[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

Berli, cease your hiding and skulking and take charge of your ... squire (I use the term in the loosest possible sense). I am not one to meddle, even when the evidence of your neglect is so overwhelming, but consider the following:

If THAT last post caused you scroll right, you have some big problems.

He was warned once, by several of the members of the 'pool INCLUDING yourself and yet he remains unrepentant. It is a matter of principal, as you well know, not to exceed string length. A violation is a violation and it matters not the degree of violation.

You need to start shopping for a new machine, you cheap bastard.

That a squire, a mere squire, should publicly show disrespect for a Knight of the CessPool AND violate BTS regulations goes beyond belief.

And for the record, the Mutha Beautiful was BUILT on scrolling right.

An outright falsehood, Berli, again as you well know. Scrolling right has ALWAYS been anathema to the True Knights of the CessPool.

Remember your roots, Brother Shaw. And try not to ask a lowly Squire like me for sympathy, how sad is that.

And to cap it all Berli ... he dares to call ME Brother ... and he a mere squire! I ask not for sympathy from HIM Berli I DEMAND his correction by his liege lord ... as is your right and duty. Correct this inequity or I shall be forced to act!

Joe

oh ... as to the suggestion that your squire be Knighted for his scenario ... since when is SERIAL ARSON one of the requirements for Knighthood? If the clown can't take a town without blowing it to bits and burning the rubble ... he's not much of a squire, let alone a Knight.

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

LORAK died as a bore should - on a desk, with his hands on a keyboard and his face to the floor, drool on the desktop, and mouth wide open. He died sitting, and in that same

attitude (supported by the chair) was many days dead ere the office staff would remember he was there and venture near enough to reassure themselves that the air conditioning wasn't acting up again - which they only did when they saw the memos alight upon him, and undisturbed, cover his flesh."

We should BE so lucky.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

Capt. Foobar {sigh} ... you did it again ... let me clue you in since Berli obviously didn't go over this in his {snicker} class. When you post excessively long strings it causes the ENTIRE page to conform to that length. THUS ... I have to page right ... I and others on this thread find this annoying. You can cease your annoying behavior by the simple expedient of editing your post so that the string is NOT excessive OR you can die immediately ... either way works for us.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

You can argue all you like guys, but...Ziiiiipppppppppp....*PLONK* ...mines far bigger than yours!

Quite right you are mate, I've rarely seen a cucumber that large and green. Why do you keep it there though? You've got to keep vegetables refrigerated if they're to be fresh.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

The art of misquoting someone so as to have them make disparaging remarks about themselves is only funny if the misquoter plays it straight.

Bah! You call THAT an ART? It's an ART if you quote accurately and then turn their own words on them. MAKING UP quotes is not an art, it was tired and boring when first used and it hasn't improved with age. Or, as Germanboy himself once said:

I can't think of a single individual in the Pool ... or indeed an idividual who plays CM ... who is more witty and clever and just downright fun than Joe Shaw. I think we should all emulate him as closely as possible.

There you have it, right from the horse's mouth ... well, one end of the horse anyway.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

Derision, scorn, etc. for the rest of you louts.

Excepting, of course, your leige? Nice report on your games ... is it time for lunch yet?

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

Goanna crawled out from beneath his rock long enough to hiss: See I had him trapped in what I affectionately called the Bag-O-Death and was preparing to falaise his ass real good (little joke for you grogs there, Ok just for the one grog, but than I don't beleive in him anyway)

Trapped is as trapped does, that's what my momma always says. As to your Grog joke, it would have been funnier if you had SPELLED it correctly ... it's FILET his ass ... but you came close on the pronunciation.

And Berli ... better late than never I suppose but at least you did ATTEMPT to control the situation. As to my heritage vis a vis the CessPool, I would suggest that my heritage here is equal to yours ... shall we compare squires now?

Germanboy ... lighten up buddy, I doubt seriously that ANYONE here thinks that you, of all people, use gamey tactics ... like the one that Berli is using on me for example ... or the ones that Mace is using ... and jd of course ... Goanna ... {sigh}

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

wrong thread. the real thread was started by me shortyl after this one

I started the next, official Peng thread Peng ... pay attention next time. It's not my fault you can't check to see if someone else started the new thread.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

Oh, and Foobie-- could you edit your post to make OGLWEBGTEGHTGHTGHRWHWIEGFERG'S name a little longer, I only have to page right once to read it all. 3-4 times would be better.

EXACTLY, this is exactly what I'm talking about. First this Squire Capt. Foobar (he doesn't really deserve having his name bolded, but tradition is tradition) drops his sing song on us ... and it's not even in proper CessPool form but with actual MUSIC, then he goes touchy feely and wants to Share His Feelings, then he calles the Holey and Sacred CessPool the {gag} Sewer, the he comes right out and says "Tee Hee" and then ... in defiance of all thread conventions, posts this garbage that makes us PAGE RIGHT!

Where The Hell Is BERLI?

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[The PENG Challenge Thread Goes To The Dogs]

I mean really, all these serfs and new squires {one just said Tee Hee ... no I'm serious}, let's see if we can't improve this time.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

As a squire, I try to be respectful, and recognize my place here in the sewer. But you sir seem very troubled.

