Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by 109 Gustav:

Now lets see if anyone knows what a white-gilled humpy is.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Please don't tell us. I am sure that the imaginations around here will be much better than the reality...

Speedbump

[BFCElvis]

Wankers.

[BFCElvis]

The chance you have all been waiting for will be here this evening. Yes that is right..you will all be able to buy me a beer for my birthday. At 7pm EDT I, along with my wife and son, will be having pre-dinner drinks with real flesh and blood friends. You are invited to watch this event and buy me beer so I can still milk my real world friends later. http://www.onlinevenue.com/onlinestore/stellacam/stellacam_index.asp

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elvis:

The chance you have all been waiting for will be here this evening. Yes that is right..you will all be able to buy me a beer for my birthday. At 7pm EDT<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

...unfortunately that is 4pm here in the west, and that is the precise hour when I number my turns for the coming week, and analyze the turn numbers for the previous week. I put them all in a big spreadsheet along with the victims' names and create huge pivot tables with animated 3D charts and save them to optical media. So far, this analysis reveals that several of you are Standard Deviates.

Returning for a mercifully brief second to the incursion of Private Whacker, I see he is a wannabe jarhead (in addition to being severely disoriented and universally scorned). Why not a banana slug, or a recycling container lid? Dream large, my boy.

The observation in your profile that "Only sissy weiners use AOL" does show the necessary social skills for any of the above, and exceeds Cesspool requirements.

[Mark IV]

Through an accounting error, a Byte Battle victory has been mistakenly awarded to the forces of Peng.

Mark IV: 33

Peng: 48

Lorak, if you cannot read this feel free to ignore it.</FONT>

[jd]

So what is it about this "wonderful game?" Just heard from a pooler that [deleted] had been fired from their job. That makes at last count at least 3 or maybe 4 of us that have been vocationally terminated with extreme prejudice since CM:BO came out. One of the hidden benefits? Or that we are more odious personalities to begin with? Inquiring minds want to know!

[MrPeng]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Through an accounting error, a Byte Battle victory has been mistakenly awarded to the forces of Peng.

Mark IV: 33

Peng: 48

Lorak, if you cannot read this feel free to ignore it.</FONT><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Here, let me help you with that.

Ahhhh, sweet VICTORY! I am pleased to inform you all that armed only with superior intellect, a winning smile and a sharp pointed stick I was able to overcome vastly numerically "superior" forces including several off-board salvos of 14" naval guns at least a battalion of Crack airborn troops all mounted on UberHalftracks armed with illegal chemical and biological weapons. Yes. A LONE sharpshooter stood up to this entire force and WON! Not that I am Proud or Bragging about the win - certainly not - that is for Grogs and SSN's and Ilks of that elk. No, this is just a little informational session to let you all know that the game has been completed and the final score. That's all.

Peng

[Hakko Ichiu]

Scene: A concealed command post in Kommerscheidt. A Green Platoon Leader scans the outlying terrain for enemy activity. A Grizzled Battalion Commander enters from the rear (of the CP, sit down, Bauhaus).

GBC: in a hushed, yet urgent whisper Situation, Lieutenant?

GPL: Sir, we spotted Kraut infantry moving rapidly toward the tree line, at least a platoon, so there's probably a full company that we haven't seen. Plus they have armored support...

GBC: What actions have you taken?

GPL: I ordered harassing fire from (censored) and (censored). Apart from that, the men are holding their fire.

GBC: Good man. We're expecting (censored), (censored), and (censored) by 0500 hours, and heavy (censored) shortly thereafter. We'll teach that Swedish S.O.B. a lesson he'll live to regret, if he lives, heh heh.

GPL: Swedish, sir? I thought we were fighting the Krauts.

GBC: Technically, yes, Lietenant, but on this occasion they're commanded by the Lutfisk muncher generally known as Geier.

GPL: swallows Geier, sir? But he uses the most frightening tactics known to the Cesspool. He...He...

GBC: He disappears for long stretches without warning and doesn't answer turns. I know, but this time we're ready for him. We have our secret weapon. loudly Sergeant!!

Enter a hugely muscled, yet surprisingly handsome and debonair hamster in a sergeant's uniform. He carries a very large flamethrower.

Sgt. Professor Doktor Hamster X (for it is he): Okay, Major, I've got my fecking flamethrower; let me at 'em.

GBC: All in good time, Sgt. Professor Doktor, all in good time. We need to be patient and wait the enemy out.

Enter Seanachai from a side door

Seanachai: Gosh folks, while we're waiting, let me regale you with a jolly tale of that time I faked my own death. It really was quite jolly, and not a little bit influenced by the lays of the Celtic bard Ossian...

Fade to Black...quickly

---

That was better, sir, if I may say so. Certainly more original.

