Will Peng Challenge the Doodads?

[Lurkur]

Now this is just pathetic.

In this very thread I performed the most spectacular "crash and burn on take-off" in the history of the pool. I achieved perhaps the low point of 'pool history and committed in Berli's own words (just before he disappeared in a puff of oily black smoke), "The worst challenge ever," and earned an extra Monday for it. These things I did this so that future generations might have an example of mistakes to avoid (At least that's my story now). Instead it seems to have inspired a new raft of half-witted school children to take my bumbling social maneuvers to a new low, minus the wit.

Since The_Crapt seems to have slunk off, my pointy stick is free to help tutor this idjit.

First, [poik] re-read the rules posted at begining of the thread. Write a 10-page paper, double-spaced, about how they might apply to your life. E-mail it to yerself, grade and correct it, subtracting 50 points for the fact that you are scummier and suckier and newer than even me![poik]

Second, [poik,poik] Review my inglorious history on this thread. Study hard. Write a 20 page paper, double-spaced, on how yer insipid entrance is even more loathsome and banal than what I accomplished. E-mail it to Vladimir Putin, asking that he review and approve it as an amendment to the Russian Constitution. [poik,poik]

Fourthly, [poik,poik,poik,poik] simply inserting the word pillock, while helpful, does NOT [poik] make [poik] you [poik] clever [poik]. You must bring a little more of yourself to the table, that the jackals who live here may rend yer flesh from bone, tear yer ego from yer id, trample and pee on your tattered and fetid remains and then, maybe then, if one of yer bone chips got stuck in their throat, they might notice that there is enough to you to make it worth their time and effort to actually crush you properly. [poik,poik,poik,poik]

Seventhly, [poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik] There [poik] is [poik] no [poik] seventh [poik] point! [poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik]

Now, pick yer carcass outta the muck and ask yerself, how much rancor and nastiness can you stomach? How important is it for you to be liked? How good is your thesaurus? What's yer pain threshold like? For what lies beyond is excruciating agony upon excruciating agony! Shame, humiliation and leaden despair await you eagerly! You will wear yer Scum-suckin'-newbieness like a dead, stinky albatross around yer neck. Right-thinking, decent people will shun, insult, avoid and reject you as they rightly ought! The fates will conspire against you to make you a laughingstock in every area of your life! And that's nothing, not even a tithe of what the disease-infested cretins who live here will do to you! Take my advice, Idjit, sod-off to the opponent finder boards and live a safe, comfortable life.

If not, then gird yerself up like a man, speak like a man, walk like a man, and prepare to cry like a little 8-year old girl!

Pillock!

[poik]

[Noba]

Anyhow, let it be known that AJ has maintained the Aussie code of honor, which is to lose cheerfully. He got the lose part smack-on right, and the cheerfully part almost, well, pretty much right (apart from occasional outbursts of uncontrollable sobbing, weeping, groaning, gnashing of teeth, whining, denial of the importance of winning, undermining of the point of the scenario, existential questioning of the value of wargaming in a cold godless universe, and mention of how he'd rather be at the pub having a beer gazing fondly on his fellow marsupiels).

That is Marsupial to you bub. Since you obviously like playing Aussies, play me. I like to play losers and you fit the picture. AJ loses to everyone, so it is nothing to win against him. Not worth talking about at all.

A QB of 1500 points or so - meeting will be fine.

Noba.

ps. Dalem. No it's and its' for you to pick on, so go pick your nose.

[Noba]

[poik]

Hey. What happened to the *BOOT* ?

Poik is well, sissy.

Noba.

[Lurkur]

Noba correctly pointed out:

Hey. What happened to the *BOOT* ?

Poik is well, sissy.

Sigh, 'tis true.

As a person of no official standing in the pool, I have no boots with which to *BOOT* the cad.

He is obviously as yet unworthy to touch even the soles of the iron-shod jack boots that are so fashionable here. So a prodding with sharp stick seems to be the appropriate amount energy to move the worthless slug along.

If it turns out that there is some substance to the lad, then better people than I may crush the crunchy bits.

