OGSF

If Ah wuz Australian, ainstead o' bein' brilliantly Scottish, today wuid bae mah last day as an Aussie. Fer tomorrow Ah will become a Yank. Which as feckin' strange coz Ah were born ain England.

Di yoo owe mae a feckin' turrrn, laddie? Di ye? Ye must!

Noo tha' there's anythun wrong wi' tha', eh Emrys?

Sometimes Ah looks an' wonders, an' sometimes Ah just looks.... Ah re-saint tha turrn from last week tae ye just noo. Tha wun wha ye losin'....

Wha's mah turrrn, Boo Ah'm losin' Radley?

*cricket* *cricket* Ah guess they did, laddie.

Ah'm sure ye have, laddie. But ye knoo tha' tha rocks were just humorin' ye, don' ye?

Wha's tha' Joe? Ye've fallen doon an' ye cannae git oop? Ye depends hae burrrst agin? Hailp mae tae hailp yoo, Joe.... pu' ye teeth back in an' tell mae agin. As ye porridge tae hot fer ye? Are ye caught ain ye zipper agin? Wha' as at Joe? Eh?

Never meend, at's finally showed oop. Dalem. wha's mah feckin' turrrn!!!

Yoo Laddie!! Yais, Yoo! Stan' Still Whain Ah'm Shoutin' A' Ye!! Where Tha Feck As Mah Feckin' Setoop, Mon!!

Wha's mah setoop, ye bastarrrrd!!

Wha messages, ye festerin' festerer? Yoo check your messages, mon! (Facebook)

Wha's mah feckin' setoop, Radley? Ye snot gobblin' hair-slicker!

Tha feckin' rules... &) Af at's noo Scottish, at's crap. Right laddies (an' lassies), hae awah at at!

Tae tha bonnie wee Boo "Danglin' dumplins'" Radley..... *ahem*...*hoick*....*hhhhooighk*...*patooie*...yoo are tha limp noodle o' Noba's dreams laddie. Tha sticky wet sock puppet o' Seanachai's nocturrrnal fantasies. Tha dribblin' colostomy bag o' Joe Pimp ma' feckin' walker Shaw. Tae wit.... a bleedin' git. Ah will accaipt a setoop fraim ye nibbled-nailed personage ain tha form o' sumthin' Afrika Corp'ish, wi' feckin' trees ain at. Ah didnae want sumthin' wi' noo trees, di' ye ken? Ah am currently thrashing Dalem like a sheath o' sun-dried barley, an' Ah kin fit ye ain tae mah busy schedule. Ye knoo ye cannae win, but at will amuse mae tae watch ye try. Like a wee Seanachai tryin' tae hang oop a wall phone.

Ah haid mah feckin tonsures oot once. Ah was arrested on tha spot, o' course. Dalem tha cleanin' lassie finally sent back tha poxy setoop Ah saint tae haim aboot upmteen months agoo. Which means tha Dalem tha gerbil-tackle laddie hae starrrted tae lose, di ye ken. StukaNukaPukaPants as a sand poondin' git bastarrd nostril reamer. There, Ah feckin said at.

<snicker>Ye said "bottom" </snicker> DALEM! Ye vacuous snot-gobbler! Saind mae back tha feckin' setoop! YOO challainged mae, ye pillock! Gi' on with at!

Didnae sell tha bugger shorrt, yer Yabba Dabba Boo'ness. Gi' tha pillock a pair of teaspoons an' he'll soon bae poondin' oot a jungle beat on tha' teak hard skull o' hais. Ah bet hai'd tap oot a crackin' guid tune on hais ribs as waill !!

Ye're a Big Girrrl's Blouse, are ye noo? Ah saint ye a stankin' setoop, an' thas as tha response! Tae bae expected fraim a glistenin' dribble o' cods-whallop such as yersailf! Tuck ye gingam skirt aintae ye gym knickers an' attaind tae business, laddie!

Ah strained aintae a jar once...

As tha' tha game wi' tha submarines ain at? At's aroond here sumwhere... Och, an' here's a riddle fer ye - Wha' goes "Peddle, peddle, peddle, SPLAT...'Whaaah! Ah've broken mah feckin' ribs, mon!"? A feckin' idjit, tha's wha'.

Tha's noo hoo ye make porridge, laddie.

A feckin' Bali Song? "Bin there, done that, I've bin tae Bali too!" Actually, Ah hadnae bin tae Bali. Which ainly goes tae show wha' a feckin' cod-wallopin' streak o' leprous pustules Nidan1 ais fer bringin' at oop. Git. Sae, Ah wish yer all a happ.... a happy... wish yer all a happ... Ah wish ye'd all swell oop under a Sahara sun an' burst. Tha' Ladies excepted o' course.

Jus' cos at didnae say tha', didnae mean at didnae happen. No' tha' there's anythun wrong wi' tha'. Di' sum bastarrrd owe mae a turrrn?

Haes anywun seen Dorosh? Ah ha' an urrrgaint message fer tha Dorosh. Di' ye ken? Ah cannae raveal tha gist, boot ats tae di wi' a recent post...Ah cannae say more jus' noo. Hae ye seen haim? An' Germanboy ainly beat mae tha' wun time cos Ah didnae realize Ah haid a spare Hetzer. Thas all Ah'm sayin' aboot at.