Real Life: It is Magnificent, But it is Not the Peng Challenge...

[Jim Boggs]

The Legend of The Boggy Thong

A lawyer's life is normally dull

Two weeks you are busy, two months there's a lull

So Hortlund decided it was time for a swim

The lake by the bog had beckoned to him

He tore at his tie, and then at his shirt

The last thing he dropped was his thong in the dirt

Now Hortlund was furry, all covered with hair

And from a distance, he resembled a bear.

He splashed in the water and rolled in the mud

While up on a hilltop stood Elmer and Fud

The description of what they said they saw

Caused the women to swoon, the men gasp in awe

Now Hortlund had seen two men on the hill

But he wasn't worried, he had time to kill

But then from the north came lightning and thunder

A mighty downpour caused Hortlund to blunder

He grabbed his pants, his tie, and his shirt

But he didn't remember the thong in the dirt

He dressed in his car, with nary a care

The thong was old, he'd buy a new pair

A search was commenced the very next day

Poor Elmer and Fud had been put away

The bog was searched, they brought in a hound

But a thong in the bog was all that was found

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

SoddOff, kindly note the rule regarding vulgarity and the further rule regarding challenging with at least a pinch of wit ... neither was adhered to and who do you think you are to be challenging Seanachai anyway? In HERE you're an SSN ... which is, to be sure, several steps above your standing in that other thread. Challenge another SSN or better yet just BE GONE, lad!

Joe

No, Joe, the Justicar cannot interpose himself here.

For I have called out the vile Soddball, that most loathsome of Goodalers. The time of our duel is at hand. Soddball, in keeping with the high traditions of the Peng Challenge, has come in here and done his best, horrible and rather pathetic though it was, to Challenge me to a game of CMAK.

I can do no less than consider his Challenge.

Hey, Soddball, you ferret's tinkler, what do I win when you're ultimately defeated?

[Leeo]

Originally posted by dalem:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

BB WILL BE UNISTALLED IN FAVOR OF THE NEW FLAVA!

All AK challenges accepted, kinda like Freddy Mercury.

dalem, you innocuous twit. You running-scared-from-the-Eastern-Front Kommisar fondler. Your dog cut his own ears off just to stop listening to your incessant mewling about how hard CMBB is. Your time has come to swallow sand and shut the puck up about your reservations concerning the changes in the gaming system.

I will drag you through the dust, and you shall rot in the rocks, for YOU are now in my sights, and I find you worthy only of burying.

Send a set-up. QB, scenario, I care not, for I will grease my jack boots with the fatty slurry you so affectionately (if mistakenly) refer to as a spine.

Oh, and your dog, too.

[Kitty]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

etc...etc...etc...

With apologies to the Velvet Underground.

LOL You're apologizing to a group of blokes calling themselves the "Velvet Underground?!?!" What does that make...uh oh...wait wait...gratuitous vulgarity on the way...

*picks some toe jam, chews on it a little while, then spits it on the floor*

Here's a real man's band's lyrics (not "I want a REAL MAN," ala "Velvet Underground...sounds filthy all on it's own...must be a pommy thing) for you . . . and I'm not changin' them. >=/

Shark Island: Puss in Boots

We've been horsin' around,

Cat's got your tongue.

You're the cats meow,

I'm a song unsung.

Don't know which way to go,

Don't know which way you went.

That's how my money's spent!

There's something you should know!

There's someplace you should go!

Ooooh, honey! Get ready!

What makes your Kitty purr?

Baby I want you!

I want to pet it's fur,

Show me what to do!

What makes your Kitty purr?

I want to pet it!!!

Now we're out on the town,

Out on the prowl.

Girl, you're layin' me down,

You and me, girl!

Oh! You do it so right,

Baby! Don't hold back!

That's a human fact!

There's something you should know!

There's someplace you should go!

What makes your Kitty purr?

Baby I want you!

I want to pet it's fur,

Show me what to do!

What makes your Kitty purr?

I want to pet it!!!

Puss in boots.

Baby, I want you!

Oooh yeah, puss in boots!

Baby I want you!