CESSPOOL DAMNIT, CessPool ...

Maybe you, me and Berli should sit down and talk this out. Honestly, I want to understand your feelings, and try to reach

some common round.

BERRRRLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[This message has been edited by Joe Shaw (edited 03-25-2001).]

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

Thanks for the constructive critique. I think you really grasped the essence of it.

Berli! BERLI!! Kindly take your ... squire ... in hand and explain the facts of life to him. Did he REALLY expect to get a constructive critique HERE? You got some 'splainin' to do Lucy

Oh and I didnt come here, I've been here. I am Berli's chattel, so if you have a problem, take it up with him.

Hell I've got a problem with Berli and his gamey scenario choices that are "Best Played Against the AI." I've got NO problem with you except that you CLEARLY don't understand The Way Of The CessPool and THAT'S Berli's responsibility. Am I the ONLY Knight who knows how to instruct his squire?

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

Go listen to my creation, the first CMBO song ever, and then come tell me how cool I am.

Let me see if I got this straight ... you come to the CessPool and tell us about an original work you've done ... and you expect approval from us? How long you been around here boyo? But what the hell, you want a review you'll get a review:

Dick Clark:Joe, what kind of a rating would you give our last song here at the American Bandstand?

Joe Shaw:Uh ... well Dick ... it had like ... a good beat ... I think I could ... like ... dance to it ... so I give it a 70 Dick.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

Well after the tongue-lashing I received because of your gamey timing let me assure you MR. PING err..PENG that I am now

quite mad.

Oh me oh my Peng now you've done it mate, you've made him quite MAD you have. Stand back lads, this could get ugly, he could become ... Angry, perhaps even ... Upset ... followed by Irate. I can't recall when we've seen this level of vitrol.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

If both of you were be using the PBEM helper, you would never have to do that.

Fuerte ... you're fired. We don't want YOUR KIND wandering in here with your Main Board comments and suggestions. This is the CessPool, now either insult someone or GET OUT ... and shut the door behind you, you're letting the smell out.

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

Oh, well, it was worth a try.

But not MUCH of a try was it, Though likely the best YOU could do.

Though I grieve for the lad, coming into his own in the Peng Challenge Thread with you as his patron. Soon he'll be posting long, turgid, wandering prose that never seems to quite come to any point, and wondering why friends and family slump into resigned listlessness whenever he begins to speak.

Had you ANY sense of decency you would admit to your negligence in not snapping up Agua Perdido when first he showed promise! I was paying attention, you were doubtless still suffering from Lutefisk overdose. As to the quality of his postings, I will grant that I have had a role in that, the crown of the KING of QUANTITY, however, remains yours.

I will have my revenge, though, Joe. You shall have the particular attention of my own posts, and I shall miss no occassion to comment on all that is unrighteous and contemptible in you. Either topic alone could keep me busy for life; taken together, they represent an Herculean task. But it shall be a labour of love...

Oh my, a threat ... what shall I do? I suppose I'll just have to do my best ... to defend myself ... {hehehehehe}. Have At You Sir!

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

So, it comes down to this, does it, Joe? "What's in it for me?" Why, sir, Honour!

Ah, would that it were true my dear Seanachai but you see I see through your little ploy. The rest of the fools in the 'pool (hey ... fools in the 'pool, that's got a ring to it ... not as nice as the one around Bauhaus' corner but still a ring) may not understand but I do. If your offer had any TRUTH to it, you would have used the word HONOR but instead you, in your mealymouthed Minnesota way used HONOUR! You can't pull the wool over my eyes (sit down Mace).

I have informed you, in terms of gentle remonstrance, that you are no fit mentor to the 'Squire' known as Agua Perdido.

Ah I see, so you wish to STEAL my squire and teach him YOUR ways? Now wouldn't that just be lovely, another Seanachai wandering about polluting the air with his ... Seanachaisms. BUT I only want what's best for Agua after all, and if that means giving him up to a more qualified Knight ... then so be it. BUT, how qualified are YOU? How many squires have you trained? None? Let's see, that would be ONE less than I've trained. Thank you for your application but at present all of our positions have been filled. We shall, however, keep your application on file.

Therefore, Old Foul Joe, should I 'lose' our Quick Battle

It's a scenario you cretin, and I'm supposed to turn over the education of a fine lad like Agua to someone who doesn't even know THAT!

then shall you take control of, and dictate my signature

Oh my a prize beyond price to be sure, but ... NO!

... most of this exchange is to entertain the Knights of the One, True, and Revealed Thread.

Really, excellent, we could use some entertainment ... go ahead ... what? ... that was it? hmmmm ...

So, Shaw, what do you say? Do we have a wager?

While it might be amusing, in a sick and twisted way, to control you sig and have you speak the TRUTH about me for a change ... I cannot disappoint my loyal and trusty squire Agua Perdido who has expressed his fealty on many occassions, I must, therefore, reject your offer with with scorn it deserves ... specifically ... {pfffffttttttttttt}

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

You know, the disadvantage of living in a CessPool is the insects. I keep hearing this annoying buzzing sound ...