Lurk

[CMplayer]

Originally posted by Noba:

As much as I'd dearly love to partake of the banter which would undoudtedly accompany your turns I'm afraid I just can't start any PBEMs right now. Work and school are pressing me just too hard, not to mention my busy tcp schedule. But, I can offer you a compromise. Find an opponent, someone who really likes to FIGHT in a game, and I will provide the two of you with a scenario you'll never forget, and you'll never ever want to repeat. It's called The Orchard Farm, it's really wicked, it's the talk of the town and only a very select group of playtesters are even allowed to see it. So find a _worthy_ opponent (not some cheap trick you picked up on the Opponent Finder) and then shoot me a mail.

Or don't bother.

[Lurkur]

Crap! double post.

[ May 22, 2002, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: Lurkur ]

[idjit]

I'm not going to waste my time on you worthless pieces of dog feces...I am seeking to challenge the lowest life forms in the Cesspool...the sludge...that would be the Olde Ones.

MrPeng who has taken the wrong path and managed to lose his inherent anger for all. Maybe his other multiple personalities are taking over. MrHappy could be the culprit. I doubt if it is Gateslut since he is all that is rotten in this world. I'll be sure to throw smiley's at you...you waste of a good rant.

Seanachai, the Bard, who seems to be suffering from an extreme case of "cat's got his tongue". I believe he was warned to stay away from cute little furry kitties but he couldn't resist the temptation. Who would ever think that they would live to see the day that the Bard had nothing to say about anything. Even I, the Idjit, can throw out more words than you...you wordless Gnome.

Berli, who was once believed to be Satan himself. He who was all that is evil in the Cesspool. Now he can be seen at airports with his bald head and ponytail handing out flowers and bibles to spread God's love to all. Berli what are all of the evil people in the world going to do without you? Hey, maybe the world will become a peaceful place at last. *sigh*

And to one who isn't an Olde One, but is the keeper of the true inner hatred...Hiram Sedai. Have you finally gone soft? Have you lost your deep hatred for Croda after carefully nuturing it over the years. You are also a worthless piece of sludge...you are probably kissing Croda's pimply arse right at this very moment.

I challenge you scummiest of all that is scum. I'm sure you're all afraid of me...but you don't really want the others to know that, do you?

[ May 22, 2002, 11:34 AM: Message edited by: idjit ]

[Croda]

Originally posted by idjit:

I'm an idjit.

Sure are.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Croda:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by idjit:

I'm an idjit.

Sure are.</font>

[idjit]

Originally posted by Croda:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by idjit:

I'm an idjit.

Sure are.</font>

[idjit]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Good one, my former leige! Wow. That's sure to send him packing. If only more of us had that same rapier-like wit that you posess, what Algonquinesque bon mots we could fling at each other. Why the entire Pool would resound with phrases like, "Sez you" and "So's your old man".

It fair boggles the mind.

Why don't you say something about his sister next?

( And to think I was squire to him. )

Boo, unfortunately it is quite obvious that you learned everything you know from your wonder leige Croda. That's a good enough reason to hate him...you could always have a Croda-Que for Memorial weekend. Be sure to invite the Olde Ones.

[ May 22, 2002, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: idjit ]

[Harv]

Ahhh, so many things to blather, so little time. Actually though I do have time in bucketsful but I prefer to waste it something better than the lot of you.

4. Game Updates: Hmm, well only one game and it is now over vs Lurker, but he died lots, horribly and badly. W00t!! His complete lack of intelligence and tactical skill came to the fore as I crushed his grey hordes by doing nothing more than clicking the Go button 10 times. The gamey bastage did manage to capture a gun crew though and…horror of all horrors, and against the word and spirit of the Geneva Convention…gave them a wedgie from hell. The cad. Retribution shall be swift and brutal in our next game I assure you. There will be no quarter given, a nickel or dime perhaps, but no quarter nosireee.

3a. I must thank (brown-nose to) my great and noble liege Sir Jim/Billy/JoeBob Shaw for supplying the finely honed, tuned and balanced Ker Dessel scenario which we (I) were able to thoroughly enjoy for a seemingly endless amount of time.

ix} To idjit and The_Idjit I can only say Get With The Program!! Or not hopefully. If you don’t like it here…Leave!! Even if you do like it here…Leave!! I really don’t care what you want from here, so just Leave Dammit!! Lurker obviously passed his bowl of stupid over to you for a taste and you ate the whole bloody thing!

cont. Open challenges don’t work! Challenging the Olde Ones don’t work! Your brain(?) don’t work! Love letters to Peng don’t work! Do you see the pattern here yet? Gah, I’ve drank coffee that was smarter than you…you…dammit, is there anything lower than Pondscum I can use here? No? Anyhoo, even those lowlife scumsucking groggy bastage CM:BB beta testers (and I Do mean that in the worst possible way) would do better than you have so far. Go away and stay away. Now!

Fourthly, why are you still here?

a) Then, take a large wooden spoon, stir up that macaroni in your skull, add some cheese, stir some more and then don’t come back here when you think (possible overstatement?) that anyone here actually cares about anything you might ever wish to type again.

First of all, you must be very happy indeed, as ignorance truly is bliss.

[dalem]

Originally posted by idjit:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Croda:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by idjit:

I'm an idjit.

Sure are.</font>

[SoddingOffHereBoss]

ok, let's see if I've figured this out

dalem! (what the hell is a dalem anyway? sounds like something from a Dr Who rerun)

I've never played against another person before, so I thought I'd start with someone easy. The word around town is that you are the easiest of the bunch (now that i think of it, I'm not sure they were talking about CM...). I'd slap you in the face with my gauntlet, but you look to be the sort that would cry. I have no preferences (other than hotmail sucks ass and won't accept file sizes greater than 1mb), so if you be man enough send a setup

[idjit]

Originally posted by dalem:

So idjit-

If I challenged you to a PBEM, would you

a) accept and process turns about once every Venusian day?

accept and grumble about maps and MEs?

c) insist on TCP/IP?

Not that I would challenge a SSN such as yourself in the first place, nosiree.

Dalem, do you really think it is wise for you to play anymore games of CM? Does your dog have anymore body parts left to give up? You might want to consult with your dog before you do...I think the poor thing should have some say in the matter.

[ May 22, 2002, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: idjit ]

[idjit]

In the flower garden of the Useless Pillocks retirement home sit three old figures on a bench. The first figure keeps mumbling to himself, occasionally raising his voice and then continuing on with his senseless muttering (sometimes you can make out him saying the words "the loverly Allison"). He carefully lifts a flask to his mouth and then becomes angry when he realizes it is empty. Next sits a grey-haired figure with a red pointy hat upon his head. The hat is moth-eaten and has a layer of dust and cobwebs on it. This figure keeps chattering endlessly to the other figures as if they notice what he is saying to them. The third figure is draped in a dark cloak. It is hard to see his face hidden by the thick unwieldy beard. His eyes almost seem to glow out from the darkness. He is saying nothing but the anger can be seen pouring out of his eyes.

A lively figure with a cowboy hat can be seen approaching the bench of the three Olde Ones. It is Joe, Justicar of the MBT. He looks at the three figures and laughs.

"You guys look like you've added twenty years to your lives and you've only been gone for two weeks. It is not yet your time to retire. There is much work to be done in the Cesspool. Get your arses back over there or I'll give y'all the *BOOT* and the *BRICK*!"

The three figures stiffly stand up and walk slowly back to the Cesspool with Joe right behind them giving them the occassional *BOOT*...

[Lurkur]

Infamy and catastrophe! By the end of the game as my one functioning tank limped off into the exit zone I was reduced to watching my surviving troops run back and forth, hooting wooHOOwooHOOwooHOO like Daffy Duck as streaks of tracer bullets and little poofs of dirt followed them where ever they ran.

That low-brow git Perv and his horrid toadstool of a master Joe Shaw have given me a trial by fire in a kangaroo court! (If that term is offensive to our Australian brethren, good!)

----------

cut to the conclusion of the trial:

Harv is seated at the defense table, looking confused, unkempt, and sitting on his hand.

Joe Shaw is standing before the court, in full barrister garb and looking both smug and cherubic as Charles Laughton.

