WineCape Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 I know, I know… but below the questions posed by various potential tourists at the South African tourism website via e-mail; they were answered to the best of our ability: Enjoy the early Xmas! No offence intended… -------------------------------------- Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water... Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA) A: Aus_tra_lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A_fri_ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked. Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus_tri_a is that quaint little country bordering Ger_man_y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France) A: Only at Christmas. Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them. Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first. [ December 04, 2003, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: WineCape ] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terence Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Lekker. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jussi Köhler Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 LOL, good ones. My wife thought I had the fits while reading those 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WineCape Posted December 4, 2003 Author Share Posted December 4, 2003 No Finns posed any questions so far at the tourism website, I wonder ... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeyD Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 And to think only a few of them were from the USA! I'm reminded of a test recently given to incoming U.S. college students. 20% were unable find Florida on a map of the U.s., despite the fact that they were attending classes at the Univeristy of Florida! Yikes! :eek: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou2000 Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Do YOU know where South Africa is situated? Answer = FIFTH in the world South Africa ...Still its better than 15th 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WineCape Posted December 4, 2003 Author Share Posted December 4, 2003 Originally posted by Lou2000: Do YOU know where South Africa is situated? Answer = FIFTH in the world South Africa ...Still its better than 15th Rub it in, rub it in: it's an open wound and no salt will make us flinch... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jussi Köhler Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Originally posted by WineCape: No Finns posed any questions so far at the tourism website, I wonder ... The men in black suits wont let us cross the border. Could you please post pics of the koala-races, the sure sound cool! Check out Finland on the latest list! In 178 years we might be in the top 50!!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Originally posted by WineCape: No Finns posed any questions so far at the tourism website, I wonder ... As the website allows no forum for explaining Finnish superiourity or how many Russians one's grandfather/father/uncle/etc. killed with the most primitive equipment available, it is unvisited by Finns. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salkin Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Great post WineCape ! I believe the swedish posts were finns impersonating swedes ... //Salkin 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jussi Köhler Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Us Finns could never reach such intellectual hights as you guys. Thank God for the gulf between us as I couldnt otherwise sleep at night from the brilliance of your intellectua. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elmar Bijlsma Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 I've seen a version of this about the land of Oz. So wich is the original? I'm betting the Australian one, Ozzies do tend to attract nutters. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-E Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Originally posted by Elmar Bijlsma: Ozzies do tend to attract nutters. ATTRACT nutters? ROFL! They ARE nutters! *grin* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hortlund Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Well, actually, a friend of mine is a tad adventurous. You know the type, was a paratrooper in the army, spent most of his vacations doing odd adventure travels etc. He has done loads of silly/über-cool (depending on point of view) things, his claim for fame is that he has skiied from canada to the north pole. ANYWAY, a couple of years ago he and a buddy wanted to take a year off school (we were in lawschool together) so they decided to walk from Cape Town to Kenya. I dunno which of those two came up with the idea, but that is what they decided to do anyway. So they got to South Africa and they stayed at some fancy hotel in Cape Town, and they asked someone at the hotel a question that is a tad similar to that one up there. They wanted to know the best way to walk up to the northern border. The guy looked at them like they were retarded and said something along the lines of "you idiots, you will get robbed and killed before you manage to get through the northern suburbs". This made my friend think twice about walking through South Africa. The next day they were both robbed not more than 100 meters from their hotels. They managed to escape by running away from the robbers (they only had knifes, and my friends are in pretty good physical shape). After that they decided to go by bus through South Africa. But they did manage to walk the rest of the trip. It took them something like 7 months. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Green Rascal Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Hehe - and just wait until you get CMAK 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 Originally posted by Leutnant Hortlund: his claim for fame is that he has skiied from canada to the north pole. Canada's been reduced to a single point? Someone should tell Dorosh, so he can make sure it's the place he's currently standing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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