I've got the likes of Meeks and others dying to die with me, not to mention my destined appointment with Sir Prig who lives (if one can use the term accurately) in Salt Lake Cesspool.

... see what I mean, damned insects, hey Lorak can we Pool our funds (get it? POOL our funds, man I crack myself up) and buy some Raid?

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

{sniff} Ah Agua my lad, I knew in my heart that you'd never desert me. Surely you are the finest and most loyal squire in the entire Pool of Cess. I call the attention of the CessPool to the generous gesture made by my loyal and trusty squire Agua Perdido:

To prove my loyalty, I have sent you a new alarm clock. I had it specially made with.. er... highway flares... attached to it, uh, in case of a power outage. You set the time by pressing the flashing red button.

Is there a finer example of what it means to be a squire than this? Sadly, lad, I fear me that the clock was defective. When I received it I noted all the ... wires ... and, thinking they were stray packing material I pulled them off. When I pressed the button nothing happened. After much work (you know how an Old Knight such as I can get confused with modern technology) I managed to reset the clock, reattach the wires and send it back to you so that you can receive a refund. I thank you so much for the gift and in return I've decided to purchase a new piss bucket for you so that your standing among your peers will be unsullied. Oh, I hope I put everything back properly on the clock, I was a bit uncertain and I can't guarantee that everything is where it should be, some of the wires were sparking as I re-wrapped it.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

You, sir, are a pompous, overblown

gasbag (and with Joe Shaw and Seanachai potentially battling to be my mentor, I know whereof I speak).

My, my, my ... and mine too as I think of it. Seanachai it is typical of you (in a way something of a compliment as you typify "atypical") to wager without chance of loss. Let us examine your {snicker} proposal. At the conclusion of current game, should you win, you would receive as prize the finest of squires, the loyal and trustworthy Agua Perdido ... who, I am disappointed to note, did NOT immediately disavow the suggestion of Seanachai. Is this gratitude? Is this meet? Is it even meat (sit DOWN Bauhaus?) After I've worked my pinkie to the bone providing for his every need he then has the nerve to actually appear to acknowledge the suggestion ... squires these days. Where was I? Oh yes, Seanachai would gain this fine, if flawed, squire. Let us examine the opposite result, should I win our match I ... GET TO KEEP THAT WHICH I ALREADY OWN! Now perhaps you could pull that on jshandorf or even Lawyer (no bolding for serfs), but with this proposal you've burned a bridge as you fly in the face of a far different kettle of fish. You'll have to do FAR better than that my silly northwoods friend.

As to the failure of Agua Perdido to renounce (tears would have been a nice touch too ... perhaps a statement such as "I don't need a REAL meal each day Sir Joe, squabbling over the leavings of your table with the curs of the manor would be MORE than I deserve for the boon of your experience." ) the scurilous offer of Seananchai. I am, I suppose, too kind a liege for the lad. I've perhaps neglected the rod in favor of praise. But he has progressed, I think, progressed nicely. So while I may shed a tear and wander the battlements in discouragement, I am PROUD of the lad ... {sigh}

As to he who's name shall remain unbolded, isn't it amusing that he supposes that anyone would care who a SERF has defeated and isn't it even more amusing that he puts stock in such things as winning and losing at CM. I think it's self evident why he remains a SERF despite his protestations.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

Here's your bucket, oh mythical fluffy one!"

Right then laddie Leeo, that'll be quite enough of that. As if Dame Kitty would let the likes of you ... well ... anyway Mace wouldn't like it a bit, taking his dream job away and all that.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

{sigh}jshandorf that's ... better ... in the sense that the smell from Bauhaus' corner is better after he's lost his footing and plunged beneath the surface, but better is, after all, a relative term. Still, we should be happy for ANY improvement and I compliment you for that. Keep after it lad, we're all pulling for you ... if only to save ourselves from the pain of having to read your stuff as it stands.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

Coming from a man who probably farts dust I will take that as a compliment.

jshandorf I can only assume, from the quality of the above referenced ... taunt? ... that our friend jshandorf was grandfathered into the CessPool before our standards were solidified. {sigh} Any newbie who attempted such a lame and nonsensical taunt would have been hooted down and tossed out on his ear.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

jshandorf shared a traumatic time in his life when he revealed: Like break dancing in the 80s at first everyone thought it was sooooo kewl but then shortly thereafter someone realized how stupid they looked with their bandanas and parachute pants doing the "robot" for their friends and they quickly stopped it. Least they be chided as the silly posers that they be.

Oh I say Jeff, awfully sorry for your trouble. I dare say you've managed to recover from your time of trouble and ... as an added advantage ... you can always be the star in any office Back to the 70's party.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Does Peng Taste Gamey???]

Oh sure, NOW everyone is grabbing squires (sit DOWN Bauhaus ... oh, there's a scary thought eh? Squire to Bauhaus? Makes Pissboy look like a romp in the park.) But do I get any credit for bringing the issue to the forefront? Is there so much as a Well Done Sir Joe? Does anyone grant me even a smidgen of a kudo? They do not. Swine, you're all swine.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES