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The Peng Challenge Thread - A Coalition of the Swilling


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BNN Anchor: Good evening, I’m Erin Brown of Battlefront Network News and this is … Inside The Peng Challenge Thread. This evening we have correspondent Brick Yard, embedded with the Peng Challenge Thread and he’s here with us on videophone. Brick, Brick can you hear me?

… crackles of static, hums and odd splashing sounds are heard. Then the screen shows a dim and dank stone lined chamber, filled with water … mostly water … up to about knee level. Stumbling into the picture in the jerky, digitally delayed videophone manner is a wild eyed man, hair disheveled, clothes stained and wrinkled with his unshaven face peering into the lens hopefully.

Brick Yard: Erin … Erin is that you? Is … is it really you?

BNN Anchor: Uh yes, Brick, yes this is Erin, can you hear me?

Brick Yard: {sob} … GET ME OUTTA HERE ERIN, YA GOTTA GET ME OUTTA HERE, PLEASE GOD GET ME OUTTA HERE. I’LL DO ANYTHING, I’LL COVER THE MISS PRE-TEEN PAGEANT IN BRADENTON, FLORIDA, JUST GET … ME … OUTTA … HERE!

BNN Anchor: Brick, pull yourself together man, you’re a professional newsman, you’ve covered Bosnia, Desert Storm, the 2000 Elections. You’ve got a job to do man!

Brick Yard: {sob} … but it’s … it’s just … my liver won’t last Erin … {sob} … but you’re right … {visibly pulls himself together, squares his shoulders and responds in the dulcet tones of a professional newsman} … Erin, this is Brick Yard, embedded with the Peng Challenge Thread in … {he looks around in fear and loathing} … someplace really awful.

BNN Anchor: Brick, what can you tell us about the Peng Challenge Thread and the people who inhabit it?

Brick Yard: Erin, the Peng Challenge Thread is also known as the CessPool or the Mutha Beautiful Thread by it’s members. It was started years ago as a means of taunting and challenging each other to games of Combat Mission. It has grown … strike that Erin, it has CHANGED into something of a community … albeit a strange and bizarre one.

BNN Anchor: Brick, can just anyone join the Peng Challenge Thread?

Brick Yard: No Erin, they can’t. In fact the members have a full set of ranks, from the Olde Ones, there are three of them, to the Seniour Knights, Knights in Ordinary, Squires and Serfs. Other ranks also exist, there are the Ladies of the CessPool for example and there’s a very odd creature called the Justicar who is about as anal as you can get when it comes to enforcing the arcane rules and procedures of the CessPool.

If some outsider attempts to join in on the proceedings, they are roundly scorned and hounded. They are called SSNs, for Scum Sucking Newbies and until or unless they prove themselves and are proposed as Serfs all the members generally give them the back of the hand. They are told, and I quote … “Sod Off”.

BNN Anchor: How very odd. But how does an SSN go about proving themselves?

Brick Yard: Mostly they don’t Erin, sodding off usually seems the best choice for the majority. But if they can manage to challenge someone, some lower ranked Serf or Squire for example or perhaps another SSN, and IF they show some wit and humor in their taunting and their after action reports posted on the thread then they may, MAY Erin, be proposed as a Serf. Not much chance of that happening Erin since the good ones are already members and it’s just the dregs of what they call the Outerboard left.

BNN Anchor: Ah I see. So they just taunt each other then. I imagine it gets a bit rowdy then?

Brick Yard: Not really Erin, they have a saying here, “Sound off like ya got a pair but don’t sound off ABOUT your pair”. No posting is allowed that deal with race, sex, politics and the like are allowed. They follow the BFC guidelines very closely, though they have some latitude when talking about nationalities … especially the Australians who are the lowest of the low here.

BNN Anchor: As they are elsewhere as well Brick, but do continue.

Brick Yard: Yes Erin, the members show a good deal of deference to the Ladies of the CessPool and if someone gets out of hand the group can always Send Them To Coventry. No member will then respond to their posts in any way.

BNN Anchor: My that does sound exclusive. Are there any other requirements of an SSN?

Brick Yard: Yes Erin, any SSN must have at least an email address and a general location in their profile or no one will respond to them either. Really Erin, sodding off is the best choice for most. The Peng Challenge Thread is something like a gentleman’s club … except for the gentleman part. And Erin, … oh Lord Erin, they DO drink. If I don’t get OUT OF HERE I’LL NEVER BE …

BNN Anchor: ... and that was Brick Yard, our correspondent embedded with the Peng Challenge Thread.

Joe

[ March 29, 2003, 11:44 PM: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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Joe, Joe, Joe (may I call you Joe?);

You think lump of cover-boy for Huge Cranial Ridge Quarterly, whatever made you think we'd accept an embedded reporter? Only if he's embedded to his shoulders in Yeknodathon's paddock would anyone pay the slightest attention, and I'm afraid that would be the less-than-sought-after attention of a lonely donkey.

