I stood in line all night for CM2, and all I got was this lousy Peng Challenge TShirt

[Berlichtingen]

I just got around to reading New Bug: CM does not properly model historical benefits of hi-res mods... (btw, nice one Lawyer)... and I was amazed! Can Cubbies Phan be as much a lackwit as he presents himself as? Can any living organism be that clueless? Peng, you now have proof that smilies erode the brain.

[David Aitken]

But I still can't fit this page without expanding my browser full-screen! Gorbacheov's Harmonica, fix or do somefink!!

edit: How ironic, now we're onto a new page. But I shan't forget! I've got your name!!

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: David Aitken ]

[Stalin's Organ]

Oh dear, well here it is again for the browserly challenged among us: Budweiser court case

[Berlichtingen]

For those of you who do not venture into the Outer Board, permit me to direct your attention to It's a boy Mrs. Walker... it's a boy

To summerize...

Bridget Costello (that's Mrs. Elvis for those of you who do not keep track) has given birth to John Michael "lil Elvis" Costello. Witnesses claim the little tike favors his mother in appearance... with a bit of the postman thrown in for good measure.

Congradulations Elvis!

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Berlichtingen wrote:

with a bi of the postman thrown in for good measure.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And there was I refraining from making immature jokes about the kid's parentage. Leave it to the old ones...

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Bloody Canadian bastiches - who do they think they are, anyway?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well clearly they do not recognize the truth. Canada is simply the 51st state (possibly with the exception of Quebec, because I am not sure we want it)!

The "Canadians" may rail at the universe with their domestic content laws, they may pretend to have better beer, their police may wear funny hats, but they are, at the core, American!

They speak the language better than some Americans who reside in the South of our great land (read Texas, Alabama etc.), they like our TV better than their own, and finally their "National Sport", hockey, is now more American than this fictional "Canadian"!

Game News:

dalem, you suck you miserable example of a mouth breather. You appear to be on the edge of regaining a draw! Had my infantry not wasted so much of their ammo on your MG's (the map edge hugging gamey cowards), I would be able to clear out the last of your defenders. Instead, all I have is a single Sherman with AT ammo and a TC on a pogo stick. If Lorak were still here, I would with shame ask if there is an asterisk for losing or tying dalem!

MrSpkr continues to chase my hapless, bailed-out, crews with his Tigers. In the meantime, I appear to control all of the Victory Locations.

armornut...hello?!? MIA bastiche...

Mace, you are the love-child of a syphilitic ram and a blind 'roo. Does it always take 4 days per turn? I can't wait that long to broil up your Brit armor...

Speedbump

[BFCElvis]

Good one Berli....I that post I just said I had to include Phan in there somewhere and almost continued by saying "because you were there at conception" but didn't pull the trigger on it.

[Geier]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elvis:

Good one Berli....I that post I just said I had to include Phan in there somewhere and almost continued by saying "because you were there at conception" but didn't pull the trigger on it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey, congratulations Elvis! Glad to hear that the little tyke is eating and ... that other thing. And no, he isn't really smiling at you, it's probably just gas.

[MrSpkr]

Updates:

Speedbuggy is still whining that he cannot find my übertanks in the fog. Sheesh. I am doing all I can. Every time I see one of his tanks, I set it on fire to serve as a beacon for the others. So far, three hits, three flaming kills, and one more of his tin cans in the sights of several of my übergunners.

PantingBleater has once again proved the value of the Jabos! scenario by losing to my victorious Allied warriors -

Allies - 77 glorious points

Axis - 23 points gained after I became bored with sitting and waiting for the artillery and planes to do their jobs.

Chalk up a WIN for me, Lorak and a LOSS for pantingweeder.

Wildthang continues to charge my positions like a half-naked, marijauna crazed groupie at a Stones concert. I, on the other hand, am calmly and methodically ensuring his graves registration and maintenance personnel will be very busy for some time to come.

Mace is dying a lot. I am not sure whether his forces even brought their weapons with them, so pathetic is their performance. This one will be over very soon.

