Dave H

<font size=4>Good Morning, maggots!!</font size=4> Well, Kentucky Oaks day has dawned completely socked in, with about a half inch to an inch of rain already fallen and more on the way today. Tonight and tomorrow the forecast is for scattered thunderstorms. I guess today I'll miss my 51'st consecutive Oaks, and tomorrow I'll miss my 51'st consecutive Kentucky Derby. Too bad about the 150,000 or so people who will spend the next two days at Churchill Downs. Yawn! On to something really important. As the participants already know, on turn 1 the BDLRM hit a snag. What could I have been thinking, taking suggestions from Jim Boggs? Anyway, we discovered that quick battles stubbornly refuse to allow exit zones. GRARGRARRGHRARGAARGH!!! :mad: :mad: HOWEVER, thanks to the efforts of Snarker, BDLRM redemption is at hand! I've sent an e-mail to all the participants, with a step-by-step scenario creation process. I now await the new scenarios from the participants and we will be up and rolling again. Unfortunately, I have to depend on the honor of the participants not to check on my units while they select their own. Fortunately, I think at least half of the players are trustworthy.

Hmmm, my computer always goes directly to the blue screen of death. I do not pass Go and I do not collect $200. (That's what I get for reading Seanachai's messsage about playing Monopoly.) This is the first time I've gotten to see these default Windows settings.

The Sox??? When will you ever learn? Even a brief exposure to Seanachai has a way of disorienting anyone. It's like having a UFO land in your back yard and the alien pilot jumps out and asks you for directions to the nearest Krispy Kreme. It's an experience bizarre enough to scramble your compass for sure! Ten maggots are now taking their best shots at me in the BDLRM! That's enough for now. Fortunately I don't have to move my uber-Germans very much. I'm awaiting an avalanche of TNT on my pixeltruppens' heads. :eek: :eek:

All right, the addition of Wallybob brings the BDLRM field to nine. So far Wallybob, Axe, Mike, 86smopuim, Thermopylae, _Uxcva, Snarker, PseudoSimonds, and Robohn have taken up the challenge. Who can administer the worst beating on my hapless German defenders? The world wonders! By the way, you have GOT to see the E-Bay site I posted on the General Forum. Talk about a guy who has become an instant celebrity! He's had almost a million hits on a five day sale. See why before it's too late.

Snarker, what's going on with the Senate election in PA today? I just heard the Justice Department is sending "observers" because Hispanics weren't being allowed to vote. Have you all become a third-world country or something? Or can't your new neighbors find their way to the polls?

Snarker, you be in! You make the sixth maggot up to the challenge. Will you be playing for yourself or has the gamey Axe already asked you to take over for him? Kitty and Mace, there are some things we really don't need to know! :eek: :mad: :mad:

Damn straight. Working on a 12 pack of Modelo Especiale right now. *urp* :mad: Kitty</font>

Well, Kitty, Soddball, and mike_the_wino can all drink with the best of them. Does that help? What's this about the GF showing up in our hallowed halls? Did you hear the sounds of marching jackbooted thugs or something? Axe, your set-up is on the way. I'm waiting to see who plays the "gamey" card first. Of course the BDLRM is gamey. Why else would I play?

Fortunately I keep my Slim Whitman music handy for just such an eventuality.

<font size=6>Good afternoon, maggots!!</font size=6> After considerable blundering around in the scenario editor, I am pleased to announce: <font size=5>WELCOME to the second annual Beat Dave Like a Rented Mule (BDLRM) tournament.</font size=5> The object of the tournament is to achieve the highest score as the Allied attacker. Given my tactical shortcomings, it is expected that every attacker will win a victory. Only one, however, will win the coveted BDLRM championship! Remember, your competition is not me so much as the other Allied players. Following Jim Boy Boggs' suggestion of using a Quick Battle, I discovered that my briefing for the challengers was lost. Here instead is the briefing: "Italy, May 1945. You are the commander of an Allied force which is rushing to the aid of a lost and cut-off recon column trapped in the foothills of the Alps. Your primary goal is to exit your command off the northern edge of the map. However, there is one victory location on a hill overlooking much of the battlefield. You may or may not want to divert some troops to take and hold this important geographic feature. The Germans who have cut off the recon column to the north have had several hours to prepare for any attempt to break through. Their goal is to stop you or at least delay you in any way possible. Be prepared for just about anything. You may choose any Allied force you wish, up to a total of 1,500 points. The weather is clear, so Allied air units are in play, if you wish. Your set-up areas are on the roads leading onto the map from the southeast and southwest. The battlefield is 1,200 meters East-West and 1,600 meters North-South. The terrain is primarily farmland, with the first outcroppings of the mountains at the northern edge. Two narrow streams flowing south out of the mountains divide the map. There are several bridges and fords crossing the streams. A small village was recently shelled, and a few buildings are still burning. Time is of the essence. You only have 25+ minutes to break through." Any comments? Any takers? E-mail me at davehutchens@insightbb.com for a set-up. Operators are standing by.

