Dave H

Sorry. Sometimes these pants just ride low.</font>

Yeah, I think wbs came up with a Yankee filter over in the General Forum. I suspect that he, Wallybob, Jim Boggs, and the other Southern boys are using it. Now personally I'm sticking with my Kiwi filter. Mike has fits getting an e-mail through to me. Unfortunately, once in a while he actually gets one through. Then I feel obliged to blow up something of his. Them Humbers blows up real good!

Axe, great story. Will you be publishing this?

Count me with Axe here. I read one of the books and thought it was far too precious. Nothing is less funny to me than a writer very self-consciously being <font size=4>FUNNY</font size=4>. Sort of like, "Wait, I've got yet another zany character to toss into the mix, and wait until you see the hilarity that ensues in the next chapter." He has all of the subtlety and wit of a pratfall or a pie in the face, somewhere below the sophistication of the Three Stooges. No thanks.

Tell him to delete it immediately. It's a crutch for PBEM-challenged maggots (like you and Snarker and Pseudo), and he doesn't need it. Census Bureau statistics show that 26 year old blondes hate guys using PBEM Helper.

<font size =4>A glorious June Saturday afternoon to all!!</font size =4> Except for Mike and Mace and their upside down compatriots, who may be on Wednesday or koaladay, or they may even be in a different month or year. For your listening pleasure, here's another set of lyrics. This was Billboard's #1 song for three weeks in 1963. Some will understand, but certainly none of you maggots! Enjoy! Sukiyaki Lyrics (by Rokusuke Ei) Ue o muite arukoo Namida ga kobore nai yoo ni Omoidasu haru no hi Hitoribotchi no yoru Ue o muite arukoo Nijinda hoshi o kazoete Omoidasu natsu no hi Hitoribotchi no yoru Shiawase wa kumo no ue ni Shiawase wa sora no ue ni Ue o muite arukoo Namida ga kobore nai yoo ni Nakinagara aruku Hitoribotchi no yoru (whistling) Omoidasu aki no hi Hitoribotchi no yoru Kanashimi wa hoshi no kage ni Kanashimi wa tsuki no kage ni Ue o muite arukoo Namida ga kobore nai yoo ni Nakinagara aruku Hitoribotchi no yoru (whistling) Oh, all right, here is the more or less literal English translation. The title "Sukiyaki" was given to the song so American DJs could call it something familiar to their listeners. The title had nothing to do with the song. This song was recorded by Kyu Sakamoto, who is still the only Japanese singer to ever have a #1 record. He was one of the 520 people who died in the crash of JAL Flight 123 just outside of Tokyo on August 12, 1985. I look up when I walk So the tears won't fall Remembering those happy spring days But tonight I'm all alone I look up when I walk Counting the stars with tearful eyes Remembering those happy summer days But tonight I'm all alone Happiness lies beyond the clouds Happiness lies above the sky I look up when I walk So the tears won't fall Though my heart is filled with sorrow For tonight I'm all alone (whistling) Remembering those happy autumn days But tonight I'm all alone Sadness hides in the shadow of the stars Sadness lurks in the shadow of the moon I look up when I walk So the tears won't fall Though my heart is filled with sorrow For tonight I'm all alone (whistling)

Let me guess - you didn't like something on page 3. Tell me what it was, so I can copy it over here!!

NOOOOOOO!!! Now I know how Luke Skywalker felt. This may be even worse. At least Darth Vader didn't talk too much, and he never quoted obscure poetry and lyrics. He didn't even live in Minnesota. :eek: :eek: :mad: :mad:

Axe, turn off your computer. Right NOW!!! :eek: :eek:

For your listening enjoyment, I thought I'd post some lyrics. I'm sure those of you old enough can provide the music in your heads. This goes out to Mike, Mace, and all of their fellow Antipodeans; and especially to Seanachai, just to be hateful. Men at Work Traveling in a fried-out combie On a hippie trail, head full of zombie I met a strange lady, she made me nervous She took me in and gave me breakfast And she said, "Do you come from a land down under? Where women glow and men plunder? Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover." Buying bread from a man in Brussels He was six foot four and full of muscles I said, "Do you speak-a my language?" He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich And he said, "I come from a land down under Where beer does flow and men chunder Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover." Lying in a den in Bombay With a slack jaw, and not much to say I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me Because I come from the land of plenty?" And he said, "Oh! Do you come from a land down under? (oh yeah) Where women glow and men plunder? Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover." There, now tell me that you can find more meaningful lyrics anywhere else?

