109 Gustav Posted September 23, 2001 Share Posted September 23, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lord General MB: Soldiers, -- Mrs P. Poddles worth walked into her house one eveing and found her TV to be....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Playing Russelmz's Decision scenario. Not bad at all. I wasn't aware that my $20 boat sank, though. Luckily I managed to swim to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted September 24, 2001 Share Posted September 24, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by 109 Gustav: Playing Russelmz's Decision scenario. Not bad at all. I wasn't aware that my $20 boat sank, though. Luckily I managed to swim to...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...Jersey, where they... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LGMB Posted September 24, 2001 Share Posted September 24, 2001 Soldiers, ...opened fire on anyone within 5 miles, and throw the bodies in the east river. But i was to smart for that, so I junmped into my Panzer IV and made a break for the... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted September 25, 2001 Share Posted September 25, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lord General MB: Soldiers, ...opened fire on anyone within 5 miles, and throw the bodies in the east river. But i was to smart for that, so I junmped into my Panzer IV and made a break for the...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...nearest Comic book convention. I was dressed as my favorite hero with my cape and... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted September 25, 2001 Share Posted September 25, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost: ...nearest Comic book convention. I was dressed as my favorite hero with my cape and...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...my purple underwear worn with pride on the outside of my pink stockings. Over my head I wore my chartruese bra of bravado, and tucked in my fawn boots was my... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russellmz Posted September 25, 2001 Author Share Posted September 25, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ...my purple underwear worn with pride on the outside of my pink stockings. Over my head I wore my chartruese bra of bravado, and tucked in my fawn boots was my...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...indigo... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted September 25, 2001 Share Posted September 25, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by russellmz: ...indigo...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...montoya. You have killed my father, prepare to die." TNT was showing some classics today including the famous... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted September 26, 2001 Share Posted September 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost: ...montoya. You have killed my father, prepare to die." TNT was showing some classics today including the famous...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...movie "The Blues Brothers" where we get our more famous quotes like... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted September 26, 2001 Share Posted September 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost: ...movie "The Blues Brothers" where we get our more famous quotes like...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ". . . 'One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.' or how about . . ." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted September 27, 2001 Share Posted September 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: ". . . 'One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.' or how about . . ."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...looks like you're up Cess Pool Creek without a paddle, sister". Those were the good times when you could do the watusi in public would fear of being arrested or.... (It feels so good to have the FAQ back. Oh sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russellmz Posted September 28, 2001 Author Share Posted September 28, 2001 ...being forced to read the original faq story: ( compiled at http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/013967.html ) <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>and then the FAQ said "No, I don't care what you think." I was dismayed to say the least. I then strapped my flamethrower back on and left for the pub, because a pint of Stout is definitely recommended if you have to carry a blimmin' flamethrower into battle. Unfortunately I was only half-way down the road when I came across a dead body. But there was no blood! Taking the nearly full bottle of Macallan from its outstretched hand, I uncorked it and wondered why there never seem to be any pretty girls when one is carrying a flamethrower. And that's one of the chief reasons I dislike it so. The other, of course, being the fact that crossing a busy street is really dangerous with such a lumbering object on your back. I therefore decided to leave that for the moment and see if Seanachai had sent me my turn yet. Perhaps I should get a life or perhaps just a bigger nozzle. I reckoned, oh well, what the hell, ya gotta go sometime. And so with a bloodcurdling scream I directed a searing burst of flame at a nearby nest of kitty cats, who ran squealing and burning into the quicksand, which ended their firey worries but soon finished them off anyways, much to the horror of the slack-jawed, gape-eyed gang of Mormon mothers standing on the sidelines. But then again, they themselves are yet another good reason for carrying a flamethrower. I gesticulate menacingly at them and they scurry off like a gaggle of incontintent rats, leaving me available for such worthy pursuits as tag team thumb wrestling or perhaps a rowsing game of "got your nose" with the inhabitants of the nearest geriatric home where you can find Seanachai and his pet, which I duly torched, seeing that it was full of tube-hugging redlegs who never in their lives have seen the enemy as close as I did. Thinking that this is all in a day's work for your friend the flamethrowerman, I gazed at the clouds as a squadron of PzMkIVs with superior-but-not-really-modeled optics roared into view and ground the squishy infantry into gooey jelly. I still wondered about Seanachai's pet, now perished in the flames, and tucked the now half-empty bottle of Macallan in my pocket as Seanachai writes bad Celtic poetry in memory of his pet naked mole rat, while awaiting the return of his grandson who came to help him change his diapers and clean his dentures (not in that order). "Back in my day..." his story would begin, as he would sit in his favorite comfy chair and gently tug upon his very old and almost rotten waist-coat, 'Back when I still had teeth and could put a thought or two together, mind you, every so often you may mistake my inane ramblings for genius, then we did not even know flamethrowers and we had to make do with silly puddy. You should see that stuff burn! We used to light up a ball of silly puddy and throw it at Panzer mark IVs. That was ussually enough to set those cardboard tanks on fire." Then he would nod off into a restless sleep as far away, above the arctic circle Dr. Pengenstein's monster drifted lazily through the freezing water, encased in a block of ice, thinking cold thoughts and biding his time until suddenly, a ship came by toting a disoriented and totally befuddled Elijah Meeks! Meeks berated Pengenstein's monster for 12 minutes, at which time the monster jumped aboard Meeks' boat and beat him senseless, a state recognizable by insufficient respect for the superb PzMkIV armored killing machine. Finding the putrid Meeksian corpse indigestible, the monster ditched his machine-gun, and ran for the hills! There were men chasing him now, and he wasn't about to be caught holding the gun! He ran past men on bicycles, past horses pulling artillery, past the nearby McDonalds where he ran into the one who is named after the feline creatures he abused. He eyed her contemptuously and stated ..."is that really you in