Oh, and I'd like to sound-off about my paid. (err, whazzat? oh, oh, I see. Yes, yes, quite right.) I don't think you'll have any trouble getting OGSF to sound-off about his plaid.

[edited to say that I could've edited this post, but chose not to, in the spirit of live news reporting and deep alcohol dependence.]

[ March 29, 2003, 11:53 PM: Message edited by: Leeo ]

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Originally posted by Leeo:

Joe, Joe, Joe (may I call you Joe?);

You think lump of cover-boy for Huge Cranial Ridge Quarterly, whatever made you think we'd accept an embedded reporter? Only if he's embedded to his shoulders in Yeknodathon's paddock would anyone pay the slightest attention, and I'm afraid that would be the less-than-sought-after attention of a lonely donkey.

Oh, and I'd like to sound-off about my paid. (err, whazzat? oh, oh, I see. Yes, yes, quite right.) I don't think you'll have any trouble getting OGSF to sound-off about his plaid.

Leeo, Leeo, Leeo , may I call you Idiot?

I'd thought better of you Leeo, yes I did ... not a LOT better mind, but better than to pick out ONE, TINY, MINISCULE spelling error in an otherwise BRILLIANT and unique posting of the rules. AND one which had been corrected BEFORE you posted!

And you didn't even say what a great title it was ...

Joe

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Can you all stop posting, i have somethig realy trivial to say.

Did you know that the corn flake was invented at non other then a sanitarium? This was not any corn flake, but what came to be Kellogs corn flakes, they were served exclusivly to patients at Dr. Kellogs sanitarium and through his own health catalogue, until his brother finaly commercialized the product.

So at one time you'd realy have to be crazy to eat that crap!

Have i stumbled upon the secret origins of a common phrase, or am i simply making this up as i go along?

Perhaps it is a fdord , in any case the fact remains that Jim Boggs is a backwards Floridian that juggles oranges to the amazement of crowds of Aussie tourists.

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Originally posted by Gaylord Focker:

Can you all stop posting, i have somethig realy trivial to say.

Did you know that the corn flake was invented at non other then a sanitarium? This was not any corn flake, but what came to be Kellogs corn flakes, they were served exclusivly to patients at Dr. Kellogs sanitarium and through his own health catalogue, until his brother finaly commercialized the product.

So at one time you'd realy have to be crazy to eat that crap!

Have i stumbled upon the secret origins of a common phrase, or am i simply making this up as i go along?

Perhaps it is a fdord , in any case the fact remains that Jim Boggs is a backwards Floridian that juggles oranges to the amazement of crowds of Aussie tourists.

Dear goodlord , Aussie tourists don't go there anymore. The locals charge too much in peanuts.

Noba.

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Originally posted by Leeo:

Blah, blah, blah, Great title, Joe, blah, blah, blah, <big>{gratuitous reference to sheep}</big>.

Gotta wake up the Oddstralians somehow.

We see your posts and immediately go to asleep. No doubt you play the same. Send me a creative setup and I'll show you how you can lose.

Noba.

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Guest PondScum
Originally posted by Leeo:

<font size=-1>whatever made you think we'd accept an embedded reporter? Only if he's embedded up to his shoulders in Yeknodathon</font>

Indeed, but then I fear that even with a night-scope you wouldn't see much of the reporter when they show the standard "head and shoulders" shot back in the studio.

On the other hand, it would explain why the donkey's been so grumpy lately. Never mind. A quick dose of laxative and we'll have Dan Rather out of there in a jiffy. Dan? Dan? Can you hear me Dan? I said we'd get you out of there IN A JIFFY.

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Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Speaking of Coventry ... didn't we send this one there? If not, why not? And in any case he doesn't have a location in his profile.

I just LOVE rules!

Joe

You leave the poor inconspicuous Kiwi alone. He owes me a game, I think.

Noba.

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Originally posted by Boo Radley:

You want a piece of me, Joseph? Is that what you're saying? You want a piece of me? Are you looking for another fish slapping like I gave you last time? Remember that one, Josephus? That was one of your special, made to order mini meadow muffins of a scenario. A three hundred point extravaganza where you had a couple of clown cars you had borrowed from the local Shriners and I had the brass section of the Submarine Band from that one Little Rascals short, and I still whipped your flacid hinder to the tune of 100 to 0. That's where I got all the points and you didn't. Sort of like, if the game had been a box of chocolates, you would have gotten a bunch of empty wrappers and I would've become hyperglycemic.

So think carefully, Jo-Jo. Do you really want to go through the humiliation again?

Do ya?

