I stood in line all night for CM2, and all I got was this lousy Peng Challenge TShirt

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

So, which of you ninnies want to play me in Dame Achin's (no offense to any coquettes) latest and greatest out there? I will be the Grrrrmans of course.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Not all of us are ninnies Panties, I'm officially a spokesgit, and I'll have you remember that when you manage to grow up thank you very much!

I'll be happy to rip you another one with the faithful, if uninspiring, tommies, assuming you can get organised enough to send me the setup.

[ 06-10-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[Panzer Leader]

Oh I'm sorry DELETED, I was actually speaking to members of this here cesspool, not newbie gits or walkaby come-n-goers.

Now then is there ANYONE who wants to play this with me?

[MrSpkr]

Okay so I am sitting in my living room, enjoying the absence of She Who Must be Obeyed and those little, noisy smelly things - children, I think she calls them - for some reason she seems to believe they are MY responsibility - bah - and I decide to peruse the Peng thread (lord knows why ‘cause I sure don't - bloody load of senseless festering sores).

So in preparation for my experiment with self-flagellation, I turn to an old friend, a true companion, one who has stood with me through both the good times and the bad.

In other words, I opened a nice bottle of Guinness Extra Stout (room temperature, of course) and took a pull.

I nearly barfed. My beloved Guinness tasted, well, wrong, somehow.

Curious as to this turn of events, I decided to investigate further - I mean, if you can't rely on Guinness, what else is there?

I took another long pull on the bottle.

A bit later, after cleaning the resulting spray of foam and Guinness wanna-be off my computer and monitor, I decided to investigate further - only I wasn't going to drink another drop of that swill, so I called my dog.

She wisely refused, giving me that look she gives when I suggest a game of fetch (along the lines of "YOU threw it --- YOU get it!").

Left to my own devices, I began to examine the bottle and discovered the evil secret . . .

No, not the Front Label ("Traditionally brewed Guinness Extra Stout, Imported Guinness Extra Stout, St. James's Gate Dublin"). All seemed well with the world there.

Not the stupid American Government warning label:

"(1) According to the surgeon general (who hasn't had an ounce of fun, let alone beer, in at least 38 years), women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects (heck, I thought it was because of the risk that they would screw up enough courage to do in the son-of-a-B**** who got them pregnant in the first place);

(2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery (DUH! I note they fail to mention that it does make those mundane drives or times on the factory assembly line go sooo much faster), and may cause health problems (in other words, if you drink a case of this beer every day, you'll swell up to the size of Rosie O'Donnell, but you really won't care all that much)."

No, the warning label foisted upon us by scumbags like Lawboy, Marlow and jdmorse was not the problem.

So I continued reading.

Another portion of the back label told a wonderfully fulfilling moral tale:

"1759 Guinness Extra Stout - Brewed since 1759 with natural ingredients, today Guinness mmmm, Guinness! is enjoyed in over 150 countries (Ireland's most successful export other than overweight cops). Experience the robust, mellow and satisfying flavor for yourself."

Sniff. What a great story. But I digress.

Then, I saw the evil that had been wreaked upon me.

"Imported by Guinness Bass Import Co., Stamford, CT."

Okay, I can deal with that -- SOMEONE has to do it.

Then came the killer -

"BREWED UNDER LICENCE by Labatt Breweries, TORONTO, CANADA and under the supervision and quality standards of Guinness Limited. PRODUCT OF CANADA."

ACK! No wonder the brew tasted bitter! It was created in the land of Canucks, next door neighbors to those idiots who can't decide if they wanna be French or Canadians (half-a-dozen of one, six of the other in my book).

Obviously, this is another nefarious scheme by those menaces of the arctic north, those maple syrup lickers, the moose huggers, those vicious folks who dress their state cops in ugly red pajamas - THE CANUCKS!

Now, I know some of you are thinking, "Bloody stupid American! Got what he deserved!" These attitudes are most prevalent, I would guess, in the land of bad teeth (a special hello to David Aitken is appropriate here).

However, that is simply short-sighted. Just as Neville Chamberlain believed those tricky Germans only wanted to stop in Prague for a little Czech dining, you foolishly believe this is simply a funny Canadian trick.

Remember, YOU could be next.

With that in mind, I propose we extend our previous "We Hate Canada Week" to the entire Month of June! We must get word out to all those beer drinkers around the globe threatened by this naked (down Mace) act of aggression. We cannot allow this horrific crime against humanity - the kidnaping, rape and mutilation of a fine beer such as Guinness - to continue. To paraphrase, we must fight them in the bars, we must fight them in the package stores, we must fight them in the trendy yuppie restaurants, we must never surrender!

Bloody Canadian bastiches - who do they think they are, anyway?

[ 06-10-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Bloody Canadian bastiches - who do they think they are, anyway?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

they're probably related to those American bastards who try to force us to drink Budweiser brewed in the USA instead of the good Czech stuff!

