Seanachai

Doubtful. Fire up 'To The Volga' and see how well it plays... that will give you an Idea of what full squads would be like </font>

Joe (you annoying bugger), the only real SSN we've had in here is stikkypixie, and I've already noticed him/her/it on the Outer Boards because of the rather disturbing screenname (which StkPx assures me is not simply the name of some SS officer that I've never heard of). Please note that stikkypixie is in here and somewhat confused because they/it have clearly been a victim of Soddball's FAQ, in which he chortles roughly over misinforming people about the nature of the Cesspool. I think, given the machinations of Soddball, that stikkypixie is doing quite well. Soddball, as everyone should know, is the Anti-Seanachai of the Evil Clown Band thread, or 'Goodale thread', as it is known to some. Besides stikkypixie, Joe, all we've had in are some of the Grogs. They're not like SSNs, Joe. They're just...Grogs! My recent (and now apparently departed) Mortal Enemy mocked and reviled them in a way that had previously been reserved for Cesspoolers. So, it's not like they're SSNs. They're just Challenge challenged Cesspoolers. If we cannot slap them with the 'honest' glove of fellowship, Joe, what are we to do? Go post in a Slapdragon thread? [ September 25, 2003, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Patience, lad. I waited 6 months of dashed happiness to find out that you're still alive. You can wait a night or two.

Well, well. I come home the last two nights dead dru - dead tired, and unable to post, and what do I find when I come in here? Right now, the Grogs are clearly ahead on points. This even with taking into account that Andreas and Bastables are already Knights of the Cesspool. You useless, limp, palsied lot are being shown up by a lot o' Grogs! I'm after thinking we keep the Grogs, and send the rest of you excrement fanciers off to discuss Close Air Support, and Bren Tripods, and NaverFionnsGeburtsfehlerWaffen. Really, reading a lot of the Cesspooler posts has been like reading a technical paper on Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Come on, people. How are we going to lead the humour-challenged into a Brave New World, when you lot are so sodding dim? Notice the efficacy of my own words to Emrys. Emrys is now posting ****e that is far more humorous than the ****e that's being replied to him. I propose Emrys as Serf. And JonS? Quite good stuff. And he clearly hates Bastables. Well, who doesn't hate Bastables? See how far he's come just by coming in here? As for the makeover of JasonC...tricky. Tricky stuff! I knew someone would come up with him. Although I did see him make a totally out of nowhere humourous post the other day. I was quite moved. Still, he does indeed need work. Abbot, I shall have to work on JasonC. I give it highest priority. As for making over Andreas...well, fellow me lads, Andreas was a Seniour Knight of the Cesspool when many of you were still wondering if God had made any game that was more fabulous than Close Combat. The problem isn't with 'Making Andreas Over'. The problem is with making Andreas accessible. It's an issue of 'translation'. Oh, not 'into English', or anything as goofy as that. Andreas uses better English than 90% of you. For one thing, he's able to use proper English for much longer stretches than most of you. Most of you do well in English because you never manage to string more than two or three simple sentences together, giving yourselves little opportunity to make the hash of your native tongue that we all know you're capable of doing. Hell, Andreas writes better English than I do. No, the problem is with translating Andreas' sense of humour into some common denominator. I mean, the Tree of Humour has so many, many branches; intricate paths played out. This branch may be 'humourous to every native speaker of English', while this branch may 'only be funny to the French (Jerry Lewis, for example)'. So, when you follow out the branchings of humour to get to Andreas, you get the German/Overly Educated/Spent Time In Japan/English Speaking/Living in England/CM Grog branch that pretty much takes you out into the air and leaves you there staring down at the rich compost of humourlessness which is most Outer Board posting thinking 'goodness, it's a very long way to fall onto something that's hard, stupid and useless. You can see the difficulties. The process of making everyone laugh is reductionist. It is an attempt to go from what is the most esoteric, that which is funny to only a few, enlightened, and knowledgeable people, to that which is funny to the greatest number. One day, undoubtedly, the Universal Humour Particle will be discovered. It will be the commonest bit of matter that is funny to all beings. It will probably involve the process of defecation, which means that you lot will have been on the cutting edge of humour research all your tacky little lives. That said, we're keeping Dalem. The whole 'pointing my phaser at idiot posts' had me snorting with laughter. [ September 25, 2003, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

As God is my witness, the first time I read this I thought, for one stomach turning moment of absolute horror, that it read: I strapped on a Croda once... Dear merciful heaven, never let that image trouble me again.