Oh, I forgot, you use one of those cute little toy computers. Getting a game against you may take a lot longer than I thought.

You were expecting Anna's mother? :eek: I think Jim Boy Boggs had a winning suggestion about a QB. I'm working on a map now. So hold on a little bit longer while I try to work this out. Hi Kitty; good luck with the hangover. Axe, did they find anything in your skull, or just an unused waste of space? [ April 24, 2004, 05:01 PM: Message edited by: Dave H ]

Sir Horseman of the Apocalypso, you have sullied the honor of a Cheery Waffle maggot. I will take your unkind slur as the first "Down in Flames" challenge. I'll meet you in the skies over the Western Front at dawn, just as soon as the game gets finished. :mad: :eek:

Okay, Becket has informed me that he won't be able to help me set up a scenario. Can anyone else assist me with creating a scenario for the BDLRM? I want to choose the defending units once and set them up. Then I want their starting positions to be locked. Then the attacker needs to be able to choose and set up his own units. Would this be easier, or work better, if the attacker had to bring on units as reinforcements instead of starting them on the map? Say if the attacking units appeared on Turn 1? I need input, maggots, before you all get drunk tonight!! Axe, in your case, I'll wait until after you have your head examined.

Ever play Ace of Aces? Michael</font>

Too cool. There's nothing like WWI dogfighting. I've been hooked since the first time I played "Fight in the Skies" about 30 years ago.

What have you maggots done with Keke and Lurkur? They've disappeared off the face of the earth. Come to think of it, maybe the rest of you should follow them to wherever they've gone. <font size=5>GRARGHRARRGARHGRARRGHAARGH!!!</font size=5> :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Finally, a sunbeam of reality breaks through the clouds. I guess we'll have to let Axe and his fellow hosers go on thinking they really won, even though we true-blue, red-blooded Americans know better. By the way Axe, what's happening on the labor front? Are you on strike yet? :confused: Becket, are you out there somewhere? I sent you an e-mail; did you get it? Anyone seen or heard from Keke or Lurkur? Mike seems to be the only maggot sending any turns. GRRRRRRRR!!! :mad:

Axe, you maggot, I'd like to know who made up that crazy anti-American tale you posted. Everybody knows the USA always wins wars. Surely you know the US is the source of all those foam rubber "We're Number 1" fingers. We didn't get to be number one by getting pushed around by the Canadians and the British. So it's obvious that your story can't be true. Logical, eh?

When they DO publish their Civil War Game, you are mine you...you...Damn Yankee!!!! :mad: :mad: </font>

Let's get this above all the threads that will be closed in the next few minutes. Combat Mission Pacific, Korea, WW 1, ACW, etc. will have to remain fantasies for true believers.

Moon, this is good news. I hoped making the switch to computer graphics would allow Dan to correct the values for each ship. For a game at this level of abstraction, the effect of heavy gun hits is pretty equal, whether by 14", 15", 16", or 18" shells. Both of these new games look like they will be a lot of fun to play.

Have all of you looked at the two new games BFC will be publishing later in the year? They look like a big departure from Combat Mission. However, since both are also turn based, I look forward to shooting down your airplanes and sinking your battleships before 2005! Non-TNT chucking maggots! GRARGRARRGHRARGARRGAGHRARG!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

<font size=5>Good Morning, Maggots!!</font size=5> All right, that's the kind of response I'm looking for. First a bit of explanation. This is my second annual Beat Dave Like a Rented Mule or BDLRM tourney. Last year I played the same (really poor) German defense against eight or nine Soviet attackers. The Soviets only had 20 minutes for their attack. The suave Teddy Windsor walked away with the most lopsided victory. I managed a couple of draws and even one minor victory, but mainly I lost big time. I think I was on the receiving end of every Soviet weapon system of the war. I had a great time seeing the different unit selections and the different tactics used by the various players. I'm picturing this battle in Italy. I think this time the Allied player's goals will be to capture one large flag and to exit units off the map. My Germans will be a mish-mash rear guard force, trying to stop or at least slow the Allied push. The time frame will have to be relatively short (20 to 25 minutes), so the map can't be too large. I'm hoping the Allied player will be able to choose from any CMAK units. Sound okay so far?

<font size=5>Good Afternoon, Maggots!!</font size=5> Back from a short vacation now and I'm ready for some serious TNT chucking. Since no_one and Mike are the only two maggots to send turns in the past week, I guess my TNT chucking will be limited to them. Soddball, Keke, and Becket all seem to be MIA. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm looking for a map with really good defensive terrain for my next BDLRM tournament. My plan is to once again set up a defense against an unknown attacking force. That way I get to play the identical defense against several wildly variable attackers. Unlike my experience last year with puny German AT guns and unkillable KV1s and T-34s, this time I plan to beg Becket for a bit more defensive punch. GRARGHRARRGRGHARRGH!! :mad: :mad: :mad: