LongLeftFlank Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 This possibly belongs on the political flame wars board down below, but since it's likely to tickle the irony bone of the historically aware regardless of political outlook, and also concerns D-Day, I'll risk slapping it up here for the amusement of the kameraden. However, if it gets summarily moved by the Feldpolizei, I take no offense. Best regards, jac > > (This is what you might hear if today's media reported on D-Day at > > Normandy...) > > > > June 6, 1944. -NORMANDY- Three hundred French civilians were killed and > > thousands more wounded today in the first hours of America's invasion of > > continental Europe. Casualties were heaviest among women and children. > > Most of the French casualties were the result of artillery fire from > > American ships attempting to knock out German fortifications prior to > > the landing of hundreds of thousands of U.S. troops. > > > > Reports from a makeshift hospital in the French town of St. Mere Eglise > > said the carnage was far worse than the French had anticipated and > > reaction against the American invasion was running high. "We are dying > > for no reason," said a Frenchman speaking on condition of anonymity. > > "Americans can't even shoot straight. I never thought I'd say this, but > > life was better under Adolph Hitler." > > > > The invasion also caused severe environmental damage. American troops, > > tanks, trucks and machinery destroyed miles of pristine shoreline and > > thousands of acres of ecologically sensitive wetlands. It was believed > > that the habitat of the spineless French crab was completely wiped out, > > threatening the species with extinction. > > A representative! of Gree npeace said his organization, which had tried to > > stall the invasion for over a year, was appalled at the destruction, but > > not surprised.. "This is just another example of how the military > > destroys the environment without a second thought, " said Christine > > Moanmore. "And it's all about corporate greed." > > Contacted at his Manhattan condo, a member of the French > > government-in-exile who abandoned Paris when Hitler invaded said the > > invasion was based solely on American financial interests. "Everyone > > knows the President Roosevelt has ties to big beer," said Pierre LeWimp. > > "Once the German beer industry is conquered, Roosevelt's beer cronies > > will control the world market and make a fortune." > > > > Administration supporters said America's aggressive actions were based > > in part on the assertions of controversial scientist Albert Einstein, > > who sent a letter to Roosevelt speculating that the Germans were > > developing a secret weapon, a so-called "atomic bomb." Such a weapon > > could produce casualties on a scale never seen before and cause > > environmental damage that could last for thousands of years. Hitler has > > denied having such a weapon and international inspectors were unable to > > locate such weapons even after spending two long weekends in Germany. > > Shortly after the invasion began reports surfaced that German prisoners > > had been abused by Americans. Mistreatment of Jews by Germans at > > so-called "concentration camps" has been rumored but so far, remains > > unproven. > > > > Several thousand Americans died during the first hours of the invasion > > and French officials are concerned that uncollected corpses pose a > > public health risk. "The Americans should have planned for this in > > advance,! " they s aid. "It's their mess and we don't intend to clean it > > up." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FM Paul Heinrik Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Thank goodness that the US wasn't like that back then. We would all be speak'en Russian by now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LongLeftFlank Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 When I forwarded this joke to a friend of mine in France, he sadly replied that he had actually heard all of those lines more or less echoed in the French intellectual press. In this version, Eisenhower knew quite well because of ULTRA that the German army in France was a skeleton force of Polish levies and stomach battalions (And those Hitlerjugend kids were, well, just cute little freckled towheads). Nevertheless, the Yanks deliberately blasted the living hell out of France in stereotypical bigmouth cowboy fashion because (yes, why else did Americans do ANYTHING between the end of the New Deal and the election of Jimmy Carter) because (all together now) they wanted to intimidate the Russians (who BTW are the "true" liberators of France because they had beaten the Wehrmacht unaided by that time in spite of capitalist Anglo-Saxon perfidy). Oh, and it appears that in addition to wholescale flattening of French cities, our GIs raped French women by the thousand both during and after the war. (This also appears to be a major driver of American policy, from the Founding Fathers onward). I don't make 'em up folks, I just read 'em.... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FM Paul Heinrik Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by LongLeftFlank: When I forwarded this joke to a friend of mine in France, he sadly replied that he had actually heard all of those lines more or less echoed in the French intellectual press. In this version, Eisenhower knew quite well because of ULTRA that the German army in France was a skeleton force of Polish levies and stomach battalions (And those Hitlerjugend kids were, well, just cute little freckled towheads). Nevertheless, the Yanks deliberately blasted the living hell out of France in stereotypical bigmouth cowboy fashion because (yes, why else did Americans do ANYTHING between the end of the New Deal and the election of Jimmy Carter) because (all together now) they wanted to intimidate the Russians (who BTW are the "true" liberators of France because they had beaten the Wehrmacht unaided by that time in spite of capitalist Anglo-Saxon perfidy). Oh, and it appears that in addition to wholescale flattening of French cities, our GIs raped French women by the thousand both during and after the war. (This also appears to be a major driver of American policy, from the Founding Fathers onward). I don't make 'em up folks, I just read 'em.... Horse****e. The Soviets did not benefit any country they "liberated". True the Soviets gave Nazi Germany a beat down, but they were helped out with the pressure put on the Wehrmacht via N. Africa, ect. and fortunately, the Soviets got lucky or Germany got unlucky (?). I don't know do the French prefer German or Russian as their national language? Maybe they are just mad because the US or UK didn't force English upon them? "GIs raped French women by the thousand", what? US dollars weren't good enough for the thousands of French whores/traiters? You might not have made this stuff up, but believing it (if you believe it) just because you read it is almost as bad. I know that there are a lot of non-US folks here and it is the current fashion to bash the USA, foreign or domestic. But, the USA has never held as a purpose to harm others. The US never went around sucking the resourse of other countries like the Euro nations did and the two countries that we did "dominate" (Jap., Ger.) are very much their own masters plus have better ways of life than most of the other countries on the planet. LongLeftFlank, ask your French friend where he even gets this stuff? School or just fashionable rumor bashing? [ August 26, 2004, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: FM Paul Heinrik ] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philippe Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by FM Paul Heinrik: "GIs raped French women by the thousand", what? US dollars weren't good enough for the thousands of French whores/traiters? You might not have made this stuff up, but believing it (if you believe it) just because you read it is almost as bad. Without going into the specifics of the case (and I'm not sure the nameless French source actually said that he saw a statement that GI's raped thousands of French women) please bear in mind that there are a lot of tongues firmly planted in cheeks here. Ugly things happen in war, and a lot of them never make the history books. I'm reminded of an incident that is supposed to have taken place in WWI when American soldiers got their first taste of French civilian life when they would go on furlough from their training camps in western France. Having lead sheltered American lives the doughboys frequently misinterpreted Frenchwomen's protests, to the extent that the number of rapes by Americans in French towns and villages near the U.S. camps grew to epidemic proportions (a bit like Okinawa?). The French government became naturally concerned for the continued well-being of its citizens near the camps, and found what it thought was a logical solution, given the nature of the problem. When a high-ranking American delegation (that included Pershing and the Secretary of War) came to inspect the progress of the AEF's training, Clemenceau joined them and informed them that several hundred filles de joie, moved by intense patriotism and a desire further the war effort, had volunteered to work in dedicated state-run establishements that would be set up just outside the camps. With their repressed passions relieved gratis, the doughboys would be less likely to assault anything that they saw walking in petticoats. Pershing and the Secretary of War were horrified and rejected the proposal out of hand. As the Secretary of War climbed the gangplank to return to America, Pershing is said to have called out "For god's sake don't tell Wilson, or he'll stop the war!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russellmz Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 Originally posted by LongLeftFlank: This possibly belongs on the political flame wars board down below, but since it's likely to tickle the irony bone of the historically aware regardless of political outlook, and also concerns D-Day, I'll risk slapping it up here for the amusement of the kameraden. churchill declares victory at dieppe german troops woke to a nasty surprise this morning when a coalition of willing canadian (5000), british (1000), and american(50) troops attcked enemy lines in a daring and well planned raid. due not to a lack of pre-battle planning, evacuation was held up in the face of heavy german fire, their spirits no doubt buoyed by liberal media reporting. tank crews effectively immobilized themselves on the beach obstacles and provided covering fire, before being captured or killed. churchill released a statement declaring victory, noting, "we have always planned for a land invasion of europe. mission accompished!" in total there were 3,367 casualties, including 1,946 prisoners of war; 907 Canadians lost their lives. and now, back to the continuing live radio coverage of the 'guy who killed wife' trial, already in progress. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Max Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I think that although the above media reports are funny, a real media news report would go something like this: Allied forces assault Normandy. More at 11. ;>) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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