Kwazy, could you explain to me why after 39 months and 3 versions of the game, Combat Mission hasn't made contact with intelligent life on other planets? After all, I can't believe the computing power isn't there. Or, for that matter, what's the hold up with meeting up with it here on Earth? Please ask Charles what the hold up is.

Terence is a "Bored of the Rings" Grog...

You never saw the author's version before? Is that what you mean (you pillock)? I stand ready to absolve you in the name of a great poet. Not because you necessarily deserve it, but because he's reputed to have had a great sense of humour. And where is the sense of humour of our other Grogs, I ask you? [ September 23, 2003, 03:08 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

I don't crib, lad. I quote, and sometimes play with. That would be Reginald Heber. As to more Aeroplanes, I'll give ye a Classic, lad. I know that I shall meet my fate Somewhere among the clouds above; Those that I fight I do not hate Those that I guard I do not love; My country is Kiltartan Cross, My countrymen Kiltartan’s poor, No likely end could bring them loss Or leave them happier than before. Nor law, nor duty bade me fight, Nor public man, nor cheering crowds, A lonely impulse of delight Drove to this tumult in the clouds; I balanced all, brought all to mind, The years to come seemed waste of breath, A waste of breath the years behind In balance with this life, this death. "An Irish Airman Foresees His Death" -W.B. Yeats [ September 23, 2003, 02:52 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

The first step in making the new you is knowing the old you. (or, in Mace's case, the first step in making the new ewe is having already had a go at her mother...} Personally, I see only a need for tweaking with Emrys (but he was 'on the list'). Michael, what I see for you is simply a greater trust in your own sense of humour, and less trust in the almost magically half-witted swine that surround you. I mean, really. You repeatedly and courteously post with all the Major Grogs on the CM Forum. Of course you have to be courteous, of course you have to be accepting! But isn't there room there for acknowledging that there's times when you'd like to take any number of them out into an open and deserted field, and kick the ever loving ****e out of the bastards? YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! AND YOU DON'T LIKE THE STUPID BASTARDS ANY THE LESS FOR WANTING TO DO SO! A quick and dirty Makeover. Gods bless all Grogs here.

You have admired humour, and cursed its lack. You have abused wisemen, and embraced fools. You have made your own road, and belittled the roads taken by others. You've also been bloody damn annoying, and that has to be worth something, when you get right down to it. Now bugger off, you swine, and 'Name a Grog' on the Peng Challenge Thread. What a load of bollocks. Irritates the hell out of me that I like you lot of stoats' arses.

Bastables, we've never denied Grog participation here in the Peng Challenge Thread. Sometimes it's taken us days to get out the smell of bleach and historicity. The Grogs on the CM Forum are paramount. But...a little under-presented. We're not claiming special knowledge. We're not making a claim for historical knowledge. We just want to give the CM Grogs some...sparkle. Something that makes people sit up and take notice. That last little bit of insouciant certainty that says: 'Hi, I'm a CM guy! And a Grog! Take me home. Make me yours. I'm not the kind of Grog that's up 'til 3 AM playing klondike with my mannequin. I want to rock your world. I can make you laugh. I can make you understand the delicate balance between AP round production values and riveted armour.' [ September 23, 2003, 01:15 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

While I'm sure that nothing is more of a mystery to former New Jersey-ites than a rather disturbing fascination with current Pennsylvanians; and while neither are more nor less important in the big scheme of things than, oh, say, incontinent opossums, I'd like to... Oh, I don't know, perhaps garner some posts that have something to do with something other than their Younglings Ale slap fights with each other?! IS THAT TOO BLOODY MUCH TO ASK? [ September 23, 2003, 12:47 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Yes, yes, very nice. We here at the Peng Eye for the Grog Makeover Guy are all about LISTENING TO YOU PISSING ABOUT AND MAKING PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP, JEV.DK! NOW, ARE YOU GOING TO SUGGEST A GROG YOU WANT TO SEE GET A PENG CHALLENGE MAKEOVER, OR ARE YOU GOING TO PONCE ABOUT WHORING THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T NEED A CLIFF'S EDGE IN FRONT OF YOU TO BACK UP INTO MACE?! Young people these days. No sense of direction.