Marlow returned a setup, then promptly fled for a week to escape my wrath. Already my men are discussing various and sundry nasty things to do to him (mostly involving very long needles with very sharp points and his eyeballs).

Itscandylittlegirl continues to flail about helplessly. So far, he has lost over 160 men; I have lost a couple dozen invalids who volunteered to take the forward, exposed positions, a dachsund, and a chess set. He conducts his "offensive" (if you could call it that), with all the style and tactical acumen of rather small rock. At the current rate of casualties (about 100/building), I suspect he will lose the entire 45th division in this assault.

Wee Ho claims he is awaiting a setup from Berlie to resolve our previous draw, but I think he is simply running scared as he has failed to contact me for three days now.

Willie's man (no relation to Uncle Joe's Johnson) and I are engaged in an intricate display of dexterity as we glide amongst the trees and swamps of Rune's evil little map, all without ever laying eyes on each other.

I am playing a couple of other setups, one of which may be against a Cesspudligan, but they are not important enough for me to remember the names of the people I am slaughtering.

Slave Achin', you are a worthless festering sore with bad teeth - it's no wonder you live in England - no self-respecting CIVILIZED country would have you, you pompous sniffer of other men's shoes. You deranged byproduct of an accident with a contraceptive and a garbage truck, now that you have a new monitor I believe it is time for you to see the destruction of your pathetic forces in full 19" glory. I know you are struggling under the impossible weight of five or six other games, but this one will be simple: all you have to do is show up and die. Although I am not quite sure why my hatred for you burns particularly bright, I look forward to destroying you in the very near future. In other words, you filthy worm, I challenge you.

I hate you all, but I hate the Canadians among us (You KNOW who you are!) and Slave Bacon most of all.

[edited to make the challenge to that idiot savant Slave Bacon as simple and direct as possible (in deference to him)]

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Panzer Leader]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>marijauna crazed <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What is this, a scene from "Reefer Madness?"

And another thing: Mrspkr, my boy, how could you claim our game has ended when I haven't even gotten a turn from you in a week? Did you just decide to crack my password and finish the game yourself?

You sirrah, are a gamey, cheatin' bastid! Fine, let that score stand, because I have something better in store for you. You can forget aout Dame Achin' for now, because I am preparing my valiant Grrrrmans to stop you this time!Tonight you will receive a package in the mail.

In homage to your lackluster challenge of our favorite British wanker, I will send you the set-up for his latest offering: No Time for Lovin'.

****

Oh in other news, I read Seanachai's name with a lightening of my heart. Now that The Paladin has come back, all will be well.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedyhump:

dalem, you suck you miserable example of a mouth breather. You appear to be on the edge of regaining a draw! Had my infantry not wasted so much of their ammo on your MG's (the map edge hugging gamey cowards), I would be able to clear out the last of your defenders. Instead, all I have is a single Sherman with AT ammo and a TC on a pogo stick. If Lorak were still here, I would with shame ask if there is an asterisk for losing or tying dalem!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I) We do not want Canada as our 51st state, even were they bright enough to request such a thing. Canada is our slightly loopy uncle that we let live in our attic rent free until such time as we need the space for something else. In the meantime they hold onto lots of trees for us.

6.2a) What you call "(the map edge hugging gamey cowards)" I call a HW company that ripped your soul out from perfect flanking positions as you advanced stoutly up the middle of the map. Had I been a little more judicious in my armor maneuvering (or a little luckier against your gamey sprinting one in a thousand snap shot bazooka team), your khaki soldaten would be currently servicing my company dog instead of charging across open ground, losing a little pixel guy, then turning around and running back into the woods from whence they came.

So poop off and get ready for a rematch.

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

And another thing: Mrspkr, my boy<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmmm? Did you say something? Nothing important, I'm sure (I'm sure because YOU are the person speaking).