Kitty

[Seanachai]

I have just come from a lengthy conversation with Peng.

We are in agreement that the Artsy Pop Cult Diva Sara Brightman sucks the life out of 3 preteen children a week in order to gain the energy needed to keep cranking out horrible ethereal dreck disguised as music.

Which leads to:

Sara Brightman is an Abomination in the Eyes of Seanachai!

If you would be worthy before Seanachai, you will not listen to her music, nor buy her CDs, nor tolerate her presence upon the planet. Should you enter a place of business or residence where her vile moaning is being played, you shall loudly and with gestures proclaim Her to be an Abomination in the Eyes of Seanachai, and demand that the CD be turned off, removed from the player, and shattered with curses and imprecations.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Sara Brightman is an Abomination in the Eyes of Seanachai!

Abomination? Is she some Aussie shiela?

Mace

[Kitty]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I have just come from a lengthy conversation with Peng.

We are in agreement that...mewl...mewl...mewl

Of course you were, dear. And I just talked with Santa and he told me he's bringing you EVERYTHING you want for X=mas! =)

Kitty

XOXOXO to "Peng" hehehe (humor him...Seanachi hasn't had his meds yet) =)

The Peng I knew would have had the "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" to speak for himself.

[Aces_and_8's]

Sara Brightman is an Abomination in the Eyes of Seanachai!

Sara who?

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Kitty:

"Velvet Underground...sounds filthy all on it's own...must be a pommy thing

Kitty

Hmm...as far as I know, neither Lou Reed nor John Cale were limeys, and that strange Nico chick was a Swede, wasn't she?

[Kitty]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Kitty:

"Velvet Underground...sounds filthy all on it's own...must be a pommy thing

Kitty

Hmm...as far as I know, neither Lou Reed nor John Cale were limeys, and that strange Nico chick was a Swede, wasn't she? </font>

[Kitty]

Kitty [/qb]

[Kitty]

Originally posted by Kitty:

Kitty

Hey, come to ICQ, please!!!!!!! Me and roo are waiting for you!

Kitty [/QB]

[Kitty]

Fine...go play with your imaginary poof friend. I can't bear these, "You're from Pasadena right? =B What are your measurements? =B" messages anymore. Here's my gratuitous vulgar post:

*Goes out jogging. Goes to gym. Comes home. Goes to fruit bowl. Removes five apples from it. Rubs under her arms. Puts fruit back in bowl*

Byte me,

Kitty

[narren2002]

______________________________________________

LOL and you're not? Leave my squire alone, Member # 9905 (boy). Talk about new . . .

And here's my gratuitous vulgarity:

*Goes to the silverware drawer. Licks each fork, puts them back in the drawer.*

Kitt

______________________________________________

now there a ladiy thats cool

ladie from hell

[MrPeng]

The Bard is being charitable when he uses the word "preteen." As we discussed, malevolence of Ms Brightman's intensity can't be fueled by the essences of mere children. No. She needs fetuses - a LOT of fetuses to keep going. IN fact, it was due her insatiable appetite for third trimester unborn that the conservatives finally got their way and banned late term abortions. I mean, I'm all for a woman's right to choose, but not a woman's right to choose to abort another woman's fetus so she (the party of the first part) can suck the life essence from it (the party of the fetus part). Nossir, that's just going too far, even for a talent the magnitude of Ms Brightman's.

I insist that someone go to her website right now and read it. I DEFY whomever it is to read the whole thing without throwing up his or her lunch and then hands in despair for the world.

[Mace]

Originally posted by MrPeng:

The Bard is being charitable when he uses the word "preteen." As we discussed, malevolence of Ms Brightman's intensity can't be fueled by the essences of mere children. No. She needs fetuses - a LOT of fetuses to keep going. IN fact, it was due her insatiable appetite for third trimester unborn that the conservatives finally got their way and banned late term abortions. I mean, I'm all for a woman's right to choose, but not a woman's right to choose to abort another woman's fetus so she (the party of the first part) can suck the life essence from it (the party of the fetus part). Nossir, that's just going too far, even for a talent the magnitude of Ms Brightman's.

