OGSF

Fer cryon' oot loud! Will yoo twae ninnies stop swingin' ye hand bags a' each other an' roll ye knee-stockin's back oop?

Och, ye're a dim bulb ain a knife drawer! At's noo "paystie's", ats "parsties". An Ah crave 'em as waill. An' sausage rolls. A kin recall enjoyin' a cornish pastie an' sausage rolls bah tha River Whey ain Guildford, a few years back.

Wha'? Cannae ye speak tha language o' heroes an' comely lassies? Are ye a non-game playin', nostril-evacuatin', Sassanach bastarrrd? Are ye' a feckless git wi' ainly tha' dialect native tae 3 miles aroond ye birth place at ye command? Ye kin select fraim tha followin' answers, laddie: a) Aye, Ah'm a feckless git "a"

At's wun wah tae knock tha inner Croda's an' Boo Radley's off tha frillies. Seriously tho, at's wun wah tae knock tha inner Croda's an' Boo Radley's off tha frillies.

I didnae believe ye. Ye make at look sae easy. The term "practiced ease" comes tae mah mind. At's noo sae much "will Boo lose this game", at's "how will Boo lose this game".

Try tae follow along, laddie. Ye saint mea a "turrrrn". At was tha file Ah saint tae yoo. Ah emailed ye an' pointed oot tha' ye a feckless git an' requested ye tae saind mea tha correct file. Ye post ain here demandin' a turrrn. Turrrns fraim Boo Skin Tag Radley and Costard (spailt, noo bolded) are arrivin'. Turrrns fraim yoo are noo arrivin'. Try harder laddie.

At's noo ain mah feckin' mailbox, ye sticky bit on a quail's egg. Saind at agin, tae tha correct address thas time!! An yer an' idjit af'n ye didnae knoo wha' a "string bag" as. "Useless as a string bag full of shark farts"

Noba, Boo, Costard (spailt, noo bolded).... wha's ma feckin' turrrn ye collection o' puddin' smeared string-bag stains?

Best wishes fer a Merry Xmas an' a Stellar 2010!

Af ye got time tae be postin' ye dribble ain here, Costard [spailt, noo bolded], ye've go' time tae saind mae tha correct file - noo tha wun Ah saint yoo. Pillock.

Radley ye git!! Ye left tha door open, did'n ye?!

M'Lady, Ah feel Ah must bear some o' tha responsibility fer Boo's cretinous use o' tha language. Ye see, Ah'm thrashin' haim lak a wee sheaf o' thrashee bein' thrashed bah a thrashin' thrasher ain a game o' tha noble CM:AK. Ah am handin' haim haes derrier on a plate. OGSF ain firrrst place, daylight second, Boo nowhere ain sight. At's tae be expected tha' his skill wi' tha letters as sufferin' under tha stress o' bein' thrashed sae handily bah mahsailf. Ah am tha spanker, Boo as tha spankee. Spankee Boo as Ah lak tae call haim. Mah apologies, M'Lady.

Tha's all verry waill, asn't at? But where ain Colorado? And at's all assumin' ye hadnae fallen off ye bike an' run o'er yer stupid sailf ain the meantime, eh?

Ye're a gitful gittin' gitter o' a git,Boo Radley. Ah were engaged ain a conversation wi' a goobernational. Drawin' on mah rich reserve's o' knowlaidge an' experience, Ah replied tae haes enquiry in goober-speak. Yoo, bein' a stankin' Akronite, hoped tha anythin' said tae anywun was actually bein' said tae yoo. Whain (as usual) tha' were noo tha case, ye started tae cry cos ye did'nae comprehaind tha lofty topic's o' discussion. Run along an' wrrrap ye arrrms aboot Joe Can ye smell sumthin'? Shaw's left leg an' he'll pat ye on tha haid and taill ye at's alrrright. Maybe he'll pat ye haid wi' a feckin' brick.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yorker As Ah said, explainin' quantum-feckin-mechanics tae a wee span'l.

At's like explainin' quantum-fecking-mechanics tae a wee span'l. At stares back an' wags at's tail, boot ye knoo ats a waste o' time. Ah'll bowl laddie, an' at'll bae nought boot yorkers', sae pad oop. Rune, ye window smearin' glass-fogger, di' ye meend tellin' ye tub-thumpin' serf tha' Scotch as a drink? Ah blame feckin Shaw fer this....lettin' Boo run aroond wi' noo leash on.

Which part o' "Ah didnae want haim, Ah wan' tae beat tha' cod-spittle oot o' tha' womble-bollocked git tha' own's haim." did ye noo understand? Sometimes Ah looks an' wonders, an' sometimes Ah jes' looks.

Costard as at? Costard? Tha' rhymes wi' sai many things....such as feckless git bastarrrrd, fer example. Di' ye belong tae someone? A Knight 'o tha Cesspool someone? Joe In fer a penny, in fer a farthing Shaw! Wha' as tha status o' this pillock, Costarrd? As hae a Serf yet? Ah didnae want haim, Ah wan' tae beat tha' cod-spittle oot o' tha' womble-bollocked git tha' own's haim. Or, cos tha' Feast o' Steven as approachin', tha scratchin' snot-gobbler Costard may ask mae politely tae bae thrashed an' a game o' CM:AK like a tofurkey at a NRA tail-gate party. Assumin' hae even owns tha' game. Perhaps Joe Ma Depends are on backwards Shaw ye could gi' haim your copy o' CM:AK seein' as yer noo playin' at any more. Boo Radley, Noba....yer both losin' an' ye both owe mae a turn! An' Ah'm saindin' a big shout oot tae tha Donkey!

Noba, Ah foond a wee bag o' dried 'nads doon tha local Op Shop. Just a wee bag, mind ye. Very wee. Wee enough tae belong tae yoo, ye sand-gropin' bilby-fondlin' git bastarrrd. At's all very waill tae bae mesmerizin' tha' wet-lipped pillock Boo As this thing on? Radley bae simply movin' ye wee hamster lads about tha field o' battle. Wha' ye need as tae bae slapped aboot ain a manly way bah a manly-man. Ah challainge ye tae a noble match o' CM:AK, after which ye'll bae beggin' fer mae tae returrrn ye wee bag o' 'nads. Very wee they are too. An' dusty. Happy Thanksgivin'.

Sae a week ago Ah haid Lasik surgery on mah right eye. At wid hae gone well, 'cept fer mah sneezin' durin' tha procedure an' head buttin' tha machine. Tha caused at tae swing awah tae tha right, carvin' a line across tha nurse's face an' settin' tha Kleenex box ablaze. At also caused mae tae accidentally tear tha head off tha wee pink stuffed piglet Ah haid bin given tae comfort mae durin' tha surgery, sendin' a shoower o' wee plastic beads scatterin' ontae tha floor. Dr Anderson's right foot slipped awah towards tha door, an' haes left foot didnae. Ah'm due tae gi back ain a month fer a "touch oop".

Wha's mah feckin' boldin'?????????

An' Boo Burnin' Panzers Radley wid knoo!

Tha cod fish lays a thoosand eggs, Tha humble hen lays wun Tha cod fish ne'er cackles tae tell ye wha' she's done. An' yet tha cod fish we ignore, While tha humble hen we prize, Which ainly gi's tae show ye, At pays tae advertise!

Thank ye, lassie! Ah wrote tae mah Congressman thas very afternoon, demandin' tha' they tighten oop tha immigration laws. Ah'm expectin' prompt attention tae tha matter, cos Ah signed at "Concerned Citizen".

Ah am noo a feckin Yank!! Hah!!!