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>how could you claim our game has ended<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Because the last file I opened up had the bright white "We Give UP! Please Don't be a'hurtin' us anymore, MrSpkr" screen listing your dead, wounded, and crunchy soldiers, vehicles, and guns. In a moment of pity, I decided to simply let that be the last word; however, if your masochistic streak requires you to see the details of your whuppin', rest assured I will forward the file this evening.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>when I haven't even gotten a turn from you in a week?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Please. Any person with a modicum of intelligence would realize . . . oh . . . I see . . . Well, let me put it this way:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE> When all of your men, guns and vehicles are either:

<LI>(a) dead;

<LI>(2) reduced to small crunchy bits (a variation of (a));

<LI>(VII) sitting crying in a pool of their own waste; or

<LI>(q) setting land speed records in their haste to escape,

then your side generally performs the military maneuver known as the Italian Shuffle; the Appomattox Waltz; the Triple-Power Tango. In other words, they surrender, they give up the ghost, they quit fighting! Which part of that do you NOT understand?

You do NOT get to keep receiving turns after your men (whose little pixelated craniums contain far more wisdom than you can ever hope to possess) surrender!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Did you just decide to crack my password and finish the game yourself?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sigh. See previous comments. For the big words with more than one syllable, ask mommy for help.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You sirrah, are a gamey, cheatin' bastid!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thank you.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Fine, let that score stand, because I have something better in store for you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This is getting creepy.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You can forget aout {SIC} Dame Achin' for now<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Excuse me? Who the FECK are you to tell me who I should and should not forget? I admit, Gravy Bacon is an extremely forgettable fuzzy toothed git, but at least he possesses something you lack - a brain stem. He understands how to string more than two words together with a modicum of wit and panache. He understands that this, the Muthah Beautiful Thread is a forum for taunting, with vile and venom, and generally gloating about the defeat of your foes, no matter how lackluster said opponents may be. It is a place for display of some wit, intelligence, and creativity, all of which you sadly lack.

YOU appear to believe that this forum is a place for namby-pamby remarks like "Tee hee" and requests to see nude photographs of other Pudligans (ACK! MENTAL IMAGES GET OUT!); a place to actually compliment SSN's; a place to apologize when you think someone was offended; a place to, in short, chatter and yammer like a monkey at feeding time.

Although I have tried to give you the benefit of the doubt; I have tried to believe you were simply going through some type of hormonal adjustment; I have tried, in short, to give you an opportunity to rise (descend?) to the occasion, my patience is at an end. I shall be blunt; and if, in being blunt, I am rude, so be it.

PantWicker you are a boor. You fill your posts with phrases like "our stinking heap of offal" or "my pool" as though you were a part of something; as though you belonged here.

You don't.

You remind me of an annoying six year old playing a game of street football with his teenage brother and friends. No one wants you here; no one likes you; no one finds any of your posts worthwhile, let alone amusing. Like the proverbial little brother at the football game, we all wish you would "go long" and smash your face into a parked car, or at least skin your knee and run home crying to mama.

This ain't a fraternity, you git; it isn't some social club where you can endure a little hazing and then expect to be accepted as "one of the boys" and sit around telling bad jokes and farting. This is the Muthah Beautiful Thread, the One True Pool, and if you want to play here, laddy, you better have what it takes.

Obviously, you are lacking in that department. No long goodbyes are necessary - the door is over there, and Mace has a small present for you on your way out.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> I am preparing my valiant Grrrrmans to stop you this time!Tonight you will receive a package in the mail.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Excuse me - did you think I was kidding or something? Although I have no interest in kicking your sorry butt all over the map again, I MAY indulge you IF (and this is a BIG IF), you can begin to conduct yourself with some modicum of wit and display some venom in your posts.

Until then, let me spell it out for you:

Y-O-U _ A-R-E _ A _ B-O-O-R! __ N-O _ O-N-E _ L-I-K-E-S _ Y-O-U! __ G-O _ A-W-A-Y!

Any questions? No? Good.

Now leave, immediately.

[edited because there is rude and there is too rude and I choose the former over the latter]

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[PawBroon]

He surrendered!!!

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Of course the Windy Poster was deader than dead and Rigor Mortis was already getting its tendrils up Seanachai's hability to post.

The fierce Uberkrauts (I mean, I had NOT surrender OK?!) defeated an assorted force of Illinois baboons mounted on things that went boom with a strong urge to please me.

