Dave H

Here is an example of the kind of things that happen when I play mike the wino. I have a veteran Pz III doing a Hunt move through the snow, to keep from bogging. To the right it spots several T-34s on open ground. They immediately spot my tank. They are almost a kilometer away, so it should take a little time for them to zero in on a moving target. Just ahead the ground dips and the panzer will disappear from their sight. To the left the Pz III spots the remnant of a Russian tank crew, in some trees about 100 meters away. My "brilliant" veteran tank commander STOPS his tank, ignores the T-34s, and turns the turret to use the main gun on the crew. As you can guess, a flurry of 76 mm shells immediately hit and KO the Pz III. What happened to those substandard Russian optics I've heard so much about? Mike's T-34s have adopted the one shot = one kill philosophy. GRRRRRrrrrrr!!! :mad: :mad:

And quickly, man, quickly!! :eek: Until now I thought the Vanilla Ice pictures were frightening. Now I know there are worse things. Horrible, terrible, frightful things to make the blood freeze and the brain spin into madness. But enough about mike the wino. Those pictures were UGLY!!

Title is perfect! I hope this thread lasts for a thousand years. By then Goodale may have finished a whole game! But probably not. Congratulations to Axe on a very well-deserved victory in Soddball's "Kneiber Dam" (I think I spelled that right). You guys have got to give this one a try. As good as "Inferno" is, to me this is the far superior scenario. You will chew your fingernails down to a knuckle playing this. Every turn can completely change the course of the fight, and the advantage seesaws back and forth. Both sides are a real challenge, so get a good PBEM opponent and have at it. I'll review it at the Depot in a day or two. Excellent work, Soddball. Your force balance is perfect! :cool: :cool:

mike, if you would look someplace like , oh, I don't know, maybe your IN BOX, you would find the turn I sent you yesterday about 6 PM. :mad: What's that, about noon your time on the left coast? Anyway, even an e-mail that slows down in shame for having to go to California should be there by now. And don't bother your silly little head about Manstein, he's doing just fine as his double envelopment rolls along. Prinz Eugen, I would send you a set up, but I'm currently playing Paddington, another uber-Finn, so I don't want to take on too much. Besides, you guys hibernate for about 6 months over the winter, right, so I don't want to face all that pent-up hostility and aggression at once. Keep posting though, now that you've stirred up the ire of mike the wino. He can never find too many people to hate. And that's not even mentioning the other alleged humanoids who post in this thread.

Headshot's most recent of a long list of names was Poor Old Spike. He may have gotten himself banned from the forum again. He'll be around, though. All of his CMBB games are on ladders, I think. Hi there, Mick, how's Plymouth in the springtime? Goodale, so glad to hear from you again. Are you guys getting more snow up there? Any chance of me finding a turn from you when I get home? Maybe a Russian surrender before my armor cuts off your retreat to the map edge.

Whatever gave you that idea? I'd put you and Axe up against anyone from that "other" thread, because both of you keep the pressure building until your opponent breaks. I don't know about Goodale (that maggot), because I'm going to win our game IF IT EVER GETS FINISHED!!! :mad: :mad: On the other hand, he may drive somebody from the Peng crazy by his glacial pace of sending turns. They're like the Chinese Water Torture - just when you think he's quit the game completely, another turn shows up. I haven't played any of the other regulars here a full game yet, so I can't comment on their expertise. Well, I could, but I would be guessing at how unbelievably incompetent they are. No, I mean I'd be guessing at the tactical brilliance they exhibit. Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket.

Not very nice. </font>

Goodale, you maggot, I'll use short words so you don't get too confused. Becket had to stop playing for a while. Real life got too busy for him to have time to play Combat Mission. He told all his friends. Sorry for the bad news. Maggot. Oh, and thanks for the turn. I'll look for another one in a month or so.

