Peng, I Am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public

[Fuerte]

* BUMP *

Sorry, spelling incorrect!

[This message has been edited by Fuerte (edited 10-21-2000).]

[Moriarty]

Kniggets, Squires and true believers, restraint is in order here. BTS well knows how to deal with someone like Fuerte who lacks the capacity to partake of the board in good faith. It's their board, let them handle it as they wish.

Just my 2 cents.

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"Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?" — Oddball

"Crap." — Moriarty

[Croda]

Moriarty, are you saying that I should suspend my plans to hang him with his own entrails?

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"Nuts!"

[MrPeng]

Well, fuerte's posts certainly were witty and refreshing. Glad someone finally did something to liven up page 30.

Peng

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"I hope a bucket of nails falls on your head..."

Hamsters/Meeks(!)

[Moriarty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Croda:

Moriarty, are you saying that I should suspend my plans to hang him with his own entrails?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Squire Croda I merely put that out for your consideration. If you should so choose to hang him with his own entrails, make liberal use of Meeks' brick on his head and neck and access said entrails via the eye sockets.

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"Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?" — Oddball

"Crap." — Moriarty

[This message has been edited by Moriarty (edited 10-21-2000).]

[Berlichtingen]

Sauron has been toppled from the dark tower by the Witch King. Grovel before your new master, scum!

[Berlichtingen]

Oops, I forgot to put a translation for Lorak the Slow... Germanboy won, I lost

[von shrad]

*Rolling up the windows and locking the doors*

'See kids this is called skid row. You see that group over there. Well they decided to break away from polite society and come here in this hole....this cesspool if you will, to huddle around a lonely barrel fire and sip Ripple.'

"Dad,were they always like this?"

'No son. It is like a sickness I believe. Kind of like Poison Ivy. The more you aggravate it, the worst it gets.

"Dad I'm scared. They don't look right to me."

'Don't stare too much now. They have our pity.'

***Yelling and shaking fist***

' I don't need my windshield washed and I don't have an extra dollar so you can 'catch the bus'!'

'We better leave. It will be getting dark soon.'

"Dad what will become of them?"

'I don't know son. I don't know'

***burning the tires all the way back to the suburbs****

Hello Cesspool

VS

[Moriarty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by von shrad:

*Rolling up the windows and locking the doors*

'See kids this is called skid row. You see that group over there. Well they decided to break away from polite society and come here in this hole....this cesspool if you will, to huddle around a lonely barrel fire and sip Ripple.'

"Dad,were they always like this?"

'No son. It is like a sickness I believe. Kind of like Poison Ivy. The more you aggravate it, the worst it gets.

"Dad I'm scared. They don't look right to me."

'Don't stare too much now. They have our pity.'

***Yelling and shaking fist***

' I don't need my windshield washed and I don't have an extra dollar so you can 'catch the bus'!'

'We better leave. It will be getting dark soon.'

"Dad what will become of them?"

'I don't know son. I don't know'

***burning the tires all the way back to the suburbs****

Hello Cesspool

VS <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Kniggets don't sip Ripple. Kniggets cannonball.

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"Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?" — Oddball

"Crap." — Moriarty

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Moriarty:

Squire Croda I merely put that out for your consideration. If you should so choose to hang him with his own entrails, make liberal use of Meeks' brick on his head and neck and access said entrails via the eye sockets.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Here, we're not using Meeks's brick for a little pile of dung like that. That brick has a history, lad. It's seen some serious useage against entertaining madness. Why dishonour it by taking it to the skull of boring lowlifes?

And Moriarity, you tit, where's my turn? You said you were having trouble getting it back to me, not that you'd entrusted it to Bauhaus for delivery.

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[This message has been edited by Seanachai (edited 10-21-2000).]

[Moriarty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Here, we're not using Meeks's brick for a little pile of dung like that. That brick has a history, lad. It's seen some serious useage against entertaining madness. Why dishonour it by taking it to the skull of boring lowlifes?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aye, you're probably right there. Meeks' brick is a nearly sacred thing. How about that ol' barn scoop out back. Prang 'im a coupla times in the head and then reach through his eyes and grab his entrails.