Prozac, refunct yourself and chalk this:

Oh darn your gun wasn't damanged then?!:28

Say, you're sure I've to do that to turn you into a Prince?:72

[David Aitken]

All of you gits desperate for a bit of my Flat Screen Trinitron O' Doom can just hang on a bit longer, because the nice chaps and chapettes who were supposed to be delivering my ATI Radeon have apparently used the fact that I wasn't doing any work to duck out of the "next working day" stipulation I paid for when it was despatched on Friday. You wouldn't want to play me right now, I'm pissed off and I might actually cause some damage. Pff.

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

[rant]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Or, to butcher a Young Ones quote, "You're a com-plete bastard and we all hate you."

UPDATES

What updates? I haven't even gotten my vacation snaps developed yet. Anyhow:

Leeo's formidable (as in, "formidably gamey") defense is finally showing some fissures which I hope to wedge open, insert his head into, and then painfully slam shut. My triumphant, mostly-dead Yankees might even manage to swing the final score to my side of a draw.

Goanna is stalling shamefully by making me resend my file again, claiming the .zip file was empty. What are you using to download your email, a Sinclair ZX81? This is just a dodge to buy time to crack my password, I'm certain.

Seanachai is an ungrateful git who is actually whining about how many of my men he has to kill. Reload and get on with it! I have not yet begun to die-a-lot.

Everyone else either owes me a turn or is a boring, witless goon (or both).

Agua Perdido

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PawBroon:

He surrendered!!!

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Of course the Windy Poster was deader than dead and Rigor Mortis was already getting its tendrils up Seanachai's hability to post.

The fierce Uberkrauts (I mean, I had NOT surrender OK?!) defeated an assorted force of Illinois baboons mounted on things that went boom with a strong urge to please me.

Prozac, refunct yourself and chalk this:

Oh darn your gun wasn't damanged then?!:28

Say, you're sure I've to do that to turn you into a Prince?:72<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Pretty much sorted this one out by the second read through.

Yes, indeed, I have surrendered to Pawbroon in our most recent PBEM, which was a strictly, and I mean strictly, armour affair. Pawbroon had it slightly wrong, of course, in that I had no Illinois baboons as my troops were Brits (I imagine a number of them were Manchester baboons, or something). I led a platoon of Cromwell VIIs and Sherman Vs (2 Fireflys, 4 Crommies, and 4 Shermies) a couple of Stuarts and a Daimler against 2 Tigers, 3 Panthers, 3 Hetzers, 2 Jagdpanzers, and a few odd Luchs and ACs. I did have the satisfaction of having a Stuart kill a Panther with a side turret hit at short range, and some early success against the lighter tanks, but at the end he still had 2 Panthers, 2 Tigers, and a Hetzer roaming around, machine-gunning helpless crews shouting 'we surrender' and desperately waving their hands over their heads, while the mad French laughed maniacally and went to full automatic fire while ordering the gunners to switch to HE.

So, it is true, oh Lost Lorak:

Pawbroon: Win

Seanachai: A Defeat that, from the moral standpoint, could easily be regarded as a victory of sorts.

On another note, who are we sending off to the Winecape invitational? Is it going to be Peng? That could drag the tournament out to something that might well be finished with Elvis's son playing in the final rounds against the Pod. We should probably get Treeburst an answer (notice that coward Winecape sent his deputy in here. Too proud to pull on waders and visit us himself).

In any contest, the Peng Challenge Thread should be represented. After all, according to Fred #176, we are the Combat Mission Elite.

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Madmatt]

It's time...You know what to do...

Madmatt

[David Aitken]

I just had a look at CM in 1920x1440 resolution, and all I have to say is... I... want... my... RADEON!!! AAAAHHH!! I want a G4!! I'm gonna strike out all the pages in my diary for the next ten years!!! F**K that was incredible!! Who needs a life??

[Leeo]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Madmatt:

It's time...You know what to do...

Madmatt<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Where's the scythe and black cloak?

[Madmatt]

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=019527