I insist that someone go to her website right now and read it. I DEFY whomever it is to read the whole thing without throwing up his or her lunch and then hands in despair for the world.

I'm all for community service.

I'm sure there would be a Government grant available for this?

Regardless, dear Pengy Wengy, any chance of asking Seanachai to make his way to ICQ for a short while?

Mace

[Kitty]

Originally posted by MrPeng:

The Bard is being charitable when he uses the word "preteen." As we discussed, malevolence of Ms Brightman's intensity can't be fueled by the essences of mere children. No. She needs fetuses - a LOT of fetuses to keep going. IN fact, it was due her insatiable appetite for third trimester unborn that the conservatives finally got their way and banned late term abortions. I mean, I'm all for a woman's right to choose, but not a woman's right to choose to abort another woman's fetus so she (the party of the first part) can suck the life essence from it (the party of the fetus part). Nossir, that's just going too far, even for a talent the magnitude of Ms Brightman's.

I insist that someone go to her website right now and read it. I DEFY whomever it is to read the whole thing without throwing up his or her lunch and then hands in despair for the world.

PENG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEANACHI!!!!!!!!!! OUR THREAD IS UNDER ATTACK AT THE WAFFLE THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

All hostilities aside for the moment, i could use your help in counterattacking...or i'll handle it myself. Seanachi, Berli, and Mace know my ICQ if interested....otherwise, you all still suck.

Kitty

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by ladie_from_hell:

______________________________________________

LOL and you're not? Leave my squire alone, Member # 9905 (boy). Talk about new . . .

And here's my gratuitous vulgarity:

*Goes to the silverware drawer. Licks each fork, puts them back in the drawer.*

Kitt

______________________________________________

now there a ladiy thats cool

ladie from hell

Treeburst? Is that you, lad?

[Yeknodathon]

[... and from the paddock, the slow plaintive melody of a Sarah Brightman classic amid the occasional wheeze of something small and rubbery being pressed to a bossom]

Midnight, Not a sound from the pavement

*whhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeze*

Has the moon lost her memory?

She is smiling alone

In the lamplight

The withered leaves collect at my feet

And the wind begins to moan

Memory, All alone in the moonlight

I can smile at the old days

I was beautiful then

*wheeze* *wheeeze* *wheeeeeeeeeeeeeze*

I remember

The time I knew what happiness was

Let the memory live again

Every street lamp

Seems to beat

A fatalistic warning

Someone mutters

*wheeee ..... zzzzzeee*

And a street lamp gutters

And soon it will be morning

Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise

I must think of a new life

And I mustn't give in

When the dawn comes

Tonight will be a memory too

*wheeeeeeeeeeeeeze* *thud* *thud* *whhhheeeeeeeee*

And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days

The stale cold smell of morning

The street lamp dies

Another night is over

Another day is dawning

Touch me, *WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZEEEEEEEEEEEEE* It's so easy to leave me

All alone with my memory

Of my days in the sun

If you touch me

You'll understand what happiness is

Look a new day has begun...

Yeknod

[ December 06, 2003, 09:28 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[Aces_and_8's]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

You're...new...aren't you?

"Thank you for contacting the Aces_and_8's you're a witless twit hotline. Please choose from the following options:"

- "If you misspelled your displayed name because you are a product of the South Carolina School System and wish to be given the appropriate spelling for the Russian Poet Mayakovsky (or Majakovski)... Press one now . If the reason you mispelled your displayed name is your 'j' or 'y' key no longer function, we're sorry, there is nothing we can do for you. Get a job ya bum and buy a new keyboard."

- "If the best your limited intellect could come up with for a witty retort was: You're...new...aren't you?...well, there's not much hope... Press two anyway . We will assist as best we can."

- "If your interests include 'thinking' but you are incapable of or never actually performed that specific function... Press three now . You will be immediately connected to the nearest center utilizing the latest in electro-shock therapy to assist in jumpstarting the dead grey mass that rests between your ears"

- "If you are from South Carolina and are looking for a date, love, and life long partner... Press four now . We will immediately connect you with your nearest blood relative and match made in heaven. In addition, once you are connected and decide that he or she is the one, return to this menu and press five for a full listing of our wedding options and gift shop."