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"Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?" — Oddball

"Crap." — Moriarty

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Moriarty:

Aye, you're probably right there. Meeks' brick is a nearly sacred thing. How about that ol' barn scoop out back. Prang 'im a coupla times in the head and then reach through his eyes and grab his entrails.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Now you're thinkin', lad! You mean the one we used to shovel dung into the new 'Pool? The very thing! Probably best to just ignore him, though. This is especially easy in his case, as he was more unbelievably soddingly boring than any crank we've had stop by.

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Shandorf]

Seanachai,

I have sent the PBEM. What have you not replied? Could it be you lower manhood shriveled up and crawled up into your stomach when you saw the PBEM I sent you? Eh?

MEEEEEEeeeeeeeks!

Send me my damn turn you sniveling, little pug dog.

Jeff

[This message has been edited by Shandorf (edited 10-22-2000).]

[von shrad]

I'm sorry, this ...er...term Cannonball escapes me. Is this some sort of bathtub brew or a prison 'Hooch' recipe?

2 weeks serving of fruit cocktail

4 slices of bread from yesterdays bologna sandwiches

2 tablespoons of contraband sugar

In slightly rinsed out shampoo bottle add fruit and any other fruit-like ingredients.

Slowly crumble bread into container while being careful to sift out any mouse droppings.

Add sugar clots

Shake vigorously and let mature 3-5

[Moriarty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by von shrad:

I'm sorry, this ...er...term Cannonball escapes me. Is this some sort of bathtub brew or a prison 'Hooch' recipe?

2 weeks serving of fruit cocktail

4 slices of bread from yesterdays bologna sandwiches

2 tablespoons of contraband sugar

In slightly rinsed out shampoo bottle add fruit and any other fruit-like ingredients.

Slowly crumble bread into container while being careful to sift out any mouse droppings.

Add sugar clots

Shake vigorously and let mature 3-5 <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Shrad, old boy, you've obviously never seen "Caddyshack." Rent it. Watch it. You will understand all. ... you may even get total consciousness.

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"Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?" — Oddball

"Crap." — Moriarty

[von shrad]

'Excuse me but if I kill all the golfers won't they lock me up and throw away the key?'

What a classic. Ranks up there with Airplane and Blazing Saddles.

Although I don't remember the 'cannonball'

Must be my some-timers kicking in again.

VS

[Herr Oberst]

Hamsters/Meeks (or are those just meek hamsters you command?),

Croda (crow-dad, as in what his daughter says she wants for dinner each night), or what he shall be eating after I have trounced him (assuming I can find his pitiful peons to trounce),

PeterNZ: How you must despair... Lady Luck, who was once showing you her shining face, now turns her hairy, pimply buttocks in your direction.

Turns are away!!!

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To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee...

[Seanachai]

Alright, I've begun the Holy Cleansing, the struggle ordained by Powers beyond that of the merely mortal for who shall control, determine, and name the Peng, I Take Our Challenge Public, aka Cesspool, thread, and to whom all glory shall accrue. I have this very evening sent the vile, treacherous, and heretical Meeks a turn that shall...

Okay, crap, I can't even go on. That isn't a setup that Berli and Andreas sent us, it's a bloody public humiliation and display of ill humour. First Berli sends us the most nightmarish map outside the St. Paul street system, then Andreas assigns us a gang of joke units that seem to be evenly distributed around the map in some kind of unnatural 'starfish' pattern. Your setup wasn't quite airtight, Andreas, as when I got set to do my first turn, I actually had a line of sight to an 'APC?' just barely visible through the driving rain. I look over, and imagine my horror when I see Meeks himself is sitting in it drinking from a paper bag and flipping me off. I imagine there will have to be reinforcements in this 'Let's Use the Opportunity of the Peng Thread Schism to Jerk Seanachai and Meeks Around Because We Can' battle, because right now there are about as many VLs on the map as I have units.