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Do I? No ... not really ... after all that would mean that I'd have to play YOU again. I'd have to have my inbox full of emails from YOU. I'd have to actually try to decypher the notes you'd attach to the turns. I'd have to be willing to do the equivilant of speaking to the village idiot, ON PURPOSE, on a regular basis.

Why in the world would I willingly do that?

Joe

Ah Joe, Joe (Which, for some reason makes me hungry for fried potatoes...go figure).

You Nancy boy. You preening, poncing, purveyer of anal, addle-patedness. You don't even know a challenge when it gob-smacks you right upside the head. How sad. Is it because you've started to carry around your Prozac in a Pez dispenser? Did you have too many bowls of Zoloft today?

You need help, Joe. And the simple fact that, even as drunk as I am right now, I'm here to help you out can mean only one thing.

I have an evil plan that is so cunning, so extraordinarily succulent, so...worthy of Mr. Drysdale, that if the Borgias were to hear of it, they'd go run up a tree.

Expect a set up. (Or not. That's how devious I am.)

Edited to say that I really, really like your intro to this incarnation to the MBT. What 4 year old wrote it for you?

[ March 30, 2003, 02:00 AM: Message edited by: Boo_Radley ]

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Originally posted by PondScum:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Leeo:

whatever made you think we'd accept an embedded reporter? Only if he's embedded up to his shoulders in Yeknodathon

On the other hand, it would explain why the donkey's been so grumpy lately. Never mind. A quick dose of laxative and we'll have Dan Rather out of there in a jiffy. Dan? Dan? Can you hear me Dan? I said we'd get you out of there IN A JIFFY. </font>
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Bother... did someone say anything?

[experiences a spasm down the right flank that slowly ripples through the rump and down the other side]

Oh, embedded journalists... well that is very bothersome *sniff*...

[thinks about the endless possibilities and gazes again at the stack of cinnabuns]

I require the Justicar to lever me into me thick, rubber biological suit... with mask... alone.

Yeknod

[ March 30, 2003, 02:54 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

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Boggs looks to the heavens and says a silent prayer of thanks. He had come that close to sending a picture to Persephone.

Whipping out his trusty Zippo , he quickly ignites all the known pictures of Boggs that exist.

[Edit]-Note to Gaylord: A Zippo is a lighter. I wouldn't want your fertile brain misconstruing my words. Anyone who would celebrate Christmas in June bears watching.

[ March 30, 2003, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ]

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Patch ... you are a lovely lass and no error. You have proven your worth to the CessPool over and over. Your ... "protraits" are ... interesting and keep things lively. BUT:

Brick Yard: Yes Erin, the members show a good deal of deference to the Ladies of the CessPool and if someone gets out of hand the group can always Send Them To Coventry. No member will then respond to their posts in any way.
Now I've suggested time and again that if you'd like to change things by all means make the recommendation. You have NOT done so.

Coventry IS Coventry Patch and nothing less than that. If we bend the rules for YOU then we'll have to bend them for everyone and the next thing you know ANY foole will be able to wander about spouting nonsense. We only want OUR fooles spouting nonsense.

Joe

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Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Coventry IS Coventry Patch and nothing less than that. If we bend the rules for YOU then we'll have to bend them for everyone and the next thing you know ANY foole will be able to wander about spouting nonsense. We only want OUR fooles spouting nonsense.

Joe

But Joe.....*sniff*.....What about freedom of expression?....*sniff*.......Do you want some "freedom fries" with that piccy?........*sniff*.....I just want....*sniff*....to make piccies......*sniff* *sniff*.....

Patch

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Originally posted by Jim Boggs:

Boggs looks to the heavens and says a silent prayer of thanks. He had come that close to sending a picture to Persephone.

Whipping out his trusty Zippo , he quickly ignites all the known pictures of Boggs that exist.

Jim Bigg Wuss.......you are a...........WUSS!
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My dear Lady Persephone :

In my long journey through life, I have been manipulated by women more times than I can count(22). If the avoidance of contributing to my own doom is considered being a wuss, then it is a small price to pay for the "peace of mind" that I have attained in forever keeping any picture, likeness, or reasonable facsimile of myself from getting into your feminine grasp.

You have demonstrated that you will stoop to any viable bit of female chicanery in order to accomplish your goals. You have tried the inevitable feminine classic defense with the poor, frustrated Justicar , crying crocodile tears of sorrow and compassion. Then before the mascara can even begin to run, you turn upon the one true innocent (Jim Boggs) and unload a vehement tirade of insults and name-calling, without so much as catching your breath in between.

The thought of my head ending up atop whatever strikes your fancy sends cold chills down my back.

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Originally posted by Persephone:

Wuss!

1.Serf Jim Boggs (Spelt, but not Bolded).

2.Serf Wuss (Heard, but not Seen).

Many thanks to the Dear Lady for the honorific title that you have bestown on this unworthy one. I will wear it with head held high.

You may feel free to imagine what that would look like.

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