Look at 'em, bless their hearts! Posting, discussing, and besporting themselves like gamboling little lambs. The Peaceable Kingdom. Grogs. Make ya' sick to your stomach, if they weren't so cute. From Greenland’s icy mountains, from India’s coral strand; Where Afric’s sunny fountains roll down their golden sand: From many an ancient river, from many a palmy plain, They call us to deliver their land from error’s chain. What though the spicy breezes blow soft o’er Ceylon’s isle; Though every prospect pleases, and only Peng is vile? In vain with lavish kindness the gifts of Grogs are strown; The Troll in arrogant blindness, casts only sticks and stones. (Whoops a daisy! Edited to note the usual apologies to the Shade of Reginald Heber, and to note that no Greenlanders, Indians, or Africs...er, Africans, were intentionally insulted in the making of this post. Although some may be shot in CMAK, but that's the business of the Forum Moderators, but I doubt we'll see much abuse of Greenlanders in any case.) [ September 22, 2003, 10:38 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

That time again, and about time. Here's your new compass point, lads: Peng Eye Lock it up. It's all over, bar the stalking.

Welcome to yet another incarnation of the Peng Challenge Thread! Recently we of the Cesspool can't help but notice that there are individuals out there, poor, long-suffering souls, struggling the best they can, who are totally bereft of a sense of humour. They're called, Ladies and Gentlemen, and fellow 'Poolers: Grogs. That's right! Grogs! Love 'em, hate 'em, try and read to the last sentence with full comprehension, but do what you will, all too often you can't laugh with 'em! Their culture, as has been pointed out, is something only they can comprehend. Well, the Peng Challenge doesn't think that Grogs should always be 'outsiders'. Why can't they, too, be stylishly funny, witty, and filled with a sharp, satirical bent for repartee? So in this edition of the Peng Challenge, we're asking everyone to: Bring us a Grog, and we'll make him over! Before and after shots will be taken! Sign your Grog up now! And you Cesspoolers are going to have to step up and do yeoman's work! Do you think it's going to be easy to recast an entire life dedicated to armour penetration charts, mantlet thicknesses and AFV production runs? Sod that for a game of tin soldiers! Oh, normal Cesspool business will, of course, be conducted. But for now, we're suspending the 'rules', such as they are. This is a community wide event that no one should miss. Think of the Challenge! Think of the Ratings!

Cheesy crackers...who isn't? </font>

You better tell me, fella, that no books were damaged in the process, or I'll have your guts to weave a paisley tie with, Boggs.

Knew it! Knew it was Dutch. The Dutch are always plaguing me...following me around...they're against me, you know.

What the heck kind of name is 'Leete', anyways? Sounds like one of those suspect peoples, like the Dutch.

If I wear a hat, stay under the canopy, and repeatedly plunge my face into the cooler to 'bob for leinie's', I can stay out on Lars' boat all day. I will have you know that I am one half many, many things. The entirety of my family was thrown out of every reputable country in Western Europe. But they always bought a round before they went.

Once you get past the somewhat stilted language, and the almost charmingly innocent views of morality, they're a good read. A lot of personal honour and doing the right thing in adventurous times. A bit like Sir Walter Scott, but with a better eye to action, and less on immense amounts of character development, detail, and local colour.

Oh, I love this game... It was Sean-a-chai-tea-latte in the closet, with a bottle of wine and the latest copy of Big 'Uns... </font>

ROIGHT, DOROSH! A 'THINGY' REFERENCE? Don't you know we have standing orders about 'thingies'. Not that 'standing' orders could apply to you and yours, of course. WHERE IS ST. BAUHAUS? [ September 22, 2003, 08:53 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]