I have sent my first movement turn over to Meeks, along with an offer to make up our differences, declare ourselves joint Emperors for life, appoint a board of Cardinals to resolve any difficulties between the 'Peng rite' and the 'Cesspool rite', I will declare myself the Holy Peng Thread Emperor, and Meeks the Patriarch of the Byzantine Cesspool. This is easier for me to contemplate for two reasons:

1. That hideous, abusive piece of ****e setup delivered to us by Berli/Germanboy. Making setups to annoy and humiliate Squires is one thing, tormenting belted Knights (or at least, Knights not above taking a belt) is another.

2. Meeks's most recent major opus...well, I was proud. I think, perhaps, we've hit just the right harmonic between Brick use and Meeks's native, unnatural, and thorough-going insanity to achieve a rather nice melange of pithy gibberish, humour, and weirdness.

Only time will tell how things will shake out. Since the very earliest days of this Thread, and the beginnings of the Order of the Knights of the Cesspool, there have been only a few Masters of the Order. Peng, of course, without whom "None of This Would Have Been Necessary". Berli (try and keep the Evil Swine out; he shows up in your dreams and does things to your pets). And, of course, there have always been senior Knights, those feared in combat, like Mark IV, Germanboy, Geier. Now, we have to deal with Meeks. Bardic, in his own spittle streaked way, and he seems to be kicking a certain amount of arse, making him a force (hey, am I the only person who's played Meeks and been confused by his very strange style of play? I mean, we had an infantry battle, and the f'ing lunatic packed in infantry, nothing but infantry, all the goddamn infantry he could buy, with little or no support units, no artillery, and when I'd exhausted my resources in trying to disperse him, did a Russian wave assault on me that finally overran me, partly because I couldn't believe that after winning for 2/3s of the game that he had the resources to swamp my defenders, and I made the mistake of going on the offensive. Crazy bastard.)

Anyway, the "Peng, I am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public", aka "The Cesspool", aka "It's a Mutha Beautiful Thread, and It's Going to Be There", Thread, has gone to combat. This schism must be resolved.

But know this, oh Knights. On the night before this combat began, I had a dream. And Chuck Brodsky appeared in the dream, and held up a picture that he told me was of Meeks's sister, and, strumming a rather nice accoustic guitar, he sang:

We kill for our gods-

we wage holy wars

Assasinate presidents-

and burn down bookstores

Massacre children to

settle old scores

Yelling, "Our gods are great!"

Our gods must be proud-

of the blood on our hands

And the way we go conquering-

far away lands

In the names of our gods-

may the glory be theirs

Let the spoils & the plunders be ours

So, Meeks. What shall it be? A serious rasberry blown at Berli and Andreas, Patriarch of the Eastern/Byzantine Cesspool rite, or bloody and humorous combat?

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by von shrad:

I'm sorry, this ...er...term Cannonball escapes me. Is this some sort of bathtub brew or a prison 'Hooch' recipe?

2 weeks serving of fruit cocktail

4 slices of bread from yesterdays bologna sandwiches

2 tablespoons of contraband sugar

In slightly rinsed out shampoo bottle add fruit and any other fruit-like ingredients.

Slowly crumble bread into container while being careful to sift out any mouse droppings.

Add sugar clots

Shake vigorously and let mature 3-5 <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Let me just say how happy I am that von schrad is here (you git). May I just point out that his recipe actually works, so I imagine he wasn't driving that SUV racing back to the suburbs, he was dancing around under the highway overpass with a bottle of white port raised over his head shouting 'Shaw, Shaw! Come out, the Yuppies are gone! We've still got half a litre!"

And, finally, may I just say how nice it is to see jailhouse alchemists beginning to frequent the Cesspool in between arraignments.

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After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[OGSF]

AN EXCITING DEVELOPMENT!

In an exciting development today, some conscript Volkssturm and green Frenchies (eewww) blundered into one another in the HiramKnockKnockBuggerOffSedai/OberGrupenbloodyStompinFeuhrerBastard Kannnnnnnnigget Joust!!