that picture? There is no way that a woman with any attractive qualities could possibly have interest or knowledge in WWII. Moreover, I've never spoken to woman before, and this would break my streak." To which she replied .."duck!" as an angry mob led by the lost Frenchman threw a duck through the front window and proceeded to ransack the restaurant. "This way" she said, and they ran out the back door, right into me, bearing the bottle of Macallan, desperately trying to hold off the Mormon wives with the flame-thrower, but to no avail. All seemed lost, when suddenly a very bad orchestra began playing an Arthur Fiedler adaptation of Debussy's 'Afternoon of a faun', the sunset took on a romantic purplish hue, and Sean-itchy and Kitty gazed at each other as if seeing each other for the first time. Their limpid gaze was indicative of a slight mental hiccup, as if their brains had decided to give it a miss and go for a lovely cup of tea. "Giiirlll...?" drooled Seanachai blearily as he reached for his flamethrower, because in the corner of his eye he could see his latino life-partner, Enrique. "Que?" his live in lover responded. Seanachai knew that something was amiss when... FAQ-MAN hero to all non-thinkers everywhere, asked "Do u think i could light my cigarette with that flamethrower?" "Ha Ha,I was just kidding, I really already knew the answer. Actually I wanted to show you my etchings. This one is a Schwervolksgemüsespüler Ausf. G/44a1+ with the optional Insta-hot. I remember the time that I was" ...gurgle... His death mewlings bordered on the pathetic as I strangled him carelessly for his unforgiveable transgression against my stream-of-consciousness. I focused again on Spleen-itchy and Kitty, and wondered what could possibly unite such variegated talents in the common pursuit of one objective? And where precisely does the flamethrower tie in with this? Stain-icky's hand trembled as he reached again for his flamethrower as two of the singed kitty cats -- now really pissed because their little noses were full of sand -- had escaped. He pulled the trigger, loosing a jet of jellied gas. He missed but it didn't matter because the next instant Hiram came careening around the corner in his 2-cylinder Daf, obviously out of control. Sliding sideways on two wheels he hit the curb, spun around like Stuka's boys in the attack, and landed smack on top of the poor semi-boiled kittenses. Hiram, dazed so no different, kicked open the drivers door and was immediately squashed into a gooey pulp by the kitchen sink that mysteriously fell out of the empty sky. Seanachoo looked up and said "Oh dear, it's starting" when the White Knight started talking backwards. Meanwhile, the disgusting monster (who had wisely passed on Meeks' remains) siezed a nearby MP40 and several spare magazines and... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...this story so disturbed john q. public, that all... [ 09-28-2001: Message edited by: russellmz ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted September 28, 2001 Share Posted September 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by russellmz: ...this story so disturbed john q. public, that all...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...psychiatrists upped their fees substantially in eager anticipation of... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted September 28, 2001 Share Posted September 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ...psychiatrists upped their fees substantially in eager anticipation of...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> the arrival of outerboarders who ran screaming from the Mutha Beautiful thread because of the gaseous vapors emitted by Joe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russellmz Posted September 29, 2001 Author Share Posted September 29, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost: the arrival of outerboarders who ran screaming from the Mutha Beautiful thread because of the gaseous vapors emitted by Joe...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Sixpac. not to mix up with tupac, who had an odor that was much... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted September 29, 2001 Share Posted September 29, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by russellmz: Sixpac. not to mix up with tupac, who had an odor that was much...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...maligned as being noxious to the point of embarrasment. Joe was also known as being a closet... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted October 1, 2001 Share Posted October 1, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost: ...maligned as being noxious to the point of embarrasment. Joe was also known as being a closet...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...dweller who never, ever bumped the FAQ thread. It sat on Page 3 for days and days. Nothing short of... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted October 1, 2001 Share Posted October 1, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost: ...dweller who never, ever bumped the FAQ thread. It sat on Page 3 for days and days. Nothing short of...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...a miracle would stop the meandering flock of penguins from procreating. "By golly, this sordid behaviour must cease and desist" yelled... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted October 2, 2001 Share Posted October 2, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ...a miracle would stop the meandering flock of penguins from procreating. "By golly, this sordid behaviour must cease and desist" yelled...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...the mad thread bumper who liked to ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russellmz Posted October 3, 2001 Author Share Posted October 3, 2001 ...bump his stuff up against a... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted October 3, 2001 Share Posted October 3, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by russellmz: ...bump his stuff up against a...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...an oak tree while singing bawdy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted October 3, 2001 Share Posted October 3, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost: ...an oak tree while singing bawdy...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...dittys about a male, female, whipped cream, bottles of jam, and small fluffy things that tickle when inserted into.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted October 3, 2001 Share Posted October 3, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: ...dittys about a male, female, whipped cream, bottles of jam, and small fluffy things that tickle when inserted into....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...the nearest Ozzie who's named... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hakko Ichiu Posted October 3, 2001 Share Posted October 3, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost: ...the nearest Ozzie who's named...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> After the famous antipodean chanteuse, Kiki Dee. "But you can call me Featherstonehaugh," he murmured, "although it's usually pronounced... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted October 4, 2001 Share Posted October 4, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu: After the famous antipodean chanteuse, Kiki Dee. "But you can call me Featherstonehaugh," he murmured, "although it's usually pronounced...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...***** THIS FASCINATING STORY HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED WITH A QUERY ***** Hakko, I thought Kike Dee was English? Please fix or do somfink!!! ***** NOW RESUMING {AB)NORMAL STORY ***** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russellmz Posted October 4, 2001 Author Share Posted October 4, 2001 ..."pawn foor"...wait that's the vulcan mating horny toad sound. you should say it "... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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