Thank you, Meeks.

But might I be so bold as to enquire why you don't simply e-mail Mr. Geier and ask him why he's not responding to turns?

Far too simple, Meeks, old fish. Public humiliation is the best way to roust that old lay about. Put the wind up him, if you know what I mean. Besides, I need to do something that fits my... my...

Idiom, sir?

Exactly.

[ 09-02-2001: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ]

[Mark IV]

How very tasteless.

Also, I see once again I am the victim of Peng's Big Lie tactics. The chemicals were illegal... but they were NOT weapons.

This, of course, means War.

[MrPeng]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

How very tasteless.

Also, I see once again I am the victim of Peng's Big Lie tactics. The chemicals were illegal... but they were NOT weapons.

This, of course, means War.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So let it be written, so let it be done. MrFour Wants WAR.

[Geier]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Mark IV, much as I despise, hate and repudiate the toad, is Witty. And Educated.

Mind, if I coud have the life crushed out of him by assassins, I would.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ahem. The usual fee then?

Where to begin? With the Grog-porn? With the fact that we have Germans living in Old Blighty that are considering not coming to work because of a Swedish football manager? With evidence of the superiority (or not) of The Byrds version of the threads title? With explanations of why the feck I haven't sent any turns? With an interesting yet slightly appalling description of France? A witty and very disturbing analogy perchance?

Nope. Just here to tell y'all that I am alive and unwell, that turns will be forthcoming (even to the Flying Minnesotan Danish Circus known as Lars and yes, even to Peng Himself), and that an Interesting Offer will be made via email to a select few of you.

I am, after all, disgustingly elitist.

As for the Swediality of CMPlayer I have only this to say, I assume he is as Swedish as the most popular Swedish troubadour (spelt the way I like it thankyouverymuch) since Carl Michael Bellman, namely Cornelis Vreeswijk. So Rett (if that is really your hair), finish this sentence correctly:

"Personliga Persson står i ...?"

Johan

[Mark IV]

Just when I am seething with hate for Peng, what appears but Geier? Oh, how I'd like to see them both oozing their last bubbles in an overturned Ford in a canal.

I assumed the lack of Swedish turns were due to the awful reversals you recently suffered in our little drive through the Normandy countryside. The PzIV is toast too, you know.

And why CAN'T you people make a reasonable sentence with the 26 letters at everyone else's disposal? Has anyone else here ever been unable to force a syllable out without some ridiculous caret, strike-through, chevron, or pictograph stuck on a perfectly serviceable letter? Ever just gotten to a word and gone "Mmmff...mfff" because you didn't have some goofy vowel to represent the exact sound? Criminy.

Meanwhile, Peng: I think we need a 1500-pt. scenario rolled up for us by one of the useless slugs here. Attack/defend, no MEs, assaults, probes, or heavy petting. A reasonable thing, not Jabo! or Crodaburg, but something which will leave you very dead. Perhaps something involving beating one another over the head with Geier's limbs, as he is certainly not using them to send turns.

[CMplayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Geier:

So Rett (if that is really your hair), finish this sentence correctly:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So this is a little test, like on old episodes of Combat? On patrol they'd come across some suspiciously blonde, muscular and blue-eyed dough, who talked like Schwarzenegger and had swastikas tatooed on his uberbiceps, but was wearing a US uniform. So they'd ask questions like, 'who won the world series in 1911' and gunk like that. Okay, I'll give it a whirl. [puts hand in urn and draws the 1 000 000 krunkels bonus question]

"Personliga Persson står i ...?"

...ingången till stailkonsult-AB dit han skickats varje torsdag fm i snart två års tid (för att åtgärda sin bristande folklighet). Slipssnubbarna råder honom att hedra en viss folkkär fotbollstränare från Torsby, helst i direktsänding, typ BingoLotto. Samma kväll utbringar han en toast på Utö Värdshus där han talar om sveriges image utomlands, engelsk fotboll och nya Saab 9-5. Alla är rörande överens om att det handlar om en kinder and gentler Persson och att sverige är på väg mot...ack! huuuu! jag orkar ingen mer! Snälla är vi inte FÄRDIGA än?

[ 09-02-2001: Message edited by: CMplayer ]

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer:

...ingången till stailkonsult-AB dit han skickats varje torsdag fm i snart två års tid (för att åtgärda sin bristande folklighet). Slipssnubbarna råder honom att hedra en viss folkkär fotbollstränare från Torsby, helst i direktsänding, typ BingoLotto. Samma kväll utbringar han en toast på Utö Värdshus där han talar om sveriges image utomlands, engelsk fotboll och nya Saab 9-5. Alla är rörande överens om att det handlar om en kinder and gentler Persson och att sverige är på väg mot...ack! huuuu! jag orkar ingen mer! Snälla är vi inte FÄRDIGA än?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

See what I mean? Any reasonable person can understand an umlaut or two, but this is ridiculous. Only Dr. Doolittle would need that many sounds....

[CMplayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I said you weren't Swedish. And you're not. Do the entire community a favour, you git, and admit where you were born and raised.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Seanachai, since you ask straight out, and on the behalf of the community that I know and loathe:

I can not tell a lie. 'Twas I that chopped down the cherry tree.

Will that serve for an answer, or [John Wayne Voice] do you want me to draw you a picture? [/John Wayne Voice]

On other fronts I'm [shudder] sorryfor biting Marlow's proffered hand. Hear that everybody? Good Sir Marlow, I just get in that mood sometimes being the poor sinner that I yam. Anyway I believe I only nipped the pinky just a little. I hadn't eaten all day and it looked like a big piece of surströmming hovering before my jaws. It's not infected now I hope? Now I've got to sign off for present, as this is all the niceness and politeness I can muster without having to scream get the bucket!!!

PS in case some of you don't know, 'surströmming' is about like what you'd get if you crossed a kilo of lutefisk with a tin of botulitic cat food.

[ 09-02-2001: Message edited by: CMplayer ]

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer:

PS in case some of you don't know, 'surströmming' is about like what you'd get if you cross a kilo of lutefisk with a tin of botulitic cat food.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My gods, why can't everyone just eat Twinkies and Doritos like normal people????

[Stuka]

Only twinkies eat twinkies.

Real men chew their own eyeballs.

[BFCElvis]

OK folks you have a half hour to dust off your credit cards so you can purchase me a birthday beer. I will be at O'Neals in Philadelphia with my wife and new born son and a bunch of friends. Don't be cheap you bastards drop $7 US for a good cause.http://www.onlinevenue.com/onlinestore/stellacam/stellacam_index.asp

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Only twinkies eat twinkies.

Real men chew their own eyeballs.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmm. This must be what passes for 'tough talk' down in the under place. Care to spit out an eyeball and back that up with a setup, Mister MotorScooter?

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer:

Seanachai, since you ask straight out, and on the behalf of the community that I know and loathe:

I can not tell a lie. 'Twas I that chopped down the cherry tree.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ohmigod, he's from Orange County! It's Nixon!

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Care to spit out an eyeball and back that up with a setup, Mister MotorScooter?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No worries sport. Fair dinkum and stone the crows.

Anything special you have in mind?

The current batch of byte battles are out of bounds now as I've looked at them and we wouldn't want to be gamey now would we Joe?

P.S. Hows Minnesota treating you? Have the folk singers stopped beating you up yet?

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

The current batch of byte battles are out of bounds now as I've looked at them and we wouldn't want to be gamey now would we Joe?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think, perhaps, this isn't where we should go.

There's gamey, and then there's gamey, and then, of course, there' s the wretched gameplay that so many of you indulge in, which would look, to the untutoured intellect, as though it was gamey, but turns out to just be astonishingly simple-minded and pathological.

Who's for a jolly sing-song, then?

And Geier, seriously...the Byrds? While they had many fine songs and adaptations, no one who has ever driven through a gray Minnesota morning sucking on a can of cheap lager to stave off the melancholy of existence can ever forget hearing the Dylan song suddenly come on the radio. It didn't necessarily make existence less melancholy, it merely made the melancholy holy.

This was not achievable with the Byrd's version of the song.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

No worries sport. Fair dinkum and stone the crows.

Anything special you have in mind?

The current batch of byte battles are out of bounds now as I've looked at them and we wouldn't want to be gamey now would we Joe?

P.S. Hows Minnesota treating you? Have the folk singers stopped beating you up yet?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Since I seem to be on quite a losing streak lately I'll volunteer to take the French, and it'll be nice & historical. I'm 51% in favor of defending if that suits your fancy.

And my move to Minnesota actually takes place next weekend. I pack the rented truck Saturday and drive out on Sunday. I'll suffer from Turnus interruptus during that time, but hooking up the old PC and getting turns out will be my first priority, of course. Well, second priority.

Third or fourth, anyway.

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Who's for a jolly sing-song, then?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Roight, I'll start then.

"My ole man's a dustman,

'e wears a dustman's 'at,

'e wears cor blimey trousers,

and a something, something, something"

[Mark IV]

Perhaps I was unclear (you idiots):

I NEED A 1500 PT. BATTLE WITH WHICH TO POUND PENG LIKE A CROOKED STAKE INTO THE GROUND.

Darn, reflexive pronouns always throw them...

ME WANT KILL PENG. ME NEED MAP.

Still, two concepts in a single line, and I was hoping menschie would rise to the occasion...

OOK! That should do it.