Shots were fired, casualties inflicted "Mein Bein! Mein Bein!" "Mon Deu! Ah have shat mah troossurs!" "OoOoOoOoh Ah'm dahying..." and much, much more! Well, actually not *that* much more....it lasted about three seconds before those that didn't immediately die of fright ran off in different directions and fell on their snivelling faces. BUT......after many weeks of literally nothing - marching to the sound of the French pooting and then back again - finally some action in the inaugral Kannnnnigget Joust.

Ooooh, if I find his troops again....oooohh, why they'll be for it!

Meanwhile, I have sent Meeks another setup for our fourth game; PussfilledBubbles has buggered off on some armored exercise until November; Lorak had broken his PC; and StukePukaPants continues to slowly drag his attacking forces towards my rock face defence like some club-footed Mummy from a 1950s' 'B' movie.

Anyone else in this stinking hole want to get slapped around by my brave lads? Send me a setup - max 1250 points but less is more. Or if you happen to be a sodding Kannnnnigget and think the proper order of things is for the Squire to send the setup, wave your lacey-cuffed wrist in the air and I'll oblige.

As for the rest of you, if you keep scratching it,it will never heal.

OberGrupenBloodyStompinFeuhrerBastard

[von shrad]

I'll have you know that I have occupied the finest cardboard boxes in shanty-town, no doubt.

And by the way. Thank you for that warm welcome and let me take a minute to express my great displeasure for being here. How could I have stayed away so long when the stench has so often filled my nostrils inviting me to find its source, if only out of curiosity.

How does this squire apprenticeship work? Who do I topple first?

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[This message has been edited by von shrad (edited 10-22-2000).]

[Bullethead]

OK, you gerbil-jamming, jeep-rushing afterbirths of tubercular swine, I have taken pity on you all. Yes, in my booze-soaked benevolence, I have fabricated a most nefarious scenario wherein you may practice your debaucheries without disturbing normal lowlifes.

Rodent pederasts will love it for its Habitrail-like setting. Those given to gamey recon will thrill to the compulsory charging around with light vehicles. In short, I bring you:

DEATHRACE Y2K: The Inaugural Running of the Cesspool 1500m Dash

You have 12 armored cars starting side-by-side with your opponent, protected only by speed and some mortar smoke. Ahead lies a maze of mined roads, bridges, infantry ambushes, and shellfire, with the odd jabo showing up to make life even more interesting. Plus, of course, exciting car chase scenes as you and your opponent exchange fire. First armored car to the victory flag at the far end of the map wins. Game usually lasts 5-7 turns.

So send your heralds crawling to my fortress with your entrance fees. I can immediately castrate any 2 of you non-driving speedbumps and will also distribute the scenario to all who beg.

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-Bullethead

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there is bacteria.

[This message has been edited by Bullethead (edited 10-22-2000).]

[PeterNZer]

Sounds good Mr Head, I'll join your whacky zanny race

PeterNZ

[PeterNZer]

Chupacabra, you mad fool. I desire to kill you some more. Sure, I may have lost the last game but I inflicted a great deal of messy pain on your little green men. How about an operation? I've never played one and want to show you how pain can be drawn out over a couple of weeks.

Double blind would be good, take you pick, something interesting.

PeterNZ

[Guest YK2]

SEANACHAI:

The Nicest thing anyone has ever said to you in the Peng thread?

cretin /kret'in/ or /kree'tn/ n. Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right. It has been observed that many American hackers tend to favor the British pronunciation /kret'in/ over standard American /kree'tn/; it is thought this may be due to the insidious phonetic influence of Monty Python's Flying Circus.

CRETIN: a person of subnormal intelligence, idiot, imbecile, moron, changeling, half-wit, retard.

Yep, on second thoughts Guess I need to try a little harder to reach the level of depravation of the other hardened Lackeys that post here. I am currently working on it.

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Meeks finally shows where he truly resembles a Hamster.

[This message has been edited by YK2 (edited 10-22-2000).]