Goodale, until this moment I thought there was some hope for you. Anybody who can make a statement like that has a lot worse problem than some mold in the basement, or the inability to send turns. You can find a whole group of like-minded (and I use the term loosely) members on the General Forum. Maybe you should hustle over there and join the "On to Damascus" chorus.

Just send in your form for the automatic extension. If you've waited this long, why get in a rush now? With the extension, you'll have until August to procrastinate.

Dear WineCape, I'm sorry to inform you...No, that's not right. Do over! I'm delighted to inform you that this is most emphatically not the Peng thread. This is the thread for players who are uncomfortable with the snob appeal of Olde Ones, Ladies, Knights, Squires, Serfs, and all the other faux-medieval trappings of the Society for Creative Anachronism. If some players want to wallow in that kind of creepy social structure, that's okay. Just not here.

Why else would he post it? He's no fool. Well, he's in this thread, so he's obviously some kind of fool. Just not the kind of fool who would post a link to something that might make him look bad. No wonder I'm losing Soddball's dam scenario to him! He seems to actually have living brain cells. For the 729'th time, MasterGoodale, please send a turn. Send any turn. One I've already seen. One I sent to you. One from another battle. I don't care, send me a turn from another GAME! Just send me a turn.

Yes, I'm awake. I'm counting the hours until you send me another turn. I'm at 25 hours and counting. Or, to speak in language you may understand, Mickey's little hand has gone all the way around the clock two times and has already started to go around again. Get my drift, California wine boy? So tell me, who are you really, Ernest or Julio Gallo? Is it true you send no turns, until it's time?

DIE-HARD GROGS!!!! In this thread??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That's the funniest thing I've ever seen on this whole forum. No grog, much less a die-hard grog, would touch this thread "with a 39 and a half foot pole". We don't know much about WW2, or any other war. We're here to have fun and play games. Think of us along the lines of John Belushi in Animal House, yelling about the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor. Die-hard grogs! I can't stand it! I'm dyin' here.

Like a PIRATE??? GRRRRRRRR!!!! :mad: :mad: Aren't you aware that real Ninjas know that pirates are big cowards. Pirates are not cool, and by not cool I mean totally unsweet!! Only Ninjas and hippos are cool. Mike, sorry to hear that watching the movie of our latest turn was so tough for you. Manstein and friends are still rolling toward you. Not everybody has reached the party yet. Soddball, the Russian reinforcements have arrived at the dam. Axe and his Germans are not happy campers. Their faces look like this :eek: Goodale, crawl out of your moldy basement and surrender, you coward.

Actually, the computer will save the files in the PBEM folder of CMBB automatically. It will just ask you for the name of your new file. That's why a lot of us use three digits at the end of the file name, because you just keep raising the number by 1. When you receive the attached file from your opponent, it helps to detach it into the PBEM folder, so the game (and you) will locate it easily. Like Soddball said, try the Cheery Waffle thread for some PBEM players. Don't be shy about trying PBEM. Most of the players I've met this way have been really great. Except for MasterGoodale. And Axe2121. And Paddington. And mike the wino. And Becket. And Soddball. Did I mention Goodale? He's a no-account slacker, whose home in a cave in New England is overgrown with some kind of sickness-inducing mold. He loves to start games, but when he runs out of TNT to chuck, he sends turns at the speed of a glacier. Axe is a Canadian, if you can imagine. He loves ice storms, and has been trapped in one for weeks. Paddington is from Finland, which means he is capable of ripping through the armor plate of a tank with his bare hands. Mike the wino is from California, and spends most of his time living up to his name. Becket has just dropped completely out of sight. Soddball creates scenarios where you can't ever see anything, but you lose anyway. Avoid all of these people at all costs. [ April 09, 2003, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: Dave H ]

So what are you guys doing? Leading with your armor and getting it shot to pieces by AT guns and AI armor you never even see? Tactics that have worked in lots of other wargames will get you slaughtered in CMBB. If at all possible, never, ever lead with your big tanks. There are too many ways for tanks to die without ever making a contribution to your attack. The first thing you must have in CMBB is the knowledge of where the enemy is. The best units for finding that out are your infantry. Check out Soddball's FAQ thread for lots of help. Most important, don't give up on CM. Nobody on this forum has escaped having a "perfect" attack crushed by something we hadn't spotted. An AT battery, a minefield, a couple of tanks, even an air strike can spoil the best attack plan. :eek: That's why it feels so good when an attack actually succeeds.