I mean talk about anal retentive - we've got a court case here at he bottom of the world where Budpisser's trying to force the Czech's to stop calling their beer "Budyenny" 'cos ..well...let's just look at he news article about a truly pengesque piece of petulance:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Annheuser-Busch lawyer Brendan Brown, QC, said the Czech company's trademark should be revoked because Budejovicky Budvar had "Bud", an Annheuser-Busch trademark, in each first syllable and the presence of Budweiser Budvar on the bottle would lead some consumers to understand Budejovicky was equivalent to Budweiser. Heavy underlining of Bud in the trademark was also intended to confuse and the "clipping" of beer names – Bud for Budweiser or Steinie for Steinlager – was well-established, he said.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

....'cos the first syllable is the same...sheesh....

Fortunately tho' we're not subjected to the same level of labelling as the Feds think yanks need - we have actually managed to figure it out for ourselves that a bit o' the old how's-y'-father isn't so flash if you're up the duff or trying to drive a vibrator!

Anyone bored enough to want to read the whole thing can find it here: http://www.stuff.co. nz/inl/indexLite/1,2487,0a10,FF.html?searchId=842571&noResults=9&bTime=Mon+Jun+11+10%3A38%3A10+2001&eTime=Mon+Jun+11+10%3A38%3A11+2001

Now what was my point........didn't have one really....you can all go peng y'selves.

[ 06-10-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpooky:

Bloody Canadian bastiches - who do they think they are, anyway?

[ 06-10-2001: Message edited by: MrSpooky ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'm not a fan of warm beer, but I gladly second any motion to continue to make fun of Canada, so count me in.

[David Aitken]

Lenin's Grand Piano, you fool, can't you turn that URL into a link, or break it up or somefink? I'm claustrophobic enough as it is with my monitor in tunnel-vision mode, without having the whole thing devoured by the Peng Thread Page From Hell.

[Guest Babra]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Bloody Canadian bastiches - who do they think they are, anyway?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://www.adcritic.com/content/molson-canadian-i-am.html http://www.adcritic.com/content/molson-canadian-stereotypes.html

[ 06-10-2001: Message edited by: Babra ]

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Lenin's Grand Piano, you fool, can't you turn that URL into a link, or break it up or somefink? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nah.

works for me, so go get yourself a better computer.....or pay for me to have lessons!!

Paying would be better........

[David Aitken]

I would expect nothing more from an inveterate git such as yourself. Remind me to kill you once my new monitor arrives.

[Stalin's Organ]

Canadian war hero dies

At least Canada got one thing right - he was CEO of a brewery!

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PawBroon:

You must have been taught by chance that Alsace and Lorraine had been considered French for quite some time...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A classic case of a misdrawn border

[Iskander]

Ironic, really that some say this is yet another harbinger (is that spelled right? doesn't matter) of the demise of the One True Thread. Even more ironic that I -- and others -- use that title. The One True Church AKA The Holy Mother Church has seen some very, very bad times over the last 2000 years; many were quite vehement in the first 100 as to its "passing away." Even within the Church, once the last of the Apostles had died and the Christ not come again, many fell away from The Way (as it was known then) and sought refuge in other gods. Sure, we never hear from folks like Germanboy or Chuppy anymore, but there are new voices, new minds to carry the meme of Peng. Yes, yes: some of the new voices are hard on the ear, but imagine poor John, the Beloved Disciple, listening to this upstart punk Onesimus drone on and on about how Paul was such a great guy... enough to make you reach for the sacramental wine; or at least some Isle of Jura (my recommendation for newbie Scotch drinkers, Emma; your thoughts?).

So have things deteriorated on my watch? Is this yet another fly- and overblown apologetic? Not at all, in either case. Dig down into the last two Threads, and I don't care who was hosting: you'll find the malaise seriously underway two Incarnations ago and the Reformation efforts beginning last Incarnation. In this we have seen the reemergance of truely babbling, lengthy posts by the Old Guard, coupled with our most recent Squires' efforts to form paragraphs. Considering how things were in May, not bad at all (and I apologise personally for Seanachai's absence: he's far to taken by my masterful tactics in a much-better done version of Arnhem to lolly about in the Mutha Beautiful Thread).

All things change, and all things die, but the Peng Challenge Thread abides. Allow me to postulate this: this Thread is the best barometer available -- even more so than monthly sales figures -- that BTS has about involvement and enthusiasm in their "CM" games. And you thought we should be concerned?!?

----------

O/T: The French, for all of their many, many other failings, actually make one Hell of a good gin: Citadelle.

[Guest Babra]

I confess. I'm CM'd out. I could manage a wee TCP now and then (that is if anyone actually visited the CMHQ chatroom any more, which they don't), but I look at the PBEMs stacked in my mailbox and I want to go vacuum or somefink.

I haven't sent a PBEM file in over a week. I probably never will. Gimme a day or two to mull it over and if I haven't worked up the interest to actually process a turn I'll start sending out surrenders.

