The Sanitized and Recuperated Thread of MGA's Cheesy Waffle

[_Axe_]

Hey Snarker, I just remembered I sent you a setup three days ago. Did you get it, or are you using the same e-mail system as Soddball and/or Masternoshow? :mad: :mad:

[Snarker]

All of the above, I suspect.

I'll check, maybe my wife was on the computer and it's not showing as "new".

Wimmen.

[Dave H]

Originally posted by Axe2121:

I'm advocating for Metric Time!

This reminds me of something:

A few years ago, while I was between real jobs, I took a temporary job, which was grading the standardized tests taken by several grades of school children in Indiana. The acronym for the test is ISTEP, and every high school student in Indiana must eventually pass it to receive his or her diploma.

I used to come home every evening so depressed. I was grading the math section of the test for 6'th graders. Far too many of them knew nothing about math. One question involved adding several periods of so many hours and so many minutes together. I am not kidding when I tell you at least HALF of the kids thought there were 100 minutes in an hour. We figured it was from only knowing how to tell time from digital clocks.

I could go on and on about that test. The real tragedy is the way the contractor responsible for the test looked for every possible way to award partial credit. One question involved a softball team that was half boys and half girls. I think it said one-third of the boys had hats. The solution to the problem was to compute the number of boys who had hats. However, if a kid did absolutely no math, but drew a square or circle and divided it in half, that was worth half credit!!

Some days when I had a chance I would read some of the writing section of the test. It was far worse than the math!! So many of those kids couldn't begin to communicate in writing. I remember one girl from Gary writing in the scrawl of a small child about how hard it was for her to try to write something. She mentioned a friend who had been shot and killed. I told Becky after reading it that a lot of these kids have no chance in life. They are so far behind already by the sixth grade that they will never catch up.

I guess most of those kids left high school this spring. Now they'll be more or less of a burden on us adults for the rest of our lives. What's worse, now they're having their own children. Talk about a downward spiral.

Now I feel depressed again from writing this.

[ August 05, 2003, 10:46 PM: Message edited by: Dave H ]

[Becket]

Tis so sad to see a Pulp Fiction reference go so horribly, horribly awry.

[mike_the_wino]

Wow, that sucked.

Dave H watch the movie "Brain Candy" by Kids in the Hall.

Becket I am not going to send you a setup, get a turn out and then go away for 9 days. You don't have a peg-leg to stand on for bitching either. Now find someone else to nag aboot a game. BTW, WTF is "The Land of Southern Efficiency and Northern Charm"? Most likely one of those bass-ackwards states that encourages inbreeding like Ohio or sumfink.

[Prinz Eugen]

I haven't given up trying to get that Radeon vid card to work. Tried to install that once again yesterday, the end result being a reboot even before I made it to the desktop. :mad: ! Everything in control, then.

So, as my fighting with the PC continues, turns will not be sent in the next two or so days.

[_Axe_]

Originally posted by Dave H:

A lot of these kids have no chance in life.

Sure they do!

[_Axe_]

Originally posted by Prinz Eugen:

I haven't given up trying to get that Radeon vid card to work. Tried to install that once again yesterday, the end result being a reboot even before I made it to the desktop. :mad: ! Everything in control, then.

So, as my fighting with the PC continues, turns will not be sent in the next two or so days.

Bwahahahahaha!!!!

I don't know what's a funnier mental image -- you wrestling with the computer, angrily trying to jam that mother in, spewing forth a stream of ugly Finnish curse words or MasterGoodale wrestling with old moldy carpeting spewing forth a stream of, well, whatever language it is he speaks!

Bwahahahahaha!!!!

[Becket]

Axel has just brewed up one of my Mystery Machines. The German horde is not pleased (however, the shell appears to have taken out Fred, and there was much rejoicing). I pause here to note that the soldier in my army who interpreted a "sound contact" of a tank to be right in the middle of the river was shot for stupidity.

mike, take all the time you need, but be advised I don't keep rematch offers open forever. I'm nice, but not that nice. :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Soddball]

My turns have rolled out to all Maggots.

[MasterGoodale]

What a nongish, drooling, slope-headed, hypocrytical gaggle of frog-fesces-riddled vomit wads!! :mad: When I said I would have my turns out Monday night I said so with well-meaning intentions and based that statement on my knowledge of the situation before me!! :mad: You foul, ungrateful pile of piss pods!! :mad: The carpet guys didn't show up until 6:00 that night! They ran into problems on the previous job and mine was pushed behind!! GRAGRARGAGRGRGRAGR!!!! I hate you all for bringing me before The Brood!! :mad: MY BROOD at that!! :mad: I had a golf tournament ALL DAY yesterday and ghaven't had a chance to hook my PC back up you stone age throwback wannabes!

DaveH, SoddBall and the rest of you mouth-breathing, rock-counting idgits will NOT surrender!!! I will hook my PC back up tonight and FECKING DESTROY YOU!!!!! :mad:

If the Brood must hear us out, I will present my defense with astonishing prowess and very convincing evidence that SoddBall once made me wait for over 10 days for a turn! I have the proof maggot nuts.

[_Axe_]

List of excuses continued:

18) Carpet guys were late.

19) Golf tournament.

[Soddball]

Originally posted by Axe2121:

List of excuses continued:

18) Carpet guys were late.

19) Golf tournament.

It does rather make you wonder how so much smeg happens to the same guy. Somewhere, someone is living a life where everything goes to plan, nobody is ever late and it all works out fine.

Oh, I forgot. That's me - and Goodale still sucks. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Oooh, 10 days for a turn Goodale? Perhaps that was when I was on holiday you goat-blowing twonk? Sorry to have delayed you so long in this mammoth butt-**** of your Russians. If you want the game over, roll out the turns, one per night, or surrender - otherwise I'll haul you before The Brood and demonstrate why your Sig should be mine. :mad: :mad:

[Soddball]

I'm off to watch "See Bad Nancy get punished with an enormous phallus" until Goodale's turn arrives.

[MasterGoodale]

PAAHHH!!! And your vacation of banging sheep and slithering through muddy river banks with maggots in your pants is more important or legitimate than my house renovation to clear my home of harmful mold??!! :mad: Blasphemy I say to you sir! Let The Brood here that! :mad:

This is going to make my victory that much sweeter you mongloidian grunter. :mad:

:mad: :mad: :mad:

[Soddball]

Originally posted by MasterGoodale:

PAAHHH!!! And your vacation of banging sheep and slithering through muddy river banks with maggots in your pants is more important or legitimate than my house renovation to clear my home of harmful mold??!! :mad: Blasphemy I say to you sir! Let The Brood here that! :mad:

This is going to make my victory that much sweeter you mongloidian grunter. :mad:

:mad: :mad: :mad:

As a matter of fact, do us all a favour and bring back the mould. It's intellect was by far the superior and when it was playing me PBEM, the match was close-run.

[_Axe_]

Since I am such a swell guy, I am going to volunteer to become the Official Holder of the MasterGoodale FAQ and Excuse List.

Coming soon to a thread near you.

[Robohn]

Why is this always MGs thread, I say we name the next one after Snarker. I"m sure I a ncome up with something vile and maggoty for him....

[Dave H]

Dear MasterGoodale,

I have already sent you an e-mail telling you I surrender. I enclosed my password in the e-mail so you could inspect my surviving Germans. I already posted a message here announcing that I surrendered.

If I hired an airplane to fly over your home and skywrite "Dave H surrenders", would you get the message? Our game is over, kaput, the end, finis. Since Soddball is either made of sterner stuff than me, or is a ravenous glutton for broken promises, I suggest you devote your CMBB time to that battle.

By the way, I am not now a member, nor have I ever been a member of any Brood. Unlike the rest of you maggots who apparently hatched in a pile of manure somewhere, I happen to be the product of spontaneous generation. Either that, or the stork brought me.

[_Axe_]

Originally posted by Robohn:

Why is this always MGs thread, I say we name the next one after Snarker. I"m sure I a ncome up with something vile and maggoty for him....

Ahh. I'm halfway through the FAQ. Wait until later tonight and all will be answered.

[_Axe_]

Originally posted by Dave H:

By the way, I am not now a member, nor have I ever been a member of any Brood.

Revisionist. You're in the FAQ too buddy boy.

[mike_the_wino]

Originally posted by Axe2121:

Since I am such a swell guy, I am going to volunteer to become the Official Holder of the MasterGoodale FAQ and Excuse List.

You are going to explain MissusMoldhalls? Good feckin luck. Don't you have a job to keep you busy? Maybe you can take up a PBEM with Becket...at least until he buggers off again. Mid-game no less. But that's ok, he makes up for it by being an obmoxious nong. :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Snarker]

Originally posted by MasterGoodale:

{snipped mold - induced rant}

...This is going to make my victory that much sweeter you mongloidian grunter. :mad:

Mongloidian Grunter ( noun) 1. A WWII Russian conscript, often fed to German machine gunners for breakfast. 2. The translator for Master Goodale. 3. Proper term for the CMBB gamer interrupted during a move by any silly question posed by a spouse / girlfriend.

[Becket]

Originally posted by mike_the_wino:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Axe2121:

Since I am such a swell guy, I am going to volunteer to become the Official Holder of the MasterGoodale FAQ and Excuse List.

You are going to explain MissusMoldhalls? Good feckin luck. Don't you have a job to keep you busy? Maybe you can take up a PBEM with Becket...at least until he buggers off again. Mid-game no less. But that's ok, he makes up for it by being an obmoxious nong. </font>

[_Axe_]

MasterGoodale FAQ v. 1.00.

Q.What is this FAQ about?

A. This FAQ is about Justin Goodale, who goes by the online handle of MasterGoodale at the Combat Mission forums.

Q. Why should we care about this guy?

A. You shouldn't.

Q. So why are you writing this?

A. I have a morbid interest in strange and unusual things. Plus, I'm bored and at work.

Q. Okay, so what is this MasterGoodale guy about?

A. MasterGoodale is a guy who lives in New Hampshire, claims he is a "senior software designer" and sometimes gets around to playing Combat Mission, the most realistic combat simulator yet made for the PC. He also has many, many, many anger management issues, of which we will delve into later.

Q. You say "sometimes gets around to." Does he or doesn't he play Combat Mission?

A. I use the term "play" loosely. If by play you mean starting a game, then yes, MasterGoodale does play Combat Mission. If by play you mean starting a game, sending turns in a regular and timely fashion and completeing said games, then no, MasterGoodale does not play Combat Mission. More on this later in the "excuses" section.

Q. So how did it all start?

A. MasterGoodale signed up as member #10856 November 3, 2002 and made his first post later that day.

"posted November 03, 2002 06:01 PM                      

---------------------------------

I have read reviews (which are excellent) and posts by current players and everything says "Buy the Game" but I'm sort of gun-shy after a very bad experience with World War II Online. My impression is that this is an entirely different game and that this game is far more polished and immersive. I especially have questions about PBEM and Performance.

If anyone wants to help me with these concerns I would appreciate it.

1. How would the performance be with a PIII 866 and TNT2 32 MB card and 512 MB SDRAM? Would I be able to play on the highest settings smoothely?

2. Is there a good following out there to play by email with and are they easy to find? Is internet play via cable good?

I love the concept of this game and the realism intrigues me so that's not a problem. The more realistic the better IMO. I like games that require strategy and good decisions, not mouse button smashing or cheap tactics.

Thanks,

MasterGoodale"

Q. So that's it?

A. Not really. As you can see from this post made three days later by AKDavis, MasterGoodale had already worn out his welcome.

"Dear MasterGoodale:

At of the time of this posting, there were SIX threads begun by you on the frontpage of the forum. Most of these posts contain either A.) already posted information B.) information or questions that belong in another forum or C.) complete drivel. While there is no LAW forbidding you from posting irrelevant information at whim, please consider that this behaviour is rapidly placing you on many individuals' bad sides. If you choose to continue this behaviour, don't whine when people jump on your ass about it. This is a very friendly community.

However, if you fling poo at a group of people, have that poo flung back, then scream "unfair!" and "meanies!," don't expect a lot of  sympathy around here.

THINK before you POST."

In that same thread was a post by board administrator Madmatt.

"Yeah, I am growing tired of threads like this. Everyone just go back to your neutral corners while I do some clean up."

Q. So did he curtail his posting habits after those rebukes?

A. Ha ha, you cheeky monkey. Hardly. Things only got worse. Then we saw a seemingly endless stream of threads with titles like "A serious question for the Game Developers" (November 5, 2002) and "I have played the demo -- someone sell me on the game!!!!" (November 11, 2002)

Q. So what happened next?

A. Thankfully, the forum had someone with the foresight of Abbott. It was on November 18, 2002 that he started the now infamous thread in question calling it "MasterGoodale's Thread of Cheery Waffle." His first post read as follows:

"Good day mates. Here you will find (if we can keep him penned in) all of MasterGooddale’s cheery and dreary thoughts of the day.

MasterGooddale as you make your way through your day and night, please post all of your thoughts that you obviously believe others will find of interest to this thread. We will even comment on them!

As you tread your way into CMBB you are uncovering many issues that have already been discussed in length many times. However players new to CMBB will more then likely find some of your err….many thoughts interesting. I have to admit that at times myself I have found some of your ceaseless rambling humorous.

Anxiously awaiting your first post sir!"

Nine minutes later this post from MasterGoodale followed:

"Absolutely! I think this is a great place for me to share my excitement for this game!

That's right maggots, this is the best war game ever made, hands down. I am astonished time and time again how damn smart the AI is. Last night 2 of my tanks were following orders I had issued and the little bastages took it upon themselves to pull a manuever that in the end turned out being a smarter move then the one I had ordered (due to a change in enemy positions). I love tis game. I don't understand why some people are beeeatching about a patch. They just released the game for the love of a grunts flesh! Give em a break these things take time! Maybe they wanted to take a vacation after the release. the game is almost perfect as it is and only needs minor adjustments. I am so into this game I can't even describe it. The rush I get when I blast grunts with HE and watch them retreat with a look of panic on their faces is just glorious!! OOOHHHH the huuuuMMAAAANITY!! My eveil grin shines in the monitor's light at wee hours of the morning as I cackle madly while my soldiers unleash hot, bitter fury upon my foes. Sometimes I giggle kind of loud and my wife hears me upstairs and thinks I'm Mad. But I don't care!! I'm a killin' Kraut grunts and that's all I need to keep me happy.

You guys did such a great job with this game. It's a rare jewel and I tell EVERY gamer I know to buy it. I'm just gonna pass out when CM3 is released I know it. It's not that often that a game this polished, detailed, stable and in-depth hits the market let me tell ya mister. I've been around the gaming block a time or two, probably before most of your grannies were in diapers and I haven't seen many like this.

Great job Battlefront!!!!! AAARRRGGGARARRAGAGRAGRRGAGRAGRAGRAGR!!!!

I'm gonna take a vacation just so I can play uninterupted and undisturbed. . ."

Q. So why does he deserve his own thread? Isn't that playing favorites?

A. Yes it is. But it also makes the best of a bad situation. Instead of keeping him in one thread, a job which Soddball has carried on tirelessly, the options would be letting him run free and drive everyone batty or ban him.

Q. So why not just ban him?

A. Because life is suffering, also known as the first noble truth of the Buddha.

Q. When did the word maggot make its first appearance?

A. See MasterGoodale's reponse to Abbott's thread.

Q. When did the phrase AAARRRGGGARARRAGAGRAGRRGAGRAGRAGRAGR!!!!

make its first appearance?

A. See the previous answer.

Q. What does AAARRRGGGARARRAGAGRAGRRGAGRAGRAGRAGR!!!! mean?

A. It seems it would be MasterGoodale's version of a war cry.

Q. Is it always the same?

A. No. The spacing will differ from time to time. And there was the time Dave H made him drop the G from the cry as a condition of losing a match to him. See also the next question.

Q. Who is Skunk Nads?

A. The phrase "skunk nads" first made an appearance May 16, 2003.

"Dave H you foul, slithering flask of moldy maggot puss!  I will pry every last "G" from the cold dead hands of your slathered Krauts skunk nads!"

Soon, however, Skunk Nads became the nickname for MasterGoodale's wife who may or may not exist.

Q. What is all this talk about mold, ants and vomit about?

A. They all stem directly from his excuses for not sending turns back in a timely manner. They are dealt with in the next question.

Q. So what is the deal with these excuses?

A. MasterGoodale has had, to put it mildly, a run of bad luck in 2003. So far the documented excuses from him include ants in his house, mold in his basement, a sick daughter from the mold, visting in-laws, a snowstorm, his job, renovations to the basement to get rid of the mold, a counter-attack on the ants, carpet layers being late for the renovations and a golf tournament.

Q. So, after all this, is MasterGoodale any good at Combat Mission?

A. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

FAQ by Axe2121 -- August 6, 2003

[ August 06, 2003, 08:14 PM: Message edited by: Axe2121 ]