- "If you are returning after finding your soulmate... Press five now . Get access now to our full service wedding planner and gift shop. Give he or she that special engagement ring they have always wanted. We have the best and largest selection of cubic zirconia this side of the Mississippi guaranteed, or your money back. Give them the gift that makes them want to say... I DO "

- "If you were recently eviscerated by the claws of Dame Kitty ... Press six now . Get instant access to our spectacular, sophmoric neener, neener, neener recording"

- "If you are considering immigrating and a change of citizenship because the state of South Carolina had declared you persona non grata, due to a dull wit or ineptitude... Press seven now . We will connect you with the nearest Australian Embassy or Consul. They will take anyone. If you wish to visit the nearest Australian Embassy or Consulate, go to the railyard and look for a shack by the tracks. Theirs is the one with the stuffed Kangaroo nailed prominently to the cardboard facade."

- "If you have decided that you just can't take this cruel world any longer and you want the pain to end immediately... Press eight now . We will connect you with Leutnant Hortlund for a drab, dreary, long-winded brief on the intricacies of the Swedish Legal System. We have a 100% guarantee that you will soon drown in a pool of your own drool after falling asleep. Trust us you won't feel a thing.

- "If you need all the services listed above... Press nine now . Please hold your breath while our operators rush to fulfill your requirements, it shouldn't take any longer than say...uhm...10 minutes. Whatever you do, don't exhale as that will only upset the delicate balance struck resulting in wasted effort and the operators having to start all over."

- "If you need to hear your options again... Press 0 now ."

"Again, thank you for contacting the Aces_and_8's you're a witless twit hotline, where our motto is: If you're a twit, and are witless, we have options for you!"

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

You're...new...aren't you?

I suppose *sniff* it's during these moments...

[waving a lofty limb while thoughtfully sucking on something fairly twig-like]

... that one appreciates the true significance of shrink wrap.

Yeknod

[ December 06, 2003, 02:40 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[JonnyBlademan]

Originally posted by Mace:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by JonnyBlademan:

I'm challenged and easily distracted

Yes.

<font size = 1> oh he left himself so wide open, He just took out all the joy I get from responding in my usual manner.</font>

Mace </font>

[**YK2**]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather

Whiplash girlchild in the dark

Clubs and bells, your servant, don’t forsake him

Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Downy sins of streetlight fancies

Chase the costumes she shall wear

Ermine furs adorn the imperious

Macey, Macey awaits you there

I am tired, I am weary

I could sleep for a thousand years

A thousand dreams that would awake me

Different colors made of tears

Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather

Shiny leather in the dark

Tongue of thongs, the belt that does await you

Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Macey, Macey, speak so slightly

Mace, down on your bended knee

Taste the whip, in love not given lightly

Taste the whip, now plead for me

I am tired, I am weary

I could sleep for a thousand years

A thousand dreams that would awake me

Different colors made of tears

Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather

Whiplash girlchild in the dark

Mace, your servant comes in bells, please don’t forsake him

Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Quite strange that you should choose to post those Lyrics at a time when I am deep in thoughts with some of the loveliest memories...

Venus In Furs has got to be one of my fav songs.. and from one of the albums I listen to most..

There is something so sexual and haunting about the lyrics/music and I am deeply envious that you choose to dedicate that particular track to Kitty and Mace rather than myself and the guy you introduced me to this album..

Still... I do have those memories... And the original track playing now...

Mwahahahahahahaha

All Mine

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by YK2:

There is something so sexual and haunting about the lyrics/music and I am deeply envious that you choose to dedicate that particular track to Kitty and Mace rather than myself and the guy you introduced me to this album..

Off with his head?

Please?

[Hortlund]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

I call you out to battle.

Very well. I shall quickly put you out of your misery. Bleinhem blunder it is. Setup is in your inbox. Naturally, I will command the über-Germans and you will control the tea-drinkers...it seems only fitting.