Doesn't mean I don't hate you all or anything, or that you all don't still suck.

[Mace]

Yah, I concur with you, Iskander!

Which is a shame really, given you are a cesspooler et al and thus deserving of contempt.

Mace

[MrPeng]

What we really need is Hamsters/Meeks to come bounding in here like Tigger on a three day tequilla and crack bender...

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

What we really need is Hamsters/Meeks to come bounding in here like Tigger on a three day tequilla and crack bender...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes. I taunted and challenged him all proper-like and he went away like this weird rash won't.

I still hate him lots though.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

he went away like this weird rash won't.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Whatever you do, don't pick at it!

Mace

[OGSF]

Af'n at weren't fer tha Mutha beautiful, Ah widnae bother tae visit thas stinkin' forum. Whuch maks at all tha sadder when Ah feend tha SSN wit akin tae a rrroad kill possum wi' at's back half crushed an' at's poor wee front paws scratchin' at tha tarmac. There ha' bin some valiant ahttaimpts o' late - tho Ah ferget which un at were. Af'n at weren't fer tha Aussies, thus thraid wid disappear oop at's ain backside.

Ah want Meeks tae stop bah, sae Ah kin tell ham wha' Ah *rrreally* think o' tha weasel's nest stain.

But at's noo all bad - Ah did recently beat Speedy ain four moves, crush Mace lak a Dunk Island butterfly an' shove 100 roonds o' VT oop MarkIVs' laddies an' lit tha fuse.

Dalem, ye weepin' sore ain tha crotch o' life. Ah feel a need tae eviscerate (did ye get tha' worrrd? Ah picked tha' oop playin' Quake all them years agooo) wha'ever ye kin field agin mah titanic forces. Wid ye noo care tae be killed ain tha classic scenario - "All or Nothing"? Pick ye side an' send at tae mae laddie.

Oh, DELETED, di us a favour, ye whoopin' cough expectorant - hold ye nose, sniff as hard as ye can, an' sae af'n ye arrrrse wud smaack aintae tha underside o' ye brain. Awah ye goo....

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCD

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: OGSF ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

It's time to sing now, lads. Hit it, a-one ,two three

In the pool

Where I was born

Lived a git

Who sailed the cess...

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

All is forgiven, Hiram. Come back and do your poetry. Nothing could be worse than Panzer Leader's attempts at lyrics.

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PawBroon:

German wine?!!

Arghhhhhhh.

Tis called BEER love!

Any of our esteemed (I use the term loosely) lawyers would care to file a divorce for me?

Sheesh...

German wine.

Why not English cooks?!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What was it my friend told me?

European Heaven: To be greeted by the English, fed by the French, driven around by the Germans, and Entertained by the Italians.

European Hell: To be greeted by the French, fed by the English, driven around by the Italians, and entertained by the Germans.

Of course, that perspective all depends on your country of origin.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OGSF:

Dalem, ye weepin' sore ain tha crotch o' life. Ah feel a need tae eviscerate (did ye get tha' worrrd? Ah picked tha' oop playin' Quake all them years agooo) wha'ever ye kin field agin mah titanic forces. Wid ye noo care tae be killed ain tha classic scenario - "All or Nothing"? Pick ye side an' send at tae mae laddie.

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: OGSF ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Read and learn, SSN types. A real challenge has been given. OvumGropingStalkinFewmet must have read it on a bathroom wall, but it still has the 'oomph' that yours do not, you mewling kindergitten.

And accepted, you Peaty Pretender. The only "Scots" in you is probably leftover bits of paper towel from your neighbor's trash, and you'll be happy you choked that down before I'm done with you - they'll help soak up the blood you'll be coughing up.

I'll attend to the requisite file sending activities on the morrow.

Yours; Hatefully; (Extruded);

dalem

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

All is forgiven, Hiram. Come back and do your poetry. Nothing could be worse than Panzer Leader's attempts at lyrics.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Does this mean I can limerickize again?

Ahem.

There once was a pooler named Sunshine

And he seemed to type line after line

It never made sense

And I knew this guy once who was late to work because he was riding his motorcycle and he stopped to help a cow that had gotten its head stuck in a fence

And Sunshine is most probably not from Nantucket

Thank you! Thank you! Good night!

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Does this mean I can limerickize again?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ:

Nah.

works for me, so go get yourself a better computer.....or pay for me to have lessons!!

Paying would be better........<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Correct your post, you toad. If you're going to hang around here, then be a bastard like a gentleman!

That goes for the lot of you!

[David Aitken]

Ohboyohboyohboy. This monitor is so big and flat, it seems practically wrap-around compared to its predecessor. It's going to take a wee while to get used to this. Now all I need is the Radeon, and I may resume kicking your bums in glorious Technicolor™. Heeere, couricouricouricourier...

I hear Elvis has spawned a new Peng Thread poster and PBEM processor. Once the wee one is trained up we can expect more than his "Wankers" contribution once-threadly, and double turn rate.