I really got a kick out of the last line of this interview. It goes, "And lastly, those not wanting to wait for 2 years for another CM game will get a new incentive to feed their addiction " Do these guys have us customers pegged, or what? Oh, yes, since you didn't let Seanachai buy the first copy of CMBB, don't let him buy the first copy of CMAK either. That way he will know how much you guys hate him, and he'll be much happier. [ April 09, 2003, 08:37 AM: Message edited by: Dave H ]

This is true, I admit. Anytime I can turn a parade of mike's KVs and T-34s into a pile of scrap iron, I'll get all puffed up. Now with only a few Russian tanks still running, and those few trying to hide behind buildings, I can turn my attention to mike's infantry. Those poor slobs, who a couple of minutes ago were gleefully watching the Soviet armor blasting my terrified German infantry cowering in buildings, now see their doom approaching. By the way, for any of you who haven't tried the scenario "Manstein Cometh", it's a really good one. You can find it at the Scenario Depot. I got a turn from Goodale!! The end is near!! GRRRRRRRR!!! :mad: :mad:

What's this "my thread" excrement anyway? You disappear for weeks at a time, you never send turns to anybody, and you expect everyone in this thread to just take you back in a big group hug? :confused: :confused: :confused: You're just lucky that we all think you are so swell, ya big lug. Now send me a turn before I'm forced to create a regime change in the Goodale household.

So MisterGoodFail, have you sent your long overdue turn to me, or is your plan to hope I forget the total victory my Germans have achieved over your pathetic, leaderless Soviets? Not going to happen. GRRRRRR!!! :mad: :mad: Axe, congratulations to the Orangemen! I don't know how they managed to get Kansas to miss 18 free throws, and lose by three points. It really doesn't matter though.

No, I'm afraid I can't help you there. Ask mike the wino, he knows everything.

Yes to the new Combat Mission. It is CMAK, for Combat Mission Afrika Korps, and it sounds way too cool. And, of course, by cool I mean totally sweet!!! Ask any ninja. To my knowledge Poor Old Spike is still the ladder king. He and I played a few times before he became a ladder junkie - he said in one thread he currently had 26 PBEMs going. That's too much like work, IMO. Axe is snowed in for the weekend. His elite paratroops are finding the going slow in Soddball's something-or-other Dam scenario. In other news, I received a message from mike the wino that went, and I quote, "OMFG". Something about a herd of my German tanks showing up hull down on the flank of his armored advance. The furious molten TNT is flying now, and so far it's been a one-way trip! My QB with Paddington is back underway. This is a ME in a rainstorm. My Russian armor is showing its excellent mobility. In fact, the one vehicle I've had bog so far did it - where else - in the middle of a road! Lesson learned: In rain, the roads turn to quicksand! :mad:

That won't work. If your game turn-around is any indication it would take you weeks to reach terra firma, the TNT long since cooled and solid, and your velocity far below fatal from such a leisurely fall. :mad: :mad: </font>

Since you're in the Netherlands, I will forgive you for this gaffe. As every TV watching red blooded American boy of a certain age knows, the elite jeeps with .50 cal machine guns will be "The Rat Patrol"!!! I hate to think how many German tanks, halftracks, SP guns, and trucks were lost to four guys (three American, one English) driving all over North Africa in two jeeps. The really scary thing about the show was that the same German commander was always in the same place as our heroes. Afterwards he changed his name and went into daytime soap operas.