<font size=5>Good FRIDAY morning, fellow working maggots!!</font size=5> Pseudo, what are you browsing with, a GameBoy? So do you think you're supposed to stay to the right here? :eek: :eek:

This could explain why some other nations were never invaded by the German Army during World War 2. For example, the city once known as El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciúncula in the United States. Of course, I'm sure some Germans had heard of its shortened form, Los Angeles, or even plain LA. I don't count a handful of saboteurs as an invasion, either. Then there's the village of Llanfair­pwllgwyn­gyllgo­gerychwyrn­drobwll­llanty­silio­gogogoch in Wales. No German's there. Also, no Germans tried storming the hill of Tetaumata­whakatangihanga­koaua­o­tamatea­urehaeaturipuka­pihimaunga­horo­nuku­pokaiwhenuaa­kitana­rahu in New Zealand. Last of all, the city of Krung­thep­maha­nakorn­amorn­ratana­kosin­mahintar­ayutthay­amaha­dilok­phop­noppa­ratrajathani­burirom­udom­rajaniwes­mahasat­harn­amorn­phimarn­avatarn­sathit­sakkattiya­visanuka mprasit. managed to avoid the Germans, too. I suppose it would have been easier writing the orders for an invasion of Bangkok.

From rare snippets of coherent thought that have escaped from various <font size=1>penguins</font size=1>, I had the impression that you send turns at, shall we say politely, a glacial pace. I've always assumed that by now you have some almost-completed CMBO games, some halfway-completed CMBB games, and some barely-started CMAK games. Are you claiming that you have actually completed games? This calls for a complete reevaluation of your turn-sending SKILZ!!

Didn't Mervin Maggot star in "Dune"? All BDLRM turns out again. If you didn't get one, then you must owe me one. Lurkur and Thermopylae and Keke, where have you gone? :confused: :confused: edited to add: Snarker has now finished the BDLRM. He has managed to edge past Axe and Pseudo and has taken his place at the top of the leader board. Can any of the rest of you maggots do better? Sorry Mervin, not you; you'd probably make these other hosers look bad. [ June 22, 2004, 09:48 PM: Message edited by: Dave H ]

Not as good a job as you're doing all by yourself! All BDLRM turns are out. Snarker and Wallybob will be finished any turn now. Mike_the_wino and Boo Radley are off to good starts - both are hiding from my all-powerful Germans!

Sounds to me like your "cowardly and unsportly" opponent identified an obvious lane for your armor advance and left you a buried present. I think you should go ahead and drive your tanks across the minefields anyway. Don't let a little thing like mines stop your mighty tanks, or the <font size=1>penguins</font size=1> will never stop laughing at you. Besides, if one of your tanks actually makes it through, think how surprised your opponent will be.

<font size=5>Good Monday morning, maggots!!</font size=5> Sorry Axe, but I detected a minor spelling error in the title. It should read "Peaceful and benevolent MasterGoodale (the maggot) chucks TNT in the Cheery Waffle Thread". It's easy to overlook that mistake, but for the sake of accuracy it really needs to be corrected. All BDLRM turns are out. I still haven't heard back from mike the wino, who may be passed out in a gutter somewhere. Thermopylae has disappeared. Keke may have been kidnapped by reindeer. Setup out to Boo Radley, who has consented to demonstrate how a real <font size=1>penguin</font size=1> handles this situation. Snarker is now amusing himself by dropping random smoke on my routed infantry while his rifle squads stroll off the map, following their armor. GRARRGHRARRGHARRGARGHRAR!!! :mad: :mad:

I've sure missed Mike the wino!

