the crack of Hillary Clinton's ample posterior.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilhammer Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 This is some great stuff. I hope this thread stays nice and gets many contributors. Remember, if you don't risk insulting someone, then your humour (or will it be humor?) is likely not funny. Gore More or Bush Push? Another quality bit of entertainment provided by Hollywood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 Excellent!! and hats off for that response! you should write books. Thanks, but I can't take credit for it. It was running around the Usenet. Im not sure who the author is since I saw it quoted several times. Good stuff though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceebee Posted November 17, 2000 Author Share Posted November 17, 2000 Brian, My Apologies, Even with the smiley it seems to me that you've missed the funny side, maybe its just the way I've read it. Lets settle this on the field of battle! I too hopes this thread stays alive! Marlow, I wager that your in a little better position than myself, I really wasn't expecting to lose one of my Tanks so early on! However, I'm waiting for my mortors to get thier $hit in one sock and return fire! Ceebee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Rock Posted November 18, 2000 Share Posted November 18, 2000 CeeBee Apology accepted. My response was meant to be read in a tit-for-tat style, not as a flame. As is so often the case with the net, what I thought was really obvious - wasn't. So let me apologise in turn. As for settling this on the field of battle, I'm afraid I'm the only person on the board who isn't a fan of the CM PBEM system. Too slow and cumbersome for my tastes. Of course, with TCP/IP just around the corner, this will no longer matter... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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