Seated at the witness stand, looking stunning in a severe jacket and skirt is myself as Marlene Dietrich.

Harv: "My thumb's stuck."

Joe Shaw: "Yes, even though the game was completely rigged, I hold in my hand evidence suggesting that as a player of CM:BO you suck anyway!"

Lurker: "Damn you. Damn you! DAMN YOU!!!!"

----------

I do owe Mssr. Shaw one word of thanks. He has helped me take what was a factory-made smoldering drop-forged ingot of malice and pressed me into hand-crafting it into a razor-sharp, object of pure white-hot hatred. It is a work of art, a thing of true beauty, and as we all know, a thing of beauty is a joy forever. FOREVER! YA HEAR ME SHAW??!! FOREVER!!! I shall one day knock thee from thy high horse--oh wait, that's Harv, sorry 'bout that, and EEWWW!-- and you, Shaw shall have your comeuppance!

Speaking of Harv, the lttile snitch bitch; he, being flush with the sweet nectar of victory, has foolishly come out from under Shaw's skirt, a sacrifice for them both I am sure, and agreed to meet me in a real battle. Therefore, I will send him a setup and he and I will ignobly win or meanly lose our last best hope for self-esteem!

I suggest a 1500pt, QB Meeting Engagement. Harv leading the plucky goofy in-bred transvestite lumberjacks of Canada against my hairy aryan jack-booted cabaret dancers. Let's make it September so the bugs aren't too bad, in a worthless patch of farmland, lest we place any significance to the battle afterwards.

Expect my e-mail soon, sirrah! And once your thumb gets uncramped we can start this in earnest...

Lurk

[Boo Radley]

So nice to see you kids can play well together.

[dalem]

Originally posted by idjit:

The three figures stiffly stand up and walk slowly back to the Cesspool with Joe right behind them giving them the occassional *BOOT*...

Decree 7 (or 8):

"Lock the door."

"And hope they don't have blasters."

[dalem]

Originally posted by SoddingOffHereBoss:

ok, let's see if I've figured this out

dalem! (what the hell is a dalem anyway? sounds like something from a Dr Who rerun)

I've never played against another person before, so I thought I'd start with someone easy. The word around town is that you are the easiest of the bunch (now that i think of it, I'm not sure they were talking about CM...). I'd slap you in the face with my gauntlet, but you look to be the sort that would cry. I have no preferences (other than hotmail sucks ass and won't accept file sizes greater than 1mb), so if you be man enough send a setup

Let's see, let's see.....

A brand new, still in the "warm liquid goo" phase, just burrowing out of the caterpillar's insides fresh, Outerboarder game request. The taunt is weak, the potential low.

All right you wee mon. Setup on its way.

[Croda]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Croda:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by idjit:

I'm an idjit.

Sure are.</font>

[Boo Radley]

What is going on here? Is this indeed the MBT? I don't recognize it anymore. The Olde Ones hop a freight train for the coast, we get a tidal back up of SSN's in here, dalem becomes a bottom feeder (not that there's anything wrong with that) and now Croda, who in evilness stood second only to Berli, is quoting Bill Cosby.

MY LIFE NO LONGER MAKES SENSE!

[ May 22, 2002, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: Boo_Radley ]

[dalem]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

MY LIFE NO LONGER MAKES SENSE!

We've told you before, and we're telling you again - you can't just "do drugs", you have to "do the right drugs".

But I can tell you that it would make more sense if you would send a frikkin' turn you overgrown panty peeker! I must finish killing you NOW!!!!!

Except you won't get many turns tonight because I will be watching the Detroit Red Wings pounding the Colorado Avalanche through the rotten ice of the Pepsi Center. Maybe Roy will give up a hat trick to Maltby tonight. Or Draper. Or the popcorn guy in the stands.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by dalem:

Not dying fast enough for you, dale-M for murder? Tough noogies, boychick. Some of us actually have to GO someplace to work. Not all of us are lucky enough to be able to flounce around the house all day in our frillies, "working" from home.

[Patchy]

Noba likes to dabble in the occult when he's not playing CM. (What did you expect from Berli's grandsquire?)

Persephone