Hey, who's telling this story, maggot? I think I had two 37 mm, not 50 mm, AT guns. I did have a Marder and two HMGs. The half of the map covered in woods was the Soviet set-up area, so your infantry could set up in woods within a grenade toss of mine hiding in the clear. There was just a single road from the woods, but there was also plenty of open terrain behind hills for setting up Soviet armor. The tanks could (and did, repeatedly) roll right up on the hills and take hull-down positions overlooking all of the VLs. In fact, some VLs were on those very hills. The factory was about 100 meters from the edge of the woods, where the Soviet infantry could mass unobserved. Do you remember starting our battle with your preliminary saturation rocket barrage? Do you remember how many T-34s and KV-1s you had? Way too many. :eek: :eek: :eek: [ June 20, 2004, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: Dave H ]

Maybe you had better put down one of your jugs of Boone's Farm and check your computer again, maggots-for-brains! You sent me turn 004 at 6:33 PM EST yesterday. I sent you turn 005 at 7:04 PM EST yesterday. I have no more e-mail from you, so I guess that means you owe ME a turn! Of course, I'm assuming that you have enough brain cells left to recall how PBEM works. That could be an invalid assumption. GRARGHRRAARGHRARRGH!! :mad: :mad: I just sent turn 005 again in case you accidentally deleted it while you were suffering from dry heaves.

Sir, I am cut to the quick by your allegations. I'll have you know that by the time this BDLRM is over my winning percentage may be hovering in the low to mid 60s! More or less. Gamey, you say?? No sir, gamey was the setup our friend Becket foisted upon me last year for the original BDLRM. Two German anti-tank guns which were totally incapable of damaging Soviet tanks at point-blank range! A set-up zone with a depth of maybe two hundred meters, with nothing but flat terrain for maneuvering my two PzIVs. About 2,000 meters of clear front to hold with a company of mountain infantry. :eek: FYI, Pseudo, in this second BDLRM I chose terrain where a reasonable commander might consider mounting a defense, and some units powerful enough to do the job. Even so, one Allied player has managed to pretty thoroughly crush the defenders, so it's definitely possible. :mad: :mad: Anyway, I've already promised you a rematch, Pseudo, so you already have your chance to bring your personal record against me up to 50%. I'm ready when you are, maggot.

Well, I figured that if I let you in, how could I justify keeping anybody else out? I'll admit that accepting most <font size=1>penguins</font size=1> would be a stretch. However, since I enjoy having YK2, Kitty, and Mace here, and Lurkur has turned out to be such a good guy, maybe there are other decent folks hiding out over in that "other thread".

Actually, I already challenged you to a game, but you must not have been paying attention. When I started the second annual BDLRM, it was open to anyone, even <font size=1>penguins</font size=1>. Lurkur was the only one from your flock (school, herd, species?) who entered, along with 12 other competitors. If you'd like for me to send you the setup, I'll be glad to. Mike the wino just started, and several players are finishing, so I can make room for the odd Buckeye as player number 14. Prithee, noble Sir Boo, bestow your unparalleled tactical genius upon this most unworthy Waffle. Maggot!

There was that gust of superheated air again. It seems to be coming from the direction of the <font size=1>penguins</font size=1>. I read somewhere (probably on the GF) that the Kyoto Treaty would ban the <font size=1>penguin</font size=1> thread, because it's the Number 1 cause of global warming. I guess it's because of all of the compassionate conservatives in that thread. The guys who support an administration that gave us duct tape as the defense against chemical attack.

Did anyone else feel a gust of hot wind blow through here? I thought it may have been from Mace, our formatting expert (cowabunga, paragraphs!), but it's winter down under. The temperature there is probably somewhat below 100 Celsius now, for a change. No, this was really hot air, like you get when you open the door of an oven set for self-cleaning. Something you would feel when standing too close to a blast furnace. I guess it was nothing worth mentioning, much like Ohio and Boo.